Performing at our absolute highest has been the most important thing to and about Black women for ages. Papa Pope told Olivia, “We have to be twice as good…” and the rest of us felt that. Deeply. But what happens when you’re not performing at your highest level in your work, relationships, and just daily life, no matter how hard you try?
Our first thought usually is to beat ourselves up and try to force our brains and bodies into submission to being the best at all. What if it’s time to zoom out and take a look at our lives within the context of the season we’re in, and perhaps where life and God are trying to lead us to? Would we give ourselves more grace? And how much more would we be able to love our lives instead of always sizing them up next to others’?
What Does It Mean to Be in a Season of Transition?
After going through several major transitions - career, creativity, identity, friendship, love, and family - I’ve learned to discern that what often seems like total failure on my part is just that good tension of becoming. Here are 6 signs you’re not failing, you’re simply in a season of transition.
6 Signs You’re in a Life Transition
1. You Feel Misaligned, Even Though You're Doing Your Level Best
You show up, you try and yet… something feels way off. I once worked in higher education where I showed up with the best of intentions but constantly felt like I was intruding or out of step with my coworkers. I couldn’t get a solid handle on how to assimilate to the culture no matter how hard I tried. And baby did I try!
It wasn’t until I left that world that I understood I wasn’t a failure there, I was misaligned. It wasn’t until I left that world that I realized I wasn’t failing — I was just misaligned. Misalignment isn't failure. It's an invitation to pivot.
Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines misalignment as “the condition of being out of correct position or improperly adjusted.” Um, that’ll preach. I needed to find where I could be my complete self and leaving that job allowed me to really begin on the journey to doing just that.
2. You’re Tired In A Way Rest Won’t Fix
It won’t matter how early you get to bed. It won’t matter how long you sit and meditate. It won’t matter how many naps or mental health days you take. When you’re supposed to be moving in a different direction and you’re not…there’s not enough rest in the world.
If you’re always exhausted like I have been at different stages of my career and personal life, it may be because you’re pouring yourself into something that drains your spirit. And yes, we understand that not every career or gig is meant to be purpose-driven, sometimes they just pay the bills.
But if it feels like it’s sucking your soul dry…That’s definitely a divine nudge, love. You’ve got to listen to it and move accordingly.
I had a manager in a creative job once, who micromanaged everything, even the intangibles. Their demeanor was domineering, overbearing and rude. I started disassociating, and checking out… I was so tired all the time that at one point I started finishing as much of my work as I could so I could go to bed by 5 p.m. every night. 5 p.m.! It didn’t help.
I woke up every morning tired, bags under my eyes and my body aching in ways that it just should not have been for my age. I needed a shift and felt powerless to even think about it, let alone embark on one. It wasn’t until I took the advice of both my career coach and my therapist to use my voice and begin delving into artistry for myself and not just for a check, that things started to flow and rest came a bit easier little by little.
3. You Keep Making Uncharacteristic Mistakes
You’re normally detail-oriented, reliable, and you’ve got a quick mind and a sharp eye. But lately you’re spacing out, missing steps, forgetting things you’d usually catch. When this happened to me, I thought I was falling apart and started questioning whether or not I was even good at my job (forget the fact that I’d been producing for years at this point and hadn’t needed to apply to a single job in years because people wanted to work with me based off of glowing referrals).
When this happened to me, I thought I was a failure and needed to leave the business quick, fast, and in a hurry. But thank God for my therapist and my career coach (again), I realized those mistakes were only symptoms of a deeper truth: I was no longer creatively or emotionally safe where I was.
And I didn’t need to stick and stay to prove anything to anybody. Sometimes our nervous systems will tap out before we do. We’ve got to learn to lean into the clues so we’re not behind the eight ball when it’s time to move on. There was I was questioning my competence like I had lost my talent, but it wasn’t that at all. It was that I needed a shift. Once I reclaimed my artistry for me, everything began to flow again.
4. Your Peace Shows Up After The Exit
Whether it’s a job, a friendship, a role that you once thought defined you, if you feel relief instead of sadness after stepping away, pay close attention to that. A few years ago I removed myself from a friend group that always left me feeling like an outsider, not unlike one of the jobs mentioned earlier in this article. I had spent so much time trying to feel like I was an insider but at the end of the day I was just stressing myself out more because it never should have been that hard.
I wasn’t a terrible friend, I just wasn’t aligned with the group anymore…and quite possibly never was. There was no dramatic fallout, just a quiet exit. And the peace I felt after leaving that group chat? It was all the confirmation I needed that that season had ended and I was free to embark on a new path, this time to finding friendships where I could show up completely and feel seen and loved completely.
5. You’re Craving More Even If You Can’t Define It Yet
You feel a restlessness that you just can’t seem to shake no matter what you do. You want something different, but you’re not quite sure what. You’ve made vision boards and written out lists or journal entries about what you could do but can’t put your finger on what you should do next. I’m here to tell you that the craving you feel is a sacred one.
I didn’t know exactly what voice acting would offer me when I started on the path to becoming a voice artist and audiobook narrator - I just knew I needed to create in ways and spaces where I felt free.
And saying yes to the desire led to opportunities I never would have imagined and being on the road to becoming a full time voice artist (if I so choose) as well as new joy and clarity. Trust your yearning and get still enough to hear what your next indicated step is because that’s all it’s trying to show you.
6. You’re Being Invited Into a Truer Version of Yourself
Transitions are usually uncomfortable. But the tension in the transition is always pulling you closer to your truth. The jobs that didn’t fit, the people who couldn’t see you, the spaces that dulled your shine - they were all part of the refining process. You’re not failing. You’re evolving. And if you can give yourself grace to evolve without explanation, you just might look back and thank this version of you for not giving up.
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