My name is representative of my culture. I was born to Black Muslim parents who eventually split (and my mother then went back to Christianity), but I wear my name with pride.
My Arabic name Yasmine Jameelah is one that I didn't always embrace, but as I connected with my family, I saw the beauty in their choice of what they named me. The fullness of my name, considering pronunciation, culture, and who I was named for, is wrapped up in love.
While initially, I never disclosed my middle name to people due to shame and assuming it was ghetto, as I unlearned, I saw more. Talks with my parents revealed I was named after my uncle Jameel, who named his son Jameel too and we were born one day apart. Additionally, my name Yasmine means 'flower', it is the Arabic version of Jasmin, and Jameelah is the feminine meaning of 'beautiful woman', which comes from Jameel, the masculine version which means beautiful man.
When I walk into this world daily, I keep those reminders with me but in white spaces, in a matter of minutes, the beauty of my name is often dismantled.
From the keychains that never include us, to the teachers in my class who often squinted their faces at the sight of my name, I never felt comfortable to speak up and say, "This is how you say my name." It wasn't until I was nearing middle school that I met a five-year-old Muslim girl who broke her name down in syllables every time someone mispronounced it. Old, young, it didn't matter, she let everyone know to put respect on her name and she empowered me to follow suit. Still, unlike her, I often find myself in white spaces with adults who butcher my name, and it's important to me to correct people, all while keeping my cool.
So, if you're looking for ways to set your pronunciations straight while not going full Birdman, follow these steps.
Allow them to introduce themselves first.
When I walk into a room and say hello, I often say to people, "Because I'm big on pronunciation, please let me know how I pronounce your name" and then I respond with, "Hi, my name's Yasmine." Going in with mutual respect for each other is a practice I've found helps set a precedent of respect from the door.
Correct them every single time.
I've often found that when people respond to their names being mispronounced, they've usually let it slide multiple times and they're pissed. But I'd suggest addressing the first offense respectfully, and not letting up. Last year, one of my professors for about the fifth week in row (in a class of less than 10 students) would call me "yazmin" to a room of people that knew that wasn't how you said my name. It had become a running joke in my class of my Black classmates saying, "How many times are you going to have to correct her?" So, I finally stopped her in the middle of her sentence and said, "Before I present today, please pronounce my name correctly. This is the fifth time you've said my name wrong." She never mispronounced my name again.
Don’t explain the origin of your name if you don’t want to.
I've had people who want to know why my name is pronounced the way it's pronounced, if my parents were being "extra" when they named me, if I am Muslim, and/or why I have a Muslim name even though I'm Christian. While all of those questions are valid, you don't owe your co-workers a response to why your parents chose the name you have. However, you are owed what you ask of and that is your name being pronounced correctly. That's it.
Place your name pronunciation in your social media handles.
We live in a world where we are often friends with our co-workers on social media, and I always leave the phonetic pronunciation of my name up so that anyone who approaches me, be it professionally or socially, knows how to say it. So, there's no room for error, and no room for anyone to feel uncomfortable, especially me.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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