We all live for a good hot girl summer, and there's always a time and place for turning up, especially when on vacation. On the flip side, wellness is a priority for many Black millennial women. And you know, the older you get (hey, geriatric millennials!), the more you'll need a good turn down (via relaxation, meditation, and self-care) to match the turn up. On a recent trip to Puerto Vallarta, I was able to enjoy the perfect itinerary for you to embrace both wellness and balance on your next trip to Mexico.
Puerto Vallarta, located on Mexico's Pacific Coast, is a key vacation hotspot for many who enjoy watersports, nature adventures, and nightlife. It's also home to The Westin Resort & Spa, Puerto Vallarta, a beautiful property nestled among the shade and serenity of 14 acres of palm trees and accented by a 410-foot private beach.
And after quite a bit of traveling that included more late, lit nights and early, groggy mornings than I care to admit, my recent visit to the resort was just what the doctor ordered. It's the perfect base for your Puerto Vallarta itinerary.
Photo by Bronwyn Knight/The Westin Resort & Spa
A Rustic, Tranquil Room Infused With Luxury
Located just five minutes from Licenciado Gustavo Díaz Ordaz International Airport, downtown Puerto Vallarta, and upscale shops in the marina district, The Westin is located central to all that makes the beach town a must-visit for anyone planning a trip to Mexico. You get the best of both worlds, with serenity just outside your suite doorstep and a bustling oceanfront community just a short walk or drive away.
This was important to me since I'd never been to Mexico before and really wanted to experience not only the beautiful landscapes, amazing food, and culture but be in a central location where I could get a diverse preview of what the region had to offer.
Courtesy of The Westin Resort & Spa
The true gem of this trip was my stay at The Westin, because, well, seeking balance and relief from constant travel was at the top of my priority list. From the moment I stepped into my suite, I was welcomed by the scent of white tea and the sticky cool breeze circulated by the palm trees---letting me know that rejuvenation was literally just around the corner.
I had a view of the pool and ocean on the 7th floor, allowing me the chance to catch the sunrise in the morning from my private patio. The warm earth tones in my room were offset by the colorful Santa Fe vibes of the resort's exterior buildings and artwork---a contrast I greatly enjoyed.
I also enjoyed amenities like the full-size soaking tub, open shower, marble vanity with more than enough counter space for all my toiletries, a plush robe, and branded slippers (which were offered in plastic). I especially enjoyed The Westin's signature "Heavenly Beds" with linens that were actually soft and relaxing and weren't tucked tight as a mummy's wrap. (Y'all know what I'm talking about. At some hotels, you literally wake up with leg cramps after fighting to get out of hard sheets in the morning, but not in this case.)
Janell Haelwood/xoNecole
Good Eats... Whether Plant-Based Or Craving Mexican Flavors
The property has six main options for food, drinks, and snacks (along with your resident Starbucks), including three of my favorites: the Arrecifes Seafood & Steakhouse, El Palmar Restaurant, and La Cascada Restaurant & Bar.
Since this trip was all about balance and self-care, I especially loved the option of The Westin's "Eat Well" menu, which featured tasty dishes and plant-based options like the ensalada de salmon ahumado con quinoa (quinoa salad with smoked salmon), enchiladas de tofu (red or green tofu enchiladas), and the matcha hot cakes (matcha pancakes).
Guests can also choose the “Detox For a Better You” package (which includes special "detox menu" items like fresh juices and energizing shots) or the "Vitamin Sea, D + Me” package, which includes a healthy starter and poke bowl.
I also enjoyed a few Mexican-infused staples like the chicharron de rib eye (rib-eye chicharron appetizer), tacos (tacos, and more tacos), the huevos motuleños (sunny side up eggs in a delish ranchero sauce, served with plantains, refried beans, and potato wedges---a favorite Mexican breakfast of mine when I'm in the States) and the filete de dorado a la parrilla (a creamy fish dish with risotto and asparagus). Because, balance.
The 24-hour room service was amazing in that food service was actually available into the wee hours of the night and was prompt. And, of course, there were plenty of opportunities to enjoy a snack along with authentic tequila, a Modelo beer, a refreshing mocktail, or simply a carton of purified water by the pool or at the beach.
Photo by Bronwyn Knight/The Westin Resort & Spa
Seaside Yoga...For Even The Most Distracted Mind
Another high point of my visit was the early-morning seaside yoga session, where the two instructors guided us through an hour of meditation to the sounds of the ocean and their soundtrack of soothing chimes. I'd always fantasized about doing this after seeing people in movies enjoy outdoor group yoga sessions with the backdrop of paradise, and it was definitely worth it. While I often can't concentrate or stay in the positions long enough to really relax during a traditional yoga session (I'm more a HIIT or bootcamp type of girl), being among the natural elements in an environment that forced me to clear my mind and zone out a bit did the trick.
If yoga isn't really your thing when it comes to a deliberate activity of self-care, they have a workout studio where you can use cardio and weight-training equipment or enjoy tennis courts, cocktail/mocktail classes, and nearby golf courses.
Courtesy of The Westin Resort & Spa
Spa Experience
The customized experience here took this spa experience up a notch. I wanted specific attention paid to my cramped hands (from lots of typing and computer work), my feet (from lots of walking through airports in the past three months), and my neck and back (where I hold most of my stress kinks). She did not disappoint.
I rarely rave about spas because oftentimes, even the "luxury" ones fall short for someone like me---who battles with anxiety and whose whole experience can be ruined by small details like a dirty mirror, slightly musty towels, or a masseuse who just doesn't have a good bedside manner. But at The Westin, each element fit like a well-coordinated dance of pampering. It was divine!
Every element of the experience complimented the other. The oil used wasn't sticky or greasy and smelled divine--- complementing the aromatherapy elements emanating through the room--- and the music matched the vibes. She didn't talk me to death or press too hard or too softly. I've been to spas where you can hear the outdoor noise of other guests, the music is distracting, the masseuse is too chatty, or the overall experience from entrance to finish just was not as calming as intended.
The spa also offers facials, manicures, pedicures, a steam room, and waxing services, and you can book a couple of sessions with your bae or get a massage in your suite.
Janell Hazelwood/xoNecole
More Must-See Activities
The resort's location is super-convenient, so if you want to see a bit more in terms of tourist attractions, food, shopping, and culture, you can venture off within walking distance or a short drive and enjoy. Be sure to take some time to visit Puerto Vallarta's infamous Malecon Boardwalk, with its sand sculptures, colorful bars, street shops, and art galleries, and explore Zona Romantica (Romantic Zone), with its cobblestone streets, boutique hotels, and local flair, and enjoy a boat ride from Puerto Magico to Playa Majahuitas, where there's a trendy beach club and options for snorkeling. (We even had a visitor by the name of Coda, a seal who offers smiles and kisses!)
I'll definitely be adding the Westin Resort and Spa in Puerto Vallarta to the list of my go-to spots to visit in the world when I need to rejuvenate and refresh.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
Jeff Bergen/ Getty Images
"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
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While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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