

Use This Time To (Mentally, Emotionally, Financially) Prepare For The Holiday Season
Whew. Doesn't it seem like we just had a holiday season not too long ago? And here we are. In October. Eight weeks (give or take a few days) from Thanksgiving and roughly 12 weeks away from Christmas. Where did the freakin' time go? If you're someone who likes the cold weather, holiday movies and music and the delicious food that is oh so characteristic of the holiday season yet the planning and some of the people that come with it all can cause you to low-key hyperventilate, months in advance, I just wanted to offer up a quick cheat sheet that can remind you to mentally, emotionally and financially put some steps into place.
That way, this year, you can go through the holidays feeling more refreshed than drained.
How to MENTALLY Prepare for the Holidays
Ask yourself what YOU want to do.
If there's one thing that the holidays and weddings have in common, it's the fact that so many times, people end up getting so caught up in other people's plans and expectations that they don't get to do what they really want to do themselves. While, in all actuality, you will probably have to engage in a bit of compromising over the holidays, don't lose sight of what you'd like to do during that time too. If you want to be friends rather than family, take a trip alone or even just chill at your house for one or both of the holidays, better to state that now and prepare everyone than A) totally blindside them with your plans or B) concede to what's expected of you while internally seething the entire time.
Put a weekly to-do list together.
October is here. Again, this means that November is right up the street and if you hang a sharp right, there's December. I'm not sure what it is that makes so many of us want to feel stressed out and overwhelmed because we waited until the last minute to get all that we need but that is so oftentimes the case. This year, decide to be revolutionary, to buck the system and to do a little bit at a time, each week, until Thanksgiving and Christmas arrive.
For instance, if you're hosting one of the days, set aside one week to purchase items that you may need for your guests, another week to clean the downstairs of your home, another week to do upstairs, another week to go grocery shopping, another week to cook, etc. Breaking things down into small projects will help to keep your anxiety levels low. It can also help you to do a more thorough job in each area because, since you won't be rushing, you can really think through what needs to be done in every category.
Pre-determine to only control what you can control.
Your auntie talking crazy (in someone else's home). Your parents missing their flight. Your car not starting. These are examples of things that, to a large extent, you are not going to be able to control.
Thing is, once you accept that as being a part of your reality, it can actually help to take a lot of pressure off because when you determine in your mind to do what you can do and let the universe handle the rest, it prevents you from getting all frazzled and bent out of shape.
Speaking of the car thing, if folks are staying with you, it can never hurt to encourage them to rent a vehicle. One more car for people to do what they want, so that they aren't solely relying on you is always beneficial.
How to EMOTIONALLY Prepare for the Holidays
Jot down what your boundaries are.
Say that you're newly married and while you and your in-laws are cool overall, your mother-in-law has shown clear signs of being passively aggressively pushy and demanding, pretty much since you met your boo. You can best believe that someone like that is either going to try and intimidate you into surrendering to their holiday plans or guilt your husband so that you both give in. The point here? Setting boundaries are key. If you are married, you and your husband need to decide what your united front will be and then express it.
If you're single and the control freaks are other family members, whether it's a phone call or even an email with a heads up on what you will and won't be able to do, that is something that definitely needs to go down. Listen, for whatever the reason, a lot of family folks think that boundaries don't apply to them. You don't have to go along with that way of thinking. In fact, the better (and clearer) the boundaries are, the easier, ultimately, it can be for drama to not be (as much of) an issue. Figure out what yours should be for the sake of your sanity. Then put everyone on notice, sooner than later, so that they can emotionally…adjust.
Ponder your triggers and how to deactivate them.
Speaking of boundaries, something that's fascinating about the holiday season is people typically run on high energy and high expectations. The challenge that comes with both of these is they can lead to great disappointments, if you're not careful. That's why I'm such a huge fan of "trigger deactivation" — you know, really taking out the time to figure out what or who triggers you and why, so that you can come up with beneficial ways to not let it or them push your buttons so much.
Since a lot of triggers center around past experiences, nothing says a colossal trigger fest quite like sitting around a table on Thanksgiving or an evergreen tree on Christmas. That's why now would be a really good time to assess what really gets on your last nerve, why that is the case and then follow that up with ways that you keep "it" from getting to you too much. Because the reality is, you will probably only be around your trigger(s) for a couple of days; however, if things go way left when it comes to how you respond/react to them, the fallout could continue for years to come. Anyway, if you'd like a bit of assistance in this area, feel free to check out "How To Handle Folks Who 'Trigger' You".
Make self-care essential.
Why oh why do people decide that the holiday season is the best time to run themselves absolutely ragged? If ever there was the right time to make sure that your mani/pedi, massage, waxing, hair and whatever other self-care rituals that you are used to transpire, now until New Year's Day is definitely when you should make those happen. In fact, because the holiday season is when booking appointments can be an absolute headache, strongly consider hitting up the salons/spas now to schedule everything well in advance. One, so you won't have to freak out when they tell you they are filled up come November and two, so that you'll know to stash some money aside for yourself…because you deserve it.
How to FINANCIALLY Prepare for the Holidays
Determine which holiday you want to spend the most money on.
This hack right here is super important because I've actually read that Americans, on average, spend close to $1000 just on Christmas gifts alone. If you spend that much on presents before even getting into travel expenses, food, stuff for yourself, etc., it's easy to see how folks can start off a new year in the hole. That's why it's super important to 1) create a budget that's specifically for the holidays and 2) decide which holiday you want to spend the most on because, just like you can run up a tab on gifts for Christmas, food can be super pricey on Thanksgiving too.
By determining ahead of time what you will and will not do, financially, and then holding yourself accountable (for instance, saying that you'll spend $500 in gifts and using your credit cards are absolutely not an option), that can provide you peace of mind that you're living within your means, so that you can start another year off on the right foot.
Put $50 aside per paycheck.
If money is super tight and you have absolutely no idea how you're going to make your coins stretch, I've got two tips. First, check out an article that I wrote last November entitled, "Coin Collection: 10 Easy Ways To Save $500 By Christmas". It's got some practical ways for you to store up some cash. If you don't wanna do all-a-dat, you can always discipline yourself to put aside fifty bucks per pay day. If you get paid on a bi-weekly basis, that can still give you around an extra $200 by Thanksgiving or $300 by Christmas.
Cop plane tickets now.
If you plan on flying out somewhere, did you know that you can get the best rates if you start checking for flights between four months and three weeks prior to when you have to leave? While I know there are a ton of sites that can help you to book last-minute cheap tickets, a lot of them come with long layovers and/or extra fees. You know, one time, I booked a roundtrip ticket for under $100 to see my goddaughters and I know it was because I looked a couple of months ahead. Anyway, for hacks on how to get a super inexpensive flight, check out Thrifty Nomads, "How to Book the Cheapest Flight Possible to Anywhere". It's got quite a few hacks that I think you will enjoy.
BONUS: An Effective Way to PHYSICALLY Prepare for the Holidays
Shed a few pounds now. Proactive is always better than reactive, right? Keeping that in mind, did you know that reportedly, on average, we gain somewhere around eight pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day?
The sad part is a lot of us try and curtail this by either avoiding all of the foods that bring us so much joy during the holiday season or going on some sort of a starvation diet after the fact. This year, don't do either. Instead, determine to comfortably shed that amount of weight before Thanksgiving even comes by cutting back on sugar and carbs, exercising a bit more and shoot — drinking more water.
I promise you that whenever I want to lose five pounds or so, all I've got to do is replace whatever I typically drink with water and weight falls right on off. A lot of us don't realize that we're drinking calories via alcohol and juice, but we are but if you sacrifice those things now, that can mean more hot chocolate and eggnog without feeling any kind of guilty over the holiday season — and just how awesome is that?
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Featured image by Getty Images
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
How Content Creators Hey Fran Hey And Shameless Maya Embraced The Pivot
This article is in partnership with Meta Elevate.
If you’ve been on the internet at all within the past decade, chances are the names Hey Fran Hey and Shameless Maya (aka Maya Washington) have come across your screen. These content creators have touched every platform on the web, spreading joy to help women everywhere live their best lives. From Fran’s healing natural remedies to Maya’s words of wisdom, both of these content creators have built a loyal following by sharing honest, useful, and vulnerable content. But in search of a life that lends to more creativity, freedom, and space, these digital mavens have moved from their bustling big cities (New York City and Los Angeles respectively) to more remote locations, taking their popular digital brands with them.
Content Creators Hey Fran Hey and Maya Washington Talk "Embracing The Pivot"www.youtube.com
In partnership with Meta Elevate — an online learning platform that provides Black, Hispanic, and Latinx-owned businesses access to 1:1 mentoring, digital skills training, and community — xoNecole teamed up with Franscheska Medina and Maya Washington on IG live recently for a candid conversation about how they’ve embraced the pivot by changing their surroundings to ultimately bring out the best in themselves and their work. Fran, a New York City native, moved from the Big Apple to Portland, Oregon a year ago. Feeling overstimulated by the hustle and bustle of city life, Fran headed to the Pacific Northwest in search of a more easeful life.
Her cross-country move is the backdrop for her new campaign with Meta Elevate— a perfectly-timed commercial that shows how you can level up from wherever you land with the support of free resources like Meta Elevate. Similarly, Maya packed up her life in Los Angeles and moved to Sweden, where she now resides with her husband and adorable daughter. Maya’s life is much more rural and farm-like than it had been in California, but she is thriving in this peaceful new setting while finding her groove as a new mom.
While Maya is steadily building and growing her digital brand as a self-proclaimed “mom coming out of early retirement,” Fran is redefining her own professional grind. “It’s been a year since I moved from New York City to Portland, Oregon,” says Fran. “I think the season I’m in is figuring out how to stay successful while also slowing down.” A slower-paced life has unlocked so many creative possibilities and opportunities for these ladies, and our conversation with them is a well-needed reminder that your success is not tied to your location…especially with the internet at your fingertips. Tapping into a community like Meta Elevate can help Black, Hispanic, and Latinx entrepreneurs and content creators stay connected to like minds and educated on new digital skills and tools that can help scale their businesses.
During a beautiful moment in the conversation, Fran gives Maya her flowers for being an innovator in the digital space. Back when “influencing” was in its infancy and creators were just trying to find their way, Fran says Maya was way ahead of her time. “I give Maya credit for being one of the pioneers in the digital space,” Fran said. “Maya is a one-person machine, and I always tell her she really changed the game on what ads, campaigns, and videos, in general, should look like.”
When asked what advice she’d give content creators, Maya says the key is having faith even when you don’t see the results just yet. “It’s so easy to look at what is, despite you pouring your heart into this thing that may not be giving you the returns that you thought,” she says. “Still operate from a place of love and authenticity. Have faith and do the work. A lot of people are positive thinkers, but that’s the thinking part. You also have to put your faith into work and do the work.”
Fran ultimately encourages content creators and budding entrepreneurs to take full advantage of Meta Elevate’s vast offerings to educate themselves on how to build and grow their businesses online. “It took me ten years to get to the point where I’m making ads at this level,” she says. “I didn’t have those resources in 2010. I love the partnership with Meta Elevate because they’re providing these resources for free. I just think of the people that wouldn’t be able to afford that education and information otherwise. So to amplify a company like this just feels right.”
Watch the full conversation with the link above, and join the Meta Elevate community to connect with fellow businesses and creatives that are #OnTheRiseTogether.
Featured image courtesy of Shameless Maya and Hey Fran Hey
The 'Less Is More' Skincare Routine This On-Air Host Swears By To Keep Her Oily Skin Hydrated
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
If you ask Micaéla Verrelien the secret to good skin that just won't quit, the creative would tell you that there is truth in less being more. After years of thinking that keeping up with a 10-step skincare routine was the move, the on-air camera host and content creator learned that her skin thrived on simplicity, derived from beauty lessons rooted in her motherland of Haiti. The roots of this were nurtured by seeing her own mother's approach to beauty and skincare at a young age. In particular, during her childhood, one of the most important beauty lessons she uncovered from her mother was the importance of a skincare-first approach to beauty.
"Growing up as a Caribbean woman, the biggest thing is kind of like how you look, and it's not a superficial thing where it's like you have to be your prettiest self and wear makeup because a lot of natural, my mom, specifically doesn't even wear makeup," she explains to xoNecole during our chat. "But skincare was always like so pivotal. So I would grow up seeing her take care of her skin every morning, every night. Like it was a religion, you know, making sure you wash your face. And it's funny because people say don't go to sleep with makeup on. You know, but even if you don't have makeup on, don't go to sleep with your day on."
Based on the inspiration she found in her roots, Micaéla's beauty evolution involved cultivating a routine that focused on the basics of a cleanser, serum, and moisturizer in that order. Whereas before, her skincare routine consisted of numerous steps and products she received from different brands that didn't necessarily cater to her oily skin type, nowadays, the recipe behind her glow is no more than four steps, and there is a hyperfocus on technique and application. When asked about the simplicity of her beauty routine, she responded, "I guess it's always been simple because before it was non-existent, and now it's existent. You want to be able to have a skincare routine that doesn't feel like a job or like work."
Courtesy of Micaéla Verrelien
"It's a part of the relaxation, just taking care of yourself. And if you have like a 10-step process, either you're forgetting things, you run out of one thing, or it just feels like an assignment. And I think skincare should feel like luxury. Like you're allowing yourself to be immersed in that luxury for that moment of time. It shouldn't feel like a task. And I think that's how I feel about it. And the simpler, the better, especially if it works," Micaéla added.
"I think skincare should feel like luxury. Like you're allowing yourself to be immersed in that luxury for that moment of time. It shouldn't feel like a task."
Feeling like luxury is a prevalent throughline in Micaéla's approach to her self-care. She ritualizes activities like taking herself to the movies and on solo dates, prioritizing routine massages, crossword puzzles, and meditation. This chapter of her life is about intentional indulging which is why she no longer deprives her oily skin of the moisture it craves. Having learned better, she does better.
"You need the moisturizers, you need the serums, and you need to drink more water, which is why the first thing I always do in the morning is drink more water. And I'll notice that my skin is less oily." She added, "Listen, I am looking like a glazed donut, like a whole brown glazed donut, when I go to sleep, I don't care. I'm like, my skin's going to glow in the morning. And you know what, it does, it glows."
Keep reading to learn more about some of the holy grail skincare products the creative keeps in rotation.
Micaéla Verrelien's A.M. Skincare Routine Must-Haves
Credit: Patrizia Messineo
Charlotte Tilbury Cryo-Recovery Lifting Face Mask
Charlotte Tilbury Cryo-Recovery Lifting Face Mask
Charlotte Tilbury
"It's like a rolling ball of ice. But imagine that, but on your face, just a flat ice mask on your face, and you can actually attach it so your face lifts up like that. And it also has acupuncture technology. It's a really cool thing. You look kind of crazy when you're wearing it. I definitely start off the morning routine with that."
Clinique Moisture Surge™ 100H Auto-Replenishing Hydrator
Clinique Moisture Surge™ 100H Auto-Replenishing Hydrator
Clinique
"Then I'll go into my skincare, and one of my favorite moisturizers right now, which I love, and I think I need it because I am someone that deals with oily skin, is the Clinique Moisture Surge. And I recommend the 100-hour one because that means, you know, when you add this 100-hour Moisture Surge, it's working and kicking off all the time. So when I wash my face, and then I add it again, it's just kind of like ongoing, always moisturized."
TULA Protect + Glow - Daily Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 30

TULA Protect + Glow - Daily Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 30
TULA
"I love sunscreen. My favorite sunscreen is TULA. TULA has probably one of the best sunscreens. It's called Protect + Glow Sunscreen. And it's great, you know, if you're going on trips and you want to look very glowy, it kind of gives you a little bit of sparkle too. But that's my preferred sunscreen.
"And then after the sunscreen, I'll add like a dime size of moisturizer. I add more sunscreen than moisturizer. And I don't necessarily add serums on my day-to-day because I have oily skin. I'm looking for moisture in my skin, which is why I use a moisturizer."
Peter Thomas Roth 24K Gold Pure Luxury Lift & Firm Hydra-Gel Eye Patches
Peter Thomas Roth 24K Gold Pure Luxury Lift & Firm Hydra-Gel Eye Patches
Peter Thomas Roth
"I love these under-eye masks. So I never used to use under-eye masks, but now I'm like obsessed with them. I don't know if you heard of the brand Peter Thomas Roth. They're such a great brand. So, if I'm doing makeup or if I'm not doing makeup, I always add that in the morning. I've been doing that a lot lately."
Micaéla Verrelien's P.M. Skincare Routine Must-Haves
Credit: Patrizia Messineo
Clinique Moisture Surge™ 100H Auto-Replenishing Hydrator
Clinique Moisture Surge™ 100H Auto-Replenishing Hydrator
Clinique
"There's so many different moisturizers, but my preferred one is the 100-Hours. So I'm adding a dime size in the morning, and I'm adding a little bit more [at night]. I would say within two fingers of that Moisture Surge for my skin."
OSEA Hyaluronic Sea Serum
OSEA Hyaluronic Sea Serum
OSEA
"I love serums right now. And one of my favorite ones is from a brand called OSEA. I love them a lot."
OSEA Undaria Algae Body Oil
OSEA Undaria Algae Body Oil
OSEA
"I also love adding their body oil to my body. So that's something that I use at night as well. During the day, it's not that I don't hydrate my full body, but at night, because while we're sleeping, that's the best time for your body to kind of 'reboot' itself. So I'm adding the same brand OSEA. I add their body oil, like everywhere."
For more of Micaéla, follow her Instagram @micaelaverrelien.
Featured illustration by Qori B.