
Boy, this perimenopause (and menopause) ish right here. Now that I am on the tail end of perimenopause (at least, that’s what my nurse practitioner, health insurance company and I are hoping), I’m damn near disgusted that there is not so much more intel out here to help prepare women for all that comes with this particular season of life (especially since many women go through perimenopause for several years; some for even a decade).
For example, although people will talk about things like hot flashes (which I haven’t personally had) and irregular menstrual cycles (now, I can totally relate to that), how often have you read articles about how perimenopause has all of the potential in the world to literally shift your shape? SMDH. I mean, I don’t mean to brag or nothin’, but for years, I was the Coke bottle girl, and yet, over the past 15 months or so, I’ve been noticing that my waistline wants to expand — even though my lifestyle habits haven’t changed all that much.
So, what’s been going on? You guessed it, chile: freakin’ perimenopause. And although, as far as looks go, I have already addressed one “side effect” of it (check out “'Menopause Belly' Actually Is A Real Thing. Here's How To Handle It.”), today, let’s look a little deeper into what you can do if, when you look into the mirror these days, your body composition seems (almost) totally different — and you’re damn near ready to snap because of it.
If You’re Shifting from a “Pear” (or Hourglass) to an “Apple,” You Are Not Alone
GiphySo, why is it that so many women, as they get closer and closer to menopause, seem to be experiencing a totally different body shape? The easiest way to explain it is, as your hormones are going through all kinds of changes, your system tends to store up more fat (especially in the abdominal region) while also producing less muscle mass. What research has also revealed is that certain gut hormones are not as easily satisfied during the later stages of perimenopause (which could cause you to eat more).
Oh, and don’t forget about genetics; yep, if you’re curious about what your body will look like post-menopause, your mother and grandmother are some pretty clear indicators. And so, factoring all of this in, as a direct result, here comes a wider waist than before and sometimes hips that no longer seem quite as prominent as well.
Does this mean that you just have to lie down and take it, as if saying goodbye to your younger figure is inevitable? No. However, you do need to grieve the fact that while you may have been able to eat whatever you wanted, barely exercise, get 3-4 hours of sleep, and still look the absolute bomb in a bodycon dress, that is now a thing of the past, sis. In this season of life, if you want to keep the shape that you had, you’ve got to put in more effort than you ever have. Thankfully, I’ve got seven tips to help you to do that.
1. Exercise
GiphyBeing that heart disease continues to be the leading cause of death in Black women, that should be enough of a reason to implement a consistent workout routine (if you don’t already have one). However, did you also know that menopause can increase the chances of cardiovascular issues due to things like depression, accumulated fat, a drop in estrogen, and arteries getting thicker?
So yes, for the sake of your health, get some cardio in no less than three times a week and also do a bit of strength training. Not only will it reduce your chances of having heart issues, but it can also help to keep your waistline where you want it to be and help to decrease some perimenopause/menopause-related symptoms that you may have. Oh, and if you’re looking to tone your hips in the process, there is a list of exercises that can help you out with that right here.
2. Gain Muscle Mass
GiphyAs far as building muscle mass goes, you’re definitely going to have to apply some weight training to your workout regimen. Aside from that, lunges, squats, planks, and push-ups are all exercises that you can do if you don’t happen to have any exercise equipment around. Also, remember that gaining muscle is also about what you put into your body, and the best types of foods to eat are protein-enriched ones.
How much protein? Some health experts say that as much as 10-35 percent of your daily calorie intake should come from proteins, including eggs, lean meats, lentils, Greek yogurt, almonds, quinoa, and shellfish.
3. Eat Less Fat. Consume More Grains.
GiphyThere’s no point in doing all of that exercising if your diet is trash. And before you roll your eyes, the thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to just eat seaweed and drink water in order to get and keep your figure where you want it to be. The “fun foods” that aren’t the best for you, just don’t eat a ton of them all of the time. Also, learn what works best for your system. For instance, foods that contain trans fat (like fried foods, pastries, and ones that contain margarine and vegetable shortening) are pretty much always going to be problematic on some level. Foods that have saturated fats (like red meat, dairy, and coconut oil) need to be consumed in moderation.
Oh, and “good fats” (which are monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats), you need those — they include fish, olive oil, veggies, nuts, and fatty acids. Also, while we’re on the subject of foods that will help you to get your body to where you want it to be, whole grains have got your back too. Some that are good for you include brown rice, oats, rye, wheat, and wild rice. The reason why whole grains are bomb is because they are full of fiber; plus, they contain the type of protein that can help you to lose weight.
4. Chill on the Alcohol
GiphyIf you’ve been drinking a bit more to get you through perimenopause/menopause, I get it. The good news is consuming alcohol in moderation really doesn’t do much to you as far as weight gain is concerned. However, because it does consist of a lot of empty calories and has been proven to lead to belly fat, try and enjoy your favorite alcoholic beverages no more than a couple of times a week. Oh, and for the record, the types of alcohol that are lower in calories include vodka, whiskey, tequila, brandy, and gin (you’re welcome — LOL).
5. Dress (a Bit) Differently
GiphyI ain’t got no lies to tell you — when you’re out here trying to alter the composition of your body, it typically takes between 8-12 weeks before you will see some really noticeable results (and that’s if you’re doing all that you need to do on a consistent basis). That’s why it’s important to know how to dress in order to give the illusion that you already look like your body goals in the meantime.
That said, if your shape is a bit more on the “apple” side than it used to be (or you want it to be), make sure to wear/purchase outfits that bring focus to your breasts and/or legs, that the hues around your waist are darker instead of lighter and that you choose brighter colors or patterns on the lower part of your body (to make you look curvier). Honestly, a big part of the reason why “perimenopause shape-shifting” can be so triggering is that people aren’t willing to upgrade their wardrobe during that period of their lives. If they did, it would be easier to adjust.
6. Use Essential Oils to Boost Your Metabolism
GiphyBelieve it or not, essential oils can play a pivotal role as far as managing your weight or shedding a few pounds is concerned. That’s because the scent of certain ones is able to do things like curb your appetite, energize you during your workouts, and help you to sleep more soundly (you can read about how sleep and weight loss go hand in hand here).
So, if you’re already an essential oils fan (like I am…BIG TIME), keep in mind that citrus helps to suppress weight gain; cinnamon will reduce your appetite; lavender improves sleep quality; sage helps you to absorb less dietary fat, and rose oil decreases stress.
7. Look into Hormone Therapy
GiphyRemember how I said earlier that a part of the reason why body composition changes during the latter end of perimenopause is because of all of the hormonal shifting that transpires? That’s why there’s no way that I could pen an article like this and not mention that it can’t hurt to speak with your healthcare provider about whether undergoing some type of hormone therapy is a wise move for you. Listen, I didn’t think I would even entertain it until my period decided to go all rogue and not let a sistah live (damn near almost literally as far as scheduling goes) — and yet, I have no regrets about taking mini-pills (no estrogen/progestin pills) because my body is back on track again; to a large extent, including my shape.
These days, there are so many options — some that do contain estrogen and some that don’t, so if you want to know if replacing some of the hormones that you are losing can also get you back to looking and feeling like your old self again, do some research and also discuss the pills, sprays, gels, shots, patches, creams and rings that are on the market. You never know what could work to “shift your shape” right on back, so that perimenopause/menopause doesn’t feel like the dirtiest of cuss words whenever you look in the mirror. Amen? Amen, sis.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
It’s probably been over the past 2-3 years that I’ve become hyper-focused when it comes to applying certain chemical exfoliants known as acids to my skin. Personally, I’ve come to really appreciate ones like mandelic acid and hyaluronic acid because they have a way of softening my skin, brightening it up and really evening out my complexion overall.
In fact, on my skin, they have been so effective that they have caused me to wonder what would happen if I applied some of them to my hair too — and boy, was it an experiment that paid off big time!
If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
___
Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock













