Feeling like you are the only person that you have to depend on can be a very pressing emotion to deal with. When you go through rough patches in life, it can sometimes seem like you can only tread alone because there's no one in your corner. I am no stranger to finding that I have been my own greatest rock. Speaking from experience and my own current reality, I probably have about one or two people whom I can absolutely depend on when times get rough, and you might be surprised just how many people find themselves in the same predicament.
Sometimes in life we go through purges where it seems that the number of people we can count on in our lives dwindles down to just you! There are many reasons that this happens, and they are just as internal as they are external. Read on to learn how to navigate experiencing an extended period of having to "go it alone."
Ground & Center
When feeling like you are holding the weight of the world all on your own, there is no space for you to crumble under the pressure. If you find yourself in a space where you literally only have yourself to depend on, you need to ensure that your emotional, mental, and energetic space is stable. This incorporates the importance of having your mental health in check.
When going at it alone for an extended period of time in your life, you must build a strong sense of self, resilience, and emotional security. You need to be aligned within yourself, and be operating at a level of your best self. In order to do this, you must ground your energy and center your emotions.
Remember that nothing outside of yourself makes you whole.
This means that you could be surrounded by a whole slew of supporters and still be lost in the sauce. Ground yourself by meditating on the daily. Set time aside every day to find your inner peace. Go within, mentally calm every nerve ending and balance every chakra. In your heart space, make sure that your emotional health is aligned. This means that you might have to bring down some feelings of resentment, and balance them with feelings of accountability. Go through every emotional checkpoint in your life, where one emotion reflects the other. By balancing each emotion, you can better handle the responsibility of taking care of yourself.
Related: How to Ground Yourself Spiritually
Take A Break From Social Media
Taking a break from social media is crucial for you to get back into your own head and understand what's happening in your own reality uninfluenced by the superficial happiness of other people. Sometimes we get so caught up in other people's lives on social media, that we either start projecting disdain for our own lives or we start living vicariously through others.
We become voyeurs instead of attracting a new team and building a real tribe in our lives.
There are better ways of making new connections with people that can lead to long-lasting relationships. It is not healthy to be so ingrained with the status of other people's lives, and how supported they seem. We start to lose the foundation of our own experiences, and on a subconscious level, begin wishing we were who we constantly scroll through on Instagram. Learning to disconnect from what is being portrayed by people living their best lives on the internet, helps us get in touch with living our own - regardless of how many followers or supporters we have.
Personally, I've taken a break from my Instagram page. In doing so, I realized just how many people I actually have to connect with outside of my social media. This means that I was not making real life connections. It opened my eyes to how much work I have to do with fostering real genuine friendships that extend past the DMs and comment sections.
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Realize That It's Not Always Personal
It's easy when we go through these periods of depending on ourselves, to consciously bash the people that we expect to be there. I can admit to speaking ill of those who I feel just fell off the edge of the map when it came to being a support system or friend to me. I had to stop and realize that though I was emotionally affected by the absence of key players in my life, I had to understand that they are a whole person too. They go through internal chaos and are also on their own soul evolutions. It all hit me that maybe they are not in the best emotional, mental, or energetic space to even be able to be there for me because they can barely be there for themselves.
Related: How I Overcame the Hurt of Losing My Best Female Friend
This realization was a huge reality check for me and it also put my ego in its place. Sometimes it is just the natural law and order of energy and frequency that pulls people out of our spheres. Soul contracts with people in your life can end on a dime, and it's always in divinely orchestrated purpose. If someone in your life just magically disappears, it might be because it was meant to happen. Use this truth to understand that people aren't taken away, they are displaced, which means the universe will put something else that is meant to be there in its place.
Self-Actualize
It's easy to fall into a negative, downward spiral of thinking, or emotions when it comes to why there is no one in your corner. It's natural to beat yourself up as to why you find yourself in this position. During these moments of weakness, you must remember all of the times that you pulled through solo. You must give yourself credit for the strength that you have built within your own spirit to survive. Instead of going back in time to all of your failures, go back in time to all of your personal successes.
Think about that time you were able to move out of your space on your own because you had no one else there to help.
Think about any time where you needed help and ended up getting whatever had to be done on your own because of your resilience, strength, and determination.
Think about any time you were fearful of something but because you pulled it together, you made it through.
Obviously these are hypothetical situations, but no doubt you can relate this to something you've experienced. Pat yourself on the back for all that you have faced, gone through, and surpassed - all alone.
Self-love and self-care is highly important during these times! Going forward, you must remember to build a stronger backbone in order to face the moments when you must do life alone. There will be times when you don't have the support that you need, and that should not stop you. You have all the willpower you need to forge ahead and when you get to where you're going, you will have higher standards for those trying to jump onto your bandwagon.
Affirm A Brighter Future
Finally, use this time when all you have is yourself to depend on, to set your intentions on gaining closer and stronger relationships.
Like attracts Like.
If you have been living through certain karmic occurrences in your life that have forced you to become stronger, and a better version of yourself, that energy is like a magnet to people who are living the same testimonies. If you are climbing a mountain that someone who belongs in your future is also climbing, you will find them at the top.
Use the law of attraction to draw like-minded, or like-souled people, into your life. Affirm what kind of person that you want as a friend in your life and how they will mirror what you have been through. Visualize and meditate on what a healthy bond looks like between you and someone that has your best interest at heart, and vice versa. Think about how your next closest friend will feel energetically, and how they will be a positive influence in your life.
Related: How to Manifest the Life of Your Dreams in 5 Steps
By keeping all of these points in mind, as you continue to flourish as a powerful individual who is whole all by themselves, you can gain strength in doing life alone - until you don't have to.
How have you pulled through during moments of aloneness in your life? Share your stories with us below!
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Luckily, there are some things that you can do to either speed up the healing process of a cold or make having one more bearable than usual. Things that are affordable, all-natural, and easy to incorporate into your daily routine.
Are you ready to know how to nip a damn cold in the bud…before you even get one?
Here ya go.
1. Fire Cider
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Two drinks that I am gonna drink all the way down, each and every fall season, are hot chocolate and apple cider (that’s warmed up). So, when I read about something called “fire cider,” it absolutely caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with it, fire cider is a homemade drink that consists of things like apple cider vinegar, herbs and other ingredients that are specifically designed to boost your immune system.
I won’t lie to you — since some of the traditional recipes contain things like onion and garlic (sulfur has potent medicinal properties) and sometimes even hot peppers (which help to clear up congestion) — although fire cider might not be your favorite as far as your palate is concerned, the viruses (because there are reportedly somewhere around 200 of ‘em) that cause colds will lose a lot of their impact if you drink this; and that makes it worth a shot — well, swallow. Some fire cider recipes can be found here, here and here.
2. Probiotics
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” — and that alone should explain why and how a probiotic can help to prevent colds and make it easier to get over them. The reality is that a healthy gut is what helps to monitor how your immune system reacts and responds to harmful pathogens that may try and get into your system, including ones that cause the common cold.
And since probiotics feed your gut with “good bacteria,” this gives your gut the ability to be better (and quicker) at fighting off the bad. So yeah, take a probiotic — all of the time and definitely while you have a cold. It helps.
3. Peppermint (or Eucalyptus) Oil
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Although I rarely get sick (praise the Lord!), when I do catch a cold, I think what I hate the most is not being able to comfortably breathe. Well, something that is proven to help with that is peppermint essential oil. That’s because it contains properties that act as a natural decongestant as well as a fever reducer. Another essential oil that can hook you up in this department is eucalyptus oil. It’s bomb because it helps to soothe a nagging cough, it can clear up chest congestion and ultimately makes it easier to breathe.
So, before turning in at night, either mix a few drops of one (or both) of these oils with a carrier oil like grapeseed, avocado or jojoba, warm it up for 10 seconds in the microwave and apply it to the sides of your nose or on your best or back. Or put the oil in a diffuser. It can quickly ease cold-related symptoms while also making it so much easier for you to rest (which is something else your body needs to get over a cold; more on that in a sec).
4. Zinc Lozenges
Zinc is a mineral that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong — and since a weakened immunity is directly connected to having more colds (2-4 a year is considered to be “normal,” by the way), it’s always a good idea to have some zinc in your body. As it relates to colds, specifically, aside from the fact that zinc can help you from catching one to begin with, there are also studies which say that sucking on zinc lozenges can help to shorten the timespan of a cold as well.
To be fair, some people have said that zinc lozenges make them feel nauseated; however, everything has its pros and cons and so, how would you know if you’re one of these folks unless you try it? Oh, and while we are on this topic, there are also zinc supplements and foods that are high in zinc (like red meat, lentils, hemp seeds, cashews and quinoa) if you want to try and get more zinc into your system that way (although lozenges are gonna be your best bet on the shortening tip; just sayin’).
5. Foods Rich in Vitamin C
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Speaking of foods that can fight a cold, out of all of what you’ve read here, probably what you are quite familiar with is the fact that vitamin C and colds are mortal enemies. In fact, one pretty significant study says that by taking one gram of vitamin C a day during a cold, you can reduce the severity of your symptoms by as much as 15 percent.
That’s because vitamin C is packed with antioxidants, it helps to reduce bodily inflammation and it helps to strengthen your immunity too. Foods that are full of vitamin C include chili and yellow peppers, kale, kiwi, papaya, broccoli, kale and citrus fruits.
6. Elderberry Tea
If you’re someone who likes to put preserves on your biscuits or toast, have you ever tried one that is made from elderberries (recipe here)? It’s actually pretty good — and good for you because elderberries are high in vitamin C, fiber and antioxidants. And that is why they are great whenever you are trying to hurry up and get over a cold because they also contain properties that are literally antiviral — and since a cold is a virus…well, there you have it.
One of the best ways to get elderberries into your system? Elderberry tea. If you add honey to it, honey can help to shorten symptoms like a stuffy nose, sore throat and cough by 1-2 days. Very cool.
7. REST
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Did you know that even one day of not getting the sleep that you need to weaken your immune system and increase bodily inflammation at the same time too? That’s because one of the benefits of a good night’s rest is it rejuvenates and recharges your system, so that your immunity can work at its optimal level.
Not only that but, according to science, if you already have a cold, getting plenty of rest can benefit you on a few different levels as well. First, your cytokines (proteins that boost your immunity) are released when you sleep.
Second, your body temperature elevates enough to kill some of the bacteria and viruses that are making you sick. Finally, sleep provides you with the energy that you need in order to get through the day while you are healing from your sickness. So, if you want to get through your cold ASAP, be intentional about getting as much rest as you possibly can.
BONUS: A Humidifier
When you get a chance, please check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”. There really are all kinds of solid reasons to invest in a humidifier around this time of the year — and one of them is to make getting through the cold (and flu) season so much easier for you. Since humidifiers bring moisture into the air, that can help to loosen up congestion, soothe an irritated throat, decrease coughing, help with the healing process of respiratory infections and it can help you to sleep better — so that you can get past your cold sooner.
So, if you don’t already have a humidifier, cop one ASAP. Your future colds will absolutely hate that you did. LOL. For a list of some highly recommended humidifiers that are currently on the market, click here.
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