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Me, Myself & I: How To Gain Strength When It Feels Like You're All You Have
Feeling like you are the only person that you have to depend on can be a very pressing emotion to deal with. When you go through rough patches in life, it can sometimes seem like you can only tread alone because there's no one in your corner. I am no stranger to finding that I have been my own greatest rock. Speaking from experience and my own current reality, I probably have about one or two people whom I can absolutely depend on when times get rough, and you might be surprised just how many people find themselves in the same predicament.
Sometimes in life we go through purges where it seems that the number of people we can count on in our lives dwindles down to just you! There are many reasons that this happens, and they are just as internal as they are external. Read on to learn how to navigate experiencing an extended period of having to "go it alone."
Ground & Center
When feeling like you are holding the weight of the world all on your own, there is no space for you to crumble under the pressure. If you find yourself in a space where you literally only have yourself to depend on, you need to ensure that your emotional, mental, and energetic space is stable. This incorporates the importance of having your mental health in check.
When going at it alone for an extended period of time in your life, you must build a strong sense of self, resilience, and emotional security. You need to be aligned within yourself, and be operating at a level of your best self. In order to do this, you must ground your energy and center your emotions.
Remember that nothing outside of yourself makes you whole.
This means that you could be surrounded by a whole slew of supporters and still be lost in the sauce. Ground yourself by meditating on the daily. Set time aside every day to find your inner peace. Go within, mentally calm every nerve ending and balance every chakra. In your heart space, make sure that your emotional health is aligned. This means that you might have to bring down some feelings of resentment, and balance them with feelings of accountability. Go through every emotional checkpoint in your life, where one emotion reflects the other. By balancing each emotion, you can better handle the responsibility of taking care of yourself.
Related: How to Ground Yourself Spiritually
Take A Break From Social Media
Taking a break from social media is crucial for you to get back into your own head and understand what's happening in your own reality uninfluenced by the superficial happiness of other people. Sometimes we get so caught up in other people's lives on social media, that we either start projecting disdain for our own lives or we start living vicariously through others.
We become voyeurs instead of attracting a new team and building a real tribe in our lives.
There are better ways of making new connections with people that can lead to long-lasting relationships. It is not healthy to be so ingrained with the status of other people's lives, and how supported they seem. We start to lose the foundation of our own experiences, and on a subconscious level, begin wishing we were who we constantly scroll through on Instagram. Learning to disconnect from what is being portrayed by people living their best lives on the internet, helps us get in touch with living our own - regardless of how many followers or supporters we have.
Personally, I've taken a break from my Instagram page. In doing so, I realized just how many people I actually have to connect with outside of my social media. This means that I was not making real life connections. It opened my eyes to how much work I have to do with fostering real genuine friendships that extend past the DMs and comment sections.
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Realize That It's Not Always Personal
It's easy when we go through these periods of depending on ourselves, to consciously bash the people that we expect to be there. I can admit to speaking ill of those who I feel just fell off the edge of the map when it came to being a support system or friend to me. I had to stop and realize that though I was emotionally affected by the absence of key players in my life, I had to understand that they are a whole person too. They go through internal chaos and are also on their own soul evolutions. It all hit me that maybe they are not in the best emotional, mental, or energetic space to even be able to be there for me because they can barely be there for themselves.
Related: How I Overcame the Hurt of Losing My Best Female Friend
This realization was a huge reality check for me and it also put my ego in its place. Sometimes it is just the natural law and order of energy and frequency that pulls people out of our spheres. Soul contracts with people in your life can end on a dime, and it's always in divinely orchestrated purpose. If someone in your life just magically disappears, it might be because it was meant to happen. Use this truth to understand that people aren't taken away, they are displaced, which means the universe will put something else that is meant to be there in its place.
Self-Actualize
It's easy to fall into a negative, downward spiral of thinking, or emotions when it comes to why there is no one in your corner. It's natural to beat yourself up as to why you find yourself in this position. During these moments of weakness, you must remember all of the times that you pulled through solo. You must give yourself credit for the strength that you have built within your own spirit to survive. Instead of going back in time to all of your failures, go back in time to all of your personal successes.
Think about that time you were able to move out of your space on your own because you had no one else there to help.
Think about any time where you needed help and ended up getting whatever had to be done on your own because of your resilience, strength, and determination.
Think about any time you were fearful of something but because you pulled it together, you made it through.
Obviously these are hypothetical situations, but no doubt you can relate this to something you've experienced. Pat yourself on the back for all that you have faced, gone through, and surpassed - all alone.
Self-love and self-care is highly important during these times! Going forward, you must remember to build a stronger backbone in order to face the moments when you must do life alone. There will be times when you don't have the support that you need, and that should not stop you. You have all the willpower you need to forge ahead and when you get to where you're going, you will have higher standards for those trying to jump onto your bandwagon.
Affirm A Brighter Future
Finally, use this time when all you have is yourself to depend on, to set your intentions on gaining closer and stronger relationships.
Like attracts Like.
If you have been living through certain karmic occurrences in your life that have forced you to become stronger, and a better version of yourself, that energy is like a magnet to people who are living the same testimonies. If you are climbing a mountain that someone who belongs in your future is also climbing, you will find them at the top.
Use the law of attraction to draw like-minded, or like-souled people, into your life. Affirm what kind of person that you want as a friend in your life and how they will mirror what you have been through. Visualize and meditate on what a healthy bond looks like between you and someone that has your best interest at heart, and vice versa. Think about how your next closest friend will feel energetically, and how they will be a positive influence in your life.
Related: How to Manifest the Life of Your Dreams in 5 Steps
By keeping all of these points in mind, as you continue to flourish as a powerful individual who is whole all by themselves, you can gain strength in doing life alone - until you don't have to.
How have you pulled through during moments of aloneness in your life? Share your stories with us below!
Featured image by Getty Images
Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Here’s How To Start Running As A Beginner, According To An Expert
As the summer heats up, so does the desire to participate in outdoor activities that keep you moving and connected to others. Among these extracurriculars, running checks all the boxes.
If you look anywhere on TikTok, you might think that just about everyone is running these days. It only takes a few scrolls before you stumble across someone taking their viewers along for 10-mile runs or trading dating apps for run clubs.
Running is beginner-friendly, requires little investment, and offers a number of mental and physical health benefits, so it’s clear why the sport has become the hottest new hobby to participate in. And if you’re one of the countless individuals inspired to lace up your shoes and hit the pavement, you might be looking for a few practical tips to start your own running journey.
"The most important thing you can do for yourself as a runner or someone who's interested in starting to run is being consistent," Ashlee Green, co-founder of RUNGRL, a digital-first community for Black women distance runners, tells xoNecole.
When Green first began her running journey, she recalls never quite seeing herself as a runner “and certainly not an athlete.” It wasn’t until she moved to Chicago and worked for the city’s Nike store that her views on the sport began to expand. “I had a friend who ran, I had access to shoes, I had access to the Lakefront,” which eventually became her personal track.
A move to Washington, D.C., led to her joining a local running club, District Running Collective, which not only solidified running as a core part of her wellness practice but a cornerstone to building community.
“Community is absolutely what helped me to feel like I was an athlete and an actual runner,” she says. “It was through the opportunity to both show up as a community member and, over time, as a community leader, that deepened my commitment to the sport for myself and the impact that it would have on other people.”
Through RUNGRL, Green has since created a supportive environment along with her co-founder that encourages beginners to start where they are, grow in their journey alongside like-minded women, and “ultimately inspire more Black women to get and stay moving.”
To help get your running journey off on the right foot, Green spoke with xoNecole to provide the best tips for building stamina, finding a run club that fits your needs, and becoming the runner you desire to be.
Consistency Is Key.
“I feel like there's this sort of general, societal understanding that running must be easy, but it's not,” she says. “What does help it become easier is when you're consistent and committed to showing up for yourself and the miles on a consistent basis.”
“That doesn't mean you need to be running six or seven days a week. But what it does mean is that you’re committed to twice a week, three times a week, or whatever works for you and your schedule,” she adds. “Move your body and find ways to build up the stamina and the endurance you’re seeking because everybody's journey is different.”
Find an Accountability Partner.
“Having your ‘gworls’ with you makes it a lot easier,” Green says. “Somebody who can go through the experience with you, talk about how you're feeling, and tell you that your hair still looks great even though you're out there sweating. Having friends along the way, I have found, has made the journey better. Everything is better with your girls.”
Set a Personal Goal.
Green tells us, “Signing up for a race or just having an end goal and something to work towards makes it easier to build a plan or establish consistency because you’re working towards something specific.”
“Whether you want to run a mile by a certain day or sign up for this 5k, setting those types of goals helps you to have something to look forward to and work towards.”
Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.
“A lot of the times on the internet, we see success stories and people crossing the finish line, but running hardly ever looks like that all the time,” she says. “Most of the time, it sucks. I don't always physically enjoy the act of running, but what I do enjoy and appreciate, is what it brings and will continue to bring to my life: movement, wellness, community, accountability, and representation.”
“You don't have to compare yourself to the next person — you don't know what they're going through off of Instagram. One foot in front of the other is all that you can control, and that's all that you should feel beholden to in your process.”
Choosing the Best Run Club for You.
Green advises, “Seek out the groups, the clubs, and the crews that are into running for community, accountability, and creating safe spaces for people like us. This particular boom is really interesting, and it's trending around dating and things like that, which, in my opinion, takes away the feelings of safety and showing up because I want to be well and better myself.”
“So seek out groups that are in it for the right reasons as you are in search of your best self,” she adds.
Adopt a Healthy Mindset.
“One of the things that I often tell myself is, ‘You can do hard things.” Another one that RunGurl says all the time, “If you run a mile, you can do anything,” Green says. “One thing that I find myself saying when I’m actively running is, “No matter where you are on the run, you can do anything for 10 minutes. You can do anything for five minutes. You can do anything for however much longer you have to go. It's only a set amount of time left, but I can do it, I can show up for myself, and I will get through it.”
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