

Stardom has always been glamorized to make the average person believe that money can fix anything. Tragic stories like those of Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston are proof that celebrity isn't all it's cracked up to be. In 2018, celebrities from all walks of life are making it clear that transparency is the wave of the millennial generation. Now more than ever, stars are becoming more open about sharing their struggles and publicly rejecting the claim that money equals happiness.
Janet Jackson recently opened up in an open essay that will be published in Essence's July/August issue about how her search for happiness has been a life-long journey, despite her wildly successful four-decade career in the entertainment industry. She said:
"When it comes to happiness, I'm no expert. I have only my life experience as a guide. I've known great happiness and great sadness. But I guess the key question is, What do I really know about happiness?"
She explained that although she would experience temporary moments of happiness, like when her brothers came home from touring, or when she was performing, the 52-year-old singer could not manage to overcome her insecurities regarding her physical appearance.
Over time, this inferiority complex led her to become a people pleaser who sought to make everyone happy, but herself. Now, as a more mature version of her former self, Janet understands that "true happiness is doing the best you can."
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The multi-talented entertainment mogul said it has been less than a decade since she discovered this concept, which had been elusive to her for years. Janet has been an icon for as long as I can remember and has successfully snatched our edges for almost half of a century, so it's easy to forget that she's a human too. And not just any human, a woman.
Despite her superhuman ability to slay any stage she steps on, Janet Jackson is a black woman who has feelings just like you and me; feelings that sometimes get too heavy to bear.
"In my forties: Like millions of women in the world, I still heard voices inside my head berating me, voices questioning my value. Happiness was elusive. A reunion with old friends might make me happy. A call from a colleague might make me happy. But because sometimes I saw my failed relationships as my fault, I easily fell into despair."
Like millions of other women in the world, Janet suffered from periods of darkness and depression.
"These were difficult years, when I struggled with depression. The struggle was intense. I could analyze the source of my depression forever. Low self-esteem might be rooted in childhood feelings of inferiority. It could relate to failing to meet impossibly high standards. And of course there are always the societal issues of racism and sexism. Put it all together and depression is a tenacious and scary condition. Thankfully, I found my way way through it…"
Janet told Essence that her tenacity in her fight for internal peace on her journey to happiness came thanks to her biggest (and tiniest) blessing.
"Now the height of happiness is holding my baby son in my arms and hearing him coo, or when I look into his smiling eyes and watch him respond to my tenderness. When I kiss him. When I sing him softly to sleep. During those sacred times, happiness is everywhere. Happiness is in gratitude to God…"
Janet Jackson reminds us that happiness is temporary, but Joy will sustain you. Things happen that our out of our control, so it's self-destructive to base our moves on our mood. Seasons change, and every day may not be one that's happy.
When we take the time to find joy in the blessings that we take for granted on a daily basis, we can discover happiness in every moment.
Featured image by JC Olivera/WireImage
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
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