

Let me just say that, before I go moderately all-the-way-in on this particular topic, that while I'm sure most of you saw this title and thought about it from a romantic angle, it actually can apply across the board. Because something that I've personally realized is when you are the kind of person who goes hard for folks and then you ease your foot off of the brake a bit, what ends up being a true light bulb moment is noticing how oftentimes, much the relationship probably wouldn't exist if it wasn't for all of the effort that you put into it/them in the first place. And that's why I think it's quite healthy and personally progressive to apply the relational mantra of "Be careful about tightly holding on to what isn't holding on that tightly to you."
Not from an angle of jadedness or bitterness. It's just that far too often, we do one of two things — we either ignore the wise words of Warren Buffett when he said that we shouldn't invest in something that we don't understand or we're so busy trying to keep what acts like it doesn't want to be kept that we don't end up having enough time, effort and energy for who and what truly does relish being in our space.
So, since this is the time of year when a lot of us tend to pause and reflect on what the hell we've been doing in our relationships all year long, I thought it would be a good idea to remind everyone who clicked on this that…if it's easy for someone to let you go, it's a true act of self-love to let them — personally or professionally, romantically or platonically. And if you need me to go a bit deeper, I will.
What It Means to Be a Person of Great and Precious Value
A couple of weeks ago, while I was in the airport waiting to catch a flight, a man who left his wallet on the plane was being all kinds of panicky and rude as he was jumping our line to flag down a flight attendant so that he could get back on the plane to see if he could retrieve it. As I watched him damn near lose his mind, I thought about when I've been around other people who've lost their wallet, phone or car keys (or at least thought that they did). There was nothing that they weren't going to do in order to find those items. Why? Because they valued them.
People are no different and all of us are worth more than an inanimate object that, if push comes to shove, while it might be inconvenient, it can still be replaced. Us? Eh. Not so much. While the concept of being in a relationship with us is replaceable, we are each an original — there has been no other us before we arrived and there will never be another one of us again. Ever. This means that whoever has the honor and distinct privilege of being in our space or getting to intimately know us in this day and time is blessed and highly favored. That's not arrogance. That is simply the truth. Problem is, a lot of us need to remind our own selves of this fact — a lot of us need to treat our own selves as someone of great value. To recognize your own value means that you are of great worth, that you are indeed important. Some synonyms for valuable include respected, relevant, treasured, cherished, esteemed, precious, and worthwhile.
That said, do diamonds go around begging to be seen and valued? Hell nah. They know their value. And the more that you settle into personally acknowledging just how valuable you are as well, the easier it will be to embrace those who see you (who get that you can't be replaced like a pair of lost keys can) and release those who…don't (who act like you come a dime a dozen).
If You’re Seen As “Costume Jewelry”…Why Hold on to That?
Years ago, I wrote an article for another platform about how not everyone can tell a true diamond when they see it. How do I know? Because I can't tell you how many times I've had a woman show me her engagement ring, brag on how big the diamond is, while I can tell that it's a fake — a cubic zirconia. Listen, I'm not even the diamond kind of gal (read up on how diamond rings became the "engagement ring of choice"; it's all about capitalism, nothing about love) and yet I know enough about them to know when a knock-off is in my presence. I had to be taught how to see that, though.
Do you see where I am going with this?
If you were to see yourself as said-diamond and yet you kept wondering why others kept not honoring your worth, while you might be pressured to blame yourself, I'm here to tell you that a lot of folks have no clue how to properly discern character, commitment, integrity, loyalty, and all-around goodness. They suck at seeing a good person like many mistake costume jewelry for the real thing. The objective is not to lower yourself and your standards so that they will accept you. The key is to get "oh…you don't get it" and let them go on about their merry way.
Because although writer Maureen Dowd irks me, on a few levels, I'm always gonna give her props for one of her quotes — "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." When you know that you have a diamond in your midst, you treat it as such. When you can't tell the difference and don't really care one way or another, that's exactly how you're going to act. This brings me to my next point.
People Value…What They Value
A part of the reason why this article has the title that it does is because listen, you can't force someone to value anyone or anything. You can't make your boss respect you (check out "Ever Wonder If You've Got An Emotionally Abusive Boss?"). You can't make your boyfriend cherish you (check out "7 Signs A Great Boyfriend Could Be A Bad Husband" and "7 Not-Discussed-Enough Signs That He's Absolutely NOT 'The One'"). You can't make a particular friend treasure what you bring to the table with them (check out "Always Remember That Friendships Have "Levels" To Them", "Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?", "10 Signs You've Got A Close (TOXIC) Friend" and "6 Signs You're About To Let A Toxic Person (Back) Into Your Life"). Folks have free will and they have every right to value who and what they want to value. Simple as that.
Here's the thing, though. When people do value something or someone, their words and actions are going to show it. Example. There is someone I know who is big on words. They are constantly talking about how much they appreciate my being in their life and that they do indeed cherish me. Thing is, they live in one state, I live in another and whenever we set up times to talk, literally 9.5 times outta 10, they "forget" and reschedule. Over and over again. Hmph. When someone values you, do you know what else they will do to show it? They will value your freakin' time. That said, earlier this year, I told them that they would need to call me moving forward because I've got a lot on my plate and them constantly dropping the ball was actually messing with my own agenda. They had the nerve to be offended. Chile, please. And you know what? I haven't heard from them since. Know what else? I am totally OK with that.
When folks value you, they are going to put in the time, effort, and energy. They are going to hear the needs and boundaries that you have and take heed. They are going to be intentional about making sure that you know that they want to keep you around and they will do what is necessary in order to make that happen…as you do the same thing for them. If that's not happening, they are showing you, live and in living color, what they really think about you and the relationship, regardless of what might be coming out of their mouth. And it really is healthy to accept what is real rather than trying to force the facts to be something else. Because while you're trying to get someone who doesn't truly value you to do so, you are taking precious time away from those who do. More on that in a bit. Next point.
Letting Someone Go, Peacefully and Fully Means That You Value Yourself
I wanna say that I've stated in an article on this platform before that now, more than ever, I live by the motto — "Chase nothing. You were born with your purpose and your dreams actually come to you first, so chase nothing." Shoot, while we're on the topic of chasing, that's why I actually find it semi-revolting when folks accept the mindset that men are hunters and should chase us. Because I am a word person, I'm always like, "Do y'all get what 'chase' literally means?" To chase is "to pursue in order to seize, overtake, etc." and "to pursue with intent to capture or kill, as game; hunt." That doesn't sound very loving; it actually sounds pretty violent to me. Besides, in the first love story in the Bible (Genesis 2), Adam didn't CHASE his bride; she was BROUGHT to him.
And when a man recognizes that a woman has been brought, by God, he tends to treat her with humility as a gift more than with arrogance as an acquisition. OK, but let me stay on full topic. Once you get that you are valuable, you also get that there is no need to chase anyone or anything. Maintain? Yes. Appreciate? Most definitely. Preserve and protect? When you see value in it, most definitely. But chase? For what?
Just recently, I ran into someone who said to me, "Why haven't you called me?" To which I replied, "Because the last time I saw you, you said that you would call me." To which they replied, "Girl, that was like, what, two years ago now?" They said it as if to imply that since they hadn't reached out, I should've done so. Entitlement is a trip, ain't it? The more time I spend on this earth, the more I realize that in order to be a good writer, a great friend, a consistent god mom and so many other things that I've got going on, I have to focus on what actually requires my attention, not simply who or what I wish wanted me to (some of y'all will catch that later).
In order to do that, I have to value myself and what I bring to the table. And the more I do that, the more I am able to be on the tip of, "People who don't want to put in the time, effort, and energy to keep me in their life, I need to let them go so that they can focus on what they want to put those things into as I do the same." And chile, when you're in that kind of head and heart space, it is oh so easy to release them…peacefully (check out "Why I Don't 'Cut People Off' Anymore, I Release Them Instead") because you really do get to a point and place where you only want people in your world who want to be there — and who act like they do. Everyone else, you want to move them out of your way, so that they can get to what they value. Because that is everyone's right.
Letting Go Is Giving Space for What You’re Worthy Of. And That’s a Really Good Thing.
Author Eckhart Tolle once said, "Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than hanging on." Indeed. That's why it gets on my last nerve, whenever I hear folks say, "If God closes a door, he will open a window." What kind of God do y'all serve out here? If God closes a door, a BIGGER door is on its way! And when you value yourself, the same thing applies to letting people go who act like they want to leave whether they realize that is what they are doing or not— you are clearing up space for who truly wants to be a part of your life…folks who want to be there so much that their acts and words are going to line up with that sentiment.
Sometimes it can hurt when people act like it's easy to let you go because it can tempt you to wonder if you are as valuable as you think. YES. YOU. ARE. The only time your actions dictate that you don't believe this is when you try to hold on, for dear life, to people who don't care if you remain in their life or not. It really can't be said enough — there is a world, FULL, of people who are just waiting to be what you need them to be because that's how much they see you.
So, the ones who treat you like Claire's instead of Tiffany's? Release them in light and love, chile. They are doing you a favor by showing you that they don't get it. LET THEM.
Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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Feature image by Earl Gibson III/Shutterstock