Running On Empty? How To Push Through Your Day When You're Just Not Feeling It
There will be times in life when you don't feel motivated to do something. It might be because you are burnt out and over-extended or because you are depressed and feel a lack of drive and energy to push through and tackle certain tasks or responsibilities. Either way, showing yourself grace and compassion when you're running on empty and having a low moment is essential for your healing, and if you are trying to figure out how you can do that, here are six practical tools to try:
Honor the space that you are in.
Being human means that you will have hard days, and one of the best things you can do to heal is to honor the space you are in. Sometimes we face difficult things in life, and our mood matches that. It's unrealistic to expect ourselves to always be on or happy, or full of joy. Growth looks like allowing yourself to be human.
Co-regulate with an emotionally safe person.
Co-regulation is when we use someone else's nervous system to regulate ourselves when in hyper-arousal (anxious, panicked, debilitating fear) and hypo-arousal (depression, numbness, empty). When we co-regulate, the neurons in our brain mirror the other person as it becomes in tune, and this helps cultivate a sense of safety and connection, enhancing our mood. Make sure you are co-regulating with an emotionally safe person.
Engage in healthy escapism.
Sometimes, checking in and investigating every feeling can be challenging, and sometimes you need a healthy distraction. Having a Netflix account isn't that bad, after all. Healthy escapism is when we engage in healthy practices that distract us from difficult and painful thoughts. The key here is to ensure you are distracting yourself with something that is nourishing for your mind and body.
An example of unhealthy escapism is drinking alcohol to cope with stress. Alcohol is a mood enhancer and can sometimes worsen symptoms of anxiety and depression. Make sure you expose yourself to things that bring you closer to healing, not further away.
Journal your thoughts.
Sometimes we need to clear our minds and get our thoughts out on paper; this is where journaling can be handy. When we are depressed or have a low moment, our minds might be filled with intrusive thoughts that need to be challenged. Writing them out can help you see clearer and work as a brain dump to help increase your mood.
Engaging with nature's healing properties.
This is your reminder to open your blackout curtains every morning when you wake up. We live in an isolated world where it's easy to become a homebody due to remote work, which means the more we are at home, the less we interact with nature. Exposure to sunlight can increase your vitamin D levels, and going for walks can help release endorphins, which in turn helps to boost your mood and energy levels.
Remember gratitude.
Gratitude is a beautiful, energetic experience that allows us to be present with ourselves and focus on what we can control and what makes us feel good. Did you know that 80% of our daily thoughts are negative? This means we are wired to focus our gaze on what's going wrong as a natural inclination, and we have to force ourselves to shift our mindset and see that everything in life is not as bad as it seems. Gratitude requires intentionality. Take time to reflect on daily things you are grateful for to bring greater purpose into your life.
Healing requires patience with ourselves, especially when we are having a low moment. Practice these tools daily, and remember to be compassionate toward yourself as you navigate the season of life you are in.
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TW: some depictions of intrusive thoughts may be disturbing for readers.
Have you ever caught your mind drifting off to entertain the most disturbing scenarios imaginable? Maybe you can’t stop thinking of all the ways a loved one could pass away or worrying that you left every candle lit in your apartment to which you’d return to a home in ruins. If distressing ruminations like these have crossed your mind, you may be experiencing an intrusive thought.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted or distressing thoughts, images, or impulses that pop into your mind without your control or consent. These thoughts can be repetitive, unsettling, or even violent in nature, and can cause anxiety and frustration for those who experience them.
“Generally they're unwanted thoughts that come up in our head that interrupt what we're doing or thinking, and can feel very foreign,” says Adia Gooden, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist and host of the Unconditionally Worthy podcast. “It’s any thought that intrudes or interrupts what you are doing. They can be distressing and upsetting for us because it feels like we are not in control of them, and they're coming up out of nowhere and aren’t in line with how you normally think.”
What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?
Certain trauma or stress can contribute to the development of intrusive thoughts, so having a challenging experience from the past or current life situations may trigger them to form. “An intrusive thought could come in the form of a flashback, image, or a thought about something that's happened to you,” Dr. Gooden tells xoNecole. “When it gets to the point where you feel like you can't function or make clear decisions, that's when intrusive thoughts become really challenging.”
While some of the 1 billion videos found under the #intrusivethoughts hashtag on TikTok would lead you to believe that these thoughts are nothing more than casual displays of our imagination going untamed. Intrusive thoughts are more than sticking your hand in a soap dispenser, wanting to cut all your hair off at 3 a.m., or having a random impulse to eat fake bread in public.
The Anxiety & Depression Association of America reports that approximately six million individuals, equating to roughly two percent of the American population, encounter intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are often linked with obsessive-compulsive disorders, but they can also manifest in individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, or anxiety.
Examples of Common Intrusive Thoughts
Because of the explicit nature of intrusive thoughts, they tend to cause shame and internal conflict in those who experience them. Although these thoughts can differ from person to person, these ideation can consist of:
- Violent or aggressive thoughts towards oneself or others, such as harming or killing someone;
- Sexual thoughts that are unwanted or inappropriate;
- Repetitive thoughts, such as a song or a phrase that keeps repeating in your mind;
- Contamination or germ-related thoughts or the fear of contamination and getting sick;
- Religious or blasphemous thoughts, such as questioning one's faith or having thoughts that go against religious beliefs;
- Doubts or uncertainty about one's own actions or decisions, such as fear of making a mistake or fear of not doing something right.
Intrusive Thoughts and OCD
That’s why Dr. Gooden encourages everyone to understand the difference between our fleeting thoughts and impulses and true, intrusive thoughts. “What level of distress does it cause and is it something you would never consider,” she says. “If you're finding that these thoughts are getting in the way of you living your life and that you're controlled by the thoughts, those are some signs that it would be good to get some support in navigating it.”
She also emphasizes the importance of understanding that while we may not always have control over our thoughts, we can control our behavior. “On TikTok, people are sort of blaming intrusive thoughts on their behavior, and our behavior is always a choice,” she says. “If we are in our right mind and we're not having a psychotic episode, our behavior is our choice — we are not obligated to follow any given thought that we have.”
Are Intrusive Thoughts Normal?
With intrusive thoughts, it’s natural to question whether these thoughts are “normal” to have. However, these thoughts are not meant to define who you are as a person but simply indicate that you have a functioning human mind with automated thoughts that you, or any of us, can’t control. These thoughts may come, but they don’t have to be acted upon, nor do they define who you are.
“I've worked with clients in the past who say, ‘Why am I thinking these things? What's wrong with me?’ But if you're not acting on the thought, then it's probably not a huge issue,” Dr. Gooden says. “If you are thinking a harmful thought towards yourself or someone else and you are making plans to act on that thought, then yes, we need to do something about it.”
How To Manage Intrusive Thoughts
If you are struggling with managing unwanted thoughts, Dr. Aida suggests taking these tips to help manage your mindset when they occur:
- "Recognize that it's a thought and thoughts are just thoughts. We often put a little bit too much weight on our thoughts, and that can create a lot of distress. But remember that thoughts are not facts."
- "Having a thought that's disturbing or upsetting doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean that you are suffering from a mental illness."
- "Sometimes the best thing you can do is say, 'Huh, that was an interesting thought. I'm going to let that go. That thought is not helpful for me right now."
- "Ask yourself: is this helpful? Is it helpful for me to buy into this thought and believe this thought? Asking that question can be really helpful because we are not at the mercy of our thoughts. If it's not helpful, you can let it go."
Intrusive thoughts can feel bizarre and foreign when they come up, but they aren't inherently "bad." Our minds can sometimes be filled with random and inappropriate thoughts, but that's what our stream of consciousness does: it thinks. Fortunately, we can release those thoughts at any moment; you don't have to follow through with them.
And ultimately, not every TikTok diagnosis is one that we should label ourselves with.
"It's important for people to acknowledge what they're experiencing but not run too quickly to diagnose themselves with some mental illness or disorder," Dr. Gooden advises. "It ends with confusion, and we miss the opportunity to understand the people who really do have that mental health challenge."
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