Damn periods. I mean, I get the purpose that they serve and everything but — like I’ve said before (and I tell every “love niece” and goddaughter that I have): if there is one thing that you will deal with for the rest of your entire life after it begins, it’s a damn period.
Take me, for example. As I’m accepting that I am in peak perimenopause, if there are two things that make that abundantly clear, it’s the fact that 1) the period that I used to be able to set everyone’s watch by now, wants to show up whenever it feels like it and 2) my natural Coke bottle shape is something that I have to be hella intentional about maintaining; mostly due to what is known as "menopause belly."
How do I know it’s that? Because it’s only become an issue over the past 2-3 years (since perimenopause can last anywhere from 4-10 years…that’s how I’ve connected those dots) my belly wants to look bloated far longer than PMS these days. Plus, whenever I do gain a couple of pounds, my stomach is exactly where things go (le sigh).
And just why is that? Long story short, as women inch closer into menopause, their estrogen and progesterone levels start to fluctuate all over the place — and that can make it easier for the body to accumulate and store fat. Plus, if you add to that the fact that we lose muscle mass and things like night sweats and mood swings can make it harder to rest (which means that our cortisol levels tend to also be off the charts) — well, yeah…our bellies have a high chance of revealing all of this.
Is there anything that can be done? The good news is, yes. By incorporating the following 12 tips into your lifestyle, I can vouch for the fact that you can keep your menopause belly in check while also making your (other) perimenopause symptoms more manageable.
1. Eat Healthy Fats
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Although I get that it might sound counterintuitive to eat fat if you want to lose fat, there is a method behind the madness. For one thing, fatty foods are able to keep you feeling fuller for a longer period of time. Also, they can lower your cholesterol levels, provide you with a boost of energy, help your system absorb the nutrients that it needs, and yes, help you to lose weight.
When it comes to that last point, there is actually a saying that states that “fat helps you to burn fat.” The key is to consume what is considered to be “healthy fats,” including salmon, avocados, eggs, nuts, and dark chocolate.
2. Then Eat (More) Protein
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Remember how I said in the intro that losing muscle mass comes with going through the stages of menopause? Well, when you up your protein intake, that helps to build more muscle. Some other benefits that come with protein consumption are it helps to stabilize your metabolism, reduces hunger cravings, and it plays a role in helping you to burn more fat, too.
Foods that are high in protein include red meat, poultry, eggs, quinoa, chickpeas, black beans, and dairy (or dairy alternatives like oat milk, almond milk, and flax milk).
3. And Some Anti-Inflammatory Foods
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I won’t lie to you; it really does suck that some of the best-tasting foods can also cause inflammation in your system. Foods like fried ones, sugar, red meat, and white-ish, including white pasta, white rice, and white pasta (yep, all of the fun stuff). The reason why inflammation is problematic as all get out is that, once it hits the systematic level, that significantly increases your chances of being diagnosed with diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, Alzheimer’s disease (wild, right?), and yes, obesity.
So, while we’re talking about foods that are good for you, also grocery shop for ones that fall into the category of being anti-inflammatories. Foods like dark leafy greens, cherries, almonds, olive oil, and tuna certainly qualify.
4. Consume More Vitamin C
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Did you know that there is a direct link between body fat and a low amount of vitamin C in your system? No joke. What’s even wilder is if you’re not getting as much of this nutrient into your system, your waistline is one of the first places where the “evidence” could very well show up — not to mention the fact that a vitamin C deficiency can also result in drier skin, bleeding gums, vision issues, and bad moods.
So, if you don’t eat a lot of citrus fruit, berries, cantaloupe, spinach, or peppers, definitely take a vitamin C supplement. Oh, and try to keep it below 2,000 mg a day. Even though your body will get rid of the vitamin C that it doesn’t need, too much of this nutrient can definitely lead to an upset stomach.
5. Sip on Some Oolong Tea
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Is herbal tea something that you enjoy? Yeah, me too. As you’re in the process of building up your collection, make sure that you’ve got some oolong tea around. Aside from the fact that it’s loaded with antioxidants, it can lower your diabetes risk, it can help to keep your heart healthy and strong and oolong tea has a solid reputation when it comes to weight management. One reason is because it’s great at increasing your metabolism, which is also something that can take a bit of a dive during perimenopause and menopause.
6. Exercise
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There is no way that you’re going to be able to take weight off and keep it off without doing some form of exercise. Cardio helps to burn fat, while strength training helps to give your body some definition and build muscle mass. And what if the thought of going to the gym several days a week is a total turn-off? Walking, participating in online yoga classes, jogging around your neighborhood, using free weights, and even playing with your children all qualify as exercises that will help get rid of belly fat.
However, if you’d like some specific exercises that will help to get that menopause belly where you want it to be as soon as possible, check out Prevention’s “17 Best Exercises to Burn Belly Fat, According to Personal Trainers”.
7. Monitor Your Stress Levels
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I have shared many times before that some pretty serious health issues are directly tied to stress: asthma, diabetes, depression, heart disease, and, yes, obesity. Know what else I read a while back? Currently, over 2 out of 3 women are considered to be either overweight or obese, and when you think about how stress-filled a lot of our lives are…how could the connections not be made?
Because cortisol can throw your metabolism off and decrease the muscle mass that you’re already losing during perimenopause and menopause and because that, too, can contribute to belly fat — well, that’s just one more reason to reset boundaries with any person, place, thing or idea that is stressing you out. For so many reasons, it’s just not worth it, sis.
8. Inhale Some Clary Sage
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Any time that I pen a health-related article, if I can find a way to incorporate essential oils, I will. Today, it’s clary sage because there is a direct correlation between inhaling it and losing belly fat. For one thing, it can help to regulate your moods. Another benefit of clary sage is it can help to reduce your stress hormone (cortisol) and, again, that means less fat accumulation including when it comes to your belly area.
9. Research Caralluma Fimbriata
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If you’ve heard of Caralluma Fimbriata before, I am 1000 percent impressed. For those who haven’t, it’s an herb that helps to manage your serotonin (a chemical that sends messages throughout your body) levels. What does this have to do with belly fat? Well, some studies reveal that when you take in this particular herb, it can get your serotonin levels to suppress your appetite and ultimately reduce belly fat; that’s why many diet pills have it listed as one of their ingredients.
10. Up Your Iron and Calcium
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Although you might’ve read or heard somewhere that once you stop having a period, you won’t need as much iron (because you’re not losing as much blood anymore), there is some scientific data that pushes back on that. For instance, one study reveals that iron and calcium, together, can help to keep your bones strong once that time of your life transpires.
When you add that to the fact that some intel also says that iron supplements can help to regulate a high-fat diet while calcium helps to regulate how fat is processed in your body — if you know that you’re not getting enough iron and calcium, now is the time to be more intentional about doing so.
11. Get More Sleep. And Rest.
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Perimenopause and menopause are a real mutha when it comes to trying to get a good night’s rest. A huge reason is due to night sweats, which are another result of estrogen and progesterone acting like they are on a roller coaster ride at Six Flags. And if you don’t make sure to get at least six hours of sleep every night, that can cause you to pack on some pounds because 1) it causes you to eat less, 2) it stabilizes your metabolism, 3) it gives you the energy that you need to consistently exercise, and 4) it can help to keep your stress levels down — and since there is scientific research to back up that stress can directly lead to abdominal fat accumulation, that is something to take special note of.
While we’re on this topic, also make sure to REST too — and yes, there is a difference. While sleep helps your mind and body to rejuvenate and refuel, rest helps even your soul to calm down and refresh itself. When you do things like stay off of electronics, read (an actual book), listen to nature sounds, pamper yourself, and take a day off to do absolutely nothing, that also decreases your cortisol levels so that weight gain is harder for you to experience.
12. Don’t Diet
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As more time goes by and more research is being done, many physical and mental health professionals are coming to the conclusion that diets aren’t the way to go when it comes to losing weight. Instead, to get the long-term results that you seek, it’s important to focus on the reasons behind what got you to the weight where you are and the lifestyle changes that need to happen in order to get the results you seek. So, as I close this out, it’s important to keep in mind to not rely on diets to get your belly fat under control; this includes doing trendy things like taking Ozempic.
I personally know several people, who aren’t diabetic, who are relying on it to drop a few pounds, and not only is that causing a shortage in the drug for diabetics who actually need it, but it’s also frowned upon when used in this fashion. In fact, you should only take it if a medical professional has advised you to. Instead, old-fashioned eating right and exercising is the healthier way to go — for your overall health and well-being and to get that menopause belly where you want it to be.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Essence Atkins Shares Why Abstinence Is Her Path To Purpose And A 'Great Harvest'
Essence Atkins is having a very important conversation.
Known for her role on the hit show Half & Half, the actress appeared on Sherri to discuss her latest projects, her friendship with Tia Mowry, and spilling the tea on her personal life. Surprisingly, Essence revealed that she has been abstaining from sex for the past four years and plans to continue until she remarries.
The star met her first husband, Jaime Mendez, on Valentine's Day in 2008 through the online dating platform Match.com. Mendez was a former All-American collegiate football free safety. The couple wed in September 2009, with Atkins' co-star Valarie Pettiford performing at the reception. However, the marriage ended in divorce in 2016.
When talking about why she chose abstinence, Essence said, "It was something that I heard very clearly. I believe there's honor in what I'm doing, and my obedience is going to yield a great harvest."
And the benefits are real. "I have tremendous clarity. When I meet someone, I can really assess and listen with much better ears because I’m not distracted by the possibility [of physical intimacy]," the actress shared.
Most of all she believes her journey should serve as encouragement to young women. "It's important that we value ourselves and make sure that others are valuing us. Can you spend time with someone without physical companionship? Do they make you laugh? Are they joyful? Are they purposeful and intentional?"
Abstinence vs Celibacy
Abstinence is a temporary decision to avoid sexual activity, while celibacy is a lifestyle choice to abstain from sexual activity for an extended period of time, or even a lifetime.
The Girls Are Celibate
A recent survey conducted by BLK, a dating app designed for the Black community, has uncovered a growing trend of celibacy among Black Gen Z women. The survey's findings indicate that 64% of Black Gen Z women are currently practicing celibacy, with a significant majority (63%) having made this decision within the past six months.
61% of respondents chose celibacy as a means of self-improvement. Furthermore, 66% reported experiencing improved emotional well-being, and 87% found that celibacy either positively impacted or had no negative effect on their dating lives.
As a millennial woman who practiced celibacy for three years, it is a truly awakening experience because you get to wholly honor yourself. And with the dating pool having some pee and other unknown substances in it, it just feels good to make the decision for myself.
Dating apps that focus on specific communities, like BLK, have a unique opportunity. They can see and respond to changes in dating behavior, such as the growing trend of celibacy among Black Gen Z women. For these women, celibacy is a way to take control of their own stories, resist societal pressures, and build healthier relationships. By adapting to these needs, these apps can better serve these users and strengthen their connection with these important sub-communities.
4B Movement
CNN reports that following the news of Donald Trump's re-election as President of the United States, there has been a significant increase in interest in the US for the concept of "4B". The article says, “Young liberal women across TikTok and Instagram are discussing and sharing information about the South Korean feminist movement, in which straight women refuse to marry, have children, date or have sex with men.”
These women are furious after the majority of their male counterparts voted for a candidate who was found liable for sexual abuse. They are also frustrated that his appointment of three conservative Supreme Court justices overturned national abortion rights protections.
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Featured image by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images for ESSENCE