Here's How To Feel More In Control Of Your Life
There is no better feeling than reclaiming your power. You know, taking back control of your life. I should know because I spent all of 2019 and most of 2020 reclaiming my power after I gracefully swan-dived into losing my identity. And that is one of the worst feelings in the world – to not know who you are, what you're doing, and why you're doing it. Losing your sense of "why" should be a sign in itself. But oftentimes you don't realize this until you're sitting in the dark crying your eyes out. Because it's in this moment you begin to realize you're on the verge of losing control of yourself if not already.
I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone, it's never easy, and it's never fun. It's one of the most uncomfortable things you will ever go through. But sometimes we need to go through a situation to understand our wants and needs. As I began to step into my power and purpose, the uncertainty in my decisions scared me at first. The unconventional route is a road less traveled – undesired, misunderstood, and judged. Little did I know everything would work out in my favor. And the level of control I have over my life right now is something I never dreamed of.
Here are a few things I learned, and I found helpful in my journey in taking back control of my own life. These things are never easy to do, but with practice it becomes easier. The art of self-awareness takes patience and making a conscious effort to spend time with yourself.
How To Feel More In Control Of Your Life
1.Trust Your Intuition
hip hop squares intuition GIF by VH1GiphyDecision-making is hard, especially when it comes to everyday life decisions. But one of the things I learned was to trust my intuition. You know that weird feeling in the pit of the stomach or the lightness you feel in your chest? Those are signs that something is right or wrong – let that guide you. The universe will confirm your decisions for you too. I remember the day I decided I was done letting a certain situation control me. The minute I chose to move forward with that hard decision, every other related life decision I said yes to started to make sense.
2.Ask For Help
GIF by Iyanla: Fix My LifeGiphyI am not one to ask for help, but I had to learn it's OK to ask for it. I was so used to figuring things out on my own. Because that's just me – my mother raised me to be self-sufficient always. But when you don't have the answer and you're unsure of your direction, know it's OK to seek guidance. Talk to family or friends you can trust or seek professional help from a life coach or a therapist. You'll discover the right techniques and tools you need to get your life back on track.
3.Check-In With Yourself
Don't let days, weeks, or months pass you by without taking a moment to check-in with you. It has to start here. Be aware of your feelings as you go through the process of gaining control of life. Ask yourself reflection questions to understand if the path you chose is working or if there is something you can change.
4.Be Selective With Everything
clueless alicia silverstone GIFGiphyProtect your time, space, energy, and more importantly your heart. When you are trying to gain control of your life, you have to be selfish AF. But I mean selfish in a good way. Be selective in how you spend your time and who you spend your time with too. Be selective with everything and everyone in your life periodt. Communicate to your squad that you're focusing on yourself and that getting your life right is the priority. Trust that the people in your circle will respect and understand your selfishness. Your family and friends will get it – because we all have gone through a period in life where we lose control. And if they don't get it – use boundaries or cut them off. It is what it is, and don't apologize for it.
5.Control Your Thoughts
happy the best GIF by @SummerBreakGiphyControlling your thoughts is probably the hardest step of all. This daily struggle is real too, but it is doable. What you think – is really what you become. You have to have a level of self-awareness to catch yourself when your mind starts to wander into confusion and negativity. The minute you start to think a negative thought, quickly switch to a positive thought or affirmation. It literally takes a second to get your mind right. Practice makes perfect – and it takes 21 days to create a new habit.
Taking control of your life takes time. It's not a quick fix, and it doesn't happen overnight. Find the strength to look in the mirror on the days you don't want to. You have to keep looking at your reflection until you are you again.
Knowing you're in control of your life is a power like no other. And knowing your life is truly yours is something that no one can take away from you.
Be empowered queen.
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried The Signature Facial, And It Wasn’t Your Average Facial
My skin has been on the struggle bus lately. Between intense dryness and occasional hormonal breakouts, I don’t know what my skin needs some days. It had been about two months since my last facial when Isabelle McLeod, a licensed esthetician, recommended that I try a signature facial. I have tried several facials that all claimed to be “life-changing.” However, the itinerary for this treatment was more than I ever expected. The facial includes microdermabrasion, dermaplaning, enzyme treatment, extractions, red light therapy, cryotherapy, and a mask. Its mission is to cater to your skin’s needs for the best results moving forward.
I had never seen a facial packed with so many steps and was skeptical about it providing “instant results.” Still, I had booked the appointment in hopes that I would somehow be proven wrong. The beauty world can be full of promises; sometimes, it’s hard to see past glamorized marketing. McLeod welcomed me in her stunning office with open arms. Her energy was graceful and warm. I immediately felt comfortable opening up about my skin struggles as she listened openly. Here are a few of the questions I asked her.
How Often Should You Really Get a Facial?
Affording a facial regularly is a privilege most of us would kill for. I like to look at facials like doctor's or dentist's appointments. Yes, you don’t have to go as often, but you should at least try to shoot for a few times a year. McLeod advocates booking a facial every four to eight weeks, depending on your skin needs. Mcleod says, “If you’re someone who has acne or hyperpigmentation, I typically recommend coming in every four weeks until we can get the skin balanced.”
Regular Facials Don’t Mean Less Care for the Skin.
Even if you get a luxe treatment like the signature facial, we must care for our skin. Having dry skin during the winter months has caused me to be diligent about my skin needs. I expressed this to McLeod as she educated me on the importance of being selective about my skincare products each season. “I am big on using hyaluronic acid; it penetrates the skin well and allows you to achieve the moisture you’re looking for,” says McLeod. She also suggested using the popular skincare product twice a day for those with dryer skin textures. I appreciated this since my skin is mostly dry at night and when I wake up.
Signature Facials Are a Good First Step to Balancing Your Skin.
The signature facial intrigues me because it is dedicated to targeting your skin's needs. I hoped it would combat my dryness and put my hormonal pimple in place. As my consultation with McLeod went further, I wondered if I would need to get the 90-minute facial every time. McLeod's answer was the relief I needed. “We recommend people do the signature facial the first time they come in because it’s consultative, we build a routine for you, and it creates a foundation for healthy skin,” says McLeod. Before I knew it, it was time for me to get cozy and take my first step to having a better relationship with my skin.
CoffeeAndMilk/Getty Images
The Signature Facial Process.
McLeod tackled my skin needs with microdermabrasion first. I felt cozy under a heated blanket as she purged all the build-up in my pores. As the treatment continued, she provided dermaplaning and a cooling enzyme treatment. Both proceeders put me in a deep sense of relaxation. I was nearly about to fall asleep until McLeod informed me it was time for extractions. At the time, I only had one hormonal pimple that needed to be evicted. McLeod proceeded to tackle my breakout and smaller ones I had around my chin and forehead area. The extractions were painful, but knowing she cleared my pores was satisfying.
Once the extractions were finished, my face was on the sensitive side. McLeod soothed my sensitivity by providing a treatment mask and a hot towel now and then. Something about the hot towel put my skin at rest. I relaxed again as she offered a red light treatment to erase unwelcome bumps. At this moment, the battle of the extractions was worth it, and I was excited about the result.
The Results Are Better Than You Think.
I have had my fair share of facials, and not all have been worth the time or the money. The signature facial is worth every penny! When I got up for McLeod’s facial setup, my skin was glowing with intense moisturization. I had some redness from the extraction process. My hormonal pimple had subsided as a result, which was more than enough to satisfy me. As I continued my day, my skin radiated as if I were reborn again. Finally, I found a talented esthetician who could target my hormonal acne and dryness.
My skin did become sensitive, just like McLeod had warned me, as the day turned into night. But hey! What’s beauty without a bit of pain? I made sure to be gentle with my skin by washing it with a calming face cleanser. I also avoided putting any harsh serums (not that it needed any). Opting for a simple hydrating moisturizer was enough to hold my skin for the night. If you want to reboot your skin, I highly recommend the signature facial.
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Featured image by CoffeeAndMilk/Getty Images