The Evolution Of Actor Lance Gross
Ladies, we've seen him as an actor playing Calvin Payne in Tyler Perry's House Of Payne.
We've seen him behind the scenes as a photographer of his very own, I Turn My Camera On series. And most recently, we've seen him as Maurice Jetter in Fox's Star. But regardless of what role it is Lance Gross is playing on any given day, it's pretty clear he's earned a permanent sweet spot in all of our hearts.
From acting to photography, Gross has been actively pursuing his passion since his graduation from Howard University in 2004. With over 10 years of industry experience, Gross has remained authentic to his craft, all while being a positive representation of the black man; not to mention also being delicious eye candy in the process.
But while he's recognized as a heartthrob to millions, with tons of sexy scenes to prove why, Gross has made it a point to be more than a sex symbol as he evolves in his career. In the early years of his career, fame and publicity wasn't quite what he envisioned it to be and he realized early on, the fame and money wasn't at all what he was after.
As he grew in his professional life, his private life matured as well once he fell in love with his now wife, celebrity stylist, Rebecca Gross. The two married back in 2015 and now have two beautiful children, Berkeley and Lennon Gross. And while Gross has played many roles in his lifetime, he shares his role as husband and father is by far his favorite to date.
From his entrance to our lives on various Tyler Perry Productions, to now, Gross continues to show consistent growth in his life and career and proves to us all that you can indeed be eye candy and soul food. Not too shabby for a kid from Oakland! Here's what else Gross had to say.
xoNecole: Who is Lance Gross?
Lance Gross: I'm a cool dude (laughs). It's weird describing yourself, you know. I'm a family man, passionate, I'm a motivated forward thinker. I'm very optimistic. I'm passionate about my family, about my friends. I'm a hopeless romantic. If I could sum it all up (laughs), I'm a positive dude. I don't like drama. I'm a people person. I'm very laid back, very easy to get along with.
What made you want to pursue a career in acting/photography?
For acting, it was something that sparked at a very young age. I would just sit in front of the television and just be amazed at what actors do; how you could see one person play a lawyer and then you would see that same person playing a fireman on something else. It was just sort of a sky is the limit type thing, and I was always intrigued by it. But, I grew up as a shy kid, so it's something that I really never saw myself doing or being open to. I really feel like I got the acting bug when I got to Howard University. I had an Intro to Acting class with Professor Bay, and she just allowed me to spread my wings and really pursue it. That's when it really became something that I had to do.
As far as photography, that was something that has just always been a part of me. I was just the one on trips with a camera, just taking pictures of my friends. I always have to capture the moment. I would say after college, that's when it really took off. I studied it a little bit in high school and college, but after college, I was on hiatus from House of Payne and I would do interviews and people would ask me, "If you weren't an actor, what you be doing professionally?" And I would always say photography, and then it just dawned on me...why not? I got this down time, I'm on hiatus. Let me get me a studio and start really doing this.
What has being a Black actor in Hollywood for over 10 years taught you about yourself?
It's all about growth! When I started out, and was doing House of Payne, I was doing what I love but I was so young, you know? I was blowing through money, I was intrigued by the fame and all that stuff, and that was the wrong thing to do. Now, it's like I've reached the stride. I've matured, I'm not jumping at the same type of roles that I would've jumped at when I was young.
Now, it's more about the work for me. I could care less about the fame, as long as I'm getting rich beautiful roles that push me as an actor. I'm good with that. It's definitely not about the fame no more, I'm not jumping at every single role. I take my time. I want to be someone that young black men can look up to so it's different now. I don't always want to play a thug or something, you know?
"It's more about the work for me. I could care less about the fame."
What changed your perspective of what you want out of this industry?
So many things. The maturity. Being in the industry for so long. I don't feel like I have to rush to the next job I can take my time, I've established myself in that way. You know, I'm still hungry. I still have the same hunger but now it's different, I have family.
You've since evolved from sex symbol to husband/father, how has your latest role as father and husband changed your life?
It is the best acting role I can have. It's the best job I can have. It's my new passion.
I get to go home to my wife and my children, and it's just.. I don't know it's hard to explain unless you have a child. Nowadays, I don't want to be out. I'll rather be at home with them, playing with my daughter. It's different now. I'm looking forward to the future. I love watching my daughter grow and discover herself and discover new things. And I love watching me and my wife's love grow. It's a beautiful thing.
Lance Gross' Instagram
"I love watching my daughter grow… And I love watching me and my wife's love grow. It's a beautiful thing."
As someone who loves fatherhood and is such a great representation of the Black father, what are your thoughts on the representation of Black fatherhood in society?
I feel like we need more positive representation in the media because they're out there. I have a bunch of friends that are great fathers but you wouldn't know if it's not showcased. I mean, it's showcased now since we have social media but if you take away social media, you don't see it that often or hear about it. There are so many good fathers out there, all my friends that are fathers are GREAT fathers, they inspire me and I can only hope to inspire them.
What would you want your legacy to be?
When it's all said and done, I just want people to say, "Job well done." I work hard, I may not be the best at what I do, but I work hard to be the best that I can be. A reason why I got into photography was because I feel like that's the one thing that I can control and that I'm in full control of it. I'm the director, I'm the writer, I'm the producer, and the finished product is my work. As an actor, you're working off of somebody else's script under someone else's direction, so as far as the photography, I want to leave something beautiful behind. As far as an actor, I just want people to see growth. I feel like I've grown a lot since House of Payne and I have so much further to go, so I'm looking forward to that.
I want to be remembered as someone who inspired others. I want to be a role model to the young black man. Man, I'm from Oakland, California, and Oakland sometimes gets perceived as being the hood. That conditioning plays into the mindset of our youth to the point they may think they can't make it out. So, every time someone makes it out of Oakland, like the Ryan Cooglers, myself and so many others, that means something! I want to be an inspiration for those that don't think they can make it. You can, it's just a mindset.
"I want to be an inspiration for those that don't think they can make it."
You can check Lance out on Fox's Star, Season 3 of MacGyver, as well as an upcoming season for I Turn My Camera On in collaboration with MACRO and ESSENCE Magazine. Keep up with his day-to-day by following him on Instagram.
*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity
Featured image by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images for TV One
Ashley McDonough is a writer and producer in New York City. When she's not busy writing or producing culturally conscious content, she is patiently waiting for Oprah and Stedman to adopt her. Keep up with her journey via social @Ashley_Milani or check out her work on www.AshleyMcDonough.org.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images