Quantcast
The Ultimate Guide To Dating In The Digital Age

The Ultimate Guide To Dating In The Digital Age

Dating

Dating in the digital age is no walk in the park.


It requires that you keep your feelings at bay and your eyes wide open instead of wide shut and zeroed in too closely on the illusion of potential. Dating in the digital age means sliding into DMs instead of chance meetings on the train after work commutes, or blind set-ups from mutual friends. You rarely get the opportunity to invest before you swipe left for something shinier and more new. So many options, so little substance.

It also means time spent constantly wishing we still lived in times where someone would ask you out on a date on Friday and not wait until Saturday to say something came up. Simple things.

But, since longing for the simplicity that my grandparents once knew in their courtship is pointless, I decided that if the dating game wouldn't change, I'd just have to change. In order to better equip myself to navigate the sometimes bleak waters of dating in the digital age, I connected with a dating and relationships coach to gain some insight in the confusion of it all. Here's what I picked up:

Watch and Learn

Giphy

Dating and relationship coach, and author of The Don't Before I Do, Emily Duboise says, "In the early stages, what you see is what you get. In this era, doing a soft stalk of each other's social media is part of the early stages of courtship. It's just expected, and can be quite useful in the early weeding out process. You can tell a lot from someone's page. It's a display of one's own personal brand whether we know it or not."

Social media in many ways has been both a dating blessing and a curse. While we're in this age of hyperconnectivity, it should be easy to find our Prince Charming, but no. On the one end, I'm always wondering which of the dudes sliding in my DMs like Grand Rapids have girlfriends they've been keeping below sea level. And on the other end of the spectrum, I'm on emotional standby at all times to support friends that finally come to realization that they've been kissing toads in search of their prince charming.

No one wants to find out that after months of "dating" or clinging to the potential of someone that in all actuality, you're the side chick. Or that he's just not that into you. I don't know which is worse honestly.

Communication Is Key

Giphy

Whether we take heed or not, the red flags are always there. "If he's liking, sharing, expressing interest in posts that degrade or bash women (i.e. half-naked Instagram models or singing the tune 'Women only want men for ____,' he's probably not for you sis," Emily said. "If he is adamant about keeping his page private from YOU that's a red flag. A man should have nothing to hide. And if the only form of communication is through DM, and later he's deleting messages later those are red flags."

It's Not Bittersweet If You're Just Bitter

Dating can easily have you go from crushing to feeling crushed. Stalking him on social media is all fun and dating games until he posts a picture with another girl and now you're wondering where you stand. To avoid coming off bitter and broken, here are some ground rules one should set for themselves while dating in this social climate.

"I tell single women all the time: Every meme, quote, post should not scream, 'I'm single,' 'This why I ain't got no man,' 'Men ain't sh*t,' etc. Your profile should be fun, light, and exemplify that you are beautiful, you are enjoying life, and simply interesting. Men should be so intrigued by your page that they'll want to learn more, and won't think twice about hitting you up, especially whether or not you have a man."

Self-Preservation Is Everything

Giphy

As an exercise, I volunteered myself for a kind of social experiment. I bought roses for myself and, a few days later, I grabbed them while dashing out the door. I spent the day giving those dozen roses to a dozen beautiful women I encountered. One to the woman working in the parking garage at my office building, another to hostess at the restaurant where I had lunch, so on and so forth.

It's too easy to forget about loving yourself when we've been made to believe we need a partner to feel whole. You should be so full of love that your cup runneth over.

We don't have to search outside of ourselves for the love we so desperately seek when we have the capacity to give love unconditionally. When it comes to social media, and looking to a potential bae's page for reference, look at the women he does post on his page, pay attention to his mannerisms and if how he displays himself to the world is aligned with your own self-expression. Is he worthy of your time and energy? Or would he leave you feeling half-full and emotionally exhausted?

"Dating [in the digital age] is all about seeing if you like the person and want to spend more time with them. It's not about changing them, and molding them into someone of your liking. YOU decide, based on the information you are gathering from his page, whether or not it's going to work for you. It's ok to say 'no' and move on. Your conversation would be: 'I'm looking for something different,' not 'Why are you posted up with all these different women?'" Emily said.

Featured image by Getty Images

Hulu Series ‘Reasonable Doubt’ Will Be Your New Obsession
Raamla Mohamed created Hulu's latest series centering Black women, Reasonable Doubt. And we love anything created by a Black woman for Black women.
Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
'Abbott Elementary' Proves That TV Can Build Community

The first time I thought about how art could be a form of community building was with HBO’s Insecure. The dearly departed comedy series created and starring Issa Rae provided audiences with more than just weekly laughs over the course of five years, but it also created space for other Black artists and entrepreneurs to thrive-- from all the Black businesses that the show has collaborated with to the Black music artists that the show has put audiences onto. It even created opportunities within entertainment journalism for many up and coming Black journalists who got their start by reviewing the show or hosting after shows unpacking the mess that went on in the episode.

Keep reading...Show less
Laura Harrier On What Self-Care & Wellness Means To Her

Entergalactic actress Laura Harrier’s career continues to expand as she lands big-name projects that show her range. You may know her from Spider-Man: Homecoming and Spider-Man: Far From Home, but her latest roles can put her on track to becoming a household name. Currently, she is starring in Hulu’s Mike Tyson biopic series Mike as Robin Givens and she will also be featured in the White Men Can’t Jump reboot.

Keep reading...Show less
6 Items NYC's Most Stylish Can’t Wait To Wear This Fall

This year I had the pleasure of attending my very first New York Fashion Week where I witnessed the best of fashion both on and off the runway. In between highly anticipated shows and jam-packed schedules industry insiders dominated the street style scene making their very own impression on the world. Buyers to bloggers, editors, and stylists were captured serving one-of-a-kind looks that will forever live in Fashion Week history.

Keep reading...Show less
KevOnStage And His Wife Melissa Don’t Want To Be “Relationship Goals”

Being married or in any type of long-term relationship takes intention and diligence. No one could tell you that better than comedian and social media personality KevOnStage (Kevin Fredericks) and his wife and partner Melissa.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts