

Bozoma Saint John Is A Badass Boss Every Woman Should Know
It only took one conversation with Bozoma Saint John for me to add her to my list of inspiring boss women that are mentors in my head. She radiates wisdom, light, and positivity. Not to mention that she's absolutely hilarious. Within minutes of our call we're already talking about how we're going to find all of the unicorns in the world and form us a unicorn gang. Hashtag and all.
“Unicorns are mythical creatures who aren't like anything else, but the truth of the matter is, there are enough unicorns out there where we could form a gang and we can take over," she explains this with such assurance and enthusiasm I can't help but to get excited, too.
“Where is the unicorn gang at? Where are these people? They feel like they are alone and they feel like there's no one like them, but guess what, if we all come together, WATCH! There's no stopping us! Unicorn gang, let's go!"
See what I mean? Hilarious.
In case you were wondering, being a unicorn is somewhat of an honor, a blessing will you. It's the term that Bozoma used to describe herself as a child of Ghanian parents who, as a new transplant to Colorado Springs at the age of 14, was different than her peers in every way possible: too tall, too skinny, too black with the kinky hair to match. Too everything as she would say. Instead of being ashamed or trying to conform to the masses, she embraced her differences, proudly donning the braids that represented the beauty of her West African homeland throughout most of her adolescent years.
She may not have known it then, but at the time she was making a statement that would become the mantra she would continue to follow throughout her career: be bold and fearless, never compromise who you are just to please another.
“People are always going to tell you that you should be something else," she says. “If you ask somebody their opinion, they're going to give it to you, and it's not going to be what you have. So why not just celebrate what you have? If you're over here celebrating it, very seldom will people tell you that thing that you're celebrating is not great."
As the former Marketing Director for Apple Music (formerly Beats Music), a position that she held for three years after transitioning from her role as the head of the Music and Entertainment Marketing Group at Pepsi-Cola North America where she helped to secure multi-million dollar endorsement deals with the likes of Nicki Minaj, Kanye West, and Eminem. She was also behind getting Beyoncé to do the half-time performance at Super Bowl XLVII. If that doesn't impress you, maybe being named one of Billboard Magazine's Top Women in Music, Fast Company's 100 Most Creative People, or AdWeek's most exciting personalities in Advertising (which I'll attest to) will have you clamoring to be Boz's bestie.
On this particular Friday afternoon she's managed to slip our call in between meetings. Though she's certainly racked up an inspiring list of credentials, she admits that it wasn't always glitz and glamour for her career; there were many instances where she tried and failed. She specifically remembers a time when, shortly after giving birth to her daughter, she transitioned into the fashion industry—taking on an executive position at a fashion brand, which at the time she perceived to be a great idea given her admirable fashion sense with her own personal style. But she quickly learned that just because you have a love for something, doesn't mean you have to make it your career.
“That was a bad career decision. It was a very noble effort, but I didn't last. I wasn't used to the pace of fashion, I didn't know the business of fashion, and I thought I could just jump in there and do it and I failed miserably. I was out within a year."
But that didn't slow her down from taking risks, after all, without risk there's no reward. And Boz is too fearless not to take a leap of faith.
“If you're not failing, then you're not doing something right," she says. “Honestly! If you're failing a couple of times, you are not doing something right. You know, it's like, what is life but risk? The only way to make great things is to actually take risk. We should all feel more comfortable with failure."
Even taking the position at Apple Music was her stepping out of her comfort zone, but it's allowed her to integrate her love for storytelling and marry it with business—something that she set out to do even as an English major at Wesleyan University. Her parents wanted her to be a pre-med major, which Boz says is more acceptable in the West African culture of career options (other notable career paths include: engineer, doctor, lawyer, and a “businessman" Boz says), but she had a love for the written word, and was determined to make a business of it.
At Apple she was in charge of crafting authentic messages that were impacting the culture and society. If you've ever caught a Beats commercial, there's no denying that they tell a story so real that it will make you forget that they're even marketing a product. Oh, and the Apple Music commercial that aired during the Emmy's with Mary J. Blige, Kerry Washington, and Taraji P. Henson and directed by Ava Duvernay? Yeah, Boz helped bring that to life too.
It's important for her to not just tell stories, but to tell OUR stories. There's often this expectation for creators and curators in Hollywood to tell the stories that are often overlooked, but it extends beyond the big screens and trickles down to the advertising and marketing executives who are responsible for inspiring people to want more of these narratives. For Boz, being in a position where she can positively impact mainstream's perception of men and women of color is something that she doesn't take lightly.
“To me it's the most gratifying thing. I want to write the story of women of color and of millennials and unicorns. I want to write the unicorn stories. Hell yeah! So how do we do that if you're not in the seat of influence, if you're not in the business of influence how do you do that?"
Speaking of influence, I ask Boz whether she has a lot of women who positively influence her.
“Oh yeah, squad life! There's different squads, too. The other thing I have learned is not everyone solves every problem. You need different squads for different situations," she says as she proceeds to break down her squads for me.
There's the work squad who hold her down while she's ripping and running in and out of meetings and events across the country. The squad that she can run to when going through difficult challenges, and who can advise her whenever issues arise. The ones that she can kick back and pop bottles with when celebrating big career and personal achievements. Then there's her home girls whom she turns to when talking everything from guys to her hair falling out.
And, of course, there's her mom.
“Lord knows that woman has some wisdom. She tells me stuff and I'm like 'oh God, I would never,' and two days later I'm like, 'what did you say?'"
I'm debating what squad I can be in, and decide that I'm okay with being a part of the “invisible squad," silently rooting for her as she continues to make waves in an industry where Black women executives are the minority.
Boz is not only wonder woman in the workplace, but also at home as a single mother to her daughter. A couple of years ago she lost her husband of 10 years to cancer, three months before leaving her position at Pepsico and moving to Los Angeles to start her new position at Apple Music. She references this time in her life as one of the points of pressure that have allowed her to become a “rockstar," or diamond if you will. Although it was a devastating loss, Boz hasn't missed a beat, balancing her mommy role with her executive one, sometimes waking up early enough to treat her mini me to a special breakfast, but not chastising herself if she only has time to serve up a bowl of cereal on the way to school.
She also makes sure to take time and show appreciation for herself every day, whether it's a glass of wine or watching a show for an hour instead of answering e-mails. Or splurging on a tube of Flat Out Fabulous MAC lipstick or stylish threads for her many red carpet and event appearances.
Boz says that there's no such thing as balance, but she certainly has shown us that you can have it all—the career, the family, the time for self. As a self-described badass, she's certainly proven that she's worthy of the title.
Perhaps it's something that has taken a lot of trial and error to achieve, and if you ask her, she's still not mastered it yet. She's still taking risks, trying to figure out what works and doesn't work. She's still growing and pushing herself to go to that next level. Still evolving.
“You know it takes a great person to actually evolve. Of course you grow up and change directions, but you know, it's not that easy. You may start off one way and then say you know what, actually I'm going to change it. You know, that takes some big cojones."
That's real.
Watch Bozoma's amazing speech from last year's ADCOLOR Awards as she accepted the 'Rockstar' Award:
- Bozoma Saint John, CMO, Netflix - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- Top Black Women on TikTok - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and felt so deeply connected to them? Everything about the relationship was intense – good or bad? Then you might be in a part of a soul tie.
The concept of a soul tie binds individuals on a level beyond a relationship's physical and emotional aspects; it’s more than a mere connection. You can form a soul tie with anyone – lover, friend, colleague, etc.- but we are discussing romantic partners for this article. Think of you and your partner as an intensely burning flame. The flame can burn passionately to light the relationship’s way or chaotically burn everything in its path. Either way, it leaves an indelible mark on the souls involved.
A soul tie should not be confused with the term “soulmate.” The main difference is that a soul tie can be positive or negative, while a soulmate is a mutual, harmonious connection. Unlike a soul tie, a soulmate relationship is generally characterized by mutual understanding, support, and shared values.
However, the more we learn about soul ties, the more it becomes evident that they are not monolithic; they vary in nature and intensity. As someone who has experienced a negative soul tie, it is crucial to discern whether they contribute positively to personal growth or hinder you from flourishing.
If Your Soul Tie Is Positive
A positive soul tie creates a deep and affirming connection between individuals. One key indicator of a positive soul tie is effective communication. If you’re experiencing a positive soul tie, a shared understanding fosters open and honest dialogue, contributing to a sense of connection and support.
Mutual growth is another hallmark of a positive soul tie. When individuals in a relationship encourage each other's personal development and evolution, it signifies a positive and uplifting connection. This mutual support leads to an environment where both parties can thrive individually and together, contributing to the overall health of the soul tie.
Emotional security is a crucial element in identifying a positive soul tie. In such connections, individuals feel a deep sense of trust and comfort with each other. This emotional security forms a stable foundation for the relationship, allowing both parties to express vulnerability and foster a strong, positive bond. These three indicators—effective communication, mutual growth, and emotional security—underscore the positivity inherent in a healthy and affirming soul tie.
If Your Soul Tie Is Negative
A negative soul tie manifests as a detrimental and draining connection between individuals. One clear sign of a negative soul tie is the presence of emotional turmoilwithin the relationship. When the connection becomes a source of constant distress, causing emotional upheaval and hindering personal development, it indicates a negative soul tie.
Codependency is another red flag for a negative soul tie. In such connections, individuals may become overly reliant on each other, impeding their ability to thrive independently. Codependency often leads to unhealthy dependencies and can result in a toxic dynamic that hinders both individuals' growth and well-being.
A lack of effective communication is a third indicator of a negative soul tie. When there is a breakdown in communication, misunderstandings and unresolved issues can fester, contributing to a strained and unhealthy connection. In negative soul ties, the absence of open and honest dialogue can perpetuate a cycle of negativity and prevent the resolution of underlying issues. These three indicators—emotional turmoil, codependency, and poor communication—point to the negativity associated with an unhealthy soul tie.
Putting Out The Fires And Breaking Your Soul Tie
Unfortunately, my deep, intense connection only caused destruction. And despite the obvious red flags, it took a minute before I broke the connection. Why? Because I was addicted to the relationship, we both were. But it is possible to break a soul tie if and when you are ready because if you are not, pretending you are when you are not is a waste of your time.
Breaking a soul tie requires intentional and purposeful actions. Establishing clear and firm boundaries is a fundamental step in severing the connection. By limiting contact and emotional engagement with the person involved, individuals can gradually weaken the tie and create space for personal growth.
Seeking professional support is another effective strategy to break a soul tie. Guidance from therapists or counselors provides valuable insights and coping strategies. Professional assistance can help individuals navigate the emotional challenges associated with breaking a soul tie, offering a structured and supportive environment for healing.
Redirecting energy toward personal growth is important in breaking free from a soul tie. Engaging in activities that promote individual well-being and create a sense of independence allows individuals to refocus their attention on their own growth and development. This redirection of energy is essential for breaking the emotional bonds of a soul tie and moving towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.
The last step I advise everyone to go through is the mourning period. My partner and I did our song and dance for years before I walked away. And I would be lying if I didn’t say that I mourned our relationship while I healed.
Recognizing the presence and nature of a soul tie in your relationship is crucial to understanding its impact on your well-being. Whether positive or negative, the intensity of a soul tie can shape the course of your personal growth and happiness. Breaking free from a negative soul tie demands intentional efforts, from setting clear boundaries to seeking professional support. Redirecting energy toward personal growth and allowing oneself a necessary mourning period are vital steps toward healing and liberation from the intricate ties that bind.
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