Ladies First: The Black Women Making Their Mark In The Spirit Industry
Gone are the days when men were the faces of the spirits industry. In the olden days, our ancestors would have beer parties for the men in the villages to foster a sense of community solidarity. Alcoholic beverages continue to serve as a sign of hospitality and friendship for the masses. But there's something special about a spirit that was created by a black woman — you know that the ingredients include magic, love, and resilience.
If you didn't know, black women are making waves in spirit, and it's time we celebrate them. Ahead, find four of the countless black women we are rooting for in the spirit industry, serving us black girl magic one shot at a time.
Nayana Ferguson of Anteel Tequila
Photo Courtesy of Nayana Ferguson
Nayana Ferguson is what happens when your passion aligns with your purpose. Tequila is personal for this businesswoman as a pancreatic cancer and breast cancer survivor. Her journey made her very intentional about what she put into her body. Nayana taught us that because tequila is a spirit that is made from the agave plant, it is naturally gluten-free and it is low in carbs, sugar and calories. Nayana has truly leaned into her purpose with her desire to educate people on the benefits of tequila and change the stereotypical thought of what tequila is.
Why she chose the spirit industry:
"I did not plan to get into the spirits industry at all. It all began as a conversation where I asked my husband while we were talking about investing and retirement, 'If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?' At the time, we both had a love for tequila and his reply was to own a tequila company, but he thought it would not be possible. I asked him, 'Why not?' I began researching distilleries in Mexico that we could work with and two days later, I found a distillery that could create our own brand.
"As we both had a passion for tequila and wanted to break the stereotypes surrounding tequila, (i.e. everyone has a bad tequila story), we wanted to start educating the consumer on what a premium spirit tequila truly is, so we decided to start our brand and do it our own way. By doing so, we have created the world's only Coconut Lime Blanco Tequila, a Reposado Tequila that is aged eight months in Tennessee whiskey barrels and a Blanco Tequila, whereas, all are now award-winning."
"You have to be fearless when entering the spirits industry, as there are so many brands that are on the market. You have to have confidence in your vision and what you create for the world."
What it means to be a black woman in the spirits industry:
"I love the fact that I am one of the very few black women in the spirits industry who owns a spirits company and that I am possibly the only black woman who owns a tequila company in the world. I look at it as we are trailblazers in an industry that is male-dominated and that we can create brands that speak to our ingenuity and vision. Being in the spirits industry is challenging, especially for someone like me who had no prior experience. However, I hope that my story is inspiring to black women to show that even if you do not have any experience within an industry that you are passionate about, you can learn and create something magnificent!"
Advice for women aspiring to jump into the spirits game:
"My advice to any woman who wants to jump into the spirits game is to do your research and jump in! You will not know everything, but do not let that stop you from moving forward, as you will learn along the way. If possible, find someone who you may be able to talk to about some of the ins and outs of the spirits industry. Otherwise, you have to be fearless when entering the spirits industry, as there are so many brands that are on the market. You have to have confidence in your vision and what you create for the world."
Samara Rivers of Black Bourbon Society
Photo Courtesy of Samara Rivers
Samara Rivers started the Black Bourbon Society when she noticed a lack of marketing geared towards POC in the spirits industry. The self-proclaimed 'Chief Bourbon Enthusiast' created the Black Bourbon Society (BBS) to galvanize upscale African-American professionals nationwide who had a taste for the finer things in life, but were virtually untapped by the emerging trend of indulging in premium spirits. "Through exclusive events, curated dinner pairings and private whiskey tastings in markets such as ATL, LA, and Chicago, BBS encourages its members to enjoy good bourbon, network with like-minded bourbon lovers and gain a deeper appreciation for America's Native Spirit," she explained in a 2019 interview with Will Drink for Travel.
BBS has over 10,000 members and they've partnered with and featured several brands including Wild Turkey, Maker's Mark and Four Roses. As a certified Executive Bourbon Steward and a co-host to a weekly podcast, Rivers dedication to visibility and diversity is definitely felt.
Why she chose the spirit industry:
"I'm not sure if I chose this industry, or [if] by luck the industry chose me. I knew that I wanted to make a difference in our world around the notion of diversity and inclusion, but never did I think it would take me on this particular journey. The spirits industry is one the most fun and genuine industries around. The moment I started BBS, I felt like I was a part of a family."
What it means to be a black woman in the spirit industry:
"Being a black woman in the spirits industry definitely can be challenging at times, but it also means that everyone notices your presence. I have gotten used to being 'the only' in the room knowing that I represent an entire demographic of tens of thousands."
Advice for women aspiring to jump in the spirit game:
"Like Nike says, 'Just do it!' If you don't have a seat at the table, be prepared to bring your own chair. But overall, you'll see that there are plenty of opportunities to be seized in this industry. You just have to be bold enough to want it!"
Joy Spence of Appleton Estate Jamaica Rum
Joy Spence
If you Google Joy Spence, you'll quickly see that she is the first woman to hold the position of Master Blender in the spirits industry globally. Her love for chemistry led her to become one of the most renown pioneers in the world. Over the course of her decades-spanning career, Spence has been at the helm of creating some of the finest rums the world has to offer, including but not limited to the Appleton Estate Rare Blend 12 Year Old. "I think I am one of the fortunate few who are able to use science and technology to create spirit – both literally and figuratively - in the world," Spence shared during a 2018 awards ceremony. "At Appleton, we have been able to blend rich Jamaican rum, making heritage with cutting edge technology to create some of the finest brands in the world. I will continue to spread the joy of rum globally and, by extension, promote Brand Jamaica."
Why she chose the spirit industry:
"I was lecturing in chemistry and decided that I wanted to gain experience in manufacturing and joined Tia Maria as their Research Chemist. After two years, I became very bored and joined J. Wray andNephew (owner of Appleton Estate) as the Chief Chemist. This is the moment that I fell in love with rum. I discovered that it had the most complex and beautiful flavors with exceptional versatility. I was tutored by the previous Master Blender for 17 years as he recognized that I had excellent sensory skills and creativity and would one day become a great Blender. In 1997, I was appointed the Master Blender and became the first female in the spirit industry."
What it means to be a black woman in the spirit industry:
"It was a true honor as a black woman to become the first Female Master Blender in the Spirits Industry. I was able to open doors for other women in the industry. We were always working in the background and now we are finally receiving recognition. It is a true testament that with hard work and passion you can achieve the impossible."
Advice for women aspiring to jump in the spirit game:
"My advice to women aspiring to jump in the spirit game is to embrace the challenge, focus on you craft, exude passion, be creative, become a sponge for knowledge, and the sky is the limit."
Chanel Turner of FOU-DRÉ
Photo Courtesy of Chanel Turner
From Pentagon Web Developer to the first African-American woman to head a vodka company, Chanel Turner is no stranger to hard work. She was not happy with the underwhelming taste of vodka so, like black women do, she pulled up to make her own. Testing over 80 formulas, this CEO was determined to create a spirit that didn't need to be paired with something else. Chanel invested all of her savings to create Fou-Dre, which is in more than 30 liquor stores in the DC area, as well as in several other states and overseas in Singapore.
Why she chose the spirit industry:
"I choose the spirit industry because I saw an opportunity for Black female ownership in an industry that was void of people who looked like me. It's also recession-proof, so that helps. With my background in IT, I wanted to find a more innovative way to create spirits. I partnered with a distillery who utilizes a technology that removes harsh cogeners and free radicals during the distillation process, creating a healthier, cleaner way to drink spirit beverages."
"I choose the spirit industry because I saw an opportunity for Black female ownership in an industry that was void of people who looked like me. It's also recession-proof, so that helps. With my background in IT, I wanted to find a more innovative way to create spirits."
What it means to be a Black woman in the spirit industry:
"It means double the work as my white counterparts. African-Americans in this industry aren't afforded the same resources as white constituents, such as distribution outlets, financial assistance, and retail opportunities. It means diversity in a space that historically is limited to people of color. Overall, it means fighting for your voice to be heard and paving the way for others to come later down the line."
Advice for women trying to jump into the Spirit game:
"I would recommend that one finds a support network and make strategic alliances because you cannot do this in silo. When I first entered this industry, I found myself alone looking for support and mentorship. Unable to find such resources, I ended up mentoring myself. Because women are the minority in this industry, we have to find ways to come together."
Featured image courtesy of Samara Rivers of Black Bourbon Society
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images