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I’m A Black Woman, A Lawyer & I Have ADHD
Early last year, I visited a girlfriend that I have known for quite some time. For the purpose of anonymity, we will call her "L." At the time we met, I was a legal assistant studying for my master’s degree and she was attending law school. “L” and I both graduated from our respective schools around the same time. She started her career as an insurance defense lawyer and I was so happy for her. But “L'"s journey to becoming a lawyer wasn’t an easy one. Like most law school graduates, passing the bar exam is one of the biggest challenges.
One summer morning, “L” texted me and said, “Hey Cam, I just wanted to let you know I didn’t pass the bar.” I replied, “It’s OK. You’ll pass on the next try.” And she did pass on her third try. Coming from similar Caribbean backgrounds, I know the pressure of meeting expectations, being an overachiever, and being placed on a pedestal. I understood because at one point in my life I had wanted to be a lawyer too.
That afternoon we met for lunch. Our conversations are always filled with transparency, love, charisma, and laughter. This particular afternoon, there came a point in the conversation where “L” wholeheartedly revealed to me her daily struggles with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). And I wanted to know more. It was the first time I heard of a woman with ADHD. Let alone a Black woman.
“L” had hidden her struggle so well. I had no idea how it affected her life.
As a friend, I thought, what could I have done to help or be more supportive. The saying is true – you never know what someone is going through. And today, I am proud of how “L” prioritized herself, took control of her life, and not be defeated by her condition.
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Oftentimes, the diagnosis of ADHD in Black women is misdiagnosed and overlooked. According to The Washington Post, “Black girls with ADHD often remain undiagnosed because their symptoms are mischaracterized. Signs of inattentiveness or impulsivity, the two main features of the disorder, could be mistaken for laziness or defiance. And the longer these girls aren’t diagnosed and treated, the more their problems are likely to worsen as they grow into adults.” The article also states that ADHD in girls leads to increased rates of anxiety, depression, drug use, and self-harm.
From a cultural perspective, it is even harder for Black parents to accept that their child has a learning disability with having to protect their child from gender and racial biases not only in the classroom but in life too. In a review of published U.S. studies that included 155,000 Black children, the CDC (Center For Disease Control) found 14.5% of African-Americans had ADHD. This statistic is much higher compared to the estimated 9.4% of all children in the U.S.
In an article byVerywell Mind, the most common symptoms of ADHD in women are paper clutter, overspending, disorganization, indecision, problems listening, and difficulty focusing. Treatment for ADHD includes prescribed medication and/or behavioral therapy. Drugs like Ritalin or Adderall are commonly used to help ADHD patients stay focused and control their behavior. But it doesn’t come without side effects. Some downfalls of ADHD medication are trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, high blood pressure, weight loss, moodiness, and headaches.
There is hope to manage ADHD. Celebrities such as Solange Knowles or SZA have struggled and are successfully navigating life with ADHD. Even Simone Biles has publicly discussed her own battle with ADHD while balancing a demanding career as a professional athlete.
Here is what it is like for “L," a young Black woman, to live with ADHD, balance a demanding career as a lawyer, and succeed in everyday life.
How old were you when you were diagnosed with ADHD?
I was officially diagnosed at about 15 years old. It went undiagnosed due to prior trauma. However, my parents had me in therapy here and there when they could afford it. I was always a hyperactive child who would always get in trouble because I couldn't sit still or keep my mouth shut. I got a lot of "feedback" for being random in my actions and through my words.
What were some of the signs that you were struggling with ADHD and how did it make you feel?
The obvious sign for me was the fact that I was behind in my academics and kids used to always refer to me as "crazy" because of how random I was. I could not focus like my peers. I was always in and out of therapy for other reasons. It was always suggested I should be on medication. I didn't even know what ADHD was until I was about 16 years old as my parents did not believe in medication or this new-age diagnosis.
My parents had me in every tutoring program imaginable in order for me to keep up with my fellow classmates. I got my ears and eyes tested before I went to a psychiatrist to get a test for ADHD.
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Ritalin or Adderall is usually prescribed for many ADHD patients. Is prescribed medication something you have used to treat your ADHD? If not, what are some natural remedies you have tried?
Yes, I've tried Ritalin (when I was a teenager) and as I got older, I graduated to Adderall, as well as Concerta. I've also tried hypnotherapy and talk therapy. The thing about prescription medicine they won't tell you is that it works, but you have to gradually increase the dosage as your body becomes used to it. I would sometimes come off the medication because I hate being dependent on a drug to function. I would feel really depressed and tired.
How did you get through law school and what were some of the challenges?
By the grace of God and really great friends. I had to learn early on in life to make friends with people smarter than me in order to stay motivated and just to keep up. I would also cycle on and off medication in law school in order to cope. I went a semester without any prescription drugs, just to see if I could do it on my own. Yes, I could do it on my own, but it was very difficult. I had constant anxiety, could not sleep, mild depression, and spiraled.
Now that you are a career lawyer, what are some challenges you face at work?
Every day is a new challenge. My biggest challenge is working. Literally sitting my ass down to work, especially after the pandemic. I had to learn quickly to create a new routine. Having a high caseload as a civil litigation attorney helps as I am always busy so I have no time to procrastinate as much. The organized chaos of heading to court in the morning, working on drafting motions and pleadings for cases in the afternoon, responding to emails, and settling cases throughout the day were no longer serving me. Organization and structure are my biggest challenges. I get distracted easily and fall into these "wormholes" and never finish my assignments. So, I'm always having to work late to play catch up. I had to create realistic structures that worked for me.
For example, time blocking or working on alternating weekends and/or late nights to stay ahead of my tasks to not overwhelm me. Working for a solid law firm that has systems and teams in place to complement my own systems is imperative. I've cycled through many firms (big and small). So, I know what works and what doesn't. Working with the right people matters and is often overlooked. Having a good case management system along with excellent support staff (paralegals or assistants) is how I am able to succeed.
"Organization and structure are my biggest challenges. I get distracted easily and fall into these 'wormholes' and never finish my assignments. So, I'm always having to work late to play catch up. I had to create realistic structures that worked for me."
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How have you adjusted your routine because of your ADHD? What does your morning and nighttime routine look like?
Yes, having a routine is imperative. I've had to shift my mindset through many therapy sessions. Having been a burnt-out lawyer, my mornings look a bit different now. I'm no longer competing to be the best and striving for perfection. I'm not trying to prove myself anymore because I know what I bring to the table. I show up, do my best on that particular day, and don't dwell on my mistakes.
8:00 a.m.: I start my mornings with a prayer, then I check my phone for any work emergencies or changes to my schedule. I will communicate with my assistant on what's important and what needs to be done.
8:10 a.m.: I lay in bed, contemplate life, and make my intentions for the day.
8:20 a.m.: I literally jump out of bed, (work is supposed to start at 8:30 am.) and make my bed. I love making my bed because it feels like such an accomplishment to me. I always say that if I don't accomplish anything for the day, at least I made my bed.
8:25 a.m.: I log on to my computer for work to test the waters. Thereafter, I brush my teeth, wash my face, shower, brush my hair, and put clothes on. I do all this while arguing with Alexa about music selection. Pro Tip: I set timers while I'm in the bathroom with Alexa (5 min. - snooze; 10 min. - snooze; 15 min. - snooze) to stay on track.
8:45-9:00 a.m.: I'm logged in to work for real-for real with my first cup of coffee of the day.
I immediately check the deadlines on my calendar, prioritize tasks and/or cases then attack them in segments with multiple breaks in between. I like to do the same tasks during blocks of time (reviewing case files and drafting a case plan, emails, client conference calls, etc.). Through trial and error, I have learned that I work more efficiently when I'm doing the same tasks over and over again.
On days where I have court hearings, depositions, mediations, client calls, or any event, my days look very different. I wake up earlier to hand-write a script of what I plan on saying. I do this to calm my nerves and to stay focused on the task at hand as to not go off on tangents. No matter how many times I've made the same speech or argument - this is what works for me.
6:30 - 7:00 p.m.: I'm logged out and head to the gym for a Zoom training session with my trainer. I try to work out at least 3-4 times a week with a trainer. Even if I do 10 haphazard jumping jacks, any sort of physical activity helps to maintain my routine and makes me feel good. I have coworkers who work out during lunchtime.
Personally, I can't do that because it's hard for my brain to switch gears after a workout and get back into work mode. I highly recommend doing physical activity early in the morning prior to work. It really sets the tone for the workday.
Does ADHD affect your mental health? If so, how?
Yes, in many ways and often. There are many internal battles of self-doubt, not doing enough work, being slower at a task than others, or lingering feelings of unworthiness. I have days where my head is so cloudy that it takes me hours to do a task which usually takes me about 15 minutes. On days like that, I have to mindfully give myself grace for my own sanity because beating myself up won't make a difference.
I remember times where my ADHD got so bad that I was feeling defeated, depressed, and became physically sick from the stress which also caused crippling anxiety. As a child, I remember I used to breathe at a rapid rate which they thought was asthma-related. Come to find out later to find out it was anxiety. I was given an inhaler to help. I still have days where I'm literally spinning in circles from task A to B then to A again, only to start a new task, D, then remember task C, only to realize A, B, C, and D are all incomplete and unnecessary tasks.
"I have days where my head is so cloudy that it takes me hours to do a task which usually takes me about 15 minutes. On days like that, I have to mindfully give myself grace for my own sanity because beating myself up won't make a difference."
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What would you tell other women who are struggling with ADHD, mental health issues, and a demanding career?
Give yourself grace, lots and lots of grace, and seek professional help. Find what works for you. I'm still trying to figure it out, but therapy has transformed my way of thinking and my life. It has helped me to re-evaluate my life, career, and plan a more sustainable life/work balance. Life first, work second.
If you’re a Black woman struggling with ADHD, you are not alone and it doesn’t have to be just your secret anymore. It’s nothing to be ashamed of either. There are many women of color with ADHD and other learning difficulties and/or disabilities. And it doesn’t mean you are less of a person because of it. It means your journey looks different than most women of color. There is just an extra layer you’ll have to manage. And that is OK.
You have to give yourself grace and permission to accept your diagnosis and find ways to cope. Unfortunately, we live in a society with so many stigmas that we constantly neglect root causes. If you are looking for support, check outBlack Girl, Lost Keys, or Unicorn Squad, For Black people of Marginalized Gender with ADHD, a blog, and a private Facebook group by Rene Brooks. Having ADHD herself, Rene Brooks helps educate and empower other Black women who have ADHD.
You can start your healing now.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
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Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
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Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
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This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
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Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
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These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola