Taraji P. Henson Sends A Powerful Message To Congress About Black Mental Health
A man was drowning, and he prayed to God for help. A plane comes along and tries to save him, but the man says, "No thanks, God will save me." The plane moves along, but it's not long before a ship passes by and offers him a lifeboat. He responds, "No, I prayed about this, God will send help." The boat also leaves the man to his prayers. When the man dies and gets to heaven, he asked God, "Why didn't you save me? I waited for you." God replied, "Why do you think I sent the plane and the ship?"
I think the Black community is a lot like that drowning man when it comes to mental health, but Taraji P. Henson is here to encourage us to stop being so damned stubborn and pick the lifejacket instead.
Our favorite TV mom recently slid through Capitol Hill and said a word about mental health in the black community and honey, it's time to give Taraji P. Henson all of her things. Giving us big Cookie Lyon energy, the actress sat at the frontlines of the Congressional Black Caucus Discussion on Mental Illness and Suicide and spoke her truth like a true queen.
In her address to the Black Congressional Caucus, Taraji explained that two years after her child's father was brutally murdered, in 2005, her own father also passed away. When she noticed how the back-to-back trauma had affected her son's behavior, she knew that it was time to seek professional help. Upon her research, she learned that finding a suitable therapist wouldn't be easy:
"It was like looking for a purple unicorn with a 24-carat-gold-horn. I say that jokingly, but it's serious. The reason why we don't have many psychiatrists of color, or psychologists of color, or therapists of color, is because we don't talk about it at home."
It was at that point that the Empire actress understood that she was facing a problem that had been generations in the making and ultimately recognized her calling. Along with creating The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation, named after her father who suffered from mental illness after his tour in Vietnam, Taraji has also launched her annual "Can We Talk" conference that focuses on creating strategies to end the mental health crisis in Black communities. She explained:
"We, in the African-American community, we don't deal with mental health issues. We don't even talk about it. We've been taught to pray our problems away. We've been demonized for coming out and saying we have [mental health] issues and we have trust issues. I need the person sitting opposite from me, when I go seek [mental] help, to be culturally competent. If you're not culturally competent how can I trust you with my deepest secrets and my vulnerability?"
While Taraji is on a mission to change the mental health system at-large, it's important to note that this much-needed transformation in our country starts at home. Growing up black, you're taught that crying makes you weak and vulnerability leaves you exposed to harm. This false theology has the potential to birth a nation of repressed black children and a future of mentally ill adults who have little to no resources.
While this way of thinking may have worked in the past, the increased rate of children committing suicide in the black community is a blatant sign that we're missing the mark, and quite frankly, we're drowning. Taraji broke down in tears when she expressed:
"It breaks my heart to know that 5-year-old children are contemplating life and death. So I'm here to appeal to you because this is a national crisis. When I hear of kids going into bathrooms cutting themselves, you're supposed to feel safe at school."
In an emotional plea, Taraji also proposed that Congress make mental health education a mandatory course in public schools, a measure that would be especially beneficial to low-income, Black students. After working as a special-ed teacher, Taraji saw that students that came from traumatic home environments were at a serious disadvantage when it came to their education and now seeks to do everything in her power to level the playing field. She explained:
"I'm here using my celebrity, using my voice, to put a face to this because I also suffer from depression and anxiety. And if you're a human living in today's world, I don't know how you're not suffering in any way, I mean if you turn on the news, that's PTSD right there. We need each other. This is me reaching across the table, trying to lend a helping hand in the best way I can. We have to save the children."
To watch Taraji's full address on C-SPAN, click here.
Taraji P. Henson on Mental Health (C-SPAN)www.youtube.com
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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