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Hack Your Way To Making Your Period The Best Time Of The Month
If you're anything like me, you probably have a pretty intense love/hate relationship with your period. On one hand, you know it's something that women do so, every time yours rolls around, it's a reminder that our bodies are working just as they should be. On the other, ugh—there's the bloating, the cramping, the semi-paranoia that you're leaking, and (what really gets on my last nerve), the period pimples that almost always leave some sort of mark behind.
Even though I'm almost 45, my periods are still something I can set my watch to—the 21st, sometime around noon. I'm gonna be bloated, there's gonna be a zit in the most inconvenient place on my face, and my first two days are gonna be so heavy that sticking close to home is wise. Lord.
The silver lining is, as I have figured out what to expect (and endure) about my cycle, I've also discovered that the following 10 hacks have a way of making everything about my period a lot more pleasant than they used to be. Thank goodness for that!
Download a Period App
While a lot of people are down for using a period app when they're trying to conceive, some folks sleep on also using them if they're not. Since most physicians agree that a woman can get pregnant five days a month (4-5 days going into ovulation and about a day afterward), if you're sexually-active, you need to keep up with when those days are. If your period is not regulated, your ovulation could be all over the place.
Just so you can actually smile when you see a plus sign on a pregnancy test,download a period app. That way, you can know when it's a good idea to take extra special precautions when it comes to gettin' some so that getting pregnant isn't something that catches you off guard in the not-so-good kind of way.
Buy Some Organic Tampons and Pads
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Personally, I prefer pads. I'm pretty sure a lot of it has to do with being taught that blood is designed to flow out and pads make that possible. Not to say that I don't totally get the convenience of wearing tampons (especially as it relates to the non-squishy factor). Either way, it's best to go with organic brands for both. Not only are they hypoallergenic but since they're biodegradable, they're good for the environment too.
Try a Pair of Period Panties
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This is how old I am. When I got my first period (at 12), sanitary napkins still came with the belt that you had to wear around your waist. I was a couple of years older before I started wearing the self-adhesive kind. My point? Every time something new comes out as it relates to our menstrual cycle, we're gonna be skeptics, at first. That's why I totally get that you might turn up your nose at any pair of underwear that professes to hold two tampons-worth of blood, but that's just what Thinx panties do.
Personally, I think they're best for light days or when you need some extra back-up for your tampons or pads on heavy ones or when you want to sleep overnight in peace. While they're not the cheapest drawers on the planet (between $24-38 based on the style of panties you want), to know that you can toss all of your period panties away and reuse your Thinx makes it well worth the price tag (to me).
Invest in a Menstrual Cup
Something that is proven to make menstrual cramps so much easier to bear is having sex; more specifically, having orgasms from sex. The oxytocin that's produced from them helps to relieve uterine pain and discomfort.
That said, if you and/or your partner cringe at the sight of blood, consider using a menstrual cup or, my personal favorite, menstrual disc. Someone convinced me to give the disc a try and I must say that it was remarkable to not see or even feel any blood the entire time it was in there. Well…that is until it's time to take the disc or cup out. Then it's a bit like a murder scene.
However, women have told me that they've had sex and not even told their man they were on their period, thanks to the cup/disc, so…that makes all of the blood fingers worth it. Right? (If you wanna figure out, which cup is best for you, take a quiz here.)
Pay Attention to Your Blood’s Color
Just like your vaginal discharge can tell you a lot about your health, so can the color of your menstrual blood. Bright red is the color of new blood. Dark red is the color of blood that comes out in the morning time. Brownish red is old blood (typically what you'll see towards the end of your cycle). Pinkish red is usually what happens when you're spotting (although it can also be a sign that you are vitamin deficient). Orange-red is somewhat OK, but if the texture and scent are also different, see your doctor. It could be a sign that you've got an STD. And finally, if your blood happens to have a blue or purple tint, that tends to mean that your estrogen levels are higher than normal and you need more fiber in your system to balance them out.
Take Some Evening Primrose Oil, Calcium and Vitamin E
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Something that has totally changed my life is evening primrose oil. It's a gamma-linolenic acid that contains anti-inflammatory properties that decrease PMS symptoms and perimenopause and menopause symptoms too. Since I've added it to my daily diet, I've had very little breast tenderness and no cramping discomfort at all.
As far as calcium goes, a lot of women have PMS symptoms simply because they are low in it. But if you take around 500 mg a day, it can reduce fatigue, cravings, and even feelings of depression. Personally, I prefer taking a calcium, magnesium, and zinc blend because the combo also calms my nervous system and helps me to sleep more soundly.
Vitamin E is cool because it slows down prostaglandins (compounds in the body that create hormone-like effects). As a result, cramps decrease significantly so. Foods that are high in Vitamin E include almonds, spinach, sunflower seeds, avocados, and mangoes.
Just make sure to consume these things throughout the entire month. You need a while to get it totally into your system in order for them to be the most effective.
Use Geranium Essential Oil
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Whether you're looking to regulate your period or to decrease the amount of cramping that you feel, it's well worth the money to pick up a bottle of geranium oil. It's great because it helps to balance out your hormones. This is also the kind of oil that regulates your blood flow by constricting your blood vessels. Plus, it contains anti-inflammatory properties to relieve cramping and discomfort.
Usage tip: It's most effective if you add 3-4 drops of it into a carrier oil like sweet almond, avocado, or grapeseed and then rub your abdomen area with it, 2-3 times per day, during your period.
Eat Toast and Melons. Don’t Eat Dairy and Sugar.
It's pretty common to experience cravings while you're on your period. Just keep in mind that what you eat will determine a lot about how good or bad you'll feel until your cycle is over.
Foods that make the thumbs up list include toast and melons. Whole grain toast, because your body needs carbs during this time and it's a complex one that's better for you than cake or cookies. Also, whole grains produce serotonin in the body which soothes and relaxes you (which is why whole grain popcorn is a great "period food" too). Melons are beneficial because they contain something known as Cucumis melo; that's relevant because, in the days leading up to your period, your body stores up salt and fluids. Cucumis melo is a compound that flushes unneeded water from your system so that you have less bloating.
Foods that get the thumbs down? One of them is dairy. That's because it contains arachidonic acids. What those end up doing is triggering your prostaglandins in your body and increasing the intensity of your cramps. Another no-no is sugar. Yes, you may crave it, but it's a substance that will send your blood sugar levels on the kind of roller coaster ride that will throw your testosterone and estrogen levels completely off. In fact, a lot of women's mood swings during PMS can be directly attributed to them giving into their sugar cravings.
Don’t Drink Coffee. Do Drink Peppermint Tea.
No matter how much you love a piping cup of java in the morning, in the days leading up to your period and until it ends, try your best to go without it (or, at the very least, drink some decaf). The caffeine that's in coffee naturally causes your blood vessels to constrict. When that happens, your cramps feel stronger and can even last longer.
Instead, opt for some herbal tea; preferably peppermint tea. The antioxidants in it will make PMS symptoms like bloating and fatigue less of an issue. Plus, the menthol and anti-spasmodic properties that are found in peppermint leaves will provide a cooling effect on your reproductive system while lessening your cramps simultaneously.
Take a Nap
If you're someone who feels severely sleep-deprived during your period, you are not alone. Reportedly, 23 percent of women claim to not get enough z-z-z's the week before their period and 30 percent claim to toss and turn during the week of their cycle.
Aside from the fact that power naps increase productivity and creativity, reduce stress, and betters your mood, it can also relax your reproductive system so that your period doesn't drain you quite so much.
You can take advantage of all of these benefits by laying your head down for 10-15 minutes. Definitely something to think about when you're trying to decide between taking a nap in your car or going to the closest drive-thru on your lunch break.
(Hint, the nap is your better bet!)
Take care of you; especially during that time of the month, OK?
Featured image by Megan Madden / Refinery29 for Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Skylar Marshai Talks Hair Reset With SheaMoisture Bond Repair 'Revive & Thrive' Campaign
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
Skylar Marshai is known for her extravagant style, and her hair is no exception. But now, she’s giving her hair a break and focusing on hair care with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection. “I feel like my hair has always been an extension of my storytelling because I know it's so innately linked to my self-expression that I've been thinking a lot about how my love for crafting my hair into these different forms and shapes has honestly never given it a chance to just be,” Skylar explains.
“So for the next few weeks, I will be wearing my natural hair out.” The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is infused with AminoBlend and HydroPlex technology, scientifically proven to make hair 6x stronger with 84% less breakage by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds (vs. non-conditioning shampoo). That’s why it's the perfect hair reset for Skylar.
“It's been a long, long time since I've worn my natural curls. I haven’t nurtured it in its natural form so I’m scared of breakage, of it being dry, of it being damaged,” she admits. “I do feel like my hair is in good hands because I will be using the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection and it’s known for repairing damaged hair making it smoother, making it stronger like all of these very real concerns I have.”
Thanks to the unique blend of Amino Blend Complex (fortifying amino acids), Amla oil, and fair-trade shea butter used in each product, the hair will become visibly healthier after just one use. That’s because the collection focuses on repairing and reviving dry, damaged hair due to color, protective styles, heat, and more. This 4-step system, which includes Bond Repair Shampoo, Bond Repair Conditioner, Bond Repair Masque, and Bond Repair Leave-in, also enhances weakened hair bonds to reduce future breakage.
Skylar shows us how she uses the collection and it’s giving big, beautiful, healthy hair. “So I think it's gonna be some beauty to allowing my hair to rest,” she says. When it comes to styling, the influencer is “just gonna let Mother Nature do her thing.” Learn more about the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection below.
Step One: Bond Repair Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are infused with the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, Shea Moisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Conditionerdeeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Feature image by @skylarmarshai/ Instagram
12 Women Told Me 'The Final Straw' With Their Former Besties
So, as I’m in the process of finishing up my next book, there is a good amount of content on what I used to think a friend was vs. how I define friendship now. As I was walking down memory lane of some, “What the hell was that?!” relational dynamics, I thought about how a few folks have told me, over the past year or so, that some of the friendships they thought they would be old and gray with are either nonexistent or not anywhere close to what it used to be.
Geeze. Ain’t it wild how some of the folks who you thought would be in your world for the rest of your life end up not even functioning in the same universe as you? And when you stop and look back on it, although there were probably a few things that you kept overlooking for the sake of keeping them around, there is probably one main thing that had you be like, “You know what? Enough is enough at this point.”
Today, 12 women are going to share what their own final straw is. My motive for even bringing this up is because life is all about choices (did you know that we typically make between33,000-35,000 decisions every single day?!), and one of the most potentially life-altering ones that you will ever make is who you choose to share your life with and influence your world by.
That said, you’ve got someone very close to you who you’re unsure about; maybe one (or more) of these experiences will provide you with the clarity that you seek — because time is precious…with relationships, we must use it very wisely.
*Middle names are always used in this type of content so that people can speak freely.*
1. Reneé. 31. Friendship Ended After 10 Years.
“You ever had a friend who is just a lot of work? They’re fun, they’re funny and you have a good time with them. But you’re always their emergency contact — and it has nothing to do with their physical health. I just got tired of her always being in a crisis and never wanting advice about how to get out of her BS.
"She thinks that being a real friend means that you cosign on whatever she does and then that you bail her out whenever she does it. When you’re in college, it’s funny. Get past that age, and it’s draining.”
2. Angeleeya. 36. Friendship Ended After 20 Years.
“I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, ‘no person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence or denies your right to grow’ by Alice Walker. My friend hates accountability, so she demands my silence. She’s always making poor decisions, which keeps me in a headspace that I don’t like to be in, which is denying my right to grow. I look back and think about how much time I wasted thinking that I was helping her when it was more like I was enabling her life.
"Now that she’s gone, I have more time to pour into me and my own needs. I miss her but not enough to give up what I got because I let her go — myself.”
3. Waverly. 28. Friendship Ended After Three Years.
“When I was single, my friend and I were fine. I can’t think of one fight that we ever had. When I got with my [now] husband, it was a little awkward; I thought we just needed to adjust things a bit. When that girl paid for her bridesmaid dress at the last minute, was a no-show at the rehearsal dinner, and came late to the wedding, and then was passive-aggressive the entire day — she didn’t wish me well, and I knew it. I waited until a few months to see if things would get better, but she barely called and had an attitude when she did.
"My husband said, ‘We can’t have people around who aren’t happy for us’ and I agreed. I tried to talk to her about it, and she kept saying we could talk later. Later turned into never. My number has changed, and I am fine with that.”
4. Mycah. 40. Friendship Ended After 9 Years.
“Have you ever had a friendwho refuses to apologize but they want you to do it all of the time? They can do big s-it, and you should overlook it, but if you accidentally hang up on them while they’re in mid-sentence, they’re going to hold a grudge until you acknowledge it? That’s what my former best friend was like. Your best friend shouldn’t be so emotionally high-maintenance that you feel like you have to walk on eggshells just to keep the peace.
"Pretty much all of my other friendships are way easier and, at 40, if it’s going to be more difficult than it needs to be, I don’t want it — especially when it comes to dealing with other people.”
5. Chell. 26. Friendship Ended After Five Years.
“Don’t date a friend unless you both are on the same page about it. I lost my best guy friend because I developed feelings for him, and he was physically attracted to me. We decided to see if we could date, but I was emotionally ‘ahead’ of him. So when things turned sexual, I started to want something more, and he just wanted us to remain friends who had sex.
"I began to resent him, and that made him pull back. About six months in, our friendship became a weight. We’re still cordial — even a step up from that. We’ll never be what we were. It wasn’t worth it.”
6. Brayleigh. 43. Friendship Ended After 10 Years.
“I once had a very close girlfriend who just doesn’t take initiative. As long as I’m doing the calling, the planning of hanging out or taking girlfriend trips, she’s all about it — but if I am quiet and still, she can easily go weeks without us speaking. I know some people say that they can do friendship that way, but it annoys me; not just to do most of the work but that you think we should be each other’s closest reliable source and you’ll only connect with me if I put in the effort to connect with you.
"When I brought it up to her, what ‘took it there’ was her telling me that I was ‘a lot’ and ‘insecure.’ I think another thing that your closest friend should be is a place where you can be your most vulnerable. If I have to chase you down and get attacked when I share my feelings or something that you don’t want to hear about yourself, why are we even friends? She couldn’t answer that question. That was my sign.”
7. Isha. 23. Friendship Ended After Four Years.
“My closest guy friend started dating my closest girlfriend. Neither one of them told me about it until my guy friend found out that my girlfriend cheated on him — then, all of a sudden, he wanted me to do something about it. Long story short, he caught feelings, and she didn’t, and he tried to pull some ‘birds of a feather’ psycho-babble on me and act like her decisions reflect on my character. So, he said that he didn’t trust her or really even me anymore, and that put tension on the entire dynamic.
"He didn’t take accountability for hiding it from me either. We found ourselves not having much to talk about other than her, and that got on my nerves. We’re friends. We’re not best friends anymore, though. I side-eye her a bit for not telling me, too. She’s not off of the hook either.”
8. Daphne. 31. Friendship Ended After Seven Years.
“Back when I told Shellie that I thought she was petty for not liking her friends to be friends, she just said, ‘Keep living.’ I hate that she was right because the reason why my BFF and I are no longer is because she started to become like a clone, [a] parasite, something in my other relationships. Over the last couple of years of our friendship is when my career started to soar, and the folks who I was meeting, she would insert herself into my connections and try and get as much out of them as she could.
"Not only was it selfish and shady but it had those people looking at me crazy, too. When I confronted her about it, she took it as me being jealous and threatened. I thought it was gaslighting, and we had a big fallout over it. Keeping worlds separate isn’t a bad thing. The world is big enough that people don’t have to constantly be on your coattail to get what they want in life.”
Shellie here: The article that she’s referring to is “Why I Prefer My Friends To NOT Be Friends With Each Other.”
9. Evelyn. 30. Friendship Ended After 11 Years.
“My former friend was a liar. I don’t know how else to put it. It’s like she had four or five different lives going on. She would play holier-than-thou with me and literally be in these streets with other folks. It got to the point that I couldn’t trust her because the other sides of her were so different than who she portrayed herself to be with me. I think what hurt me more than anything was her thinking that I couldn’t handle us having different values. I still think she believes that we’re not friends anymore because of that when really it’s just because she’s not a genuine person.”
10. Deelah. 29. Friendship Ended After Seven Years.
“Shellie used to tell me that if you’ve got to keep tabs on your relationships, that’s your first sign that reciprocity is lacking. I love my [former] friend and there are times when I really do miss her. I just know that if I were to ever reach out to try and fix us, nothing is going to change. I’m going to do most of the calling unless she needs something, she’s always going to find an excuse for why she dropped the ball on my birthday, and I will eventually get sick of trying to get her to listen to my problems without her making them about herself. Even when I told her that I didn’t think we could stay close friends, she played the victim role. Friendships shouldn’t be harder than a relationship. Damn.”
11. Josephine. 33. Friendship Ended After 11 Years.
“My former BFF was never that great of a communicator. When you’re friends with someone, you try and take the good with the bad. Here’s what we’re not gonna do, though: You’re not gonna be on some ‘hey girl’ when you’re in my face and then taking shots at me on social media and acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about whenever I ask you about it. That’s how she handled all of our issues — not handling them and then putting our business out on front street.
"It started to feel like I couldn’t trust her, then it started to feel like she was out to get me and ruin how people see me but play innocent the whole time. I asked her to stop handling things like that and she was like, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Since she didn’t want to respect my feelings, I had to get out of the friendship. It feels safer without her.”
12. Myla. 46. Friendship Ended After 39 Years.
“You know how they say that people are breaking up for half of the time before they get a divorce? I think the same thing about friendships. My former best friend has been in my life, most of my life, but I think we’ve been friends in name only since our late 20s. Sometimes, it’s the memories and what used to be that makes you think that you’re still bonded, but your lives don’t really mesh anymore. The final straw for me was looking at how she was as a wife and mom and it being so different from me.
"We found ourselves arguing more than taking each other’s advice or even just listening, and the more that happened, the more I realized that we had nowhere to go. Our kids are friends, and so we don’t get in the way of that, but now, it’s more like we do play dates than friendship bonding. I can’t really say it’s hard for me because I think I let her go a long time ago. The wasted time is what bothers me most because it should’ve happened before it did.”
____
I know, right? All of these stories are confirmation that if anything has layers, levels, and complexities, it’s friendship — and when it comes to close friendships, if anything can impact your life in a way that nothing else can, those would be it.
That’s why I think this type of content (check out “Is It Time To Initiate A 'Friend Divorce'?”) is important because, while ending a friendship can be hard, sometimes it really is necessary…sometimes it’s what you need to do to get to the next better thing for you.
An author by the name of Sylvester McNutt III once said, “Closure happens right after you accept that letting go is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been.” If that resonates with you, maybe it’s time to end a friend chapter and begin a new narrative.
If it is, take it from me and the 12 women I spoke with — that’s okay. Beneficial even…if you both are preventing each other from having better friends and, more importantly, being the best kind of friend to yourself. If it’s time, sis — break free and get free. Ultimately, it’s worth it.
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