

If you're anything like me, you probably have a pretty intense love/hate relationship with your period. On one hand, you know it's something that women do so, every time yours rolls around, it's a reminder that our bodies are working just as they should be. On the other, ugh—there's the bloating, the cramping, the semi-paranoia that you're leaking, and (what really gets on my last nerve), the period pimples that almost always leave some sort of mark behind.
Even though I'm almost 45, my periods are still something I can set my watch to—the 21st, sometime around noon. I'm gonna be bloated, there's gonna be a zit in the most inconvenient place on my face, and my first two days are gonna be so heavy that sticking close to home is wise. Lord.
The silver lining is, as I have figured out what to expect (and endure) about my cycle, I've also discovered that the following 10 hacks have a way of making everything about my period a lot more pleasant than they used to be. Thank goodness for that!
Download a Period App
While a lot of people are down for using a period app when they're trying to conceive, some folks sleep on also using them if they're not. Since most physicians agree that a woman can get pregnant five days a month (4-5 days going into ovulation and about a day afterward), if you're sexually-active, you need to keep up with when those days are. If your period is not regulated, your ovulation could be all over the place.
Just so you can actually smile when you see a plus sign on a pregnancy test,download a period app. That way, you can know when it's a good idea to take extra special precautions when it comes to gettin' some so that getting pregnant isn't something that catches you off guard in the not-so-good kind of way.
Buy Some Organic Tampons and Pads
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Personally, I prefer pads. I'm pretty sure a lot of it has to do with being taught that blood is designed to flow out and pads make that possible. Not to say that I don't totally get the convenience of wearing tampons (especially as it relates to the non-squishy factor). Either way, it's best to go with organic brands for both. Not only are they hypoallergenic but since they're biodegradable, they're good for the environment too.
Try a Pair of Period Panties
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This is how old I am. When I got my first period (at 12), sanitary napkins still came with the belt that you had to wear around your waist. I was a couple of years older before I started wearing the self-adhesive kind. My point? Every time something new comes out as it relates to our menstrual cycle, we're gonna be skeptics, at first. That's why I totally get that you might turn up your nose at any pair of underwear that professes to hold two tampons-worth of blood, but that's just what Thinx panties do.
Personally, I think they're best for light days or when you need some extra back-up for your tampons or pads on heavy ones or when you want to sleep overnight in peace. While they're not the cheapest drawers on the planet (between $24-38 based on the style of panties you want), to know that you can toss all of your period panties away and reuse your Thinx makes it well worth the price tag (to me).
Invest in a Menstrual Cup
Something that is proven to make menstrual cramps so much easier to bear is having sex; more specifically, having orgasms from sex. The oxytocin that's produced from them helps to relieve uterine pain and discomfort.
That said, if you and/or your partner cringe at the sight of blood, consider using a menstrual cup or, my personal favorite, menstrual disc. Someone convinced me to give the disc a try and I must say that it was remarkable to not see or even feel any blood the entire time it was in there. Well…that is until it's time to take the disc or cup out. Then it's a bit like a murder scene.
However, women have told me that they've had sex and not even told their man they were on their period, thanks to the cup/disc, so…that makes all of the blood fingers worth it. Right? (If you wanna figure out, which cup is best for you, take a quiz here.)
Pay Attention to Your Blood’s Color
Just like your vaginal discharge can tell you a lot about your health, so can the color of your menstrual blood. Bright red is the color of new blood. Dark red is the color of blood that comes out in the morning time. Brownish red is old blood (typically what you'll see towards the end of your cycle). Pinkish red is usually what happens when you're spotting (although it can also be a sign that you are vitamin deficient). Orange-red is somewhat OK, but if the texture and scent are also different, see your doctor. It could be a sign that you've got an STD. And finally, if your blood happens to have a blue or purple tint, that tends to mean that your estrogen levels are higher than normal and you need more fiber in your system to balance them out.
Take Some Evening Primrose Oil, Calcium and Vitamin E
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Something that has totally changed my life is evening primrose oil. It's a gamma-linolenic acid that contains anti-inflammatory properties that decrease PMS symptoms and perimenopause and menopause symptoms too. Since I've added it to my daily diet, I've had very little breast tenderness and no cramping discomfort at all.
As far as calcium goes, a lot of women have PMS symptoms simply because they are low in it. But if you take around 500 mg a day, it can reduce fatigue, cravings, and even feelings of depression. Personally, I prefer taking a calcium, magnesium, and zinc blend because the combo also calms my nervous system and helps me to sleep more soundly.
Vitamin E is cool because it slows down prostaglandins (compounds in the body that create hormone-like effects). As a result, cramps decrease significantly so. Foods that are high in Vitamin E include almonds, spinach, sunflower seeds, avocados, and mangoes.
Just make sure to consume these things throughout the entire month. You need a while to get it totally into your system in order for them to be the most effective.
Use Geranium Essential Oil
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Whether you're looking to regulate your period or to decrease the amount of cramping that you feel, it's well worth the money to pick up a bottle of geranium oil. It's great because it helps to balance out your hormones. This is also the kind of oil that regulates your blood flow by constricting your blood vessels. Plus, it contains anti-inflammatory properties to relieve cramping and discomfort.
Usage tip: It's most effective if you add 3-4 drops of it into a carrier oil like sweet almond, avocado, or grapeseed and then rub your abdomen area with it, 2-3 times per day, during your period.
Eat Toast and Melons. Don’t Eat Dairy and Sugar.
It's pretty common to experience cravings while you're on your period. Just keep in mind that what you eat will determine a lot about how good or bad you'll feel until your cycle is over.
Foods that make the thumbs up list include toast and melons. Whole grain toast, because your body needs carbs during this time and it's a complex one that's better for you than cake or cookies. Also, whole grains produce serotonin in the body which soothes and relaxes you (which is why whole grain popcorn is a great "period food" too). Melons are beneficial because they contain something known as Cucumis melo; that's relevant because, in the days leading up to your period, your body stores up salt and fluids. Cucumis melo is a compound that flushes unneeded water from your system so that you have less bloating.
Foods that get the thumbs down? One of them is dairy. That's because it contains arachidonic acids. What those end up doing is triggering your prostaglandins in your body and increasing the intensity of your cramps. Another no-no is sugar. Yes, you may crave it, but it's a substance that will send your blood sugar levels on the kind of roller coaster ride that will throw your testosterone and estrogen levels completely off. In fact, a lot of women's mood swings during PMS can be directly attributed to them giving into their sugar cravings.
Don’t Drink Coffee. Do Drink Peppermint Tea.
No matter how much you love a piping cup of java in the morning, in the days leading up to your period and until it ends, try your best to go without it (or, at the very least, drink some decaf). The caffeine that's in coffee naturally causes your blood vessels to constrict. When that happens, your cramps feel stronger and can even last longer.
Instead, opt for some herbal tea; preferably peppermint tea. The antioxidants in it will make PMS symptoms like bloating and fatigue less of an issue. Plus, the menthol and anti-spasmodic properties that are found in peppermint leaves will provide a cooling effect on your reproductive system while lessening your cramps simultaneously.
Take a Nap
If you're someone who feels severely sleep-deprived during your period, you are not alone. Reportedly, 23 percent of women claim to not get enough z-z-z's the week before their period and 30 percent claim to toss and turn during the week of their cycle.
Aside from the fact that power naps increase productivity and creativity, reduce stress, and betters your mood, it can also relax your reproductive system so that your period doesn't drain you quite so much.
You can take advantage of all of these benefits by laying your head down for 10-15 minutes. Definitely something to think about when you're trying to decide between taking a nap in your car or going to the closest drive-thru on your lunch break.
(Hint, the nap is your better bet!)
Take care of you; especially during that time of the month, OK?
Featured image by Megan Madden / Refinery29 for Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Why You Should Strongly Consider Premarital Counseling BEFORE Getting Engaged
It was the social commentator Will Rogers who once said, “All television is children’s television.” What he meant by that is TV has a way of “dumbing you down,” if you’re not careful. He ain’t neva lied either because, y’all, there is truly an endless amount of diabolical foolishness in all mediums of the media these days; especially when it comes to the tube (well, and social media). And so, I must say, for that reason alone, I am grateful for programming like OWN’sFamily or Fiancé.
As a marriage life coach for over 20 years at this point, I’m sure that I’m a little bit biased when I say that I appreciate the overall premise of the show because (if you haven’t seen it) it’s (mostly) about engaged couples, their potential red flags, and their loved ones holding them accountable to those things before they attempt to jump any broom — and boy, if there is something that I wished happened more often, off-screen, it’s exactly that.
That’s not to say that there aren’t times when I find myself hella triggered while watching the program, though. I say that because I literally can’t believe some of the issues that continue to exist (BIG ONES) after someone has proposed and their partner has accepted. Financial drama. Family drama. Distrust. Toxic levels of communication. Sometimes stuff that makes you wonder how and why a couple are friends let alone engaged to one another. SMDH.
Yeah, as I recently said in a podcast interview not too long ago, I really wish that marriage therapists, counselors, and life coaches would normalize recommending premarital counseling to people before anyone puts a ring on someone else’s finger. I say that because, as someone who wholeheartedly believes that there would be a lot less divorces if premarital counseling was so much more thorough than it tends to be, I also think that if two people really pondered if they should even get engaged to begin with…there would be more solid marriages between individuals who are good fits for one another instead of fleeting weddings between two people who really had no idea how deep marriage is.
And so, as unconventional as it may be, today I’m going to make my case for why, anyone who is considering marriage up the pike, should get into premarital counseling BEFORE a ring is bought, anyone gets on one knee and definitely prior to a wedding date being set.
Premarital Counseling Should Not Be Treated Like a Mere Formality
Someone in my world right now is engaged — and I’m not thrilled about it. They are super young, hella broke and there is a lot of drama going on between both sides of their families. When I spoke to the bride-to-be about the importance of getting some premarital counseling, I thought that I was going to throw the phone across the room when she shared with me that they were going to go for “a couple of sessions.” Chile, with all that she shared with me, they need to be in counseling for at least six months (more on that in just a sec) and yet, she said that the pastor that she was speaking with thought that 2-3 meetings would suffice.
Umm…in what world? You can’t even get to the root of why there is so much contention with the family members in a couple of sessions and they have a whole lot more red flags waving than that. And yet, sadly, we’ve gotten so used to premarital counseling being seen and treated as nothing more than a mere formality that it’s not really taken seriously — and that can prevent engaged couples from taking what they are about to get into as seriously as they should as well.
And don’t get me started on how true this is once you’ve already got a ring on your finger because there’s a really big chance that you are going to move forward with your wedding whether counseling goes well or not — if for no other reason than your pride doesn’t want people to know that you called your engagement off (check out “These 12 Women Broke Off Their Engagements. Here's Why.”).
And that is reason #1 why I think that premarital counseling needs to happen before an engagement — because 1) you can take your time because there is no wedding to plan for yet and 2) you don’t have to worry about what you should do about your engagement if you realize you shouldn’t be together…you’re not engaged yet. Moving on.
Premarital Counseling Should Be More than a Couple of Sessions
Clients of mine who have plans to get married can vouch for the fact that if you’re going to work with me, don’t book a first session if you want to get married within a couple of months. Shoot, I tend to spend 5-6 sessions on intimacy alone because it’s important to discuss things like what you were taught about sex, how your first time impacted you, if you are a virgin what inspired the decision, what your expectations of sex are, how religion has influenced your views of sex, how you prioritize sex in a marriage, what you think the purpose of sex actually is — and that’s actually just the tip of the iceberg!
And since there is so much more that comes with being married than just having a healthy sexual dynamic (although that is easily in the top five if you understand the purpose of sex in a marital union), how can three 30-minute sessions even begin to scratch the surface?
Have mercy, y’all, with the divorce rate still hovering somewhere around 50 percent, statistics revealing that couples who engage in premarital counseling are typically able to reduce their chances of ending their future marriage by a little over 30 percent, it’s almost tragic that reportedly only 36 percent of couples go premarital counseling, to begin with.
And if you want to go the distance of what most people vow (which is a promise) during their wedding ceremony of being together until death parts you — how in the world can you prepare for that without getting as deep and detailed as possible about things like: your childhoods; your communication styles; your values; your future plans and goals; your emotional needs; your sexual desires; your vices; your strengths and weaknesses; your expectations; how you handle money; your (potential) deal-breakers; your parenting styles; the baggage that you carry from past relationships; your boundaries with family members and friends; how you plan on dealing with holidays and special days; how you handle disagreements; if your home is going to be traditional or not; if your home is going to have Scriptural standards or not; who is going to clean what; who is going to handle what — need I go on to prove that a couple of sessions simply ain’t gonna cut it? I doubt it.
Premarital Counseling Before Engagement Takes the Pressure Off…to Get Married
Semi-recently, while at a funeral, I ran into a guy who I hadn’t seen in, shoot, at least 15 years. As we were walking to our cars and catching up on our lives, I said, “I have always meant to tell you that you and your ex-fiancé have always been heroes of mine.” They’ve been broken up even longer than the last time I saw him and so, understandably, it took him a minute for him to even get where I was coming from. “Oh, [insert her name here]? Why do you say that?”
My reason is because they actually attended a church in Nashville that does what I believe: that you should participate in premarital counseling before getting engaged. Anyway, although he and his girlfriend actually “passed” the counseling process, they ended up breaking up anyway. I remember, even back then, him saying that after they really considered all that comes with making a marriage work, they came to the conclusion that they weren’t each other’s best complement (check out “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life”). GOOD FOR THEM.
Yep, another reason why I’m a huge fan of premarital counseling happening before getting engaged is because I think that most people will listen better to what is being said to them if they took this approach. They will really stop to consider if they should even go from dating (or boyfriend and girlfriend) to getting engaged — because (and it can’t be said enough) I need everyone to remember that by the time you are someone’s fiancée, all that means is you two are in a season of preparing for your wedding day. Engagement is not about seeing if you need to get married or not. IF YOU DON’T KNOW THAT, YOU DON’T NEED TO BE ENGAGED (YET). AND YES, I AM YELLING THAT.
And if you’re in premarital counseling, not engaged and you see that you would be better off not becoming spouses, then there is no pressure to get married. Because you are not fiancé and fiancée. You are seeing if that should even happen…and it tends to be a lot less stressful to admit that it shouldn’t when you’re not at the point of being officially engaged…yet.
Premarital Counseling Can Save a Lot of Money (in the Long Run)
I have this theory that easily 80 percent of the married couples who ended up getting a divorce, a part of them wanted to call off the wedding the night before. Why didn’t they do it? For the same reasons why some of the members of my own family didn’t (and honestly should’ve and ultimately ended up divorcing anyway): venues were already paid for; dresses were already purchased; deposits were already put down; plane tickets were already bought, family members already have non-refundable investments — in folks’ minds, it’s simply too late to not go through with it.
Listen, if you think that being in a miserable marriage or getting divorced is easier than calling off a wedding, I don’t know who told you that lie. Besides, even if it is a little embarrassing, it actually takes a lot of courage to declare that you respect the covenant and contract of marriage too much to go through it just because you want to avoid feeling uncomfortable for a little while or you don’t want to lose money that you’ve already spent.
And yet — imagine how much this all would totally be a non-issue if you never spent any money in the first place (engagement ring included) because premarital counseling prior to getting engaged revealed to you that there is no need to plan a wedding because either you’re not with the right person or it’s not the right time? The investment in counseling prior to getting married may cost you a grand or so (give or take) and yet it’s still gonna be cheaper than paying for a wedding — one that very possibly shouldn’t be happening in the first place. And that will preach.
Premarital Counseling Should Focus on Different Things than Engagement Counseling
Unpopular (or at least uncommon) opinion: premarital counseling and engagement counseling should be separate. While premarital counseling should be all about figuring out if the person you’re thinking about marrying someday is an ideal fit for you, engagement counseling should be about providing tips and tools to make your wedding planning and newlywed years a smoother transition. Because, although we live in a culture that thinks a lot like my 13-year-old goddaughter does (that there isn’t much of a difference between a boyfriend, fiancé, and husband), people who are dating are not nearly as serious as people who are engaged and people who are engaged are not nearly as serious as people who are married.
Each season of a relationship comes with its own weight of responsibilities and while being in a long-term relationship, you should explore if you and your partner should shift into considering marriage, once you have declared that you are suitable for one another (which is what engagement is about), it’s well past time to be out here trying to figure out if you should get married…now it’s time to figure out how to do it. BIG DIFFERENCE.
So yes, I think it would be a total game-changer, indeed, for more therapists, counselors, and life coaches to encourage premarital counseling (should we get married?) to people who are (seriously) dating and engagement counseling (we need tips for preparing for our wedding and transitioning into becoming newlyweds) to those who are actually engaged.
If steps were taken in this fashion, I definitely think there would be fewer daters wasting each other’s time, more engaged people focusing on what the engagement season is truly all about — and both would take the importance of marriage counseling more seriously and literally as well. Because something else that research reveals is that 90 percent of married couples who attend 90-minute sessions, once a week, for 10 weeks, report that it ended up improving their emotional well-being and 75 percent said that the sessions made them feel more satisfied with their relationship overall.
Counseling does that. Counseling does that.
Just sayin’.
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