Escaping An Abusive Relationship Led To My Success
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Cherisse Jamison's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
I found out I was adopted when I was 12 years old—which sucked.
But my parents never treated me any differently from my siblings. I lived in a two-parent home, something not very common were I'm from. My dad has six kids, none of which graduated from high school. Because of this, people expected me to fail, or get pregnant early, and drop out of school. It was crazy.
When I turned 21, my curiosity got the best of me and I made the decision to look into obtaining my adoption records. I always had the urge to find out who I was, and was met with road blocks when searching before. One day out of the blue, while at home for the summer, I randomly received my adoption records in the mail. Oh my goodness, I remember being so excited.
I'm finally going to be able to meet my biological family!
I literally could not open it fast enough. Once I finished ripping open the envelope, I was instantly devastated to see the agency literally marked out all names, all addresses. Basically, all the important information that could lead me to finding my biological family.
Heartbroken.
I immediately began scrambling to find my original birth certificate, which listed my biological name before it was changed. I also found small details that had descriptions of my parents and grandparents, my two siblings which I learned both lived in my same state. And...a church.
First, I decided to call the hospital. The hospital no longer had any record, being that it was many years ago, so I decided to switch my attention to the church. I came across a YouTube channel, which belonged to a young musician who was also a member of this church. I eventually found him on Facebook, sent him a message, and he responded almost immediately. Initially, he thought it was a joke or a scam, but I ended up convincing him to give me a call.
His name was J—we were only four years apart. He told me that we, biologically, had the same last name and that 90% of that church would be my family if this were true. We all hopped on a call with his grandmother, where he explained the situation as she listened to the same details I gave J. Hesitant, she told him to reach out to his mom, which he did.
Moments later, it was confirmed. He called me back crying, and saying that his mom admitted to him being my brother.
The crazy part of all of this is the fact that this all happened in the same day. Me receiving a letter from the agency, and by 10:00 that night, finding my birth mother.
I met them in person and as time passed, we kept in contact until I graduated college. I decided to move closer to them for what was supposed to be only a summer, permanently. Admittedly, during this time, I was warned from my other siblings about my mom. But me, desperately wanting to foster a relationship with that side of my identity, didn't listen.
This is my biological mother. Nothing is going to stop me from being near her.
I decided to move in with her. And it wasn't long after that, that everything changed.
She became very narcissistic. A scammer. Neglectful to my younger brother. I witnessed multiple men come in and out in a week. And as a grown ass woman, it was a lot for me to take in. I never witnessed a "mother" move in the matter she did. Every attempt I made to get closer to her, she denied. There were times where I would get off work around 10pm every night and she would let me walk from the store to her house. Never bothered to come get me or even made sure I made it home. One day, I overheard a phone conversation she was having and during the call she was discussing me:
"I never came looking for her, she was looking for me."
"I wish she would go back to the people she came from."
I don't think there's a word for how hurt I was. I moved away from everything that I ever knew to build a relationship with her, and I was rejected in every way.
Soon, I ended up meeting a guy named [redacted] at work (for the sake of the story, let's call him Abusive Andy). Like a fragile child, that in hindsight I truly was, I instantly fell for his charm basically due to me being insecure, depressed, and now, homesick. I spent about two weeks with him, going back and forth. I would literally only go to my mom's house to get clothes and leave. He would pick me up and take me to work and treated me what seemed, at the time, like royalty. One day, while I was at Abusive Andy's house, I received a message from my biological mom saying I had three days to packs my things and return her key. She never gave me an explanation, nor did she bother to care where I would go. I spent a week living in a hotel while I figured out what I would do. Returning home was no longer an option, and my parents had no idea what was even going on.
Andy suggested I move in with him. And after only a month of knowing him, I moved in.
At first, everything was great and I felt protected. But like my mother, a couple weeks later, everything changed. He became very controlling, loud, and angry. It seemed like everything I did, or didn't do, made him upset. He once slapped me for not folding clothes the way he liked, which, of course, he apologized for and I brushed it off as him having a bad day. But still, we would fight every single day. He made me cut off all my friends and I became very isolated from everyone. I became even more depressed, very quiet, I gained a lot of weight as well.
And the thing about it is, Abusive Andy knew I had no family or anyone that I could call on for help. He preyed on it.
I kept protecting him because I loved him and I knew I had nowhere else to go. But the final straw came when I witnessed him fight his mother in front of me. Who would put their hands on their own mother?
He then turned and started beating me, and his mom did nothing and said nothing.
It was time to go. After a final fight, I picked myself up, filed a retraining order, and got the hell away from it all.
--
Thankfully, even through the pain, the hustle in me was never affected. I began to throw myself into work. In college, I would write songs for local artists, blog, and more. One day, I received a message on Instagram from Party Hardly, over at Hip Hop Weekly. He said he heard a lot about me and wanted to know if I was interested in interviewing for the platform, which of course, I was. My reputation and personal brand took off and eventually, I began receiving media invites for award shows, movie premieres, and all things red carpet. I revamped my brand to 'Keeping Up With Kells', opening myself to more diverse markets. Soon after, I covered the VMAs, The Grammys, Black Girls Rock, BET Hip Hop Awards, Soul Train, and more.
And now, I represent and work with multiple celebrities, independent artists, and entrepreneurs as a publicist. Everything I learned over the years was self-taught. I had no role models, I had no internships, or mentors. I did, however, have a lot of heartache, a lot of pain.
And so many of us are walking around with the same. So many of us create paths, while simultaneously carrying around our brokenness. But God is keeping us, ladies. He's not allowing us to be broken, He didn't allow me to be broken. I succeeded anyway.
So often, I sit back a reflect on my journey. How I'm where I am in life, why I'm where I am in life. Even now, this very story I'm telling, is a highlight for me, because I'm always in the game of pleasing my clients and making sure their stories are told, never mine.
Even currently, I'm writing a self-discovery book to unpack my thoughts (which I don't have a title yet, but I can say it's going to give complete transparency of my life from childhood to womanhood) and also, I'll drop a few tips that helped me become successful--you know, the do's and the don'ts of the industry; the secrets we won't say out loud. In the meantime, I will continue my journey, in my happiness.
My skin is clear, I'm not frustrated, and I feel genuinely loved by my partner. Just being completely comfortable and confident in me.
Cherisse is currently working on a few projects, with creating a resource for aspiring publicists being one. Follow her in Instagram @keepingupwithkellsonline for more information.
Feature image courtesy of KZW Capturing Essence
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED