If it's one thing I'm sure of, it's the accuracy of how well SZA was able to capture almost every single phase, worry, and emotion that comes with being in your twenties on her latest album Ctrl.
You know what I'm talking about.
You're stuck in that phase where grocery shopping starts to feel less like a chore and more like fun.
You're in that phase where half of your old high school and college-mates are getting married and have children and the other half have charges pending.
You're in that phase where a job with guaranteed 40 hours a week and a full benefits package sounds like heaven but then again so does drinks and queso with your friends every weekend.
You feel like there's more that you should be doing, that you should be moving forward and yet you don't really know what direction that is.
I get it, I really do but it doesn't have to be this way.
Here are eight things you can do to help you master tf out of your uncertain twenties:
Engage the Power of Community
You are never in things alone, no matter how you may feel and it's better to learn that now. Spend time with and find a tribe of women that will encourage you, convict you when needed, and be that shoulder to cry on when you do have your down moments. There's strength in numbers, sis.
Get to Know Yourself
With all of the beautifully curated lives on social media and the plethora of gurus on television, it can be hard to decipher your wants, needs, and interests from the masses. Get clear on who you are. Not who you "post to be." Figure out what makes you happy, your affirmations, how certain things make you feel, and what's important to you. Dead the noise and get reacquainted with you.
Check Impostor Syndrome at the Door
Listen here sis: YOU ARE AN ACHIEVER.
Stop downplaying your accomplishments and everything you've got you've gotten through hard work and good work. Feeling like a fraud is fake news, okay? This is only the beginning. You're more than able and you belong in every room you find yourself in so walk like it.
Define Your Version of Success
For some people, success is three houses, five luxury cars, a rich spouse, and 2.5 children. For you, it might be getting through an entire workweek without taking a nap, not postponing wash day for two weeks, and cooking yourself dinner five days out of the week instead of going out. Figure out what success looks like for you and make it happen as often as you can.
Understand the Come-Up Doesn't Happen Overnight
Don't let the 'gram fool you. All we see is the highlight reel when it comes to our favorite influencers and celebs. Most of them didn't achieve their level or acclaim and significance right out the gate and you shouldn't expect to either. Use your 20somethings to put in that work that can set you up for a beautiful glow up in the future. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was Oprah's bank account. Do the work.
Practice and Establish a Self-Care Routine
After you get done grinding, take some time to enjoy you. Center yourself in the morning by incorporating some prayer and exercise. Take a break midday and plug into your favorite music for a quick escape. Go watch your favorite movies and buy all your favorite snacks. At the end of the week, after all is said and done, go get your nails done and have drinks with your friends. Treat yo' self.
Remember You Don't Have to Have It All Together
With every phase of life that you find yourself in, you must remember that you've never experienced it before and neither have other people. You've never been in your 20somethings, your parents have never been in their 50somethings. Everyone is literally learning as they go and that's the beautiful thing about growing up. You never stop learning and the minute you try to rid yourself of that fact, you put yourself in an unfair position.
Allow yourself to get it wrong sometimes and know that it's okay. Allow yourself to not know how or what the next right move is and choose to not feel inadequate. Take solace in the fact that we all still honestly have some growing to do.
Good luck on them 20somethings!
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- Why Navigating Your 20s Is Hard | Goop ›
- How You Spend Your 20s Will Define You ›
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RELATED
From the day they met, food has always played a role in their relationship, and working together in the food industry is what we call a full circle moment. Learn more about Bryant and Daniella’s story of finding love with one another.
How they met.
Bryant: We met at a mutual clients’ house. She was doing the lady hair, and I was cooking for the lady. The client sent her downstairs to record me while I was cooking to, I guess, see what I was cooking, and I caught her recording, but we didn't talk. I caught her recording, we laughed it off, and she went about her day.
So I guess that was the first thing that made us interact with each other. A few months down the line, I think she posted something [on social media]. I hopped in her DM and responded to it, and then we decided to just meet up and hang out. I looked at her as an entrepreneur. I'm an entrepreneur. She don’t need nothing. I don’t need nothing. It's good to hang with people who don't need nothing from you.
When we linked up, our chemistry was just so soft and just so nice. She is a great person, but after meeting up with her [for the] first time, she went back to Miami. She came back [to Atlanta], and we just kicked it off that next weekend, and ever since then, we've been locked in.
Daniella: That same client had flew me back in so I knew I had to come up here for work. But I told him that we'll meet up and [go] on a date and see each other again. When that happened, everything else was history. It just happened organically. It wasn’t forced or anything.
Bryant and Daniella Williams
Courtesy
First impressions.
Bryant: I knew for a fact for her to come downstairs and try to record me, I knew that she was brave, and that said a lot about her, because I barely even talk when I'm cooking for my clients. So you have to talk to somebody for them to feel comfortable to play with you, or do certain things. I feel like the client sent her downstairs because she knew that she's an outspoken, bubbly type of person who don't mind laughing it off if she gets caught doing it.
When she came back to Atlanta, she booked me to cook for her family. So while I was cooking for her in the kitchen, the whole time she was in there talking to me. It was like a date in the kitchen, and I cooked her food. Once the food was laid out, I just left. We had a great conversation when I was cooking for her, and also when she came downstairs and tried to record me.
Daniella: I was impressed how he was multitasking because I was asking him deep, interesting questions, and he was cooking the food, and he was still answering my questions. But I was in a relationship at that time, so I wasn't really in tune. It was no emotions. But when I came back and flew in to work, we met with each other.
He came and picked me up from the hotel and we drove around Atlanta, sightseeing. We went to the African club. So when he came downstairs, I was like okay, you not gonna hug me, you not gonna say nothing? He was shocked and we stayed together for like eight or nine hours, and he took me back to the hotel. I think he picked me up around nine at night. He took me back to the hotel around seven in the morning. Then he walked me to my hotel door. He gave me a hug and he gave me a kiss and said, 'I love you.' And I was like, what?
We stayed together for like eight or nine hours, and he took me back to the hotel. I think he picked me up around nine at night. He took me back to the hotel around seven in the morning. Then he walked me to my hotel door. He gave me a hug and he gave me a kiss and said, 'I love you.' And I was like, what?
The one.
Daniella: When we first linked up, he took me around Atlanta. He was soft and gentle. He was a gentleman. He opened the door for me and I never had nobody open the door. He opened the door every single time I was going in and getting out the car, and when we went to that restaurant. I was like, [there’s] something about him, and he was just nice, calm and patient. So I knew he was a little different from what I'm used to.
Bryant: [I knew she was the one by] how she cared so much. She didn't really know me like that. She knew of me, but she cared so much about me. When we first met, she would lay on me and just relax. For someone who just wants to relax on you, that says a lot about them towards you. It wasn't like I had to prove myself and she didn’t have to prove herself with me either. It wasn't nothing like that. We were willing to take whatever came with it. But it just was really a break. It was like the best me meeting a woman because I didn't try.
Any other woman, I might be trying to dress up, take her to this place, I did not try at all. I picked her up and I actually thought that she wasn't gonna go on the date with me because of her status and my status. I'm such a laid back homey dude and she's from Miami. I thought she would be on the City Girls, you gotta do this, do that. But she wasn't. She was the total opposite. She was a homebody, chill, like me.
Bryant and Daniella Williams
Courtesy
Marriage advice for couples.
Bryant: Work together. Communication, put your mind together.
Daniella: And keep your family out your business.
Bryant: Keep it private please. Y'all work it out first. When y'all make sure it's solidified, then you tell them, or let them find out on their own. Privacy is the most valuable thing.
Daniella: And date each other because people get married and they stop doing the things that they did to get you, or stop doing the things that they did while they were in a relationship with you, before y'all got married. No, do the same thing. For me, I get bored easy, and I think he knows that. So just keep it spicy. Keep it interesting.
Bryant: We like spontaneous stuff like last-minute trips, trying different foods, going out the country just off a spur of a moment. You gotta make it fun. Don't just make it all business. And I think one person out of the relationship needs to take the initiative to make sure their partner is relaxing and at peace. A lot of people carry functional depression to where they’re functional, like we're doing this right now, but they can be going through something.
I don't think it's male or female. I think whichever one, the other partner should notice it and work with their partner to get through whatever they get through, like, for postpartum depression and stuff. That's something that most men don't even really know exist, but that's something when she had our daughter, I had an anti-postpartum depression plan put in place for her. She didn't know about it, but I knew I was gonna be extra sweet to her.
She won't have to think about doing nothing with the little baby. My little girl was watching the football game with me, when she was a few weeks old, because I was giving her that peace, so she can just relax, because her body has been through so much. So you got to be considerate of your mate's mental state and their mental well-being, because when it's gone, it's gone and it takes a lot to get it back, so I think that's important.
When she had our daughter, I had an anti-postpartum depression plan put in place for her. She didn't know about it, but I knew I was gonna be extra sweet to her. She won't have to think about doing nothing with the little baby. My little girl was watching the football game with me, when she was a few weeks old, because I was giving her that peace, so she can just relax, because her body has been through so much.
If you see something not right with your spouse, help them get help. It's okay for them to talk to a therapist by themselves, or it's okay for them to talk to somebody, but don't just sit there and let them go into this decline and self-destruction. I think that's the most important, because sometimes she be overwhelmed, and I have to be that person to hold her up. And then sometimes I'm overwhelmed. To her, baby, I don't want to do this no more. She's like, you gonna do this. We gonna do this. And she reminds me who I am. I remind her who she is, and we come back feeling more motivated.
Daniella: I think business owners should date business owners because they understand your hustle, your hunger. They understand when you can have a day where you make $0 and you have a day when you make $1,000. But I feel like if you dating someone who is in corporate America, and you a business owner, there's going to be a lot of friction, a lot of tension, and I just feel like I want to date someone that has the same drive as me.
Because I don't want to feel like I'm trying to build a bear, build a man, and I have to pull you and drag you, or just being with somebody who got they self together. For instance, my last relationship. I won't say I was the breadwinner, but I was kind of established, and I felt like I was sleeping with the enemy. I was growing fast and I wasn't stagnant. I was trying to get to the next level. He started to be jealous of me and I feel like a lot of women deal with men trying to be jealous of them. Men also have ego issues where they don't really want their woman making a certain amount of money or making more money than them.
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