I have a girlfriend in her 50s who claims she doesn't recall one time when she's ever looked directly into her vagina. Not during sex. Not when she had her kids. Never. According to her, she basically washes it and trims it from time to time and that's about it.
Meanwhile, I'm the kind of woman who feels like my va-jay-jay is like a plant; it deserves to be loved on and even talked to on occasion. It's nothing for me to take out a handheld mirror and do my own impromptu inspecting to see how things are going down there. I'll even proudly shout her out when necessary.
Most of my friends know that my vagina and I are buddies. Maybe that's why it's not uncommon for them to hit me up with random questions like, "What should I wash my vagina with?"
Okay. The short answer is "absolutely nothing." One of the best things about our vaginas is they are self-cleaning; our bodies provide everything they need to maintain a pH balance of 3.8-4.5, which is why we shouldn't douche; it throws the balance off. But when it comes to our labia — the external folds of our vulva, which is the outer part of our vagina — that is something that we can safely pamper and love on with a few beauty products (preferably all-natural ones).
If you want to give your vagina — and by that, I mean labia — a bit of a treat, here are some all-natural homemade washes that are not only safe to use but can benefit your lady parts in so many ways.
Disclaimer: When it comes to the recipes that require water, room-temperature distilled water is best because it's the kind of water that is contamination-free and helps to detoxify your organs.
Rosewater and Lavender Wash:
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Rosewater is great for your labia because it's full of antioxidants, helps to treat infections, and also helps to soothe skin irritation. Lavender oil works well with it because it provides a calming effect while it soothes skin irritation and reduces PMS-related symptoms. Witch hazel is awesome because it contains tannins that help to tighten up superficial cells (it's also great for healing hemorrhoids and postpartum swelling). Rosemary oil increases blood circulation while reducing stress. The more blood that's flowing to your genitalia, the more awesome your orgasms will be!
Recipe:
1 Cup of Distilled Water
1/3 Cup of Rosewater
¼ Cup of Witch Hazel
1 Tablespoon of Rosemary Oil
6 Drops of Lavender Oil
Mix all of these ingredients together in a bottle, shake well and immediately apply (if you wish). This wash should hold for a couple of months, so long as it's kept at room temperature.
Lemon Leaves Wash:
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Lemon leaves have antibacterial and hypoallergenic properties that help to gently and effectively cleanse your labia. If you have any skin discoloration in that area, they can even that out over time too. Something else that lemon leaves have the ability to do is make your labia feel refreshed immediately after using it. Tea tree oil is ideal if you're dealing with a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis. That's because it contains powerful antibacterial and antifungal properties that are able to relieve the symptoms of both, oftentimes within 24-48 hours.
Recipe:
1 Cup of Distilled Water
3 Lemon Leaves
1 Drop of Tea Tree Oil
Boil the leaves in the water and let it steep for 30 minutes. Add the tea tree oil and allow it to cool down to room temperature. It's best to store this in a glass container. It should keep well for 30 days or so.
Red Clover and Sandalwood Wash:
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Something else that's great for treating PMS-related symptoms is red clover tea; that's because it is rich in isoflavones (which are basically phytoestrogens). Another benefit of red clover tea is that it slows down the appearance of aging (labia lips tend to lose collagen over time just like everything else). This tea can even aid in alleviating certain menopause-related issues (like poor blood circulation and vaginal dryness). Sandalwood contains anti-viral and antiseptic properties. Plus, it's known to provide an aphrodisiac effect. Perfect for those nights when you've got a lil' sumthin' sumthin' planned.
Recipe:
1 Cup of Distilled Water
1 Red Clover Tea Bag
3 Sandalwood Oil Drops
Boil the tea bag in the water and let it steep for an hour. Add the sandalwood oil, let the solution cool and put all of this into a glass container. It should hold for 30-45 days.
Calendula and Coconut Oil Wash:
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Organic coconut oil is a vagina's best friend because it contains the kind of ingredients that kill bacteria, viruses, and fungi. It also has vitamin E in it to keep your labia soft and smooth. If you happen to have eczema or psoriasis around your labia or inner thighs, calendula has a great reputation for relieving the kind of skin that is associated with it. It is also the kind of oil that helps to keep your skin firm and moisturized.
Recipe:
1 Cup of Distilled Water
3 Tablespoons of Organic Coconut Oil
5 Drops of Calendula Oil
Mix all of the ingredients together and zap the wash in the microwave for about 10 seconds (just enough for the coconut oil to melt). Let it cool and put it in a microwave-safe bottle (so that you can microwave it again if the coconut oil solidifies). This one has a 3-4 month shelf life.
Aloe Vera, Yogurt and Honey Wash (Mask):
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Everyone should have at least one aloe vera plant in their house because there's honestly not too much it can't do! As far as your labia is concerned, it contains all sorts of vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and antioxidants to protect its skin. Aloe vera also contains polyphenols that help to keep bacteria at bay. Plain yogurt is loaded with probiotics that significantly reduce the chances of you getting a yeast infection. As far as raw honey goes, one study revealed that when it's added to yogurt, it can reduce yeast infection-related symptoms by as much as 88 percent!
Recipe:
1 Slice of Aloe
1/3 Cup of Plain Yogurt
3 Teaspoons of Raw Honey
This particular recipe is both thick and perishable (which is why it's more of a mask than a wash). That said, it's best to cut the gel out of the plant and put it, along with the yogurt and honey, into a blender for a few seconds. Then apply it to your vagina, let it sit for five minutes, and then rinse well (really well). Put the remaining amount in your fridge and it should keep for a couple of weeks.
Chamomile and Frankincense Wash:
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Chamomile tea does everything from boost immunity and reduce muscle spasms, to lighten skin and decrease stress levels in the body. It also helps to accelerate cell and tissue regeneration so that your labia can stay plump and pretty. Frankincense is an earthy scent that works as an astringent to kill germs and bacteria. Sweet almond oil contains plenty of vitamins A and E to moisturize, heal, and protect your labia.
Recipe:
1 Cup of Distilled Water
1 Tea Bag of Chamomile Tea
3 Tablespoons of Sweet Almond Oil
4 Drops of Frankincense Oil
Boil the chamomile tea bag in the water and let it steep for 30 minutes. Then add the sweet almond oil and frankincense oil. Let it cool and store in a glass container. This also will hold for about a month.
Baking Soda Wash:
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If you simply want to be proactive in keeping your vagina at the pH level it's supposed to be, look no further than baking soda. Being that it's naturally alkaline, it has a remarkable way of balancing your vagina's pH levels out. This means it helps prevent yeast infections, foul odors, and sometimes itching and burning too.
Recipe:
½ Cup of Distilled Water
½ Cup of Baking Soda
Mix the baking soda in with the water and use. Make sure to shake well every time before using this particular wash. This should keep well for at least 4-5 months. Enjoy (them all)!
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
Featured image courtesy