
5 Times Your Girlfriends May Have Given You Horrible Dating Advice

If I had listened to my friends' dating advice, I would have been pregnant at 16, married to a scammer with a body count well past a fifth grader's counting ability, or possibly – and I mean this in all seriousness – dead.
As much as our close girlfriends love and care about us, let's face it, sometimes they give pretty crappy dating advice.
Some of them are stuck in fairytale land and believe that every frog or f*#& boy has the potential to be a prince and we just need to hold on a little longer. While other friends are on the opposite end of the spectrum and try their hardest to convince us our man is no good after we tell them he forgot to take out the trash. Somewhere in between there is usually a sound-minded happy medium friend, but you often realize you are that friend and the only advice you can trust is your own.
So, if you've ever taken advice from a friend that for some reason didn't sit right in your soul, chances are it may be one of the tips listed below.
1. "He's just playing hard to get, pursue him."
You know that guy. The one you are head over heels with. The one who treats you with indifference. The guy you don't know why you like and you know you shouldn't like him but you just can't stop liking. That guy. Your ego won't allow you to admit that you know he doesn't like you, not really – not enough to pursue you, to call you, to take the time to really get to know you. Yet, for some reason, his name is brought up in every conversation you have with your friends. The mere thought of him is enough to make you smile and you feel anxious and nervous around him. Your friend, bless her heart, is wrong on this one.
Men don't need you to chase them. When a man wants you, he is upfront with what he wants. Even if he is shy, he won't be sending you mixed messages and playing games with your emotions, that's child's play.
To your friend, you are an incredible, beautiful, amazing woman, which is why she can't understand why this man isn't behaving that way, but to him, you are not his dream girl, not someone he is willing to turn in his player card for, and ultimately not the one. Instead of wasting time figuring out what is it about you that he doesn't like or how to get him to like you, leave him and the situation alone. You don't need a friend to tell you how he feels about you because you already know it's up to you to use that knowledge to leave a situation that is going nowhere fast.
2. "If you don't, someone else will."
When I was 16, I liked this guy a lot. He asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes. He wanted to have sex, I didn't. My friends told me he was a player and if I didn't oblige him, someone else will. I still didn't. The next day, I found out he had been dating a classmate of mine for quite some time and she, along with several other girls I'm sure, had all been sleeping with him. I promptly stopped talking to him and was so happy I didn't listen to my friends' horrible advice. It doesn't matter what it is your friends or anyone else feels like you have to do to keep a man, if you don't feel comfortable doing it, do not do it.
In the end, you can be mad at your friends all you want to, but ultimately the decision was yours to make, no one else's. If it doesn't feel right in your soul, it isn't. Trust your gut, your intuition, your first mind – whatever you want to call it, it's typically always right. Instead of further putting yourself in a bad situation, trust yourself, not your friends.
"If he did it before, he will do it again."
Your man got caught flirting with another woman, was disrespectful towards you, forgot to do that one thing he's been saying he would do for months now. In other words, he made a mistake, a mistake that he may or may not have made in the past. A mistake you may have made, or may be making currently. He did something wrong. That in no way should be overlooked or handled as if he did nothing, however does that mean he will continue to do it? No. Does that mean it will never happen again? Also no.
The key is knowing the person you are in a relationship with. If you know he felt horrible about whatever he did wrong and you truly believe him, why not forgive him? Why not give him the same courtesy you would want if you did the same thing? Humans are not perfect, period. That doesn't mean you stay and put up with whatever crap he hands you but you have to know what is worth fighting for and what isn't.
"Go through his phone, computer, sock drawer, pockets, wallets, mama's closet."
No, no, no! Girl, no. I'm not going to lie, I've done it. But how many times have you went through his stuff, found nothing then looked again until you did find something that could be something or could be nothing and stayed anyway? Your grandma was right when she said when you go looking, you find something. That doesn't mean that you should just live in ignorant bliss and be left in the dark about your husband having a whole family that lives in Kalamazoo, but sometimes when we do go looking for something, we easily misconstrue a whole lot of nothing and turn it into something.
When you truly trust your partner, you have no need to go through his belongings and when you don't, your communication should be strong enough that you should be able to verbalize why you are feeling a lack of trust towards him. Going through his stuff is not only detrimental to your own peace of mind, it's deceitful towards him and also illegal in a few states. Sis, don't go to jail trying to be nosey.
"Well my man did this, so yours will too."
First of all, your man is not Man-Man, not your friends man, not her ex-man, he's your man. You know your man, better than any of your friends. Just because someone one of your friends is dating or dated in the past was in a similar situation as the man you are with, does not mean he will behave the same as they did. Well my man cheated so yours will too…He didn't take me back after I did this… He left because I said that...This advice should never be taken to heart. Despite the saying “all men are the same" – surely given by someone who had not experienced all men – men, just like women, are complex creatures. I would argue women are a tad bit more complex, but I digress.
[Tweet "All men are not the same. Men, just like women, are complex creatures."]
All men are not the same, therefore, what worked or didn't work in your friend's situation may not apply to yours. Do what works best for your personal relationship based off the relationship you have and the type of man you are with. Regardless of what worked or didn't work for someone else, ultimately you know what works and what has worked or hasn't worked for you in the past.
As well-intentioned as our friends may be when they give advice, sometimes they clearly miss the mark. No one wants to be the one to tell you, you do look fat in that dress just like we don't want to tell you, he isn't that into you. But just like we know we look fat in that dress, we also know when that guy isn't really feeling us.
So, stick with your guns, wear a dress that makes you look and feel your most beautiful, and don't entertain guys that don't think you're still beautiful even when you wear that horrible dress.
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Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, writer and spoken word poet, who doesn't trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on Twitter & Instagram.
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, writer and spoken word poet, who doesn't trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on Twitter & Instagram.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy