There's no greater feeling in the world than curling up with a good book, losing yourself in the pages, and forgetting the world around you. But in between juggling busy schedules and the demands of our personal lives, finding the time to crack open one of our favorite titles can seem like a goal only achievable through the imagination. But for one "Bookstagrammer", it's not just a fairy tale, it's her reality.
Meet Kici Cofield, a 25-year-old bookworm who has managed to read 52 books a year for the last two years (that's one book for each week of the year, if you're keeping count). The Hampton University and Northwestern University alumna is a self-proclaimed introvert who found solace in the recharging powers of the stories she would read.
Since many of Kici's friends would turn to her for book and food recommendations, she decided to launch an Instagram page, Well Read and Fed, solely dedicated to her latest reads and foodie adventures. What started off as a "just a little side project" has turned into a growing community of millennial readers eager to share and exchange their love of books and recommendations among one another.
Still, you're probably wondering how she fits so many books in throughout the year; according to her, it all comes down to focus. She says, "I try to read 100 pages a day in whatever I'm reading so, that's what helps me get through the books so easily. The secret is honestly just putting your phone down, picking up a book, and giving it your full attention!"
If there's anyone who knows where to find a good read, it's Kici. So, we chatted with her to learn her top book recommends to gift to our girlfriends this holiday season. Check them out below:
*This list is specially curated by the xoNecole team and some links are affiliate links. If you purchase an item from an affiliate link, xoNecole might earn a small commission.
1.'An American Marriage' by Tayari Jones.
Amazon
"This book is based on the wrongful imprisonment of a young Black man and how it affects both him and his new wife. From the moment I started reading it, I knew that it was going to be a good book. After reading it, I experienced the worst book hangover! I couldn't stop thinking about this book simply because things like this happen in our community every day. If I just got married, would I be willing to hold my man down in prison knowing that he was innocent? Would I be able to allow all of the things I worked towards remain on pause while I try my best to live my life? It was ridiculously good. I would recommend both reading it and gifting it to a friend so that you can discuss it!"
2.'Becoming' by Michelle Obama.
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"If you didn't buy your close friend Becoming for Christmas, are they really your friend? I LOVE Michelle Obama. Her ability to 'go high when others go low' is something that I've always strived to do in life. Though I knew that she was already a BB from her time in the White House, this book gave me an inside view of her life outside of the White House. I experienced a lot of emotions but mostly pride that I got to experience the First Black First Lady in my lifetime."
3.'Broke Millennial' by Erin Lowry.
"Growing up, my parents didn't teach me about finance and how to properly manage my money. This was partly because they themselves were ignorant and not in a good space financially. So naturally when I graduated college, I opened lines of credit and found myself in debt trying to balance student loans, credit card payments, and the cost of living. Though I've been reading a lot of other books on financial literacy, I loved how relatable this book was. It was written by a millennial for millennials, so I would definitely gift it to a friend that wants to be more financially literate!"
4.'You Are A Badass' by Jen Sincero.
"This is the self-help book of all self-help books. While I was reading this, I had a hundred notes in my phone of quotes that really stuck with me. This book is all about realizing and owning your self-worth. I was in a patch when I picked this book up and it was the best book I've ever read. Whenever my friends ask for recommendations, this is one of the first books I recommend because it's that good. Perfect for someone that needs a little reminder that they are a badass!"
5.'I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings' by Maya Angelou.
"I have a slight obsession with Maya Angelou. She's always embodied grace and success to me. It wasn't until this year that I actually started reading her books and poetry. I fell in love with this story because it was similar to mine. It tackled things like rape, the idea of belonging, and self-acceptance. I believe that some books have the ability to bring healing and this was certainly one of them."
6.'A Piece of Cake: A Memoir' by Cupcake Brown.
"I came across this book right after Beyonce's Lemonade album. Someone did a write up about books they felt the album was based off and so I had no idea what the book would be about. When I tell you that I opened the book and couldn't put it down, I am not lying. I started reading the book and literally stayed up to finish it. It was a memoir about a girl, Cupcake Brown. The book describes her descent into teenage prostitution and drug addiction. Although some of the stories seem unrealistic, she holds to her story being true. I would gift this to a friend that doesn't like to read because 9 times out of 10, they are not going to be able to put this book down."
7.'Make Your Bed' by Admiral William H. McRaven
"I was definitely at a point in my life recently where I felt like I had zero self-discipline. So, me being me, I decided to find a self-help book based on the idea of discipline. Make Your Bed was written by a former Marine and he shared stories about his experiences while tying them back to self-discipline. It's all about little things (such as making your bed every day) that can change your life. This book is perfect for a friend that has goals that they want to reach but can't seem to locate enough discipline to put the work in!"
For more book recommendations year-round, follow Kici's latest titles on Well Read and Fed Instagram here.
Featured image by Getty Images
Originally published on December 8, 2018
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That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
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