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5 Lessons On Self-Worth And Boundaries You Can Learn From Being Fired
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5 Lessons On Self-Worth And Boundaries You Can Learn From Being Fired

Sis, being terminated won't make or break your life.

Workin' Girl

No one wants to hear that dreaded phrase, “We have to terminate your employment,” especially when you’ve got bills to pay and things to do. (And that cliche “You’re fired,” seems to be something that only happens on TV. Even as a manager, I’ve never yelled “You’re fired,” when letting someone go, but I digress.) It can seem like one of the worst days of your life to be let go from your job, but you know, the first time I heard that “terminate” phrase, I was relieved.


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It was at a job I hated. My manager at the time was toxic, would gaslight me and disregard my concerns about work-related issues (of which I was actually asked my professional opinion), and I was given duties that weren’t on the original job description. The job turned out to be a horrible catfish that I really wanted out of from day two. My mom didn’t raise a quitter, and at the time, I didn’t feel empowered to just leave. I cried. Stuck it out. Almost lost my mind. Then that termination day came. While I had a pretty decent salary and several financial obligations, I still felt like I was given a huge favor.

Sometimes losing a job can teach valuable lessons about self-worth and boundaries that no other experience can really teach. Here are a few:

1. It's okay to set boundaries and stick to them. As a matter of fact, it's essential.

When I was offered the position, I was told I’d be able to use my previous experience in the role and that I’d have autonomy. Well, I found out, through observation as to how my manager behaved the first week, that this wasn’t the case. If I would have nipped things in the bud from the beginning, I would have at least gotten a boost to my confidence and might have been able to avoid a terrible snowball of toxicity down the road.

Some employers need a reminder as to what work was actually contracted, what you were promised in the role, and the various legally binding insights that were shared as part of the job offer process. And some managers will also try you until you kindly and professionally remind them of what you were hired to do, based on the job description and offer letter you signed (which is indeed legally binding.) Again, set those boundaries early through open communication and stern, but respectful language when you see things going left.

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2. Standing up for yourself doesn't make you 'difficult.' It empowers you.

I could liken the manager I had at this particular job to a schoolyard bully, and my mother always taught me, “A bully will always mess with you if you do not stand up for yourself. You must stand up for yourself.” I can remember the one bully I had, in all my school years, who thought they’d try to threaten to beat me down in front of the whole school during lunch period one day. Well, let’s just say she learned the hard way that I’m not one to bully. Good thing she chose a public place. I defended myself, and not only did she never bully me again, but no one ever bothered me, either.

The same can be said about a manager or supervisor in the workplace who just seems to always be riding you–always down your throat about something or being super-unprofessional in the manner in which they talk to or relate with you in the workplace.

After being let go from the company, I reminisced on that day in school, as that confident young girl I was, and thought to myself, ‘Janell, you should have spoken up for yourself and quit.’

You can professionally approach addressing toxic behaviors in the workplace, and be sure to have them on record, by at least reporting them to human resources or other parties who are responsible for HR-related issues. Even if you don’t feel like it will do any good, at least it’s on record, especially if, like me, you’re fired. You might also need these insights on record for getting unemployment benefits, suing the company for wrongful termination, or disputing when the company fights against your receiving any benefits.

3. Never connect your value as a human being to insights (or opinions) about your job performance or experience.

Oftentimes, the manager I had during this awful firing experience, would be very disrespectful and mean, both in manner, voice tone, and words. Sometimes I found myself, as a result, feeling less-than, inadequate, and beat down by the end of a workweek. I came to the position with great references, amazing industry experience, and a great attitude, yet I’d allowed another human being to make me feel low and unworthy as a person. (That’s called abuse, by the way, something of which I’d been a victim in personal relationships both as a child and an adult. I have always had to cope with the healing from those experiences, but had never been victim to it in the workplace at the level of this particular job.)

I had to remind myself that it was the job (well, the manager really) not me. Also, even if I was not doing a great job, that does not mean I’m not a great person. Our value, as human beings who deserve love, respect, and dignity, does not diminish because of issues at a company.

(And trust me, I did the best I could, as a high-achieving leader, considering the very unorganized, toxic environment I’d been working in.)

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4. It's okay to walk away almost immediately when you feel unsafe, unhappy or know that the job simply is not a good fit for you.

It can seem daunting to quit anything, especially, if like me, you were raised to just stick things out, ‘put on your grown-woman panties’ and overcome. Well, not every situation is worth the trouble, and oftentimes, our early fears or insecurities about a job are proven valid and problematic in the end. As an experienced professional, I now know that it’s better for me to walk away as soon as I see major red flags. That firing experience gave me the confidence to not only quit a job when I know it’s just not a good look for my long-term success and wellness but to feel totally secure and unapologetic in doing so.

I’m not saying you should just give up as soon as someone on your job tap-dances on your nerves a bit too hard, or when a job seems like it’s challenging you a bit too much. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t stay in any environment where you consistently feel unsafe, unworthy, or loathful coming to work every day.

And sometimes the reasons have nothing to do with the work environment. It could just be the fact that the job just isn’t a good fit for you. Maybe you're not at your best because you're simply not passionate about the type of work you're doing. Maybe there are some personal things you need to work through. Maybe the company culture, while awesome, just isn't your vibe. Just like you’d break up with someone in a romantic relationship who, while nice and wonderful, is just not the right person for you, leave that job that’s not compatible, too.

You can go through a benefit-of-the-doubt process where you bring up your concerns to your immediate manager or escalate things to a union rep or HR manager, but at the end of the day, if you know, that first week or month, that deep down in your gut, that the job is not right for you, it might be a better idea to just gracefully bow out early, with your dignity and mental health intact.

5. Life indeed does go on, and you will, indeed, be more than fine. You'll probably be even better after the experience.

Many of us can feel “at fault” when it comes to being fired, even if whatever situation led to the firing really wasn’t our fault. There’s shame, self-defamation, and other horrible fall-outs that can happen when you’ve been let go. But let me tell you: Since that experience, I’ve gotten several amazing jobs, made way more money, I’ve traveled the world, and I can look back on that day and laugh knowing that I am well taken care of by God, today.

I did a bit of self-work after that experience, and I found that much of the reason I stayed in the position even after all the red flags I’d noticed during that first week, for me, had to do with self-worth issues and old traumas I’d experienced in the past that I had not addressed within myself. I also learned to forgive, especially in reference to that manager, because I held on to a lot of hurt and anger about the situation. I’d had high hopes for that job—things that were promised to me by the manager—that never materialized.

I take my work seriously, and when something doesn’t work out as someone says it should in a position, it’s like my whole world ends thinking about all the amazing things that could have been accomplished had I been given what I was promised and allowed the chance to thrive in the role. I’d also turned down other opportunities to take that job and felt a lot of resentment about that. You can’t get time back, so that part really made my blood boil. I had to forgive myself as well.

It’s an amazing feeling to be able to take your power back by looking inward, rallying support from family, friends, and mentors, and remembering who you truly are as the person God made you to be. I’m an auntie, a sister, a lover, an advocate, and a damn good writer and editor. I’ve blessed folk with opportunities, mentorship, and financial investments. Being fired did not define me, stop my coins, or destroy me.

I’ve continued to seek God, work through healing, and take the lessons to be a better person and professional in the long run.

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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty

Five Things To Know Before Becoming A Dog Mom

This post is in partnership with Blue Buffalo.

So you’re thinking about becoming a dog mom? We love that for you! Having a happy, furry friend to greet you at the door each day, cuddle up on the couch with, and keep you in touch with the great outdoors is one of life’s greatest joys. And that’s before we get into all the cute puppy outfits there are to buy! But there are some key and non-negotiable things to know and consider before saying yes to bringing home a fur baby.

If having a pet is new to you, then naturally you might have tons of questions not only about how this new responsibility will transform your lifestyle, but also about how best to nurture your four-legged friend. Few things compare to the joy and companionship that a dog’s loyalty and love bring, but learning how to nurture and train them is a learning curve that requires equal parts preparation and patience. Once you find your rhythm, you and your furry new boo will form a bond that will add the brightest spark to your life.

If you ask any member of the canine crew you know, they’ll tell you they don't play about their babies! They’ll also probably give you a laundry list of things they wish they knew before bringing their new dog home for the first time. If you’re thinking about opening your doors to a new pup, there are a few things to prepare and assess. With the help of Blue Buffalo, a natural pet food brand trusted by millions of pet parents, we’ve rounded up five key things to know before joining the dog mom club.

1. Staying Active Is Key: Let’s keep it real — we all have days where we want nothing more than a 24-hour Netflix binge fest from the comfort of our couch. That’s especially true on a day where the weather is trash. We feel you on that. However, dog moms should make it a point to keep their pups active each day. Influencer Dynasti Hunt considers her Goldendoodle Aiden part of the family, and she loves to find creative ways to keep him moving rain or shine. “Aiden and I have realized the importance of staying active at home, even when the weather is bad outside,” says Dynasti, who loves spontaneous yoga and dance sessions with her adorable doggie.

2. Keep An Eye On Their Diets: Just like humans, our pals have to maintain a healthy, balanced diet in order to live long and quality lives. You might find it easy to tell what’s healthy to eat for yourself, but it can be a bit trickier to know the difference when it comes to pet food. Just because you see a product label with the words vegetarian, grain-free, or certified organic doesn’t automatically mean it’s the healthiest for your buddy at this particular stage in their life. Finding a trusted pet food brand like Blue Buffalo is key. They offer recipes for specific breed sizes, life stages, needs and preferences — this definitely comes in handy for picky eaters or dietary restrictions. For example, Aiden Da Doodle is allergic to chicken-based products, and thankfully BLUE allows Dynasti to choose from a variety of products that are formulated without chicken.

3: Use Treats Creatively: Are doggie treats the golden ticket to getting your pooch to act right? Yes, but they’re also good for so much more. Treats are great tools for positive reinforcement, whether you’re trying to potty train a young puppy or get them to learn tricks. Influencer Sauve Xavier, an Instagram comedian, who has gained over a million Instagram followers for his hilarious videos with his Dobermans Knox and Bear, says he plans clever scavenger hunts around his house as an incentive to keep his dogs active and challenged. Using BLUE Treats made with healthy ingredients, he’s able to dish out rewards without feeling guilty. Take it from the guy who can actually get his dog to help with chores.

4. Know That Planning Ahead Is Everything: If you are a first-time dog mom or thinking about becoming one, keeping your buddy on a schedule is going to be key. For example, potty-training puppies need to be walked every few hours so that you can keep the habit of going outside in and the possibility of them peeing on your precious rugs out. Most pets also need to be fed twice a day (morning and night.) What does this spell? Sacrifice. You’ll need to be present and arrive home in time to keep your dog’s routine going. So know that you won’t be able to indulge in spontaneous plans the way you might have before. This is most certainly a lifestyle change if you’re used to coming and going as you please, but the reward of raising a well-behaved pup is well worth it. You might also want to think about how you can recruit your partner, roommate, friends, or family to share in the responsibilities for those days when life happens and you’re ever in need of a little dog sitting help. You can also search the web for hired help if you’re in a pinch. Remember — it takes a village to raise a child (even a barking one)! Pro tip: Download the Buddies by Blue Buffalo app to get advice and tricks and plan for your pet parenthood adventures ahead.

5. Research Dog-Friendly Activities in Your Area: As you move about through life, you’ll find yourself looking for more and more dog-friendly places to go and things to do beyond just the local dog parks. Round up a list of bars, breweries, brunch spots, and shopping centers that welcome pups into their establishments. This will allow you to make the most of your days while being able to bring your pup along for the ride. It’ll also create opportunities for you to meet up with other dog moms and dads and arrange future play dates (or real dates with a fellow dog parent? Who knows)!

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