10 Things To Remember While In Your First Trimester
Finding out that you're pregnant can be exciting, shocking, scary, and emotional all at the same time.
Once reality sinks in, it's hard to know what you need to do, or where to start.
I know for me when I found out, I felt blessed and so much joy, but immediately after, I was concerned and wanted to make sure that my pregnancy was healthy, and normal. My mind started going crazy of when I should share the news, what people's reactions would be. I also remember feeling extremely sensitive and overprotective. I think my Mama Senses and hormones kicked in right away and I was still making sense of all of the feelings I had and what was on the journey ahead for me.
Here are some helpful tips that can make you feel reassured during your first trimester:
1. Schedule an appointment with your doctor.
Scheduling an appointment or visiting a clinic is key! Home pregnancy tests are very accurate but they still are not as accurate as being seen by a doctor. Here are some things you should know, there is an interesting object that your doctor will insert in your vagina to examine you. It will be lubricated first and they will let you know before they go in. It doesn't hurt but just know it looks a lot scarier than it really is. This allows them to take an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy. They may also take your blood and advise you to start taking prenatals as soon as possible.
2. Choose your official healthcare provider.
When you go and see your doctor for the first time, most likely you aren't seeing an obstetrician who specializes in caring for pregnant women. You are probably seeing your regular primary care physician or even your regular gynecologist. At this appointment, ask your doctor to recommend some good obstetricians. Do research and choose wisely. Feel these doctors out, as you will be spending the next 9-10 months with them. You want to make sure it feels right and that this is a person you can build a relationship with.
3. Determine what prenatals work best for you.
Your first trimester is the best time to figure out what prenatals work best for you. My OBGYN gave me a huge bag of samples. Each week, I tried a different brand and kept a small journal of how I felt with each one and if it made me feel sick ot not. There are so many options that it can sometimes be overwhelming. The sizes of the pills also vary as well. Some are literally the size of horse pills while others are super tiny. If you aren't into taking pills, explore taking gummy prenatals. If you have any other questions about this, ask your nurse or doctor.
4. Consult with your doctor about your diet. Research foods you can and can't eat.
There are many things that you can't eat while you're pregnant. I know it seems restricting but it is important to know. If this is your first child, don't beat yourself up if you make a mistake or eat something by accident. You can find helpful lists online that show you what a balanced diet should look like while you're pregnant. While being healthy is key, make sure you allow yourself to indulge as well. Pregnancy cravings get super real. Most of your cravings will be random, bizarre, and probably far from healthy. It's totally okay, give baby what baby wants as long as it's in moderation. I'm pretty sure my cravings take the lead with how crazy they were. I craved ramen noodles with Nathan hot dogs, pizza, icees from 7Eleven and more. So don't feel bad, the random cravings eventually somewhat cool down. They will always be there though.
5. Stock up on breaded or carb snacks that don't make you feel nauseous.
Morning sickness is REAL. I was lucky and didn't experience running to the toilet every morning, but I definitely had my moments where I felt weak and sick. Try your best to eat often and figure out what gives you the most relief. Keep water by your bedside, and crackers. Dry foods, eating smaller, and eating more meals help with nausea. No matter how hard it gets, remember you have to take care of you now more than ever because it affects your baby. Even if you don't feel hungry, try your best.
6. Purchase new bras and comfortable panties.
You may experience sore/swollen breasts and bloating. I know it's hard but you may want to think about shedding some of those bodycon dresses and tight jeans. I literally live in leggings and have bought some items a size or two up. At first, I felt bad about it but I think it's better than conforming to maternity clothes. I also had to remind myself that my body is going to change no matter what. I've learned that it is okay to be vulnerable and feel indifferent about the changes. At the end of the day, motherhood is beautiful and you will get the most beautiful gift in the end. It won't seem as bad if you put your comfort first.
7. Download baby apps on your phone to help you monitor your baby's growth.
Having baby apps is a great way to keep up with your baby's growth. It is nice to educate yourself along the way. This gave me something to look forward to every week. I shared new updates with my family and friends. Watching videos was my favorite thing to do and always gave me excitement. It also makes the time go by faster, but in a nice way. Think about downloading a few. The ones I use are: What To Expect, Baby Center, Ovia Pregnancy, BabyBump and Flo.
8. Purchase books that will support both you and your partner.
A lot of the time, we don't think about how pregnancy affects not only us but those around us, especially our significant others. They are just as excited and sometimes as scared and as nervous as we are too. Books are a great way to help with this. You can make it an outing and go to your local bookstore and buy pregnancy books. This will make your partner feel involved, and good reading material can provide you with the tools you need to help you get through the journey. There is no better feeling than knowing you are prepared and educated about the process.
9. Determine when you want to make your pregnancy announcement and how.
Do what makes sense to you! Your privacy is your right. I know this is a time where pregnancy announcements are huge and people really take it to the next level. However, don't let that make you make any premature decisions. Pregnancy is very sensitive, especially in the first trimester. A lot of testing has to happen and you want to make sure you pass the stage of being at risk of miscarrying. I waited until I was six months pregnant before I made our announcement. It was the best decision I could have ever made. Of course, people who are very close to me knew before then, but it was very important to me to keep things private. By this time, I felt comfortable and I knew my pregnancy was healthy. I suggest doing something fun but still intimate when sharing the news with family and friends.
10. Rest!
Get as much sleep as you can. Trust me, as your bump starts to grow, it will get harder and harder to sleep comfortably. This is one thing I wish I did more of in the beginning. I am naturally a busybody and don't know how to stay still. I am always on the go! One of the most common symptoms in your first trimester is fatigue. Listen to your body and rest. Take a nap if you need to, also when you are feeling sick, it helps to lay down as well to take the edge off. As you get bigger, sleep can get harder. Invest in a maternity pillow so you can be comfortable.
Featured image by Getty Images
- 10 things I learned in my first trimester of pregnancy - Kidspot ›
- 6 Things You Should Know About Early Pregnancy - EverydayFamily ›
- 10 First Trimester To-Dos ›
- 20 Important Things To Know When You Are Pregnant For The First ... ›
- First Trimester of Pregnancy: What to Expect, Baby Development ›
- First Trimester Pregnancy: Everything You Need to Know - YouTube ›
- First trimester: weeks 1 to 12 | Tommy's ›
- All About the First Trimester | Fit Pregnancy and Baby ›
- Top 10 Things You Need to Know About the First Trimester | What to ... ›
- The ultimate pregnancy to-do list: First trimester | BabyCenter ›
Bianca Simone was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts. She currently resides in California where she is pursuing her dreams of being a writer. She hopes to move and inspire people every day through creating, and by working diligently, remaining humble, and relatable always.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
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You're Catching Feelings For Your Guy Friend. Now What?
Let me just start this all off by saying that I will never be the kind of person who thinks that men and women can’t be friends (or that single people and married people can’t be friends). Choosing friends is about looking into someone’s character and how they complement your life; it should never be about their gender or relational status. Don’t get it twisted, though — in order to properly navigate the dynamic between a man and a woman, there are some things that should be pondered and then discussed.
For instance, is the relationship truly platonic? Even though our culture has reduced that word to simply mean that two people are friends and nothing more, the actual definition is that BOTH individuals do not have any type of sexual interest or attraction at all; that only a spiritual kind of love exists. Is that possible? I have a few male friends where that word applies. I won’t lie, though — most of my (unmarried) male friends are more in the lane of, “You could get it. We just value the friendship too much to explore it”…and no, it hasn’t been “game” whenever they’ve brought it up.
Contrary to the notoriously toxic belief of so many folks out here, not every man has coochie on the brain 24/7 and/or lacks self-control and/or is willing to risk it all in order to get some. In fact, not one man in my life is even remotely that shallow.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get that the line between just friends and possibly more isn’t a tightrope for some friendships from time to time. Like, what happens if the person who ends up “with a little extra,” as far as emotions go for a friend, ends up being you? Even further, what if that question isn’t even close to being rhetorical because it’s something that you’re experiencing right at this very moment, and you’re not exactly sure what you should do about it?
If that’s the case, have no fear. I think I might be able to offer up a bit of insight that can get you through the (potential) internal stress of what happens when you look up one day and it really does seem like, out of nowhere, you suddenly want your guy friend to become something…more.
What Kind of Friendship Is It?
GiphySo before we talk about anything else, the first thing that you should get clear on is the type of friendship that you’re in. What I mean by that is, although we tend to use “friend” to cover all of the bases of someone who we’re not romantically involved with (or isn’t a relative or we can’t stand — and chile,don’t even get me started on frenemies), the reality is that friendships definitely have levels to them (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them”).
Like,is he a work friend? Is he a church friend? Is he someone you’ve recently gotten to know over the past couple of months? Is he an online friend? Or is it deeper, like a guy who you’ve been friends with for a couple of years now or someone who you used to have in the friend zone (check out “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.”)? Or — and lawd have mercy, if so — is he your best friend, and you’re starting to see him in a completely different light?
Do you see how, just breaking down some of these friendship dynamics, the situations are quite different? For instance, if you have feelings for a co-worker friend, you’ve got to take into consideration what your work environment will be like if the two of you date and it ultimately doesn’t work out. If he’s an online friend (especially if he’s in another city, state, or country), the risk of potential rejection probably won’t be as impactful as if you have to see him every weekend at church.
If he’s someone you already put into the friend zone, I’m gonna tell you right now that if he has any sort of self-esteem, you’re gonna have to eat a few slices of humble pie to get him to entertain being more than friends (because guys tend to move on once they find out that they fall into that space). And if he’s your best friend? Well, while it probably won’t cost you your friendship, it could make things awkward for a while at best or shift the relationship a bit at worst.
That’s why I definitely think that getting real about the kind of friendship you have with the guy is what you should get mentally cleared up first. Then, we can move on to the next thing.
What Do You Want to Come from the Matter?
GiphyAnyway, because I do have a nice circle of male friends, many of whom are single or divorced, I get asked often if it’s hard to be just friends with them. It’s not because I really like what we have as being friends only. There is a type of intimacy and balance of energies that come from a male-female friendship that you can never get from same-sex ones. I value it all too much to risk it. What I want from my male friends — a certain level of protection (because I’m single), insight from a male perspective, doing things that my female friends may not want to do, etc. — I get…and that’s worth more than seeing if the sex would be bomb or if we should try something more and it end up being a bad decision that we can’t come back from.
That’s me, though. That doesn’t have to be you and your guy friend. For example, what if what you want is to explore a sexual relationship (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend”) because you can’t seem to get sex with him out of your head? For better or for worse, chile, back when I was out in these sex streets, that was pretty much my pattern: sex with close friends (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”), and it’s not an impossible feat.
You’ve just got to be real with yourself about whether that’s truly all that you want and if you can handle it gracefully if things don’t go as planned (check out “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) or the sex is so good that now you can’t decide if you’re into him or just into…it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on if he’s seeing other people (because all you wanted was sex…right?). Yeah, a movie that I like calledSleeping with Other People has a scene where a woman is mad that her casual sex partner is sleeping around. His response was on-point: “Keeping our arrangement doesn’t make me an as-hole, but it does make you a liar.” #checkmate
That’s just one example to emphasize the point that, yes, you need to figure out what you want to come from your more-than-just-friends feelings. Do you just want to get it off of your chest and you’re not sure if you want or need to do anything more than that? Do you want just sex? Would you like to go on a few dates to see ifthe chemistry is mutual? Are you “deeply in” and you’re hoping that he feels the same way so that you two can have a full-blown relationship?
Listen, I have watched enough relationships in my lifetime to know that when it comes to something that needs to be as thoughtfully approached as this, it’s not fair to share your feelings with someone and then expect them to know what you want to come from doing so. You need to know…first. So before bringing it to him, figure it out on your own.
Tell Him the Deal. No Hinting Around.
GiphyAlthough timing and delivery matter, I don’t know one man who isn’t a “straight no-chaser” type of individual. This means no hinting around. No guessing games. No 50 million questions to try and see if he likes you first. I promise you that all of these approaches are off-putting to guys and will get them to mentally and emotionally tap out before you get around to making your point. Besides, if he’s a FRIEND friend, you should be able to express your genuine feelings — and honestly, this is a huge plus to telling him: you will be able to see how mature he is when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
Can there be a reason to not tell your guy friend how you feel? I mean, honestly, if you’re avoiding it, I’m assuming that it’s mostly due to fear, and trying to maintain anything with fear as your “fuel,” ultimately, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Plus, the more that you suppress what is going on inside of you, the more it’s going to alter the energy between the two of you, and that could cause unnecessary stress and strain to where either you start unnecessarily projecting things onto him, or he wants to spend less time around you because you’re making him feel as uncomfortable as you are.
Are there any exceptions to this? Eh. If you’re more like good acquaintances than actual friends, perhaps. Personally, though, I think that solid friendships are rooted in honesty — and how can you claim that you’ve got a healthy friendship with someone if you’re holding something as big back as having feelings for them away from them? Logically, it just doesn’t make much sense.
Prepare Yourself for His Response. And Don’t Penalize the Friendship If He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way.
GiphyOnce you tell him, for the most part, there are three ways that telling him can go: he can like you back, he can want some time and space to consider the possibilities, or he can not be interested. Let’s briefly unpack all three.
Liking you back...
So, what if you tell him how you feel, and he feels the same way (or something close)? My two cents would be for the two of you to still go slowly. Where I’ve seen many mess up is they think that they can go from friend to more-than-friends in two days or less, and that’s super unrealistic. Meaning, someone having feelings for you, too doesn't mean that they can, should, or will automatically stop seeing other people or that you two can or should immediately start becoming intimate.
Take some time to really discuss each other’s feelings, thoughts, and expectations — and what you guys should do trying to move into a different relational space ultimately proves to not be the best thing for one or both of you. If anything should take the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” approach, it’s friends who are transitioning into something more — or else.
Wanting time and space...
Going from friends to potentially something different is a lot like shifting gears in a car — and if you move too fast, you can strip them. That said, just because you’ve been sitting with your feelings for a while, it’s not fair to want to rush him after he finds out. Whether he wants time and space to figure out how he feels about your feelings or time and space from you altogether — both are warranted.
Should it be for weeks with no contact? Not if he’s a good friend. On the other hand, should you pressure him into making you feel at ease about what he’s just now learning? Eh. You might want to go to another friend to help you out with that. I mean, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Right…exactly.
He's not interested...
No one likes rejection; that’s real. At the same time, though, it’s not fair to penalize him if he doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Clearly, if he’s your friend (especially a close friend), he adores and values you on some level. However, if that’s not romantically, try and be emotionally mature enough to know and then accept that not wanting all of what you desire from the relationship doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life at all.
At the end of the day, if it’s too hard to be his friend when you want something else, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Just make sure that you’re not going to lose a great person in your life because your ego got bruised or your pride couldn’t handle him not reciprocating what you were offering. It’s not fair, and it could end up costing you…A LOT. Take the kind of space you need to redirect your focus. If he loves you, he’ll be there when you get…back.
___
I’ve developed feelings for a friend before; more than once. Was it always easy to work through? Not always. My friendships always survived it, though — whether the feelings were reciprocated or not. And it was because we valued the friendship too much to lose it.
And honestly, I think that is one of the best things to come out of having feelings for a friend: you end up finding out just how solid the bond actually is. And in a world where really good friends are hard to come by…that can never not be a good thing.
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