

Finding out that you're pregnant can be exciting, shocking, scary, and emotional all at the same time.
Once reality sinks in, it's hard to know what you need to do, or where to start.
I know for me when I found out, I felt blessed and so much joy, but immediately after, I was concerned and wanted to make sure that my pregnancy was healthy, and normal. My mind started going crazy of when I should share the news, what people's reactions would be. I also remember feeling extremely sensitive and overprotective. I think my Mama Senses and hormones kicked in right away and I was still making sense of all of the feelings I had and what was on the journey ahead for me.
Here are some helpful tips that can make you feel reassured during your first trimester:
1. Schedule an appointment with your doctor.
Scheduling an appointment or visiting a clinic is key! Home pregnancy tests are very accurate but they still are not as accurate as being seen by a doctor. Here are some things you should know, there is an interesting object that your doctor will insert in your vagina to examine you. It will be lubricated first and they will let you know before they go in. It doesn't hurt but just know it looks a lot scarier than it really is. This allows them to take an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy. They may also take your blood and advise you to start taking prenatals as soon as possible.
2. Choose your official healthcare provider.
When you go and see your doctor for the first time, most likely you aren't seeing an obstetrician who specializes in caring for pregnant women. You are probably seeing your regular primary care physician or even your regular gynecologist. At this appointment, ask your doctor to recommend some good obstetricians. Do research and choose wisely. Feel these doctors out, as you will be spending the next 9-10 months with them. You want to make sure it feels right and that this is a person you can build a relationship with.
3. Determine what prenatals work best for you.
Your first trimester is the best time to figure out what prenatals work best for you. My OBGYN gave me a huge bag of samples. Each week, I tried a different brand and kept a small journal of how I felt with each one and if it made me feel sick ot not. There are so many options that it can sometimes be overwhelming. The sizes of the pills also vary as well. Some are literally the size of horse pills while others are super tiny. If you aren't into taking pills, explore taking gummy prenatals. If you have any other questions about this, ask your nurse or doctor.
4. Consult with your doctor about your diet. Research foods you can and can't eat.
There are many things that you can't eat while you're pregnant. I know it seems restricting but it is important to know. If this is your first child, don't beat yourself up if you make a mistake or eat something by accident. You can find helpful lists online that show you what a balanced diet should look like while you're pregnant. While being healthy is key, make sure you allow yourself to indulge as well. Pregnancy cravings get super real. Most of your cravings will be random, bizarre, and probably far from healthy. It's totally okay, give baby what baby wants as long as it's in moderation. I'm pretty sure my cravings take the lead with how crazy they were. I craved ramen noodles with Nathan hot dogs, pizza, icees from 7Eleven and more. So don't feel bad, the random cravings eventually somewhat cool down. They will always be there though.
5. Stock up on breaded or carb snacks that don't make you feel nauseous.
Morning sickness is REAL. I was lucky and didn't experience running to the toilet every morning, but I definitely had my moments where I felt weak and sick. Try your best to eat often and figure out what gives you the most relief. Keep water by your bedside, and crackers. Dry foods, eating smaller, and eating more meals help with nausea. No matter how hard it gets, remember you have to take care of you now more than ever because it affects your baby. Even if you don't feel hungry, try your best.
6. Purchase new bras and comfortable panties.
You may experience sore/swollen breasts and bloating. I know it's hard but you may want to think about shedding some of those bodycon dresses and tight jeans. I literally live in leggings and have bought some items a size or two up. At first, I felt bad about it but I think it's better than conforming to maternity clothes. I also had to remind myself that my body is going to change no matter what. I've learned that it is okay to be vulnerable and feel indifferent about the changes. At the end of the day, motherhood is beautiful and you will get the most beautiful gift in the end. It won't seem as bad if you put your comfort first.
7. Download baby apps on your phone to help you monitor your baby's growth.
Having baby apps is a great way to keep up with your baby's growth. It is nice to educate yourself along the way. This gave me something to look forward to every week. I shared new updates with my family and friends. Watching videos was my favorite thing to do and always gave me excitement. It also makes the time go by faster, but in a nice way. Think about downloading a few. The ones I use are: What To Expect, Baby Center, Ovia Pregnancy, BabyBump and Flo.
8. Purchase books that will support both you and your partner.
A lot of the time, we don't think about how pregnancy affects not only us but those around us, especially our significant others. They are just as excited and sometimes as scared and as nervous as we are too. Books are a great way to help with this. You can make it an outing and go to your local bookstore and buy pregnancy books. This will make your partner feel involved, and good reading material can provide you with the tools you need to help you get through the journey. There is no better feeling than knowing you are prepared and educated about the process.
9. Determine when you want to make your pregnancy announcement and how.
Do what makes sense to you! Your privacy is your right. I know this is a time where pregnancy announcements are huge and people really take it to the next level. However, don't let that make you make any premature decisions. Pregnancy is very sensitive, especially in the first trimester. A lot of testing has to happen and you want to make sure you pass the stage of being at risk of miscarrying. I waited until I was six months pregnant before I made our announcement. It was the best decision I could have ever made. Of course, people who are very close to me knew before then, but it was very important to me to keep things private. By this time, I felt comfortable and I knew my pregnancy was healthy. I suggest doing something fun but still intimate when sharing the news with family and friends.
10. Rest!
Get as much sleep as you can. Trust me, as your bump starts to grow, it will get harder and harder to sleep comfortably. This is one thing I wish I did more of in the beginning. I am naturally a busybody and don't know how to stay still. I am always on the go! One of the most common symptoms in your first trimester is fatigue. Listen to your body and rest. Take a nap if you need to, also when you are feeling sick, it helps to lay down as well to take the edge off. As you get bigger, sleep can get harder. Invest in a maternity pillow so you can be comfortable.
Featured image by Getty Images
- 10 things I learned in my first trimester of pregnancy - Kidspot ›
- 6 Things You Should Know About Early Pregnancy - EverydayFamily ›
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- 20 Important Things To Know When You Are Pregnant For The First ... ›
- First Trimester of Pregnancy: What to Expect, Baby Development ›
- First Trimester Pregnancy: Everything You Need to Know - YouTube ›
- First trimester: weeks 1 to 12 | Tommy's ›
- All About the First Trimester | Fit Pregnancy and Baby ›
- Top 10 Things You Need to Know About the First Trimester | What to ... ›
- The ultimate pregnancy to-do list: First trimester | BabyCenter ›
Bianca Simone was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts. She currently resides in California where she is pursuing her dreams of being a writer. She hopes to move and inspire people every day through creating, and by working diligently, remaining humble, and relatable always.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Once upon a time, I knew a married couple who told me that they wouldn’t even discuss with each other who they found to be attractive on television because, in their minds, that was a form of cheating. They’re divorced now, and although there are a series of reasons why, it was always strange to me that things were so restrictive within their relationship that they couldn’t even share a fleeting thought about how someone looked.
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
Whenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
As I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
It’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
During the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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