What happens when you get home after a long day's (or night's) work? Do you flop into bed exhausted? Do you half-eat a semi-healthy meal, watch a little Real Housewives, and fall asleep on the couch?
There is a lot of emphasis placed on how well we start our day but how we end it is just as critical. Consistently only getting two hours of rest is not healthy. Neither is going to bed anxious or angry. The quality of our sleep speaks not only to how well we rise the next day, but the holistic quality of our lives. As women, our risks for certain illnesses are already greater and for women of color, the odds increase. Along with eating well and exercising, getting a good night's rest has been proven to improve clarity of focus, minimize the risk of heart disease and stroke, and improve immune system defenses.
We were able to catch up with 7 incredible women, killing it in their respective fields, to find out the rituals/routines that help them wind down and how they end their days well:
Christa Gambrell, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor, Founder/CEO of Gambrell Wellness
"Once or twice a week, I take an Epsom salt bath with essential oils. It's a good way for the body to absorb magnesium, a nutrient known to produce a calming effect. I also started propping my feet on a wedge pillow, placing a heating pad on my abdomen, and practicing diaphragmatic breathing. A final seasonal favorite nighttime ritual is to turn out all the lights except the Christmas tree and just take in the beauty. All of these work together to promote a sense of safety and security so I can sleep in peace."
Follow her on Instagram @drcristagambrell.
Davia Roberts
Founder, Redefine Enough
"My night routine varies but one thing that does not change is intentionality. I honor my time to recharge by setting boundaries and genuinely preparing my mind to ease into rest. At 9pm, my phone switches to Do Not Disturb and I detach myself from social media. When distractions are silenced, I can focus on reading, journaling, breathing exercises, or relaxing yoga poses. Once I begin diffusing lavender oil, it's not long before I've fallen asleep.
"To others, my night routines may seem dramatic. However, these practices soothe me after busy days and help me stay focused on what matters. My life is not merely to-do lists and deadlines and taking the time to slow down each night reminds me of that truth. I am my best self when I create balance. The constant hustle doesn't serve me."
Follow her on Instagram @redefineenough and @justdavia.
Ashlee Wisdom
Founder, HealthInHerHUE
"I end my day well by setting aside time to unplug, unwind, and recenter. I usually do this by setting my alarm for the next day, putting my phone on Do Not Disturb, and turning it face down so the notifications don't distract me. I also have a routine of lighting a scented candle in my bedroom as I prepare for bed. (I usually light it before getting into the shower so when I get back to my room, the aroma relaxes me). I also spend some time in prayer and meditation. I reflect on the day – the good, the not so good, the things I'm unsure about – and I talk to God candidly about them. After I pray, I usually do one of three things: read a few chapters of whatever book I'm currently reading, watch a sermon on YouTube (I'm an unofficial member of Elevation Church, Transformation Church and The Potter's House LA/Denver), or watch a TED Talk on a topic of interest. Doing these things helps me silence a lot of the excess noise in my head, and it helps me pour back into myself spiritually and intellectually. My days end well with a nice combination of self-care, self-reflection, and self-investment."
Follow her on Instagram @healthinherhue.
Jayde Ware
Memory Care Director
"I completely unplug an hour before I go to bed, so I turn off the TV and put my phone down. I find completely unplugging gives me a clear headspace to actually wind down from my day. I then do 20 minutes of journaling where I just write out any lingering thoughts/feelings from the day. I also write a list of 3 really good things that happened to me that day and make a list of 5 things I'm thankful for. I find ending my day in a state of pure gratitude does wonders for my mood.
"Then I write out my goals and intentions for the next day. Waking up with a plan already set makes it easier for me to follow through and be productive in the morning. I end my night routine by taking 10 minutes to stretch and then praying. It's always important for me to end every day with a long list conversation with God."
Follow her on Instagram @callherjayde.
Latisha Carr
Self-Care Strategist, Latisha Carr Global
"Every night for the past few years, I have been writing in my journal in a very specific way that helps me to unwind. I first clear my mind by venting about all that has happened in my day, followed by writing out my wins for the day (I make myself find at least one even on the worst days). After that, I write things out that I am trusting God for, things that I am thankful for, and I end with an affirmation for the night. This helps me to clear my mind from any worries or doubts, but more importantly puts me in a place of gratitude and centered on God's Promise every night."
Follow her on Instagram @latisha.carr.
Erin Malone Turner
Writer & Pre-K Teacher
"Before bed, I typically do my nightly skincare routine, briefly read/edit something I've written, and spend the rest of the evening reading something written by someone else – usually a book or a play. I turn off my main bedroom lights and use my string lights until the last minute. Sometimes, I drink tea and tidy up my room a bit. Lastly, I pray and try to ready myself for the following day."
Follow her on Instagram @justphonehome.
Yetti Ajayi-Obe
Mental Health Awareness Blogger at Yetti Says & Entrepreneur
"The end of my day consists of me going through the typical motions: doing my skincare routine and packing up what I'm going to need for the next morning. But what ends my day well is me making time for love and gratitude. I reflect on the blessings of the day and complete my gratitude list. Then right before bed, my partner and I do an exercise called 'I love you today' where we share today's reasons why we love each other. It's a little corny, but it's heartwarming and it makes it easier for me to start the next day with intentionality and a meditation."
Follow her on Instagram @yettisays.
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7 Monday Morning Habits For Succesful Work Weeks – Read More
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RELATED
The reason why I think that this is relevant to today’s topic is, as I was doing some research for it, I found myself rolling my eyes quite a bit as I read things like “men need to orgasm in order to release sperm; women don’t need an orgasm to conceive” and “Why do women orgasm? It’s still a mystery.” Umm, is it? Because if you factor in the oneness component that I just mentioned (which more people should take to heart if you ask me) and then add to that the fact that the ONLY purpose of a clitoris is sexual stimulation and satisfaction for a woman — female climaxing and the need for it to happen as much as possible should baffle absolutely no one.
Sex serves a layer of benefits and yes, for both men and women, pleasure should be one of them. And since that is the case, a woman being able to orgasm, as much as she can, should be promoted…in content on a consistent basis.
And that is why I thought some of you might find it interesting that there are certain things about men, specifically, that science says can increase the chances of you climaxing — not only more but more intensely too.
Let’s dive in.
How Masculine a Man Is
GiphyI’m gonna be honest: All of the women out here who give pushback on submission and yet want a man to physically look up to (you know, someone who is 6’ or over which is only 15 percent of the male US population, by the way) fascinate me. So, you want a man who towers over you yet you think it is antiquated for a man to lead you? Do tell. Anyway, that is the first thing I thought about when I read that a man’s level of masculinity plays a significant role in how often a woman is able to orgasm and how quickly she is able to do it.
It would appear that some of the backstory on this is, on the physical tip, men with strong jawlines and broad shoulders represent being in good health as well as being able to protect their family while research also reveals that men with beards make many women believe that they would be good fathers. And yes, as much as social media may say — or scream — otherwise, women tend to prefer dominant (exerting authority or influence) men more as well. All of this together, in the bedroom, results in more and faster orgasms for women. Fascinating.
A Man’s Personality
GiphyA sense of humor in a man can really take him a long way in life — including when it comes to giving women orgasms. That’s why articles like “Funny Men Give The Best Orgasms, According To Research” exist. Although it’s probably a given that a lot of us are drawn to this character trait because it makes us feel good, research also says that humor taps into our creativity, makes it easier for us to adapt to things, and can help us to be better problem-solvers too.
Sexually, I would think that being funny helps because humor and orgasms both provide dopamine hits which is the feel-good hormone that runs throughout our bodies. While we’re on this topic, other personality traits that will make you cum more when it comes to men include being creative, warm, and faithful — gee, imagine that. #sarcasm
Also, a Man’s Self-Esteem
GiphyI’m pretty sure it doesn’t surprise you in the least that the more intense your orgasms are with a guy, the more attractive you’ll find him to be and the more willing you’ll be to have sex with him multiple times a week. Yeah, y’all be careful with this one because something else that science says is whenever a really good orgasm comes your way, as a woman, your brain literally switches all the way off for a moment (which could explain a lot when it comes to who some people choose to deal with out here…just sayin’). Anyway, apparently it would seem that a truly confident man is who’s able to pull all of this off.
That makes sense because confidence is all about having a high sense of self-worth; embracing challenges; not having a lot of self-doubt; listening well to others; standing firm on one’s own beliefs; putting plans into action, and taking control of one’s life. Plus, since a lot of women will admit that they prefer a man to be a provider and protector, which in turn causes them to feel safe, and feeling safe also makes it easier to let go and enjoy sex fully — yes, all of this tracks.
Foreskin
GiphyIf no one else will say it, I WILL: the double standard on foreskin vs. the extra skin that a lot of women have when it comes to their vulva is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, if you know some things about your clitoris, it’s constructed a lot like a mini-penis in the sense of it experiences an erection of sorts when it’s aroused and the clitoral hood is the clitoris’s “foreskin.” So, to be out here giving the “ick” to men for how they were born when some of us have large or hanging lips — yeah, let’s chill on that.
Besides, according to science, “uncut men” not only have a greater level of sensation during sex, but that extra bit of skin (which isn’t as much as a lot of y’all make it out to be…relax) actually gives women more consistent orgasms too. Don’t believe me? Read this here and this here.
If He Ejaculates
GiphyI dunno. If you’re not a selfish partner, this one seems like common sense because, if a man “completes the act”, that means he was able to “get his” and that seems like something any good lover would want for their partner (the only thing better? Experiencing it with him at the same time!). However, what I did find interesting is there’s a greater chance that a woman will orgasm herself if she knows that her partner came.
In fact, one study said that a little over 50 percent of women thought that it was very important that their partner ejaculated during sex while a little over 22 percent said that they experienced more intense orgasms if he came during intercourse.
Some studies say that the sensation of the sperm inside of the vagina may play a role in this; however, since that means that you must engage in unprotected sex (check out “Thinking About Going Condom-Free? Read This Before You Do.”) in order to vouch for this one…I’ll just say to use forethought, wisdom and definitely get tested before attempting it.
BONUS: How Your Friends See Him
GiphyThe more you learn, boy. Have any of you heard of the sexy son hypothesis before? The gist is this: If you create children with someone who other women find attractive, the belief is that you will end up having sons who have that same quality. And yes, being with someone who you think is appealing to other women — seems to increase the chances of you having an orgasm too (chile).
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Hmph. It’s intel like this that explains why so many think pieces say that the brain is the most powerful sex organ that we have. Anyway, if you’re someone who wants to have more orgasms or more intense orgasms, perhaps take some of this data to heart. For all you know, it might be the blueprint that you’ve been looking for all along.
Thoughts? Comments. Confirmations? LOL.
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Featured image by Giphy