
Why Single Black Women Celebs Deserve More Than 'Why Aren't You Married' Questions

When you know your worth and value, you refuse to accept anything less than what you deserve. One thing about Tracee Ellis Ross (and so many Black women) is that she more than understands her value and has “no interest in being in a relationship just to be in a relationship.” She stated in a recent interview on Kevin Hart’s Hart to Heart show, “I’m a rare breed.”
Kevin did in fact give Tracee her flowers and celebrated her success throughout the interview, but at one point, the conversation started to feel as if a mystery was being explored through her vulnerability when the topic of relationships came up. The infamous question: why are you still single?
Although Kevin didn’t directly ask Tracee “why are you still single,” I wasn’t convinced that Kevin believed that Tracee could be successful, single, content, and not have something wrong with her. Sometimes, when you know who you are and stand in your truth, it’s hard for others to accept a reality that’s different from their own.
As Tracee started to share what a healthy relationship looks like for her, Kevin offered up a plethora of questions and assumptions:
“That’s why you’re not meeting them because you keep going to the jazz bar.” (jokingly)
“I think that you know what you want so much that it’s hard for a guy…you have no patience.” “How much patience do you have?”
“How fast is the off button?”
“How fast do you go there and say ‘I don’t like that’?”
Question after question, it seemed as if Kevin was determined to pinpoint the reason for Tracee’s singleness like a doctor trying to diagnose their patient. Never mind that she previously stated how she refused to settle and wasn’t looking for a relationship just for the heck of it. Never mind her success. Instead, the questioning suggested that something must be wrong with Tracee, which is often the assumption for so many successful Black women.
Unfortunately, a lot of these notions are driven by a history of patriarchy, misogyny, and antiquated views of women in society.
Kevin even went on to ask, “Are there triggers?” Talk about being triggered. Part of being triggered is when people try to tell you why you’re still single. News flash: men and women – whether single or married - have triggers, and triggers don’t just disappear especially when they’re rooted in childhood trauma and past experiences.
As if that wasn’t enough, the discussion of children also came up. At one point Kevin asked Tracee, “Are kids a thing?” Despite the nonchalant feeling behind the question, Tracee actually shared how she tried to have children on her own, as well as the “grief that came with it.”
Tracee stated, “I always thought a child would come out of ‘I love them so much.’ I did want kids but the window of desire has closed.” Nevertheless, she said she’s still open to the idea with the right person.
While I respect interviewers wanting to go deeper, some people don’t always understand how questions can open up wounds that people may not be prepared or want to discuss. Whether you’re a celebrity or not, you don’t always know what a woman has endured in order to get to where she is especially when it comes to having children.
It’s similar to the ridiculous statements I hear when people ask me, “Why don’t you have any children,” or “I guess you don’t want children.” There goes those assumptions again. People don’t think about the fact that some women have chosen not to have children, while some of us have been hit with the reality of infertility struggles, illnesses (actual diagnoses), and the fact that ultimately we are not in control.
Oftentimes, people assume women are single by force rather than choice, or that single women are overwhelmed with despair simply because of their single status. Despite the multitude of successes, the belief tends to be that there’s no way a woman can feel complete or truly be successful without being in a relationship.
However, success is not determined by your relationship status.
Singleness is not a synonym for sorrow.
Singleness is not a burden.
Singleness doesn’t mean 'unsuccessful.'
Whether it’s the self-proclaimed relationship guru on social media, the preacher in the pulpit, or a celebrity interviewer, Black women do not need the unsolicited, unprofessional, unsubstantiated so-called “diagnosis” and theories to try to explain their singleness. We’re not asking men the same questions. So, why are we repeatedly asking women?
While I’m a huge advocate that all of us – men and women – have to do the work to become better versions of ourselves, we shouldn’t support the narrative that something has to be wrong with you just because you’re single.
Despite all of the questioning, I loved how Tracee handled everything with humor and grace. As she so eloquently stated during the conversation: “We don’t have to be narrowed into what other people’s idea is of us [Black women]…I want people to feel good in their skin.”
My sisters, don’t allow anyone to make you feel like something’s wrong with you or that you’re “off track” just because your life looks different from theirs. People often project their plans and desires onto you based on what they want for themselves, but everyone’s journey is different. You don’t have to subscribe to other people’s timelines and societal pressures.
To the rest of the world, let Tracee Ellis Ross, and whoever else, live their lives, enjoy their success, and enjoy what they do have instead of constantly making them feel as if their success is less significant without a relationship.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/Getty Images for PATTERN Beauty by Tracee Ellis Ross
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
With Valentine's Day rapidly approaching, different shades of pinks and reds are heavy in rotation. And even though red lipstick is a bold statement no matter the time of year, this season in particular places a special emphasis on the timeless beauty staple. What says confidence and allure more than a red lip?
Vying for a place as your go-to red lipstick shade is The Lip Bar's latest release, "Good Karma," a warm rust-brown red lippie formulated with melanin-rich skin in mind. Finding the right red lipstick can be a game-changer when you're looking to make a statement, find your signature, or turn heads. And the beauty of dark skin means that the versatility of reds we can rock is limitless.
From rust-red or brick shades for warm undertones to intense reds, berry reds, or deep wine and true reds, melanin-rich skin has a richness to it that translates to a range of reds popping beautifully against our various skin tones. If you've been on the hunt for your one true pairing when it comes to the ultimate red lipstick shade, look no further than our list of Black-owned beauty brands.
The Best Red Lipsticks for Deep Skin Tones
"Good Karma" x The Lip Bar
"Good Karma"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: Following in the footsteps of The Lip Bar's "Bawse Lady," aka their #1 red matte lippie, "Good Karma" is a warm rust-brown red liquid matte that applies like a gloss and has all-day staying power.
"Elson 2" x Pat McGrath Labs
"Elson 2"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: Nicknamed "The Perfect Red," Pat McGrath Labs' "Elson 2" is a beauty lover staple and stays sold out. With its luxurious, highly pigmented formula and velvety smooth finish, this red lipstick delivers on its promise of pure color and then some.
"Sade" x UOMA Beauty
"Sade"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: UOMA Beauty knew what they were doing with their line of "Badass Icon Matte Lipstick" inspired by badass icons across generations. Talk about timeless elegance, "Sade" is a deep, balanced red that goes on as smoothly and wears as divinely as its namesake.
"Fierce" x Juvia's Place
"Fierce"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: "Fierce" is a standout in Juvia's Place's carefully curated Reds and Berries Velvety Matte Lipstick collection. The shades prove the beauty brand has the range when it comes to shades that have deep skin tones in mind and "Fierce"'s burgundy-red pigmentation is no exception.
"Blood Orange" x Mented Cosmetics
"Blood Orange"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: As a part of Mented Cosmetics' Sangria collection, the vibrant red-orange "Blood Orange" shade is a standout amongst the liquid matte lippies, offering a perfect pop of color that's not too soft and not too bold.
"Uncensored" x Fenty Beauty
"Uncensored"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: The Stunna Lip Paint in "Uncensored" by Fenty Beauty is a universally flattering true red that stuns on all skin tones, no matter the undertone. Bold, long-lasting, and kissably smooth, "Uncensored" is that red lipstick.
"Uno Love" x GloGirlCosmetics
"Uno Love"
Finish: Satin
Why It's a Winner: "Uno Love" is a fiery red lipstick shade with coral undertones that dares those who wear it to "live out loud." Enriched with vitamin E, the formula packs the pigment while ensuring your pout stays deeply nourished.
"Dare" x Wyn Beauty
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: A ruby-red shade that is as hydrating as it is long-lasting, Wyn Beauty's "Dare" is a shade designed to keep your lips feeling soft while making an unapologetically bold statement.
"Rich AF" x LYS Beauty
"Rich AF"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: "Rich AF" is LYS Beauty's take on a classic red. This highly pigmented formula delivers bold color with one swipe while keeping lips nourished and soft for all-day wear.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by courtesy