
This TikToker Makes Relatable Content For Women Who Consider Themselves Late Bloomers

Krystal is tired of people telling her why she’s single. “People have shitty advice for late bloomers,” the 23-year-old tells xoNecole. “'There’s something you’re doing wrong’ or ‘how can you change yourself,’” she says are just some of the things she has been told when she confesses to being delayed romantically.
On her TikTok, Krystal has built a modest following not only from videos of her singing and sharing her music but from talking about her life as a self-described late bloomer. “A late bloomer can be defined as someone who starts dating later than the average age of dating,” she says in response to someone asking her what exactly a late bloomer is.
@its_kkryss Sorry if I’ve been sounding emo lately im not emo but I have a lot more time to process things/enjoy talking about real shit on here #blackgirl #latebloomer #dating #datingculture #hookupculture #blackwomen #rant #letmetalk #fyp
In recent years, the discussions surrounding romantic loneliness have put men squarely at the center of the topic. It was on one of my many TikTok rabbit holes a few years ago, however, when I stumbled across a community of Black women who, like Krystal, express their frustrations with having to find love and romance later in life.
“I think there's a part of me that feels like what I desire is unrealistic as I get older,” says another young Black woman who wanted to remain anonymous that xoNecole spoke to. Unlike other late bloomers, this young woman has been in a relationship, including one that ended only eight months ago, but she says she felt unfulfilled in part because of feeling pressured by societal standards to get into a relationship. “Though I identify as a Black feminist, embarrassingly I still fell tragedy to the pressures around age and relationships for women,” she says.
Krystal has made several attempts at putting herself out there including going on dating apps which she says has only made her uncomfortable. “People are kind of like bolder [on dating apps],” she says. “In real life, when I’m out and about, those kinds of people would not be walking up to me.”
Talking with her friends hasn’t helped either Krystal confesses. “I made a TikTok last year about how hard it is opening up to your non-late bloomer friends about being a late bloomer,” she says. “Some of my friends have no issue getting a date at all and they just insist I give attention to any guy at all.” This has also included friends attempting to set her up on dates with men she has no interest in or trying to pass off men they have rejected. “The guys that they turn down [weren’t] up to their standards but because I don’t get any attention, I should give them attention?” Krystal asks.
A few people have also suggested she move from the predominately white city she lives in to a Blacker city like Atlanta. “Financially I can’t do that, but also that depresses me because there’s tons of people who don’t need to move to find love.”
Krystal says that through posting videos online she has been able to connect with other Black women who are late bloomers. “My followers are really random people,” she says. “I think a lot of people find my late bloomer TikToks on the for you page.” She continues, “And so it's just people telling their own personal stories and that's really empowering. I've had people say like, I'm so grateful I found this video because now I can meet other people who are going through this. I had no idea.”
In recent months, Krystal says she’s felt less sad about being a late bloomer in part because of her self-love journey, which she acknowledges can also come off as patronizing advice to other late bloomers. “When you’re not getting this attention, you start to think that there’s something wrong with you, but knowing that there’s nothing wrong with you.”
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Feature image by @its_kkryss/ Instagram
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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10 Quick & Easy Ways To Give Yourself An All-Natural Dopamine Hit
Recently, while talking to a client of mine about why they seem to have such a challenging time releasing some of their vices, I simply said, “You know they are a dopamine hit for you, right?” While it’s not an excuse for some of the poor decisions that they’ve been making as of late, science is science.
That said, it’s an irrefutable fact that the neurotransmitter known as dopamine has been proven to cause us to feel pleasure, to motivate us, to cause us to want to put our attention on certain things, and to also get us into a better mood. And when things like sex, sugar, or social media give us this rush or hit, if we’re not careful, these activities can lean into addiction…sometimes without us even noticing it.
However, because you need dopamine in order to do so many daily functions (some signs that you are low in dopamine are located here, by the way), the focus shouldn’t be to avoid these rushes altogether. First, make sure that your “preferred hits” are used responsibly (and that you factor in short as well as long-term consequences or outcomes).
Secondly, check out the following 10 things that you can do to get a fix in a healthy (or healthier) way. Things that can benefit your mind, body, and spirit overall — so that your pleasure doesn’t come with any unexpected “extras.”
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1. Eat Foods That Are High in Tyrosine
Tyrosine is an amino acid. Your system needs it because it helps to reduce stress, boosts cognitive function and it helps your system to produce dopamine. That’s why it’s such a good idea to consume foods that are high in tyrosine including chicken, turkey, eggs, pumpkin seeds, lima beans, cheese and nuts.
2. Consume More Protein and Less Saturated Fat
Speaking of tyrosine, since amino acids are considered to be “the building blocks of protein” and protein is a rich source of tyrosine, you should also consume protein-rich foods like salmon, beef, bison, Greek yogurt, peanut butter, peas and quinoa. Just make sure that when you eat meat, you watch how you prepare it because saturated fats (like animal fat and dairy) can actually disrupt how dopamine is processed within your system.
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3. Take a Probiotic
You may already be aware of the fact that probiotics can do wonders for your gut health. However, were you aware that research also says it can help to put you in a better mood as well? Probably the easiest way to explain it is, your gut and brain are connected via something known as a gut-brain axis. And so, since your gut produces some of the same neurotransmitters as your brain does (including dopamine), when your gut is strong and healthy, it gives off a stronger “dopamine vibe” which, in turn, makes you feel better. The more you know. So, since a probiotic helps your gut to thrive — there you go.
4. Take a Multivitamin Too
Remember how I briefly referenced dopamine deficiency earlier? A few signs that you need more dopamine in your system include having trouble concentrating, being moody, having a decreased libido, your weight fluctuating (for what appears to be no reason) and you not being able to sleep (well) — and sometimes, these things are directly tied into not having enough of certain vitamins and minerals in your system. That’s why taking a multivitamin can also be good for you, as far as your dopamine levels are concerned.
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5. Spend More Time in the Sun
I’ve said a billion times before that I like random information. Well, while reading an article on natural ways to treat Parkinson’s disease, it stated that something that naturally increases dopamine levels is spending time in the sun. Apparently, when cells in your retina are exposed to sunlight, they send messages to cells that produce dopamine, so that your dopamine levels increase. So, if you like to exercise or just enjoy quiet time, consider doing it outside more often. Your dopamine levels will adore it.
6. Set a Goal. Then Reach It.
Even though there are some haters out in the universe who believe that too much hype is put into goal-setting (crazy, right?), so much scientific research disagrees. In fact, some studies cite that when you set a goal, that automatically causes your dopamine levels to spike, because it feels good to do something that will motivate, inspire and ultimately cause you to become a better person. Now just imagine how even better you will feel once you reach the goal that you set. AMEN?
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7. Listen to Instrumental Music
Wanna improve your sex life? Check out “Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life.” Along these same lines, wanna increase your dopamine levels via another all-natural way? Listen to instrumental music. According to science, dopamine is activated via stimuli like instrumental music. In fact, not only can listening to it make you feel a lot better, playing an instrument can too.
8. Meditate
If you don’t meditate on a consistent basis, you absolutely should ponder doing so. Studies show that it helps to decrease stress and anxiety levels, it improves your emotional health, it makes you more self-aware, strengthens your memory and even helps you to be a kinder individual. Know what else meditation has the ability to do: elevate your dopamine levels. According to science, by getting still and then concentrating on that stillness for a certain amount of time will provide certain neurotransmitters in your system with a real boost — including dopamine.
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9. Do What (Responsibly) Feels Good
When’s the last time that you did something purely for the fun of it? Believe it or not, there is a pretty popular study out here which says that most of us only spend three percent of each day doing something that we thoroughly enjoy. Y’all, it really is kind of wild that we don’t prioritize two things that are directly tied to our overall happiness and well-being: hobbies and quality rest (which I will get to in just a sec). That said, never feel guilty about choosing to participate in activities that make you laugh, bring excitement into your life and cause you to feel good about life. So long as you’re acting responsibly, it’s the right thing for you to do.
10. Get More Rest
Dopamine is on a cycle. That’s why it’s critical to get no less than 6-8 hours on a consistent basis; that way, dopamine can build back up in your system, so that you will have enough to get through the next day. So, if you are someone who keeps treating sleep more like a luxury than a priority, here’s hoping that this will finally get you to take shut-eye more seriously.
Your dopamine levels are dependent on it — which means that you enjoying life more does too, chile.
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