
My relationship with relaxers has been a bit of a cryptic one. While I did get my hair permed quite a bit during my adolescence, once I cut my hair short—really short—in college, I transitioned over to a mild texturizer; something that, by the way, is also a relaxer (it's just not as strong). Up until a few years ago, I would go in and out between a texturized TWA (Teeny Weeny Afro) and a completely natural (including no hair dye) Afro.
But a couple of years back, I decided that I wanted a Mohawk and that the top of it be bone straight. So, after years of not having chemically straightened hair, I got a jar of medium-strength white-lye-hair-crack and applied it to my hair. I must admit that the 'hawk was super-duper cute. But it was summertime, so when my head would sweat, the sides would stick out like little porcupine needles. Plus, my scalp started getting lots of flakes and, because I went back to retouching my new growth, my hair was weakening. The long short of it is, while the perm looked good for that particular hairstyle, the maintenance was more of a headache than I remembered. I'm back natural now. Well, under these box braids that I currently have, I am.
I shared that little hair tale because lately, I've been hearing more and more sistahs talk about transitioning out of their natural hair and going back to their relaxed tresses. Although India.Arie did have a very valid point when she sang "I Am Not My Hair", as someone who has done relaxed before and had a few regrets, I just want to make sure that you've really thought bringing it back into your life all the way through.
Have You Researched What’s Actually in Relaxers?

Have you ever read the label on a jar of relaxer before? Don't feel bad if you can only pronounce five of the names. And, well, that's kind of my point. The main chemical in lye relaxers that breaks down the coils of natural hair is sodium hydroxide. No-lye relaxers? They're honestly not much better; they've got lithium hydroxide, potassium hydroxide, calcium hydroxide and/or guanidine hydroxide in them. CNN published an article a few years ago indicating that these types of chemicals have been directly linked to "cancer, hormone disruption, developmental and reproductive damage, and allergies". Something else that might surprise you is there is scientific evidence connected to the fact that relaxers increase the chances of having uterine leiomyomata. And that? That is the technical term for uterine fibroids (crazy, right?).
Even though I've used relaxers before, I must admit that they always gave side-eye, being that children under 12 and pregnant women are advised not to use them. Definitely something to think long and hard about…isn't it? (Another read that's worth your time is "Study Reveals Black Women Exposed to Toxic Chemicals in Hair Products".)
Can Your Budget Handle It?

It's kind of funny—and by "funny", I mean ridiculous—that we make the beauty industry more money than anyone else (if you don't believe me, check out "Black Consumers Spend Nine Times More In Hair & Beauty: Report"), but we don't see nearly enough Black women in print and online ads, commercials and as spokespersons. Just the amount we spend in hair care alone equates to $473 million annually!
Per person? I can't speak for anyone but me, but back when I was going to a professional, it ran me around $65-75 an appointment. If I get a retouch every 6-8 weeks, that's roughly $400-500 a year (and that's just for the relaxer itself!). Not to say that professional protective styles are any cheaper, but at least those don't make you feel like you have to get them after an inch or so of new growth; if money is tight, you can style it yourself or wrap it up.
Relaxers have a way of making you feel like your hair needs to be super straight at all times, and yep, those appointments can really start to add up if you're not careful.
Do You Have the Time?

Speaking of professional appointments, I don't know what's worse—waiting at the doctor's office or in a hair salon. I never really get the point in setting a time if I'm still gonna have to wait an hour or more before even getting started (geeze!). I have spent countless hours that I wish I could get back, just waiting to get my hair done by a professional stylist. So, unless you've got at least three hours to kill every other week (either for a perm or hair maintenance), this is another huge reason to rethink going back to a relaxer.
Have You Checked Out the Other “Alternatives”?

If the more thought that you're giving this, the less you want to go the traditional relaxer route, there are alternatives to consider. You can apply a silicone cream. You can get your hair silk pressed. You can stretch your natural tresses with the banding or threading method. You can try some straight plates. You can do an old-fashioned blow out. There are wigs out here that continue to totally blow my mind (check out a few straight ones here, here and here , or even braided ones here, here and here)!
The awesome thing about all of these suggestions (except perhaps the silicone cream, if you overuse it) is, unlike a relaxer, they are not permanent. If you decide that you want to go back to your natural texture, the alternatives will allow you to do so. (A major plus in my book!)
Bonus point: Whether you want to perm your hair for extra inches or you'd prefer to stretch out your natural tresses, I found a Black chemist with a cool YouTube channel for how to gain length retention from a scientific perspective. Her hair is all the way down her back! Watch a couple of her videos here and here.
Is It a Matter of Personal Preference or Societal Pressure?

I know I'm not the only one who thinks that it's absolutely insane that there even have to be headlines like "California Becomes First State to Ban Discrimination Against Natural Hair" and "New York City to Ban Discrimination Based on Hair". America is something else, boy. It all takes me back to the first time I learned about the history of the tignon law. Anyway, the fact that we're cheering about no longer being "punished" in the workforce for wearing our natural hair in two states shows the very real reality of the pressure that many of us are under to get or keep our hair straight. So yeah, another thing to ask yourself is are you returning to chemically-straightened hair because you simply want to try something new or different, or is it because you're tired of feeling like an activist every day at the office.
Let me just say that if the answer leans more into "B", you should seriously rethink it. Even the Bible describes the Son of Man's hair as being like wool (Revelation 1:14). Warfare comes in many ways.
For all you know, the natural crown that you're rockin' is shaking the very atmosphere that you're in for such a time as this. Yes, it just might be that serious. Black beauty has lots of "truth to power" in it.
Is Being Natural Just a Hairstyle or a Way of Life?

Something that is so dope about a Black woman's hair is it's super versatile. With the right products, knowledge and finessing, there really is no limit to what we can do. But like most things in life, even hair has trends, and some of us are rockin' natural hairstyles because of the amount of popularity it's getting right now. Then there are those of us who find wearing our natural hair to be a spiritual, political and profoundly internal experience and statement. Because of this, we don't really consider changing it; not permanently, anyway.
Me? I know that whenever I've got my 'fro out, that is when people—Black, white or any other ethnicity—end up wanting to have some of the most interesting conversations about culture, history and everything in between. It reminds me that natural hair makes a really powerful statement. For me, I doubt I'll have a lot more relaxer days in my future.
As for you, even if you do decide to perm your hair, you're still amazin'. And if you want to go back to being natural, it's not like you can't cut it and start over. But once you've straightened it, it's straight. For a while. If you've already got some length on it (sidebar—check out sis I found on YouTube; I've never seen so much glorious natural hair on one head in my entire life!), you know what the square one process can be like (ugh).
All I'm saying is, just make sure that putting a relaxer back in is not an impulsive decision because once it's done, it's done. And even though there are some conveniences that come with permed hair, remember that it's still breaking down the bonds of your hair, which means that it is damaging it on some level.
If you're clear on all of this and still good, go for it. At the end of your hair appointment, you're a Black woman so, you're gonna be dope…either way.
Featured image by Unsplash.
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- Skip the Leave-In Conditioner Before Relaxing Your Hair ›
- Why Relaxers Are Not Bad For Your Hair | LaToya Jones ›
- Pros and Cons of Perming Hair - Read Before You Perm ›
- 7 Things To Know Before Getting A Perm, Because It's A Serious ... ›
- Why Returning to a Relaxer is Not an Option for Me • EBONY ›
Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Don Benjamin On New Projects, Family & How He And His Wife Healed After Public Split
Actor and model Don Benjamin continues to expand in his career while also being a present husband and father. We first learned of the model in 2013, competing on America's Next Top Model Cycle 20, and now he's starring in major films like the recent Jordan Peele movie HIM and Adopted 2.
He was even the leading man in Cardi B's latest music video "Safe," which also features Kehlani. In an exclusive xoNecole interview, Don opens up about his family and this phase in his life.
"Honestly, the funny thing is, it's just like any other phase," he admits. "I just focus on work and growth and leveling up. I'm super excited about this moment because now, I'm finally tapping more into my acting side of stuff." He also shows off his acting skills on social media. Don, along with his wife, Liane V, often shares cute family skits on their respective Instagram and TikTok pages.
The couple share two kids, 2-year-old daughter Zaia Sky and Zaiden, who they had in June 2025. According to Don, Zaia is already following in his footsteps. "She's already doing more modeling jobs than me as of lately, and we want to get her in some acting. She loves the camera," he says. "It'll be nice to see if she follows in my footsteps, and I can kind of help line some things up for her."
Don and Liane have been married for four years, but had a very public breakup the year before. The Scared Famous star reveals how they did the work to heal and move forward together.
"We had our time to separate and work on self-growth, things that I needed to do for myself as a man, and working with life coaches and therapists, and she got the time to do what she needed to do. So when we came back together, we were in the right space mentally. We got a relationship coach that we can go through things with and talk about and work on and these things were important for us. Now, over the years, I feel like that actually helped us come closer together. That moment helped us come closer together."
"We had our time to separate and work on self growth, things that I needed to do for myself as a man, and working with life coaches and therapists, and she got the time to do what she needed to do. So when we came back together, we were in the right space mentally."
He continues, "I did what I had to do to understand [that] as a man, I never really had any male guidance in my life. So it was able to align me with the right coaches and pastors and therapists and people that I needed to align with to work on things that I had been dealing with in life. Then she got the space that she needed as a woman to work on her independence.
"We came back together strong, and now we were able to get married in the right space. A lot of times, people jump into marriage when they're not fully healed or in the right headspace. So we were able to get married in that right space. For us, it's been a beautiful thing, and we're able to use that as as an example."
Don also believes it's important to set an example for their kids, especially when it comes to love and respect. While the actor grew up without his dad, he has made it his priority to instill love in his kids by showing up for them and giving them words of affirmations.
As far as what's next for Don, he is starring and executive producing a paranormal activity film titled, holySmoke. "I'm loving the drama and horror space right now," he says.
"I always love a good romantic comedy, but right now. I seem to be getting reeled into all these horror films and thrillers and dramas."
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Feature image Nikita Melvil









