A couple of weeks ago, I started shopping for my first housekeeper. I live a hectic corporate life by day, and I’m at the mercy of basketball practices or games, store runs, rowdy dogs, building passion projects, supporting my husband’s business needs, and cooking dinner or cleaning my house, by night.
I go to bed rolling my eyes at the notion that Beyoncé has the same 24 hours in a day as I do, because I know she has assistants, trainers, nutritionists, managers, handlers, and the damn funds to knock out her day at a rate that’s three, four, five times more efficient than the average person.
And listen, I don’t even have kids, so it literally boggles my mind how women can go about their day with them, you feel what I’m sayin’?
How Sway? How?
Well, someone who shed a little light on all the above, is Tamron Hall, legendary journalist, and Emmy-award-winning host of her own daytime talk show of the same name. Hall, 52, recently revealed in an interview with SheKnows.com that she has a live-in nanny for her three-year-old son, Moses, to support her in her day-to-day.
“I’ve talked about the fact that our nanny lives with us. It's impossible to do it without her; my nearest family members are 2,000 miles away. And I made a very conscious and deliberate decision to make sure people knew this about my life. I wasn't going to pretend, and I also felt that [to do so] was diminishing this great woman who chose a career to care for my son when I'm not able to be there,” Tamron said.
And, honestly, this is absolutely okay to decide. For some, a nanny is necessary to manage a household, and others opt to take the more traditional route of raising their family, but either way, the great thing about having these conversations is that they become less stigmatized and more prevalent so women can decide what’s best for them.
Powerhouse Shonda Rhimes expressed similar sentiments as Hall about her nanny, saying, “I’ve read a lot of books written by and about working women and I’m struck by the fact no one ever seems to want to talk about having help at home," Shonda wrote in her book, Year of Yes. "Which I think is not so helpful to the women who don’t have help at home."
Zoe Saldaña, whose face is plastered all over 2022’s mega box office smashes, admits that her nanny raises her kids with her husband as well, telling Yahoo Style in 2017, “Our assistant, our nanny, and our housekeeper. They are literally raising our children with us. It's because of them I am able to rip myself away as long as I can, and my husband as well, to do what we do. They're teaching us how to manage our pain as they’re raising our kids with us."
Whether you agree with any of them or not, in a world where nothing is what it seems, you have to respect that these women openly welcome the conversation. And Tamron agrees just so whatever you decide is best for your home, you give yourself grace, as she feels that she, along with other moms "measure ourselves against standards that aren't real."
"I don't know what balance feels like. I know what being present feels like," Tamron explained. "I'm a work in progress. But there's such great advice and such great conversation that we can have with other moms every day to uplift rather than wallow in some of those difficult days. So for me, I don't know what balance feels like. I just know what it feels like to try."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
RELATED
The reason why I think that this is relevant to today’s topic is, as I was doing some research for it, I found myself rolling my eyes quite a bit as I read things like “men need to orgasm in order to release sperm; women don’t need an orgasm to conceive” and “Why do women orgasm? It’s still a mystery.” Umm, is it? Because if you factor in the oneness component that I just mentioned (which more people should take to heart if you ask me) and then add to that the fact that the ONLY purpose of a clitoris is sexual stimulation and satisfaction for a woman — female climaxing and the need for it to happen as much as possible should baffle absolutely no one.
Sex serves a layer of benefits and yes, for both men and women, pleasure should be one of them. And since that is the case, a woman being able to orgasm, as much as she can, should be promoted…in content on a consistent basis.
And that is why I thought some of you might find it interesting that there are certain things about men, specifically, that science says can increase the chances of you climaxing — not only more but more intensely too.
Let’s dive in.
How Masculine a Man Is
GiphyI’m gonna be honest: All of the women out here who give pushback on submission and yet want a man to physically look up to (you know, someone who is 6’ or over which is only 15 percent of the male US population, by the way) fascinate me. So, you want a man who towers over you yet you think it is antiquated for a man to lead you? Do tell. Anyway, that is the first thing I thought about when I read that a man’s level of masculinity plays a significant role in how often a woman is able to orgasm and how quickly she is able to do it.
It would appear that some of the backstory on this is, on the physical tip, men with strong jawlines and broad shoulders represent being in good health as well as being able to protect their family while research also reveals that men with beards make many women believe that they would be good fathers. And yes, as much as social media may say — or scream — otherwise, women tend to prefer dominant (exerting authority or influence) men more as well. All of this together, in the bedroom, results in more and faster orgasms for women. Fascinating.
A Man’s Personality
GiphyA sense of humor in a man can really take him a long way in life — including when it comes to giving women orgasms. That’s why articles like “Funny Men Give The Best Orgasms, According To Research” exist. Although it’s probably a given that a lot of us are drawn to this character trait because it makes us feel good, research also says that humor taps into our creativity, makes it easier for us to adapt to things, and can help us to be better problem-solvers too.
Sexually, I would think that being funny helps because humor and orgasms both provide dopamine hits which is the feel-good hormone that runs throughout our bodies. While we’re on this topic, other personality traits that will make you cum more when it comes to men include being creative, warm, and faithful — gee, imagine that. #sarcasm
Also, a Man’s Self-Esteem
GiphyI’m pretty sure it doesn’t surprise you in the least that the more intense your orgasms are with a guy, the more attractive you’ll find him to be and the more willing you’ll be to have sex with him multiple times a week. Yeah, y’all be careful with this one because something else that science says is whenever a really good orgasm comes your way, as a woman, your brain literally switches all the way off for a moment (which could explain a lot when it comes to who some people choose to deal with out here…just sayin’). Anyway, apparently it would seem that a truly confident man is who’s able to pull all of this off.
That makes sense because confidence is all about having a high sense of self-worth; embracing challenges; not having a lot of self-doubt; listening well to others; standing firm on one’s own beliefs; putting plans into action, and taking control of one’s life. Plus, since a lot of women will admit that they prefer a man to be a provider and protector, which in turn causes them to feel safe, and feeling safe also makes it easier to let go and enjoy sex fully — yes, all of this tracks.
Foreskin
GiphyIf no one else will say it, I WILL: the double standard on foreskin vs. the extra skin that a lot of women have when it comes to their vulva is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, if you know some things about your clitoris, it’s constructed a lot like a mini-penis in the sense of it experiences an erection of sorts when it’s aroused and the clitoral hood is the clitoris’s “foreskin.” So, to be out here giving the “ick” to men for how they were born when some of us have large or hanging lips — yeah, let’s chill on that.
Besides, according to science, “uncut men” not only have a greater level of sensation during sex, but that extra bit of skin (which isn’t as much as a lot of y’all make it out to be…relax) actually gives women more consistent orgasms too. Don’t believe me? Read this here and this here.
If He Ejaculates
GiphyI dunno. If you’re not a selfish partner, this one seems like common sense because, if a man “completes the act”, that means he was able to “get his” and that seems like something any good lover would want for their partner (the only thing better? Experiencing it with him at the same time!). However, what I did find interesting is there’s a greater chance that a woman will orgasm herself if she knows that her partner came.
In fact, one study said that a little over 50 percent of women thought that it was very important that their partner ejaculated during sex while a little over 22 percent said that they experienced more intense orgasms if he came during intercourse.
Some studies say that the sensation of the sperm inside of the vagina may play a role in this; however, since that means that you must engage in unprotected sex (check out “Thinking About Going Condom-Free? Read This Before You Do.”) in order to vouch for this one…I’ll just say to use forethought, wisdom and definitely get tested before attempting it.
BONUS: How Your Friends See Him
GiphyThe more you learn, boy. Have any of you heard of the sexy son hypothesis before? The gist is this: If you create children with someone who other women find attractive, the belief is that you will end up having sons who have that same quality. And yes, being with someone who you think is appealing to other women — seems to increase the chances of you having an orgasm too (chile).
___
Hmph. It’s intel like this that explains why so many think pieces say that the brain is the most powerful sex organ that we have. Anyway, if you’re someone who wants to have more orgasms or more intense orgasms, perhaps take some of this data to heart. For all you know, it might be the blueprint that you’ve been looking for all along.
Thoughts? Comments. Confirmations? LOL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy