Snip and Tuck: At What Point Should A Man Just Get A Vasectomy?
Does minimizing your "manhood" maximize your parenthood?
Peter Gunz's daughter, Whitney, recently had a chat with father Gunz on his constant baby making and asked him to cut it out- literally.
We all know how men feel about their *cough* ego. On a recent episode of Love and Hip Hop: New York, rapper Peter Gunz met with his eldest daughter for drinks and well...let's just say the conversation took a rather invasive turn.
According to Whitney, she feels that father Panky means well, but may not realize that it is physically and emotionally impossible to be there for all 10 of his kids (from six different women)- resulting in no one having the "Gunz," for much too long, since he is constantly roaming.
The conversation turned into an emotional one that literally left Peter sick to his stomach. Whitney asked her dad:
"You have such a good heart and I know you don't mean [to hurt people]. Maybe you have a problem where you can't be with one person. You're a really lovable guy, even I can't stay mad at you. But you have to make a decision though. You can't keep this going on, it's not fair. Have you considered a vasectomy?"
The look on Peter's face literally said it all:
Whitney went on to tell Peter that if he can't make the decision for himself, to consider making it for his loved ones:
"I feel like if you can't make a decision for you, for Tara or for Amina, you should make a different for your kids. And any woman should respect that."
Peter revealed later in the confessional that although his daughter's request for him to get a vasectomy made him feel ashamed and tearful, that Whitney may have had a point:
"Hearing my daughter say 'vasectomy' made me want to throw up. I gotta be honest with you, it made me feel like less of a man. But maybe she's right."
Yikes! This just brought a whole new meaning to cock-block.
For those who don't know, a "vasectomy" is the surgical cutting and sealing of part of each vas deferens (the tubes that carry a man's sperm from his testicles to the seminal vesicles). It's usually used as a means of sterilization.
Even Houston rapper Slim Thug spoke on the issue after willingly undergoing a vasectomy himself. Who could forget back in 2012 when a then 31-year-old Slim tweeted out, hashtags and all, "#NoNewKids #NoMoreBabyMamas" after his surgery, proudly boasting about having "ice packs on the balls" and all post-op. At the time, Slim was three kids deep with three different women, and expressed how he felt he was doing the biggest injustice to the kids by spreading his seeds all over.
"I don’t think it’s right, I don’t think it’s good to have a baby and not be with the father. That’s part of the biggest problem. My mother, she took care of me, but she was working seven days-a-week, 12 hours-a-day. That was a struggle, I seen how much she struggled and it was so hard coming up. I don’t even know who my daddy is. I don’t like that. I think a kid deserves both his parents. That’s why I think if you ain’t gonna be with somebody, you don’t need to have a kid with him. Even though I got three baby mamas…. it’s working out. But it ain’t right."
Slim also applied the same logic for such aggressive forms of birth control by expressing his support of abortions, if done "timely" enough:
“I think abortion is necessary on some occasions. People be against it, but people don’t deal with the real life situations some people deal with. I ain’t saying wait three or four months. If it’s immediate, it’s like birth control to me.”
Strong opinion, but he is speaking his truth. There may be some controversy behind Slim's logic, but no one can deny that his intentions are good, regardless if his logic may be faulty. It's similar to the same argument Peter, 47, gave wife Amina when he pleaded and convinced her to get an abortion for the sake of having too many kids already. Although she went through with it, she got pregnant again months afterwards.
(L) Tara Wallace Pregnancy Pic from Feb 2016 (R) Amina Pregnancy Pic from February 2016
It appears that one of the biggest flaws with Peter "loving them all," (even in his most recent situation with Amina and Tara and the five kids between them, Peter admits says he is guilty of "currently being in love with two women,") is that there aren't enough hours or time in the day to truly give anyone, from your kids to the women you are with. Even the richest dad can't place themselves in two-three-SIX places at once. And we're not even counting his children's children who would probably like to see their grandfather on occasion. Even worse is that aside from the kids' being left short, the women involved are also very hurt by Peter's actions, which we're sure doesn't make it easier to cope with co-parenting.
Just earlier this month when Peter stopped by The Breakfast Club, he was asked how the lesser-known mother of his children feel about his incessant need to procreate with different women, to which Gunz replied that they are less than proud to have him as a parent:
"Cthagod: Are your other baby mamas embarrassed you?Peter: Absolutely! I mean, they love me but, here is the thing, I can't go thru the mall, the movies or anything without people asking me for a picture. But on the internet, I'm the most hated person in the world. And my baby mothers, they look at what people are saying and they feed off that.The mother of my kids, if I said who they were or what they did, they'd kill me."
Ouch! Peter did, however, admit that he all of his children's mothers are well-to-do enough to provide for their child(ren) and not place him on child support, especially considering that he was barely getting by before the show.
Overall, watching Whitney plead with Peter to be "less of a man" in order to be more of a dad was tough. I recall once speaking to a friend who said he loves kid and prays to one day have six- but all from his wife. He admitted that he feels all children are a blessing but it would be a disservice to them to have them in different homes. At the end of day, even a stable household with a few kids is hard to maintain, hence "middle child syndrome," so imagine several homes with 10!
How did you feel about Whitney's conversation with her dad last night? Do you agree that having so many women and families can ruin the chances of even the nicest man being a good dad due to time and availability?
Watch the moment below:
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Lauren London Is On A Journey Of Self-Love: 'I Need To Learn Who I Am Outside Of My Trauma'
Lauren London has gone through many transitions in her life, from becoming a mother to experiencing loss when her beau, Nipsey Hussle, passed, and now she is focused on self-love.
During her conversation on A Really Good Crypodcast, the beloved actress revealed her struggles with self-love and why it's important to take this time in her life to learn how to love on herself.
"I've never really functioned in self-love. I've never really functioned in self-acceptance, and this is my time to learn what that is," she shared.
"I need to learn who I am outside of my trauma, from the childhood trauma and then the adult trauma. I need to really know what it feels like to be in sovereignty with me, and that's the space that I'm in.
"I don't really know self-acceptance like that and I would like to know that. I would like to see myself the way God intended me to see myself. Not through the reflection of anyone else right now, really just through the eyes of God."
She continued, "I didn't have that growing up. I had a lot of things I had to overcome. I've been in survivor mode for many years before the tragedy (Nipsey's death), and so I need to love on Lauren. I need to see what that is."
Being an actress, Lauren opened up about some of the things that come with the territory, including going to events and parties to stay relevant.
While she said going out doesn't fill her soul, it is a constant battle with her friends and her team. But according to the mom of two, she no longer wants her identity to be tied to her work.
"I think now I'm just, again, finding home within myself," she said. When it comes to what's next for the You People star, Lauren said she doesn't know and it's okay to just be and sit in what you just accomplished.
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Feature image is by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Glamour