7 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Posting ANYTHING On Social Media
If you've ever wondered about the goings on when it comes to social media activity, I've got a little bit of data that you might find interesting. As far as Facebook goes, on average, people log onto the platform about eight times a day. The topic of love drives the most responses (46 percent) and, if you're trying to create a brand, between 9-11pm(EST) is the best time to post stuff. When it comes to Instagram, 95 percent of its users are under the age of 35, a whopping 500 million individuals use Instagram stories on a daily basis and, if you use a handle with your post, there's a 56 percent chance that you'll get a lot more engagement. On Twitter, there are 500 million tweets that are sent every day, 12 percent of people use Twitter as their main news source and, if you post with an image, there's a 150 percent increased chance that what you said will get retweeted (if you use a hashtag, there's a 69 percent increase of you getting a RT too). Pinterest ain't nothin' to dismiss either. 50 percent of millennials use it quite a bit, they spend about 14 minutes every time that they do and, 87 percent of people who buy a product, do so because of something that they saw on the site.
What all of this boils down to is social media has the kind of impact and influence that packs a pretty powerful punch. That's why, it's really important that, whether you are using it for personal or professional reasons, you are careful with and intentional about what you say. Because, just like you can never really take back the words that you speak once you say them, you can never fully take back the words that you write on your social media platforms once you write them.
Which is why it's always a good idea to take a moment to ask yourself the following seven questions before logging onto your accounts every day.
1. Are You Aware That NOTHING Is Ever Really Deleted?
Just recently, I changed my cell phone number. The reason why is because I have a landline and, honestly, I'm even picky about who gets those digits. But my cell phone is really more for the purpose of calling out while I'm out, so it's not uncommon for me to block my number when I hit someone up. Recently though, while catching up with an ex (per his request), even though I blocked my number while giving him a ring, when we accidentally got connected, he hit me back. When I asked him how he was able to do that, he said, "It's weird. Your number didn't show up when you called me, but it just did when I tried to call you back." Yeah, I changed my number the next day, but the reason why I'm sharing all of this is because it's a reminder that while you think technology is doing one thing, oftentimes, it's doing something else.
If you're someone who "posts off the cuff" or worse, has "trigger fingers" and, in your mind, you think that it's not a problem because you can simply delete what you said—yeeeeah…you might want to rethink that. With articles like "Facebook launches 'clear history' tool – but it won't delete anything", "Why Your Data Will Never Be Deleted" and "The story behind 'nothing ever gets deleted from the internet'" that are out in cyberspace to remind us that cookies, caches and screenshots make it pretty much impossible for data to be completely erased, it's important that, when it comes to whatever you share, you always approach your post like it is written in pen, not pencil.
2. Are You Cool with Your Boss (or Prospective Boss) Seeing It?
We're living in some pretty interesting times; times when keeping—or getting—a job is more important than ever. That said, one thing that can cause you to get a pink slip or a "Don't call us, we'll call you" response from prospective employer is how you act on your social media accounts.
In fact, one article I read said that more than half of employers have taken a pass on a potential employee simply because of something that they saw on that individual's social media. Not only that but, 48 percent of employers do "check ins" on the people who work for them, via their Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages.
I grew up in a house where, once I became a sophomore in high school, I was able to have a phone in my bedroom. Still, my mom was on some, "I'm paying for it, so I can pick it up at any time." (And she would.) It's called monitoring. Yes, your social media accounts are yours. But if you think that your employers aren't monitoring you too, you are sadly mistaken. Post wisely. It could cost you, very dearly, if you don't.
3. Are You About to Post Something That Is Truly Beneficial?
Let me be clear. There are a lot of ways to benefit someone via what you post. The reason why I think it's important to make that distinction is because, I'm not saying that you should only post what you think others will like or agree with; no one really grows that way. All I'm saying is it's always a good idea to keep words like "helpful", "advantageous" and "constructive" in mind, whether you're sharing your opinion, an article, a resource or anything else.
Some folks on social media are nothing more than toxic gaslighters and drama starters. That helps absolutely no one. Meanwhile, some folks do nothing but pedestal themselves; I'm not really sure how that is advantageous for others either. But if what you're seeking to do is make people think, to share something that will inform or challenge them (in a good way) or point them to something that will help them to become their own best self—that is only to their benefit. That is something that is worth making the time to make a post about. Do it.
4. If You Just Got Triggered, Did You Take 5-10 Minutes to Process Your Response?
Although I'm personally not on any social media platform, when I tiptoe out into Twitter World to see what folks are talking about, I'll tell you what—all I have to do is put "Black women" or "Black men" in the search field (because those are two topics that interest me a lot) and I will see the walking definition of triggered, each and every time. Sometimes, people are so quick to "clapback" at what someone else has said that I say to myself, "I wonder if they took a moment to think about what they just said and who might see it". Because, again, nothing on the internet is ever really deleted. Not too long ago, when I wrote the article, "Should You Really Not Care About What Other People Think?", I shared that there are some people whose insights (even on us) we should care about. But trolls and people who don't invest in our lives whatsoever? Why even give them the power to get all stressed out and frazzled?
There are some individuals I know who are always stirring up stuff online because that's how they are offline as well. It's like being combative and a know-it-all are their love languages or something. But spending—or is it wasting?—precious time that you'll never get back letting people piss you off and then going back and forth with them—is it really worth it? If you're like some folks and you're constantly looking for a fight—hey, have at it…I guess. But if you're not, I promise you that taking out some time to deep breathe and process before replying to someone who triggers you could, quite possibly, change your approach in how you respond or…bring you to the conclusion that they don't deserve one at all.
5. Are You About to Totally Contradict Yourself?
Folks are a trip. Whenever I see a headline about someone who said something 10 years ago that gets everyone in cyberspace all up in a tizzy, 7 times out of 10, what I tend to be like is, "Wow. So, a person can't evolve in an entire decade?" If all of us were only held to what we said or did when we were 10 years younger, I'd venture to say that most of us would have days when we wouldn't want to come out of the house. But that's what growth and evolution are all about.
Unfortunately, social media isn't nearly as empathetic to this point, let alone forgiving. So, another thing to ask yourself is if you are about to post something that totally contradicts something else that you have already said. Hey, I'm not saying that if that is indeed the case that you should say nothing at all. All I'm saying is if one day, you've got one perspective and, three months later, that perspective has changed (even a little bit), don't be shocked in the least if someone is more than happy to pull up the receipts that you have changed your mind as they challenge you on it. It happens ALL of the time. Just ask that so-called president of ours.
6. Are You Aware That a Publication Could Possibly Pick “It” Up?
I ain't gonna name no names, but there are certain websites out here that, quite frankly, I don't think would exist if they weren't constantly going to Black Twitter for content. And who's getting paid for what they write? Them not the original creator of the content. That's why I think it's so important for folks to read articles like "Social Media's New Intellectual Property Challenges" and "Intellectual Property Law in the Age of Social Media" because, while social media can be hella convenient, don't think that you're not the media's—and data collectors'—dream when it comes to content that they can draw from.
A woman by the name of Erin Bury once said, "Don't say anything online that you wouldn't want plastered on a billboard with your face on it." Indeed. I'll add to that and say, "Also, don't post anything that could end up making a company thousands of dollars and you nothing if revenue for your pure genius is what you're ultimately after."
Intellectual property is something that a lot of people don't know nearly enough about; especially when it comes to what they put online. It can only benefit you to do a little research before you start hacking away on your own social media accounts. Never say that a sistah didn't warn you.
7. Why Are You Posting What You’re About to Post?
A woman by the name of Adrie Peterson once said, "If you can't say it to their face, don't post it." Say a word, say a word. One day, we'll have to get into all of the ridiculous passive aggressiveness that happens on social media that is actually pretty toxic behavior. So, why do a lot of people do it? Personally, I think that it is cowardly behavior. They don't have the balls to approach someone directly so they will be vague online. It's a twisted motive.
I think this is a good place to end this particular piece. Motive speaks to what causes us to do the things that we do, along with what we are looking to get out of it. Before you make your very next online post, take a moment to really ponder what your underlying reason is. Is it to encourage others? It is to draw attention to yourself? Is it to "start something" with some random person? Is it to give others something to think about? Is it because you can't seem to go a day without saying something? The reasons can run the gamut. All I'm advising is to be clear on what your true agenda is. If you do that, whatever reactions you receive afterwards, you will be better prepared for, all because you know why you are doing what you do. Be wise out in cyberspace, y'all. It's literally a world—and jungle—of its own.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Let’s face it, gentle parenting gets a bad rap. Many of us became familiar with the term "gentle parenting" during the pandemic, and since then we’ve seen an uptick in social media creators showcasing examples of gentle parenting online. Despite their best efforts, however, there still remains misunderstanding and confusion about what gentle parenting actually is. In fact, if you ask the average parent, particularly parents of color, they will almost unanimously describe it as ineffective, permissive, and even dangerous.
Some teachers have even come out to declare that gentle parenting is causing behavioral problems in school.
These suppositions all operate under the premise that gentle parenting lacks structure and discipline. They believe that the parents who adhere to this parenting philosophy eschew maintaining any sort of authority in their household in favor of being their child’s friend.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, the psychologist and parenting expert who is credited with introducing the idea of gentle parenting describes it as parenting that "focuses on building connection, having empathy for what children are feeling and mindful discipline, with a focus on teaching and guiding, and setting up age-appropriate boundaries and limits."
What’s often overlooked, however, is that gentle parenting falls under the umbrella of authoritative parenting:
According to the American Psychology Association, authoritative parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. Current and past research overwhelmingly tells us that authoritative parents are more likely to raise children who are confident, emotionally secure, and academically successful.
Why Ockwell-Smith opted to rebrand an existing parenting philosophy isn’t entirely clear, but what is clear is that maintaining authority and boundaries are core tenets of gentle parenting.
Striking a balance between gentleness and authority can sometimes feel like navigating a tightrope, though. On one hand, we want to nurture our children with empathy and understanding, while on the other, we need to instill discipline and respect. And despite popular and ill-informed opinions, you can be and still are an authority figure in your household if you are a gentle parent.
Without further adieu, here are five practical ways you can embrace gentle parenting without sacrificing your sense of authority:
1. Setting Clear Expectations:
Authority doesn't have to come in the form of harsh demands or rigid rules. In fact, setting clear expectations can be one of the most effective ways to establish authority while remaining gentle.
Children thrive on structure and predictability, so outlining expectations helps them understand what's expected of them. However, it's crucial to communicate these expectations in a calm and respectful manner.
Instead of barking orders, try having a conversation with your child about what behavior is acceptable and why. By involving them in the process and explaining the reasoning behind your expectations, you not only foster a sense of understanding but also demonstrate your authority in a gentle way.
2. Using Positive Reinforcement:
While consequences for misbehavior are necessary, positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool for gentle parenting. Instead of solely focusing on what your child is doing wrong, make a conscious effort to acknowledge their positive behavior. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also reinforces the behaviors you want to see more of. It can be as simple as giving a "thank you" for cleaning up their toys. Positive reinforcement creates a nurturing environment while still upholding your authority as a parent.
3. Practicing Active Listening:
Effective communication is key to any relationship, including the one between parent and child. Practicing active listening is a fundamental aspect of gentle parenting that allows you to connect with your child on a deeper level.
Instead of dismissing their feelings or rushing to provide solutions, take the time to truly listen to what they have to say.
Validate their emotions, even if you don't necessarily agree with them, and show empathy towards their experiences. By demonstrating that you value their thoughts and feelings, you build a foundation of trust and respect that strengthens your authority in a gentle way.
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4. Offering Choices and Empowerment:
Giving your child a sense of autonomy and control can go a long way in fostering a positive parent-child relationship. Instead of always dictating what they should do, offer them choices whenever possible. This not only empowers them to make decisions for themselves but also teaches them valuable problem-solving skills. Of course, the choices should be age-appropriate and within the boundaries of your expectations as a parent.
By allowing your child to have a say in certain matters, you demonstrate that you trust and respect them, which in turn reinforces your authority in a gentle manner.
5. Leading by Example:
Perhaps the most powerful way to balance gentleness and authority is by leading by example. Children are incredibly perceptive and often mimic the behaviors they see in adults. Therefore, it's essential to model the traits and values you want to instill in your child.
Whether it's practicing patience, showing empathy towards others, or handling conflicts peacefully, your actions speak volumes.
By embodying the principles of gentle parenting in your own behavior, you not only reinforce your authority but also inspire your child to follow suit.
Gentle parenting is not synonymous with permissiveness or a lack of authority. By incorporating these five practical strategies into your parenting approach, you can cultivate a nurturing and respectful relationship with your child while still maintaining your sense of authority.
Remember, it's not about being a dictator or a pushover—it's about finding that delicate balance between empathy and discipline that ultimately fosters a loving and harmonious parent-child bond.
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