This article is in partnership with Ulta Beauty.
When it comes to beauty, Ulta Beauty has become synonmous as a one-stop shopping experience for makeup and skincare lovers alike. From in-store beauty services to their must-shop event 21 Days Of Beauty, Ulta Beauty has more than established themselves as that store. Recently, Ulta Beauty came through with the come through by unvieling the newness products we didn't know we needed. And we are so here for it!
The fall season is all about being out with the old and in with the new, and while the world very much feels out of our control, it feels great to find comfort and solace in the things you can control. That goes double for investing in yourself and your glow-up. Adding elements to your day like doing your makeup even if it's just for Zoom meetings, virtual Happy Hour with the ladies and treating yourself to a pamper session by adding a few more steps to your skincare routine are such a good reminder of how transformative your glow-up can be. Quarantine or not, it's important to gravitate towards things that build your self-confidence ad nurture your spirit.
For me, investing in myself looks like pampering my skin with products that speak to my needs, especially products that help with dark spots and hyperpigmentation. I'm currently eyeing the release of Dermalogica Hydro Masque Exfoliant, Mario Badescu Hyaluronic Dew Drops, and Peter Thomas Roth Potent-C Power Scrub. My pores are ready to preserve this glow, honey, rea-dy. Remember ladies, black joy is an act of resistance.
Ulta Beauty is giving us a multitude of ways to shop these all-new launches. You can order online, shop in-store or in-app, or even pull up to do curbside pickup. Get into the 21 Ulta Beauty newness products that our editors are currently eyeing and prepare to shop 'til you drop!
NARS Climax Extreme Mascara
Ulta Beauty
NARS Climax Extreme Mascara takes lashes to new heights by turning things up to the extreme, thanks to its buildable volume. With an innovative formula that is as intense as it is flexible, the mascara is giving a whole new meaning to peak lashes, emphasis on the va-va-voom. And it manages to do so without the dreaded clumps or smudging that can come with other mascara formulas.
Urban Decay Stoned Vibes Eyeshadow Palette
Ulta Beauty
Who says you need to go out for an excuse to get glam? The Urban Decay Stoned Vibes Eyeshadow Palette is filled with tantalizing foiled shades and pressed glitters, reminding you of how fun it is to tap into your black girl magic. What's even better is that this palette consists of an innovative powder to cream formula that provides you with some melt-into-the-skin action. The end result? An enviable radiating finish, ensuring your glow is on go, whether you're getting your virtual happy hour on with friends or a quick socially-distanced date night in. We're just saying.
Dermalogica Hydro Masque Exfoliant
Ulta Beauty
There's nothing more indulgent than ending your day (or starting it) with a face mask. And Dermalogica knew exactly what they were doing with their Hydro Masque Exfoliant. The masque (that's masque with a 'que') packs a one-two punch thanks to its hydrating and exfoliating properties. This five-minute mask exfoliates with bamboo, while locking in moisture for smooth, renewed, and luminous skin. Yaaasss, glow!
Mario Badescu Hyaluronic Dew Drops
Ulta Beauty
Mario Badescu is that skincare brand. From oily to dry to acne-prone, they seem to offer a range of products that offer the gamut. With their Hyaluronic Dew Drops, they are once again flexing their muscles of why they're everyone's skincare favorite. With its ability to deliver botanical-infused hydration to your skin, this product also offers resurfacing, clarifying benefits that improve the quality of your skin. The end result is a dewy, ultra-hydrated complexion, taking your glow to even higher levels.
Tula Signature Glow Refreshing & Brightening Face Mist
Ulta Beauty
If we want to get into achieving a signature glow, Tula is where to begin. Tula Signature Glow Refreshing & Brightening Face Mist does exactly what their name suggests, all while protecting your skin from environmental damage. All-new to Ulta Beauty, the "highlighter in a bottle" is perfect for putting on as a primer before makeup, after makeup, or just to refresh and rehydrate your skin throughout the day. Either way, it allows you to pamper thyself while providing it with the moisture and protection it craves.
IT Cosmetics Your Skin But Better Foundation
Ulta Beauty
With its natural radiant finish coupled with its light-medium coverage formula, IT Cosmetics Your Skin But Better Foundation might be the simple, lightweight foundation you've been looking for. In addition to giving you coverage without a cakey finish or the feel of a full-coverage formula, this foundation comes in 24 shades and provides you with 24 hours of hydration, giving you a bright and even skin tone without sacrificing your desire for a more natural go-to makeup look.
Clinique Even Better All-Over Concealer + Eraser
Ulta Beauty
Clinique Even Better All-Over Concealer + Eraser is serving up 'your skin, but better' realness with the debut of this incredible product. This concealer visibly treats dark circles and reduces the look of puffiness all day and overtime while providing you with the coverage you so desire. Available in 30 shades, the caffeine-, Vitamin C-, and hyaluronic acid-enriched product proves to be makeup that covers up while improving your skin underneath. Plus, with its 12-hour wear and 24-hour hydration, Clinique shows beauty-lovers everywhere why this concealer is a must-have.
StriVectin Super-C Retinol Serum
Ulta Beauty
The StriVectin Super-C Retinol is the Vitamin C product of the gawds. Vitamin C is a highly regarded skincare ingredient because it helps to brighten the skin, reducing the appearance of dark spots and hyperpigmentation over time. This product in particular couples Vitamin C with retinol, creating a winning combination of brightening and protection that will help you achieve flawless skin in no time.
Peach and Lily Cold Brew Eye Recovery Stick
Ulta Beauty
Peach & Lily is a Korean skincare brand that offers an array of products catering to skincare needs. With the Peach & Lily Cold Brew Eye Recovery Stick, say goodbye to whatever bags your eyes may be carrying. This eye cream helps eliminate the appearance of undereye circles and puffiness by tightening and hydrating that area of your skin.
Benefit Cosmetics Brow Microfilling Pen
Ulta Beauty
The Benefit Cosmetics Brow Microfilling Pen helps you achieve the perfect brow one stroke at a time. Get the coveted microbladed effect at a fraction of the price or the effort with the help of this miracle product. With a staying power of up to 24 hours, this microfilling pen is the one product your brow needs.
Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair Synchronized Multi-Recovery Complex
Ulta Beauty
One of the best times to really pour into your skin routine is at night. This is because your skin is given the opportunity to repair itself during the hours you've closed your eyes to sleep. That being said, what you apply to your skin at night could be the difference between meh skin and skin that is absolutely radiant. Case in point, Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair Synchronized Multi-Recovery Complex puts in work by reducing visible signs of aging and evening your skin tone. Problem skin, be damned.
Peter Thomas Roth Potent-C Power Scrub
Ulta Beauty
Issa brightening facial scrub! We live for all things brightening, especially where vitamin C is involved. Peter Thomas Roth Potent-C Power Scrub is a powerful vitamin C product, given its inclusion of its mega-potent THD Ascorbate that takes the traditional vitamin C ingredient to new levels. This scrub polishes and brightens the skin's overall appearance, aiding in creating an even skin tone and diminishing the appearance of hyperpigmentation over time.
Ursa Major Golden Hour Recovery Cream
Ulta Beauty
Our skin encounters much more harm throughout our day-to-day than you might think. Between enduring indoor and outdoor air pollution, UV rays, and sweat amid other environmental damage, your skin goes through it. Ursa Major Golden Hour Recovery Cream just might be the remedy. This gluten-free, vegan, and cruelty-free product is a blend of spicy sandalwood, sweet neroli, and sour rose that provides nourishment and deep hydration to replenish your skin. Better yet, you can use it daily or nightly to truly treat yo' self.
Fifth & Root Calming Facial Moisturizer
Ulta Beauty
Vegan and cruelty-free, Filth & Root Calming Facial Moisturizer is a CBD facial moisturizer that feels like therapeutic luxury in the palm of your hands. Rich in Terpenes and Adaptogens, this moisturizer fights inflammation and hydrates. Keep your breakouts at bay and your skin quenched with this CBD beauty find.
First Aid Beauty FAB Pharma Arnica Relief & Rescue Mask
Ulta Beauty
First Aid Beauty FAB Pharma Arnica Relief & Rescue Mask is a product featured among First Aid Beauty's particular array of pharmacy-inspired skincare and targeted treatments. This mask is self-care reinvented and its rich and creamy texture will have you feeling like you're lounging in a lap of luxury from the comfort of your home. The mask soothes and relieves stressed, irritated, and dehydrated skin. As you pour into yourself, you
Becca Cosmetics Ultimate Hydra-light Plumping Lip Mask
Ulta Beauty
Sometimes our lips are an aspect that we neglect in our skincare routines, despite them being such a focal point. Keep your lips hydrated and smooth by investing in a go-to lip mask like this one by Becca. Wear your lip mask at night to restore moisture into your pout, wake up and wash away the dead skin for a smooth and hydrated reveal. Your lips will thank you for it.
Beekman 1802 Milk Drops Probiotic Ceramide Serum
Ulta Beauty
Probiotics does more than just wonders for your gut health. Now, with the help of Beekman 1802 Milk Drops Probiotic Ceramide Serum, your skin gets to reap some of those benefits too! Beekman 1802's revolutionary goat milk skincare skystem is the gift that keeps giving with the arrival of its power-packed serum that leaves your skin smooth, radiant, and even-toned. In just one drop, you get a serum that contains hella squalane, essential ceramides, plant enzymes, and hyaluronic acid. Discoloration and dull skin, be gone!
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Pen
Ulta Beauty
The most popular way to fill in sparse brows is by creating hair-like strokes with your brow pencil or pomade of choice. In case you didn't know, Anastasia Beverly Hills has a Brow Pen that promises to give you those hair-like strokes for a natural-looking brow with a fraction of the effort. The brand who is known for their prowess over the brow sector knew what they were doing when they created this long-wearing pen.
Tula Glow Hour Brightening Eye Balm
Ulta Beauty
As more of us spend more time working from home and being immersed in blue light, gravitating towards products that can help improve your skin while protecting you against potential damage. In addition to protecting you, it also neutralizes dark circles and hydrates the undereye area.
Exuviance Pure Retinol Correcting Peel
Ulta Beauty
One word: brightening. This correcting peel by Exuviance is an intensive retinol correcting peel that improves the look and feel of your skin's texture over time. With consistent weekly use, the peel makes dark spots caused by aging, scarring, or sun damage less visible on the surface of the skin. Your skin will be lifted, firmer, and more flawless in no time.
L’Occitane Almond Shower Oil
Ulta Beauty
Say hello to what's new in French skincare. L'Occitaine wants us to feel as pampered as possible in our showers by dipping our toes into a pool of this lavishness. The L'Occitaine Almond Shower Oil is 'hydration' in a bottle, as the two-in-one shower oil offers duality in its benefits. While most cleansers can be rather stripping to the body, especially coupled with the stripping aspects of warmer water in our showers, this product moisturizes the skin, and can even be used to replenish moisture on even the driest skin type.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy