

Around this time last year, I got a call from my cousin. I couldn’t pick up at that moment, so I listened to the voicemail when I was free. “Hey, just calling to see if you heard the news. You were the first person I thought of when I found out about [insert my ex’s name here]. I’m sorry,” he said. Of course, my mind didn’t properly process what I had just heard. For some reason, I associated it with a family member or even a friend, but not my ex.
My initial reaction…pure shock.
After that voicemail, I checked my socials and sure enough, the news had begun circulating. I then got another text from a mutual friend of ours, similar to my cousin’s voicemail. “Hey, are you okay? You were the first person I thought of when I heard the news.” I simply said, “Thank you, and yes, I’m okay. It’s just a sad situation.”
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In full transparency, my ex and I hadn't spoken in at least three years prior to his passing, and our relationship had ended several years before that. Though we no longer had direct ties or regular communication, I was always connected to him in some way: through our close mutual friends, his family members that I still occasionally spoke to on social media, or the fact that the health issues he battled and succumbed to started when we dated.
To give a little of the backstory, he battled a chronic illness of sorts. He was very transparent about his journey with his own social media following, and would often reference a medical incident that he says was the beginning of it all.
That incident happened in my apartment living room, mere hours after we spent time with our families for the holidays. It was traumatic, to say the least. He wound up in the hospital for days, and doctors suggested that if he wanted a better quality of life, he would need to undergo a major surgery in the coming weeks.
That surgery date came so quickly. Although we had an argument just days before, I was by his side bright and early that morning. Standing with his mother, I kissed him and told him I loved him before they wheeled him back.
To say I was scared, was an understatement. It was an all-day procedure, one that we would learn he flat-lined at least three times. But prayer works, and later that day, I was there as he opened his eyes for the first time.
Fast-forward to somewhere between the surgery and him being moved from the ICU into general recovery, I found out some “not-so-good news” about him and our relationship, and I chose to end things when he was healthy enough to talk.
There wasn’t a heated argument—in fact, he even said I was too calm—but I made it clear that this was the end of us, although I was here if he needed me as he recovered.
Through lots of therapy, I was able to forgive him. We developed a casual friendship in the coming years and even ended up at the weddings of our mutual friends and other events together. Despite our romantic relationship being a total fail, there was never any hatred between us.
We would check in every few years with a joke or two and then go about our lives until the next check-in. So, when I heard that he was no longer physically here, I didn’t know how or what to feel—and I still don’t.
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On one hand, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to grieve his passing because our last check-in happened over three years prior. So, in a sense, I felt like there wasn’t any reason for me to be sad over someone I barely spoke to. Not to mention the way our relationship ended. On the other hand, after speaking with one of his family members and learning what he had endured health-wise those last few years, it broke my heart.
It took me back to that day in my living room, the fear I saw on his face, as well as the times when he opened up to me about how he just wanted to get through his medical issues and live a normal life. I knew how much he just wanted to live and how hard he fought.
Though I intended to be there to show support to his family, I couldn’t pull myself to attend his memorial service because, once again, I didn’t think I had the same right as those he actually talked to regularly (in addition to the fact that I didn’t know his dating status at the time and didn’t want to overstep any boundaries).
I found myself going back through our very brief DM history in the days and weeks after, hoping it would bring me some closure. But it only left me with regret for not checking in more or even responding to the last message he sent me— “What’s up, player?” (His way of breaking the ice when we spoke.)
We’re officially at the one-year mark since his passing, and for some reason, the emotions have begun stirring up all over again. My mind is once again doing this series of mental gymnastics, telling me, ‘Girl, let it go’. But also, ‘it’s okay to grieve the loss’. Maybe it's the seasons changing, or maybe it's a genuine sadness from not being able to say goodbye.
Either way, it’s definitely a situation and a period in my life that will forever be etched in my brain. Because at the end of the day, he was someone I once loved and the heart never forgets—even if it didn’t have a fairytale ending.
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On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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12 Body Care Tips For Smooth, Radiant Skin This Swimsuit Season
Right when I’m about 4-6 weeks out from it officially being summer (which happens during the third week of June), something that I am prone to do is scan the internet for a few Black women to inspire me when it comes to achieving flawless summer skin.
This year, the post that you see below is someone who definitely caused my eyes to get wide. And although I know that some of what I’m viewing is good ole’ genetics, her skin is still so radiant and impactful that it has 1000 percent inspired me to kick my own skincare routine into overdrive.
And what am I doing to cause my skin to glow in the summer sun? The following 12 tips are definitely getting me right — and I am beyond certain that they can and will do the same for you, too.
1. Use African Net Sponges
I don’t know what freakin’ took me so long to get onto the African net sponge game — oh, but I’m here now and a sistah ain’t goin’ nowhere! The main thing that got me into them is because I was sick of trying to find ways to deep cleanse my back. African net sponges are bomb in this way because they are long enough to reach ever part of my back, they are made from a fabric that deeply exfoliates without overdoing it, they last longer than loofahs and they don’t trap as many bacteria and gunk in them; they lather up well and rinse clean afterwards. I absolutely adore them.
So, if you want to get rid of those stubborn dead skin cells in hard to reach places, so that your skin will glow, wash with African net sponges. You won’t regret using them — not one bit.
2. Wash with Salicylic Acid
So many of us were sold the dream that once we hit our mid-20s (shoot, at the latest), acne would cease to be (so much of) an issue. Chile, I am good ‘n grown and I still have to deal with breakouts on my back sometimes. SMDH. Something that has helped me out, tremendously though, is using a body wash that is made with salicylic acid. Your skin will like this acid because it exfoliates, unclogs pores, reduces inflammation and dissolves dead skin cells over time. The main thing to keep in mind with salicylic acid, is too much of a good thing can be problematic and, with it, it can dry your skin out, if you’re not careful.
That said, I’ve had zero issues with KaraPil’s Exfoliating Body Wash with Salicylic Acid. In fact, it prides itself in being a wash that doesn’t dry out your skin.
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3. Exfoliate with Honey and Yogurt
I’m going to provide a couple of more tips on exfoliating because if you want your skin to be super swimwear ready, that is absolutely one of the best things to do. Exfoliation helps to improve the quality of your skin; it makes it easier for your skin to absorb moisturizing products; it breaks up dead skin cells; it helps to boost collagen production and it can prevent your skin from looking dry and dull. As far as all-natural exfoliants go, consider applying a mixture of honey and plain yogurt.
Honey is gentle yet powerful when it comes to killing bacteria, soothing inflammation and pulling moisture from the air into your skin (which is what a humectant does). Yogurt has lactic acid in it which is wonderful when it comes to softening the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, removing dead skin cells and lightening acne scars. Yogurt also works thanks to its ability to tone your skin, protect it from sun damage and brighten in as well. You can check out a super easy yogurt and honey skin recipe here.
4. Do Some Dry Brushing Too
Wanna super exfoliate your skin? Dry brush. Want to remove toxins from your system? Dry brush. Looking for a way to reduce the appearance of cellulite? You already know what I’m gonna say — dry brush your body. It really is kind of wild that with all of the ways that dry brushing can help with skin issues, more people don’t do it (or do it consistently). Anyway, if this was a reminder for you to dry brush more often or get a dry brush, period — there ya go.
5. Rub on Some Bakuchi Oil
Where is time going that it’s been almost two years since I wrote “Plum Oil Is The Oil You Should Ease Into The Fall Season With” for the site? And although I continue to be a huge fan of it, the last time that I ordered some, the merchant sent me some bakuchi oil instead. I was irritated at first; however, the drama of shipping the product back motivated me to give it a try — I’m glad that I did.
Since I like to use oils to “seal my skin” more than anything else, I immediately noticed how light of an oil bakuchi oil is. Then I did some research and discovered that it contains potent anti-inflammatory properties and it can help to relieve itching and hyperpigmentation (when used regularly) too. So, if you want to create a natural glow with your skin, bakuchi can make it happen without a lot of greasiness or residue (which is always a win).
6. Get a Back Facial
At the time that I am writing this, I just made an appointment to get a back facial for the following day. My aesthetician and I decided that in order for my back to remain as clear as possible, I should get one at the turn of every season (for times a year). I totally dig it too because she is able to safely make extractions, deep cleanse my back and treat any acne scars with products that, because I’m not a professional, I can’t get my hands on. Yeah, unless your skin is absolutely flawless, never go into the season of backless dresses and bikinis without a back facial, please.
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7. Apply a Blend of Aloe Vera, Tea Tree Oil and Propolis to Breakouts
During the summer season, you’re going to sweat more which means that your chances of having pimples are probably going to increase. If you do notice a zit or two, DO NOT PICK AT IT. Instead, apply a blend of Aloe vera, tea tree oil and propolis directly on it/them. Aloe vera is good for breakouts because it contains antibacterial properties that help to heal pimples at a faster pace.
Tea tree oil is one of the greatest things at getting rid of pimples because its potent antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties can help to reduce the size of zits, seemingly overnight (no joke!). And propolis? It’s a substance that comes from bees that also fights inflammation while boosting collagen production, so that your acne marks can fade quicker. You can get your hands on some propolis in royal jelly form here and in extract form here.
8. Keep Your Hair Off of Your Back (and Shoulders)
Summer is definitely the season to see how low you can go when it comes to brains and twists (check out “If Spring & Summer Are Your Favorite Braid Seasons, Here's How To Make Them Last” and “This Is Your Summertime Protective Style Cheat Sheet”). Just remember that always wearing your hair down can cause your back and shoulders to sweat; plus, whatever is in your hair, it’s going to transfer to your skin which could also lead to breakouts.
Moral to the story here: Ponytails and pineapples as much as possible are a wise move. You’ll still be cute and your skin will be “hair burden free” in the process.
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9. Put on Some Shimmering Body Oil and/or Bronzing Serum
For the most part, I really like bronzer. The only thing that gets on my nerves about it is the fact that certain brands can rub off onto your clothing (or other people’s) and that is a real headache. The solution? Shimmering body oil or bronzing serum because those tend to be lighter, they don’t transfer as much and they create a soft glow that is really natural-looking. One that I like to use on my face is Physicians Formula Butter Glow Bronzing Serum; for my body, XIFEPFR Body Shimmer Oil (in Bronze Gold).
10. Try Some Broccoli Seed Oil At Night
The (main) reason why it’s so important to incorporate a (consistent) nighttime skincare routine is because your skin rejuvenates itself while you are sleeping; especially as it relates to skin cell renewal, improving the texture and quality of your skin and slowing down aging signs. And when it comes to an oil that is great for your skin as you’re catching some zzz’s, your “something new” for the day just might be broccoli seed oil.
It’s a non-greasy, deeply penetrating, highly moisturizing oil that is filled with fatty acids; can soothe razor bumps; is able to protect your skin from damaging UV rays; can serve as an all-natural alternative to retinol (due to its high concentration of vitamin A), and, as a bonus, it’s great for your nails and cuticles too. It ain’t the cheapest oil yet it is gaining traction for becoming one of the most holistically beneficial; especially when it comes to beauty benefits.
11. Sleep on Bamboo Sheets (and Wash Them Weekly)
Please tell me that you wash your bedding on a weekly basis. If you don’t, here is your friendly reminder that you shed a whopping 600,000 dead skin cells on a daily basis and so you absolutely should. And when it comes to bedding that is best during the summer months, consider going with bamboo sheets. They’re a super breathable fabric that’s soft, durable and also pretty good for the environment. Your skin will especially like them because they’re the kind of sheets that have a solid reputation for being naturally hypoallergenic, antibacterial and antimicrobial.
12. Drink Lots of Water
Your skin relies on water to keep it in supreme condition. Water hydrates. Water detoxifies. Water makes it easier for your skin to receive the nutrients that it needs. So, make sure to drink as much of it as possible this summer — even if it’s infused water or sparkling water with some lemon or lime in it. The more hydrated you are on the inside, the more moisturized your skin will look and feel on the outside — which is just what you need your skin to look like all summer season long!
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