A Spiritual Retreat Led Michelle Williams To Her Future Husband
Sometimes when you know, you know!
After only a year of dating, Destiny's Child's own Michelle Williams, 37, is engaged to boyfriend Chad Johnson, 40. Revealing exclusively to People, this will be the first marriage for both of them.
So, how did they meet?
A lot of the times, the way to Mr. Right is straight through a Mr. Wrong. The two met on a spiritual retreat run by Johnson himself—he has served as a pro sports chaplain working with teams like the Arizona Cardinals, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the L.A. Dodgers while also running a nonprofit serving urban youth and their families with spiritual retreats called Elevate International.
After breaking up with a cheating boyfriend, Williams decided that she should practice some self-care. Instead of sulking and drowning in negativity to cope with the breakup, she attended the Elevate International retreat to reconnect with herself and with God.
"I was in a horrible, dark place. I just needed to go somewhere where I could get a message of hope and restoration, rejuvenation — get connected to God."
Connecting with God led her right to Johnson, who was also having a rough time dating and had almost given up on the dating scene altogether. While on retreat, the two certainly seemed to hit it off, but Williams was determined to stay focused on her personal healing process. Plus, she was not trying to flirt with her pastor! Instead, they exchanged contact information and stayed in touch with one another.
A friend of Johnson's convinced him to pursue Williams, and he tried his best right until he thought he got curved! Johnson recalls:
"I tried to roll in with some mac daddy game — and I tried to flirt a little bit and said something like, 'How about you and I connect sometime?' And right away, she texted right back with one word and six question marks behind it: 'Connect??????' I thought she had dissed me. So I was embarrassed, and I didn't reach back out to her because I thought I'd ruined the friendship."
Johnson has got to be thankful that Williams pulled one of the most stealth, confident-in-myself, dating moves by sliding right into his Instagram DMs a week later. Interestingly enough, she replied to one of his Instastories in which he was on vacation with the 15- and 16-year-old nephews he has been helping to raise. And according to Johnson, "The rest is history!"
These two are leading by example by showing that making a solid connection as friends first is not only crucially important, but it's also a highly successful and great way to feel out another person before making any type of strong commitment, emotionally or physically.
Soon enough, social media convos led to late night FaceTime chats, and Johnson added:
"We spent almost three months without even seeing each other, just building a strong foundation on the phone and through FaceTime; it was really built on friendship and communication."
In true pop star fashion, their first date wasn't regular degular. Last July, the pair went of their first real date to a wedding in the Dominican Republic! That is when Johnson decided to really shoot his shot and revved it up to the next level. "I told her, 'I've been looking. I don't want to look anymore. I'm done. My search is over,'" Johnson recalled. There, they shared their first kiss and officially became a couple. Can anyone say first date goals?!
But Williams knew she wanted to continue to do things differently this time around, especially after all the bad luck and bad decisions she previously made in her dating life. Williams opened up by saying:
"I didn't even tell any people I was talking to Chad. I wanted to treat this relationship differently because obviously all my past relationships have failed. I didn't want to talk about another relationship that possibly wasn't gonna go anywhere."
Ladies, I am taking notes! Are you?
And one of the best parts about this pairing is that despite Williams' super-stardom, Johnson makes her feel comfortable enough to just be herself, even if it's a little ratchet.
"What kept drawing me and drawing me at first was I felt like I could be myself. My first name is Tenitra; my middle name is Michelle. I felt like I could be Tenitra: just ratchet, I didn't have to have on any makeup, if I had to have on my hair bonnet — he just made me feel very safe in being myself."
If I can't wear my satin bonnet and watch a little Atlanta Housewives around you, what are we even doing?
But what some of us want to know about this undercover relationship is did he get the seal of approval from Beyoncé herself? Well, not only have they met, Johnson has also met Kelly Rowland, JAY-Z and even Momma Knowles. Ms Tina has said—in only the way she can say it—via an IG caption posted back in September, "This is my newest favorite couple. They are evenly Yoked. A fine young man. A gorgeous young lady inside and out." Consider Johnson part of the Carter family now, honey.
If you're not crying yet, the story of how he proposed will have you grabbing for the tissues! Like only someone of this generation might concoct, Johnson mixed a little of the old with the new and flew to Rockford, Illinois, Williams' hometown to formally ask for her hand in marriage. He involved her entire family and filmed the entire thing, too! On March 21, a year to the day after they officially began dating, Johnson coyly reminded Williams how she dissed him. The playful banter at a Pebble Beach, California hotel led to the ultimate proposal.
On Johnson's cue, the waiter brought over an iPad to the table, playing the video of Johnson asking her family for permission to propose. Of the moment, Williams ecstatically recalled:
"I started weeping and wailing when I see all these special people! Towards the end of the video, something in my head said, 'Pull yourself together! He's about to propose! Stop all this crying!'"
Just like something out of a fairytale, Johnson got down on one knee and proposed with a 5-carat stunner from L.A. jeweler Denis Mahgerefteh. According to People, the ring was special not only for its beauty and its symbolism, but because of what Johnson went through to give it to his bride-to-be.
For 11 years, the pro sports chaplain saved up for the engagement ring. After his 30th birthday, he made a commitment to establish a ring account, and for every month throughout those 11 years, he put $150 away, determined to save for the moment that he made things official with the woman who'd be the love of his life:
"Every month I'd put money into that account; I would just say, 'My wife's coming; this is for my wife.' I did that for 11 years."
Talk about speaking things into existence!
And for those of us still looking for our permanent plus one, the couple reminds us that patience and self-love are the ultimate keys that will manifest that one true love to making their way to us. Williams sums it up by saying, "Don't lose hope in love."
"I do think you should not focus so much that if you're not in love that you get depressed about it. I was in a place where I was like, 'I'm just going to focus on my career and my family and just keep it moving.' I started taking myself out; I started traveling by myself, to the point where I loved being by myself. Just don't lose hope. But definitely be doing what you can do to make yourself a better person for the person that possibly is on the way for the way for you."
Did we just get the secret code to finding our true love? Self-love enhanced by self-care and spirituality, check. Friendship first during the initial stages of dating/getting to know someone, doable. Keeping your relationship on the low AND off of social media while making sure that person is actually going to stick around, got it. Once fully vetted, then bring them around those special people in your life for the final approval, bam!
Congratulations, Michelle and Chad! May your union be blessed with love and laughter!
For the full exclusive with People magazine, click here.
Featured image via Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images