

If Your Man's Erections Need To Last Longer, Read This.
It's pretty common knowledge that, when it comes to who can last longer in bed, hands down, it's us. While it can easily take a man about five minutes to ejaculate, it can take us somewhere around 20 minutes to climax. Why that is the case is something only Mother Nature truly knows, but whatever the reason is, the bottom line is that the best lovers have to figure out how to strike a balance so that both people can be satisfied. Communication helps. Getting off on giving more than receiving is important too. But let's not act like it's also not a very valid point for men to be able to master how to have a longer—and when needed stronger—erection (especially if you and your partner want to orgasm at the same time).
While this might sound like an ad for some sort of erectile pill (it ain't, but I will say that I've heard a lot of Black men big up the no-prescription-needed pill BlueChew), it's actually an intro into some very practical things that you can encourage your partner to do in order to have the kind of erections that will end up impressing you both. So, once you finish reading this, make sure to pass it along to him. Most of these 10 tips are pretty practical and, if they are actually applied, I'm willing to bet that he'll be so much better equipped at getting on your timetable. If you know what I mean (wink).
10 Practical Tips To Make His Erections Last Longer
1. He Needs to Watch His Diet
For a man to have a long and strong erection, yes, he needs to be turned on, but he also needs to push the value meal deals back as well. Anything that affects how blood rushes to his genitalia can play a direct role in things being much limper than Mother Nature ever intended for them to be. That's why it's imperative that your partner avoids processed and/or fried or fatty foods because that could ultimately lead to high cholesterol, heart disease, clogged up arteries and/or diabetes (which can also affect a man's ability to get it up or keep it up).
Instead, he needs to eat antioxidants like citrus fruit, berries and dark chocolate (they will boost his immunity and fight heart disease); garlic, salmon and tomatoes (they will increase blood circulation), and watermelon, avocado and broccoli (they help to boost a man's libido).
2. He Needs to Eat More Testosterone
Speaking of a man's libido, something that most of us learned in high school level science class is men produce more testosterone and women produce more estrogen. When a man's testosterone levels are low (like if he has an underlying health condition or he's going through andropause), that also can affect how often he has an erection and/or how long his erections are able to last. That's why first, it's important that he sees his physician in order to confirm if it is a serious hormonal imbalance. Second, it's a good idea that he starts to eat more testosterone-boosting foods. Some of those include egg yolks, beans, tuna, beef, almonds, spinach and bananas.
3. He Needs More Exercise
Exercise is good for a billion and one reasons. On the sex tip, it gives us more energy, makes us more flexible, builds up our endurance, teaches us how to deep breathe (which can intensify our orgasms) and it puts us in a much better mood. As far as your partner's penis goes, exercise is also beneficial because it can help to keep two "enemies" of weak erections under control—weight gain and low blood circulation. If your partner isn't the biggest fan of exercise, just let him know that 20 minutes, three times a week, can help to keep the limpness away. It doesn't have to be anything on the Olympian level; a combination of jogging and sit-ups (or push-ups) will do just fine.
4. He Needs “Visual Aids”
It's not a myth or a mere common assumption that men tend to be more visually stimulated than women do (you can read more about this very topic here). And honestly, I can't tell you how many husbands have said in a counseling session that, while they love their wife and find her sexy AF, they are so tired of her coming to bed looking a hella-hot-mess. Finding out what your partner likes to see you in is another way to get—and keep—things right where you want them to be.
5. He Needs More Coffee (and Less Alcohol)
If your partner loves himself a big cup of coffee every morning, that can actually work in his favor when it comes to his erections. It actually makes sense when you stop to think about the fact that caffeine is a stimulant. And since caffeine stimulates our systems, as it directly relates to men, it is able to increase blood flow directly in their penile region. However, as far as alcohol goes, although 1-2 glasses a day typically is fine, there are studies which indicate that anything more than that can actually increase a man's risk of experiencing sexual dysfunction. So yeah, a bottle of wine or whiskey, right before gettin' it in? That's probably not the best idea.
6. He Needs to Smell Some Pumpkin and Lavender Oil
We bring all five senses (sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing) into our boudoir, right? So, of course, our sense of smell would play such a pivotal role in how to create the perfect sexual experience. A while back, I wrote a piece for the site on how to properly apply aphrodisiac scents, along with how to make them last longer (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last").
But when it comes, specifically, to a man being able to maintain his erection, there's a specific blend that you've just gotta keep nearby. What is it? Pumpkin and lavender, sis. It might sound crazy but there are several studies that say that when a man smells this combo, blood rushes to his penis 40 percent faster than any other smell. Hey, if that ain't a ringing endorsement for both essential oils, I promise you, I don't know what is!
7. He Needs to Put Your Legs over His Shoulders
If your partner is constantly trying to get you into the sexual position where you're on your back and your legs are over his shoulders (almost like you're a human pretzel), his erection could have a lot to do with it. That position makes it where he can get a full look at your body, he can penetrate more easily (and deeply) and he can switch back and forth from intercourse to cunnilingus—which is certainly nothing to complain about. Which brings me to my next point.
8. He Needs More Oral
When it comes to the gift of oral, if you don't like to give or receive, I guess you can skip over this point. But if you're someone who is all about getting some cunnlingus on the regular and yet you try and find every excuse under the moon to not give a little fellatio—to that I say, first read "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm" (you might be surprised by how much sperm can do a body good). Then, I'll just add that some of the happiest men I know are the ones who have a partner who enjoys oral sex, just as much as they do—on both the giving and receiving end. As a bonus, if foreplay consists of an oral sex round (maybe two), by the time you're up for intercourse, you can probably get your partner to go well into the middle of your sex playlist on Spotify. (Try it before you @ me on that.)
9. He Needs Less Stress in His Life
Stress comes in all forms and from a variety of sources. Work. Financial issues. Physical complications. Family life. RELATIONSHIPS. In fact, when it comes to men who struggle with erectile dysfunction, oftentimes their challenges are directly connected to the worry and anxiety that's transpiring in their lives. And just how is stress able to hinder a long and strong erection?
It's kind of a long story but the short of it is, whenever a guy is stressed out, that can cause his cortisol (stress hormone) levels to get really out of wack. Plus, stress can send signals to his brain that will literally hinder the blood in his body from flowing as smoothly as it should.
The bottom line is that stress benefits no one; this includes you, your partner and y'all's sex life. So, encourage the man in your life to eat right, exercise, budget, set boundaries, take out some me-time and resolve issues as soon as possible. He'll feel better and his erections will last longer as a direct result.
10. He Needs More Rest
There are dozens of reasons why getting 6-8 hours of sleep is critical to anyone's health and well-being. But since we're specifically talking about erections today, let's just say that if your partner is sleep-deprived, that is one more reason why his hard-ons may seem a bit softer. The reality is a lack of sleep can also cause our hormone levels (including a man's testosterone ones) to be all over the place. This can affect his ability to concentrate and totally wreck his blood flow (including to his penis). Yeah, a consistent amount of rest is paramount too. Make sure that he gets some, if for no other reason, for your sexual pleasure's sake. Aight? Cool.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Why Do Millennials & Gen-Zers Still Feel Like Teenagers? The Pandemic Might Be The Reason.
There’s nothing quite as humbling as navigating adulthood with no instruction manual. Since the turn of the decade, it seems like everything in our society that could go wrong has, inevitably, gone wrong. From the global pandemic, our crippling student debt problem, the loneliness crisis, layoffs, global warming, recession, and not to mention figuring out what to eat for dinner every night. This constant state of uncertainty has many of us wondering, when are the grown-ups coming to fix all of this?
But the catch is, we are the new grown-ups.
As if it happened without our permission, we became the new adults. We are the members of society who are paying taxes, having children, getting married, and keeping our communities afloat, one iced latte at a time. Still, there’s something about doing all these grown-up duties that feel unnaturally grown-up. Enter the #teenagegirlinher20s.
If there’s one hashtag to give you the state of the next cohort of adults, it’s this one. Of the videos that have garnered over 3.9M views, you’ll find a collection of users who are overwhelmed by life’s pressing existential responsibilities, clung to nostalgia, and reminiscent of the days when their mom and dad took care of their insurance plans.
@charlies444ngel no like i cant explain to her why i had to buy multiple tank air dupes from aritzia #teenagegirlinher20s #fyp
The concept of being a 20-something or 30-something teenager is linked to the sentiment of not feeling “grown up enough” to do grown-up things while feeling underprepared and even nihilistic about whether that preparation even matters.
It’s our generation’s version of when we ask our grandmothers how old they are and they simply reply with, “I still feel 45,” all while being every bit of 76 years old. In this, we share a warped concept of time while clinging to a desire for infantilization.
Granted, the pandemic did a number on our concept of time. Many of us who started the pandemic in our early or mid-20s missed out on three fundamental years of socialization, career development, and personal milestones that traditionally help to mark our growth.
Our time to figure out and plan our next steps through fumbling yet active participation was put on pause indefinitely and then resumed provisionally. This in turn has left many of us hanging in the balance of uncertainty as we try to make sense of the disconnect between our minds and bodies in this missing gap of time.
Because we’re all still figuring out what the ramifications of being locked away and frozen in time by a global pandemic will have on us as a society, there really is no “right” way of making up for lost time. Feeling unprepared for any new chapter of life is a natural rite of passage, pandemic or not. However, it’s important to not stay stuck in the last age or period of life that made sense to us because self-growth is the truest evidence of personal progress.
So whether you’re leaning on your inner child, teenager, or 20-something for guidance as you fill the gap between your real age and pandemic age, know that it’s okay to grieve the person you thought you would be and the milestones you thought you’d hit before you ever knew what a pandemic was. If there’s anything that the pandemic taught us, it’s that we have the power to reimagine a better world and life for ourselves. And if we tap into our inner teenager as a compass, we can piece together our next chapter with a fresh outlook.
Sure, we’ve lost a couple of years, but there are still some really amazing ones ahead.
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