The Black community is special in many ways, ways I couldn't possibly have enough time to list. We make the most out of all situations, no matter how traumatic, and we can find the humor in just about anything. We have our special code for existing, a practice that dates back to slavery when slaves would often figure out other forms of communication to prevent inclusion of their masters. Ugh, I hate the word “masters". But anyway.
Because of this, we have also (mostly) experienced toxic parenting in some form.
GiphyHear me out.
Kerrion Franklin, 32, the son of gospel phenomenon Kirk Franklin, recently revealed a viral, explicit back-and-forth between himself and the award-winning recording artist on social media, which allegedly revealed threatening words from father to son. The call went absolutely apeshit on Al Gore's internet, opening Pandora's Box from the rooter to the tooter, causing all of us to have the conversation of what's normal and what's plain ole toxic. The Instagram post was captioned:
"This is why I'm done. No father should speak to their children like this. If I have any issues it's because of this type of treatment that I deal with behind closed doors."
According to the caption, the argument was not a thing of the past. He continued:
"Hanging up in my face, No apology, no compassion, no effort. Stop telling me to go home to my family I don't even know where they live. I don't think I'll ever trust my father to be alone around him ever again. I didn't want to do this. I probably won't release the entire recording because it's too embarrassing that I'm even dealing with this. No matter what ppl think I pray my dad deals with his deep hatred toward me. I don't feel safe around him at all. This recording is recent it is not from 2018 just to clarify. I'm going to learn from these experiences, live my life in peace and make beautiful art."
Watch the clip below:
Since, Kirk has publicly apologized, saying:
"Recently my son and I had an argument that he chose to record. I felt extremely disrespected in that conversation and I lost my temper and I said words that are not appropriate and I am sincerely sorry to all of you. I sincerely apologize."
"I'm not perfect. I'm human and I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm trying to get it right. Please keep me and your family in your prayers."
But Franklin may have been a hair too late as the fire had already started.
Many were cracking jokes about the situation:
They instantly came to the defense of Kirk, refusing to entertain the conversation of "canceling" him. After all, most of us understand this type of conversation in some form.
But, for some, they simply wanted to know, "why is this normal?"
I think back to a conversation that I had on the matter where a gentleman straight up labeled this sort of behavior toward children as abuse, which I agreed with. He then went on to say that parents who speak to their children this way are bad people and bad parents—black and white, no in between.
GiphyThis caused me to go from agreeing with him about this type of behavior not being the best form of parenting, to angrily defending my parents, which—get this—is a form of Stockholm Syndrome (a classic case of psychological trauma). Hey, don't shoot the messenger.
As a generation, are we abused? Have we all been placed under a scope of trauma that we have no idea we're facing? Did Kerrion hold a mirror up to the Black community?
And most importantly, are we all equally fucked up because of this, and too focused on humor as a coping mechanism to even realize it?
Let's talk about it.
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Featured image via Kirk Franklin/Instagram
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It’s what I said next that tripped her right on out, though: “I guess that means that you hate the missionary position too because, I mean, lying on your back and opening up your legs in order for a man to enter inside of you? Not sure it gets much more vulnerable than that.” Her response? “Well damn. Touché.”
Ain’t it though? And here’s the thing, if you’ve ever wondered what the origin story of the classic missionary position is, according to some long-standing lore, it’s not too far off from what I said. That’s why, if you keep reading, I’ll attempt to fully explain what I mean when I say that, along with why, no matter what you think about where the name of the position actually came from, the missionary continues to be a supreme sexual go-to…for oh so many super valid different reasons.
If the Position Sounds Like What You Think, There’s a Reason for That
GiphyBack when I toured with an organization that got people out of porn and sex addiction, they put out a documentary about them called Missionary Position. Because it was a Christian-based group, it was definitely meant to be a pun.
I say this because, according to urban legend, the missionary position came from Christian missionaries who believed that getting into that position was the “proper” way to have sex. Is there Scripture to support this? No.
At the same time, though, because there are Scriptures that speak to sex being designed for marriage (I Corinthians 6) and husbands needing to lead their wives as their wife submits to her husband (Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:22, Titus 2:5) — many conservative biblical thinkers believe that the position complements, if not straight-up amplifies, all of this.
Personally, while none of what I just shared sounds totally outlandish, I must admit that I definitely would like to see a chapter and verse that confirms any of this (as far as the missionary position goes) to be true. I tend to check out Scripture a lot and…I haven’t seen it yet. Just sayin’.
Then There’s Another Theory…
GiphyOkay, but what about the people who don’t have Christian and/or conservative sexual views? Many of them also partake of the good ole’ fashioned missionary position, so…where do they think that the term comes from? Good question. From what I’ve read and researched, outside of a Scriptural realm, many consider missionary to be a type of “vanilla sex.” I evenread one article that said it’s for couples who are either so in love that they want to look at each other in the eyes all of the time (yeah, bookmark that) or are too lazy to try anything else (hmm…).
On a more scientific tip, theKinsey Institute has its own perspective. Although Alfred (Kinsey) did acknowledge that the tale of Indigenous people learning about the missionary position came from actual missionaries, once the sexual revolution began to pick up steam, many found the story to be ludicrous at best. Not only that but another semi-popular spin is that the Indigenous people of a certain time were not learning about sex from white missionaries via the missionary position; by using the term, they were actually mocking them for thinking that was the best way to have sex.
Some even "despise[d] the European position and consider[ed] it unpractical and improper." Some natives also believed that anyone who felt like sex should be that way, actually didn’t know how to have “effective intercourse.”
Listen, I’ll say this: whether you believe that the missionary position actually came from missionaries or that the term was an inside joke amongst the individuals who the missionaries called themselves trying to minister to — I think that if there are two things that we all can agree on, it’s that 1) the missionary position is definitely an all-time classic and 2) it’s not going anywhere any time soon.
And honestly, since one definition of a missionary is simply “someone who is on a mission”…no matter which theory floats your boat, what possibly could be wrong with that? Besides, I’ve got some pretty solid reasons for why the missionary position deserves its flowers…regardless.
5 Solid Reasons Why the Missionary Position Reigns Supreme. STILL.
GiphyAgain, whether you like the name or not — shoot, whether it’s your immediate go-to position or not, take a moment to read why you definitely shouldn’t rule the missionary position out or simply chalk it up to some…vanilla sex (geeze).
1. Yes, eye contact is important. Positions that don’t call for eye contact have their benefits (doggy style comes to mind). However, don’t sleep on the fact that eye contact helps you to deeply connect with your partner, puts you in a better mood, increases arousal, and helps you to trust your partner more. If you take all of this into account, if you want to experience a deeply passionate sexual experience, why wouldn’t you choose a sexual position that has eye contact involved?
2. You can get maximum skin contact. When two people are fully naked and engaged in sexual activity, yes, they are going to experience plenty of skin-to-skin contact. That said, when someone is literally lying on top of someone else, it doesn’t physically get much closer than that —and the more that happens, the safer and less stressed you feel. Plus, that makes it easier for your oxytocin levels to surge which causes you to bond with your partner all the more.
3. It hits all spots. This point, I mean quite literally (andy’all can argue with science if you disagree). When it comes to making it easier to stimulate a woman’s clitoris and hit her G-spot which increases her chances of climaxing, the missionary position earns first place (especially if you have a pillow underneath your butt). Although the positioning itself plays a huge role, I’d venture to say that the other stuff that we already touched on helps with this too. Anyway, how cana position that gives more orgasms than other ones be considered “boring”? How indeed, y’all?
4. The variations are virtually endless. I think something that should go on record — not just when it comes to the missionary position but all sexual ones — is there are tweaks and “upgrades” that you can give to them all. For instance, shout out to Men’s Health for their article, “18 Missionary Sex Positions That Put a Fun Spin on the Classic Move.” It contains illustrations ‘n all of some real winners. Take a look. Prove me wrong.
5. C’mon, it’s comfortable. Uh-huh. Whoever the hater was who said that only lazy people engage in missionary sex, I’m going to swap out “lazy” for comfortable. When you’re tired or parts of your body are sore or not as flexible as you would like, the missionary position can definitely get you what you need without you having to stress yourself out in the process. To me, that doesn’t seem lazy so much as smart.
___
Personally, I found the potential origin stories of the missionary position to be interesting. At the same time, it didn’t really influence me one way or another. At the end of the day, I’m always gonna be a fan of it. I mean, after all I just said, it would be silly (and counterproductive) not to be.
So-called vanilla sex or not, chile.
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Featured image by Giphy