Love is love, but we all know that sometimes, black love just hits a lil' different, and Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers are one celebrity couple that we just can't get enough of. The usually tight-lipped couple recently sat down with We The Urban to give us all the details on their modern-day, melanated fairytale and our hearts cannot take it.
Ryan and Keith's love story began in 2015 at a Teen Vogue party, where Ryan's one-day Prince Charming said that he was so smitten by her beauty that he was too nervous to ask her out. Over the course of the next year, the two communicated via social media and found themselves crossing paths more frequently than ever. Eventually, the couple's casual friendship evolved into a whirlwind romance that we can't get enough of. In their interview with We The Urban, the couple revealed that while it may not have been love at first sight, the chemistry between them was undeniable since the beginning. Ryan explained:
"I had shamefully liked Keith since we met though. We were just friends for a minute. So when we let things naturally happen, if you let it, love falls in naturally too."
As two wildly popular stars in the public eye, their relationship hasn't been easy, but both of these boo'd-up celebrities say that having the opportunity to love one another makes the struggle for privacy more than worth it. Keith told We The Urban that it didn't take long for him to realize that Ryan was the one:
"I realized I was in love when I knew my life would be extremely affected in a negative way if Ryan wasn't in it. Loving someone is a very natural feeling that just happens. You can't just wake up and SAY I love this person, you FEEL it. You realize like wow, this person is a piece of me and regardless you don't ever want that person out of your life."
The couple made their relationship official in October of 2016 and they are still going strong. Ryan and Keith may be young, but they are ready to be a positive example of black love and we are here for all of it. In their interview, they dropped some major gems about maintaining a healthy relationship in this digital day and age. Here were the highlights:
Nothing Worth Having Comes Easy
Keith explained that being in a relationship inspired him to change as a man, but we all know that real change is never easy. The New Edition Story actor says his relationship with Ryan hasn't been easy, but nothing worth having comes without doing the work first:
"It taught me how much I love myself, it taught me about my insecurities, it taught me how to be more of a man. I'm still learning about myself. I think relationships really help you as a human. You have to be a student in a relationship as well, you have to be willing to learn. It also shows me that it's going to be work regardless. It'll never be perfect and you have to be willing to put in the work. It's not easy but anything worth having isn't."
Privacy Is Key
Minding your own damn business has become a foreign concept in the digital age, making relationships much harder for the people that are in them. Keith and Ryan are the masters of keeping things low-key and shared that privacy has been one of the most important factors in keeping their relationship as strong as Teflon. Keith said:
"The more you keep private the happier you'll be. It's not easy being in a public relationship, so you try to keep as much as you can private. Control your own narrative, don't give people too much because they make up stuff from the outside looking in. It's also very important to communicate and let each other know how you feel."
Ryan said that initially, they tried to hide their relationship for a number of reasons, but now, although things don't seem to get any easier, they fight to find a balance that works best for them:
"It's not easy, not going to lie. For a minute we tried to hide it for numerous reasons.. but as human beings sometimes you want to just shout to the world 'I love this person and I'm happy!' We try to find a balance. I'm already a private person and very career driven so reminding people that I am my own person is important. Luckily, for the most part, people recognize that."
If You're Not Growing Together, You're Growing Apart
I'm not the same person I was six months ago, and I'm for damn sure not the same person I was six years ago, and that's okay. The only thing consistent in life is change, so it's important to have a partner that you can grow with because if you're not growing together, you're growing apart. At only 24- and 26-years-old, Ryan and Keith are both in the process of building a legacy and growth is crucial to reaching their maximum potential. While some people may see their age as a downside to their relationship, the former STAR actress says that finding love at a young age is truly a blessing:
"I think there's a sense of freedom you feel at this age. I'm endless. I can do anything. Go anywhere. Create myself. Make mistakes. Learn. Make some more of them. Just grow in general. I think growing with someone at this age is interesting. It's beautiful to look back and see who a person was when you met them vs. now. We evolve every year. And… I don't think that ever stops no matter what age you are. I love that."
Keith says that because change is so consistent in our lives, we have to always be willing to learn something new. He explained:
"It's always great to grow with someone. You got more time for your love to get stronger. You get to make mistakes and learn, you also grow as a human. I believe love teaches. You get to be active in love young and you also get through obstacles you don't have to worry about when you get older."
Love Can Get Messy…
To us, it may seem like Ryan and Keith's relationship is all sexy selfies and butterflies, but in reality, they deal with relationship problems just like the rest of us. To Ryan, the key to overcoming these hard times is changing your paradigm:
"There have been many moments in our relationship that made my heart feel heavy. In a good way and sometimes not so good way. In those moments, whatever they may be... the way I would think and feel wouldn't feel surface anymore. You see things differently. Want to be different. The best you for yourself. The best you for your other. Knowing things will get-if anything more difficult but knowing you both are IN it. Once I realized that, and then some, it was a rush."
So Make Sure To Love Yourself First.
You should never be with someone who makes you feel hard to love, and yes, that includes yourself, sis. Before you explore your relationship options, you have to take the time to really get to know yourself, and that's exactly what Ryan Destiny did before meeting her current boo. She explained:
"How much I love myself. I got out of a relationship years ago because I needed time to work on that. Now around this time of my life, I've learned to see how much I do. There's a quote from a writer I love, 'Do not attach your happiness to anyone without checking in with yourself first.' I've always known the importance of that. Getting to that place is the challenge. Once you're there, you feel the difference. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually different and it is wildly beneficial for both people."
Read the full interview here!
Featured image via Instagram
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Now, while it’s another message for another time that if this type of sex-related craving feels impulsive or out of one’s control, it could be a sign of someone who is leaning into some level of sex addiction; however, that is not what we’re going to unpack today. Today, we’re going to look into what could be going on with you if it seems like, lately, you’ve been having a greater desire for sex, and you can’t quite pinpoint why.
Because, just like, say, a craving for a particular type of food oftentimes reveals something that is going on with you physically or mentally — sex cravings tend to bring certain things to light in those same areas, too.
Let’s dig in…
Hormonal Shifts
GiphyAlthough I don’t have social media accounts, I do tiptoe out there to see what’s going on — and boy, do I roll my eyes whenever I hear folks act like being over 40 is old. SMDH. It’s especially annoying when I hear about it in the context of sex because, believe it or not, there are a lot of late perimenopausal and menopausal women who are “gettin’ theirs” more than some of these 20 and 30-year-olds are (just ask them).
One reason is that the fear of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, for many, is now in their rearview mirror. Another is because some are taking a form of hormone therapy to treat the changes that their system is going through — and when you’re getting more estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone into your body (in order to level things out) — HUNNAY.
For other women, even consuming phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) like peaches, garlic, berries, spinach, and cabbage can make them want sex more than when those aren’t a part of their diet. Bottom line here, a shift in your sexual hormones can definitely cause you to desire sex more than you have before (or have in a while).
Ovulation
GiphyBack when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, something that I used to tell “my daughters” all of the time is when you know that you’re ovulating, that’s when you need to be hypervigilant about using wisdom when it comes to the sex-related decisions that you make. I’m thinking that most of you get why: your body was designed to feel its horniest when you’re able to get pregnant — and that is during your time of ovulation.
That’s why it really is a good idea to keep up with your cycle and, if a baby is not something that is on your priority list right now, you either avoid having sex during that time of the month or make sure to use some form of birth control. Chile, even women with low libidos can find themselves wanting to hang off of a chandelier or two when they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way.
A Healthy Diet
GiphyIf you happen to be someone with a sluggish sex drive and you know that you spend most of your time in a drive-thru, there is probably a direct correlation there. No joke. There is plenty of research out in cyberspace to support the fact that a wack diet and low sex drive have a lot in common. While processed foods and unhealthy fats can throw your (sex) hormones off, foods that are filled with zinc, vitamins B12 and D, and iron can ramp up your desire for intimacy.
This is why many people who decide to make a lifestyle change as far as their eating habits are concerned are oftentimes surprised by how much sex is on their minds and how much easier it is for them to orgasm because of it. While a part of it can be due to a boost in their sexual confidence, a lot of it has to do with consuming foods that will literally feed their libido (in a healthy way).
More Exercise
GiphyPlainly put, exercise makes you hornier. Not only does it boost your testosterone levels, (consistently) working out also lowers your stress levels and gives you a boost in the self-esteem department. On top of that, exercise makes you more flexible, builds up endurance, and increases blood circulation which can turn around and intensify your climaxes as a direct result. In fact, this is oftentimes why people will want to have sex right after a workout session.
While we’re here, let me also share that too much of a good thing can end up being counterproductive. What I mean by that is, that although it is wise to exercise on a regular basis, make sure to not overdo it. Something known as overtraining syndrome can result in fatigue, insomnia, and irritability; no one can really have amazing sex when all of that is going on.
Being a Certain Age
GiphyWhile it used to be said that the sexual peak for men is in their teens and for women, it’s in their 30s (some believe it’s because after 35, it’s more challenging for women to get pregnant and so our biological clock plays a role in it all), some research believes that coming to that conclusion isn’t fair because aging affects people differently. For instance, while on one hand, people in their 40s tend to see a dip in their sex hormones, as we’ve already discussed, hormone therapy (for both men and women) can level some of those issues out, if not increase some people’s sex drives altogether.
Adding to that, it should also go on record that some studies indicate that women between the ages of 27-45 actually have a stronger desire — or craving — for sex than women between the ages of 18-26. So honestly, there goes the myth that being younger (automatically) means that you’re hornier. #Elmoshrug
Certain Medications
GiphyIf you used to have a higher sex drive and you’re currently on an antidepressant, that could be why your desire for copulation has decreased. Some studies say that as much as 40 percent of people who are on these types of medication end up having a lower libido (by the way, antihistamines and beta-blockers can have this effect, too).
On the other hand, if you’ve been taking a prescribed drug to increase your sex drive (perhaps like Vyleesi or Addyi), then it would make sense that you may have an increased libido level. Other meds that may have a similar effect include birth control pills (since they alter your hormones), medications that help to treat Parkinson’s disease, along with dopamine-related drugs.
Less Stress
GiphyIf, on the days when you don’t seem to have a care in the world, you also desire sex more than usual, that’s not a coincidence either. Thing is, when you’re all stressed out, that can cause the stress hormone known as cortisol to work overtime and, when that happens, that can end up suppressing your sex hormones which can deplete you of sexual urges. Ironically, there is a flip side to this because when you engage in sexual activity, that actually elevates feel-good (and bonding) hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which can also de-stress you.
So basically, if you’re craving sex, you probably aren’t very stressed out (right now), and if you want to stop being stressed out, you probably should have some sex (some protected sex, if you don’t want to be stressed later up the road…if you know what I mean).
Having an Amazing Sex Life
GiphyTo me, this one right here should be a given because when something is both good to and for you, why wouldn’t you want more of it? So yeah, if you have a great sex life with someone, it’s common sense that you’d want to engage in that act with them as much as possible. Hey, not to mention the fact that orgasms activate your brain in a way similar to a drug high does.
So, if while reading this, you’re thinking about sexting your bae to make arrangements to — eh hem — satisfy your craving, I say go for it! To “greatly want” to connect with your partner in order to have some fulfilling and satisfying sex? What in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! Not a damn thing.
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