At the start of each season, I browse the net to get an idea of the latest styles and trends to look out for when adding to my closet. When shopping, not only do I love items that are hot for the moment but mainly those that I can keep in rotation year after year. I especially look for styles that are both modern and classic, giving off an effortlessly timeless vibe.
Within the last year, I've added essentials to my wardrobe that are still key items for my everyday looks. Options like button down long sleeves to block heeled calf boots, there are plenty of ways to build a functional yet chic wardrobe. Here are a few more fall essentials that you can keep in rotation not only this year but into the next.
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The Ultimate Trench + Leather Trousers
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First and foremost, everyone should own a trench coat. No matter your location, a trench coat is the ideal situation when in need of a perfect fall/winter coat. Whether a 90's dad style or ultra chic faux leather, this addition to your rotation is so necessary. I opted for a sleek longline trench coat paired with matching leather pants. For a super casual day, sneakers are a must. Dressed up or down, I can't wait to experiment with more looks to come.
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
A Blazer in Every Color + Wide Leg Denim
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Blazers are a personal favorite when creating looks this fall and just about any other time of the year. I truly aspire to have one in every color. With a world of endless looks when opting to layer, blazers are a staple investment. No matter your style, this is another great wardrobe essential for every wardrobe this season. Pair with a wide leg denim jean for an everyday fall look.
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
More Knits + Calf Boots
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
I'm extremely excited about all the knitted looks this season defining what it means to be cute and comfortable. If sticking to the classics, go with a traditional knit like a neutral sweater dress complimented with a chain belt for a perfectly snatched waist. Add a matching calf boot to complete this super casual chic look.
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To get your fashion fix and to stay up to date with the latest trends, check out the xoNecole Style section here.
Featured image by Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
When it comes to creating a healthy scalp routine, it helps to know exactly what youâre up against so you know how to specifically treat it. Two of the most common concerns are dandruff and dry scalp. It can be tough to decipher which is which, but hereâs a quick breakdown: dry scalp is caused by a lack of moisture in the skin, while dandruff is caused by an excess of oil and yeast buildup on the scalp. Knowing that both of these are big concerns, SheaMoisture released two separate product lines to address both issues: the Scalp Moisture collection and the Anti-Dandruff collection.
Needless to say, if you tend to experience dandruff then Iâd recommend you try the Anti-Dandruff collection. However, my biggest concern has always been dry scalp. A lack of moisture on the scalp can be caused by several factors like weather, age, and hair products to name a few. Iâve noticed that when I use certain gels or skip out on a deep scalp cleanse, my roots feel itchy and dry nonstop, which is uncomfortable.
The only way to relieve the discomfort is to properly wash and moisturize my roots, so I tried the Scalp Moisture collection and this is what I thought.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
First, Whatâs In The Collection?
The Scalp Moisture collection is a four-product line that includes a pre-wash masque, a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and a moisturizing scalp cream. Each product uses moisturizing and strengthening ingredients like aloe butter and vitamin B3 as active ingredients to provide eight times the moisture. Together, aloe butter and vitamin B3 work to restore dry and brittle hair, as well as add relief to the scalp.
Now, letâs break down each productâŚ
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Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque may actually be the all-star of the collection. Using this deep conditioning masque is one of the best ways to target your dry scalp, restore hydration, and nourish your strands before shampooing.
I started by completely saturating my hair and scalp with water, then making small sections to apply the masque directly to the root. For my girls who have experience with relaxers and perms, it helps to apply the masque to your roots just like you would do with a relaxer. This way you can make sure youâve covered as much of your scalp as possible while minimizing any breakage.
Pro tip: you can also use a color application brush to make this step easier.
After I completely covered my scalp, I massaged the product into my roots, used any excess on my strands, then left the masque in for 30 minutes. I was shocked by how moisturizing and clarifying my scalp and hair felt. One of the things that I love about the masque is the slip and how much softer it made my hair. While this is marketed as a scalp care product, it can completely transform your hair from dry and parched to completely hydrated.
In my opinion, the downside of this masque is that the quantity is too small for my liking. Truth be told, naturals go through deep conditioners faster than any other product (especially when itâs this good.) So SheaMoisture, if youâre reading this, weâd love a bigger jar.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Shampoo
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Shampoo is a gentle cleanser packed with the same moisture as the masque. The pearl-colored shampoo is lightweight with a serum-like consistency and a light and clean scent. The smell is pleasant, subtle, and not overbearing. When I applied the shampoo, I noticed immediately that it foams and lathers up very quickly, so less is more.
After applying the shampoo, I parted my hair and started at the roots to target as much of my scalp as possible. I recommend really taking the time to work the product and massage your scalp as much as possible.
Pro tip: using a scalp massager makes it easier and it feels amazing.
Once you start to massage your hair youâll feel the product start to work. Thereâs a tingling sensation that might catch you off guard if youâre not used to it, but itâs not nearly as strong as other scalp products Iâve tried. I know some may not appreciate the sensation, but I loved it! My scalp felt clean, light, and breathable.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Conditioner
Like the shampoo, the SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Conditioner shares that pearly color and serum-like feel. It applies very easily while softening and moisturizing your hair. When I applied it to my hand, it gave my hands a lotion-like feel, which speaks volumes about its hydration capabilities. I also loved that the conditioner comes with a pump, instead of having to squeeze the product out â to me, it makes application easier.
I typically apply my conditioner to the ends first but because this is a scalp care product I started at the root and worked my way down to my ends. I did leave the conditioner in for ten minutes, although the bottle recommends leaving it in for three. The conditioner also provides that same breathable feel to your scalp. I honestly loved the relief.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Cream
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Cream is more of a daily relief product for your roots rather than your overall hair. Itâs great for providing moisture and immediate relief to a dry and itchy scalp. Just like most of the collection, it gives a light and breathable feel â without the tingle. The applicator bottle targets specific parts of your scalp and makes applying easier.
Pro tip: I typically just squeeze the bottle to wherever I need the relief and use the tip to massage it into my scalp so it doesnât mess up the hairstyle.
Overall, SheaMoistureâs scalp care line lives up to its claims â it moisturizes, strengthens, and provides immediate scalp relief. I definitely recommend trying the Scalp Moisture collection for an affordable way to treat itchy and dry scalp.
Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Another indication that someone is marriage material is they donât see marriage as just âa long-term relationship.â Yeah, donât get me started on the fact that a part of the reason why divorce is so high now is people think that a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic is the same thing as a husband/wife one. It absolutely is not. Marriage-minded folks hold marriage in high regard, which means that they seek out someone who isnât a âweâll see how it goesâ when it comes to relationships; nah, they are looking for the complement who will be far more permanent. Marriage-minded people are vow-keepers (âtil death do us part), not just sentiment-sayers (I love you, boo).
Marriage material â and please get this one all the way down in your spirit â is also about not just sitting around rah-rahing about what you deserve. What I mean by that is people are not truly ready for marriage if theyâve got a what-I-want-in-a-spouse list that is 10 miles long, yet they arenât even 30 percent of whatâs on the list themselves. Listen, I will forever say until every single cow comes home that if you are out here declaring what you DESERVE in someone else, that means, by definition, that you are QUALIFIED to have all of those things. And qualified means âhaving the qualities, accomplishments, etc. that fit a person for some function, office, or the likeâ (which is why you canât be out here dictating what you deserve without hearing what others feel that they deserve in return).
Geeze. With all of this out in the open, I probably should write an article about signs that a woman is ready for marriage (noted). For now, letâs dive into some unsung signs that a man is truly marriage material â so that you can discern, quicker, who is the better âhusband fitâ for you.
1. He Knows His Purpose
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Weâre gonna have to take this article to church a bit because, when it comes to the topic of marriage, itâs my personal opinion that a lot of them donât last because people fail to factor in the spiritual component that can help them to truly see the distance. And when it comes to men, if you look at the Bible, two things that Adam (the first husband whoâs in the Good Book) had before his wife was BROUGHT (he didnât pursue her; she was brought, by God, to him â Genesis 2:24-25) his way is he had a relationship with God and a life purpose (Genesis 1-2).
And since the way that a woman is first defined in Scripture is being a helpmate (the Hebrew term for this is ezer kenegdo which translates into lifesaver â Genesis 2:18) to a man â does it make sense to marry someone when you donât know what youâre helping out because he doesnât know what heâs here to do in life? How can you complement what is so vague and unsure?
Thatâs why Iâm not a fan of folks expecting marriage during college. College should be about figuring out who you are outside of your parents and also discovering what you want your life path to look like. If you come into school knowing and youâre consistent about it, cool. Yet if you have no idea, thatâs okay too; take your time and get some clarity.
Anyway, bottom line here is, some definitions of purpose are âthe reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.â and âan intended or desired result; end; aim; goal,â and when a man is purpose-minded, there is a level of clarity, maturity, and moving-with-intention about him that is totally unmatched. Thatâs part of the reason why the late and super great Dr. Myles Munroe was so big on men knowing what their purpose is in life â it says a lot about him.
So, if youâre currently seeing someone and it seems like heâs dragging along as far as moving forward in your relationship, I recommend asking him, âDo you know your purpose?â It will reveal a lot about him. It can also bring some insights on if youâre a good fit for each other â whether right now or later. Trust me. Try it.
2. His Dating Life Is Intentional Instead of Random
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Men who are ready for marriage donât tend to be vague about it; they realize that time is of the essence, so they tend to make that pretty clear upfront. Another thing? Their actions will line up with their words.
Now, this doesnât mean that they will be racing to the altar in a year or less; however, what I can assure you is that marriage-minded men are not going to be out here casually dating. Casual literally means things like âwithout definite or serious intentionâ and âseeming or tending to be indifferent to what is happening; relaxed; nonchalant,â and no man who is gearing up for a wife rolls in this kind of head or even heart space.
I will give a heads-up that, initially, this doesnât automatically mean that he will be exclusive with you â and honestly, he shouldnât have to be. If he wants to figure out who his right life partner is, he should âinterviewâ a few women (same goes for you if you desire a husband). However, the process will not drag out for years on end, and once he has figured out who the one is for him, he tends to have no problem not just cutting other ties but getting engaged sooner than later.
In other words, I donât know too many marriage-minded men who take more than a couple of years to not just date someone but get engaged in that timeframe, too (check out âExperts Say You Should Date This Long Before Getting Marriedâ). Thatâs why, if you find yourself dating someone for several Christmases, you definitely should ask them if marriage is even on their radar. Chances are (especially if they are over 35 as a guy)âŚit isnât.
3. Heâs Seen a Therapist. Or a Life Coach. Or Both.
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Uh-huh. If the first thing that came to your mind is, âYes, please see a therapist,â honestly, it is my opinion that ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED should do so. I donât mean go to premarital counseling once you are already in a serious relationship or engaged (although yes, you should definitely do that, too); I mean thatâŚgetting prepared for marriage includes making sure that your mental and emotional health and well-being are in a really good space and a therapist and/or life coach can help to make that happen.
Should you see both? Maybe. Check out my article, âThinking About Hiring A Life Coach? Read This Before You Do,â so that you can get some clarity on that. What I will say, for now, is that a therapist tends to deal with things of your past as they offer up some tips and insights on how to handle your present and future, while life coaches (ICF-certified ones, that is) focus on asking you the kinds of questions that can help you to get a handle on how to handle your present and future.
I have a male friend who is the COO of a life coaching company, and one of the things that he and I have discussed is a lot of men who are serious about planning for their future will see a life coach, especially when it comes to their professional life; the main reason is that it can help them to get things organized so that they are prepared for a wife and family.
My takeaway from that? Asking a man, eh, maybe 4-5 dates in, if they have ever seen a therapist or life coach could be pretty revealing. Because even if the topic of marriage has not even been broached yet, what it can reveal is how proactive he is about getting his life in order â and thatâs always a good thing.
4. He Can Clearly Articulate Plans for His Future Wife
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Thanks â yet no thanks â to rom-coms, far too many people think that itâs fine to get married just on feelings alone. Yeah, please donât do that. Itâs also another article for another time that people who are serious about wanting to get married will be in a consistent state of preparation whether they are in a relationship or not.
When it comes to what that looks like for a man, one thing to keep in mind is he will be able to clearly articulate what he desires in a wife (by the way, please donât try and challenge a man about what he wants; he has to live with her and, besides, you wouldnât want him to do that to you. Either yâall are a good fit or not, yet donât attempt to control his own narrative). Not only that, but heâll be able to explain why he thinks a wife would be a good fit for him in this season, what he wants to bring into his future wifeâs world, and some of the short- and long-term plans that he has for her and their marriage.
In other words, he wonât be like a guy I know (who is now divorced after 15 years of marriage) who, when I asked him why he was getting married (when he pretty much sucked even as a boyfriend), all he said was, âIf I donât do it now, I never will.â His marriage proposal was piss-poor, the marriage flailed the entire time, and even on the back end, he comes off as pretty nonchalant.
So many peopleâs marriages are less-than-impressive, even to them, and a huge part of the reason is that they failed to plan for their spouse and their marriage. They put a lot of thought into the weddingâŚand thatâs about it. Red flag, red flagâŚRED FLAG.
5. Heâs Emotionally Intelligent
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Okay, so before we dive into this particular point, you might be tempted to assume that being emotionally available is the same thing as being emotionally intelligent. YeahâŚnot really (check out â5 Signs A Man Is Emotionally Available. 3 Signs He's Not.â).
While emotional availability is about being open to sharing your feelings and meeting the emotional needs of others, emotional intelligence is all about things like understanding emotions, articulating emotions, and maturely handling oneâs emotions.
Listen, out of all of the things that weâve already touched on here, a lot of people end up in divorce court because not only did they choose someone who was pretty emotionally unintelligent, but they also were lacking in that particular area themselves.
That said, emotionally intelligent people are:
- Self-aware
- Empathetic
- Authentic
- Apologetic
- Proactive in praising other people
- Gracious and grateful
- Able to use more than âmadâ, âsadâ or âhappyâ to describe how theyâre feeling
- Also able to receive feedback
- Great listeners
- Express themselves well
Thatâs 10 traits, and honestly, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what emotional intelligence requires. Yet, Iâm sure you can see that if more people looked for someone who was emotionally intelligent, it would definitely make their relationship â and their life, in general â go so much more smoothly.
6. Heâs Sexually Healthy
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This one, boy. Okay, so when I say that he should be âsexually healthy,â Iâm not just speaking of him having a cleared STD test. No, what I mean is â and this is somewhat of a Shellie-ism more than anything â I donât really trust ANYONE who claims that they are ready for marriage while they are still out here all willy-nilly in these streets, male or female. Because if you donât have some sort of sexual self-control leading up to your wedding day, jumping a broom isnât really going to change much of anything. Why? Because a wedding is an outward expression of some inward adjustments and decisions that have already transpired.
So yeah, a man who is truly marriage material? It shouldnât be odd to you if heâs been abstinent for a season (several months or more). It shouldnât seem strange to you if he speaks of sex from less of a recreational space and more of a spiritual and intimate one. If he admits that he used to be, umm, âsuper-friendlyâ and now he wants to take things slow, donât assume that heâs got someone on the side â it could be a form of sexual discipline that heâs displaying (and good for him).
Now that I think about it, itâs kind of wild to say, yet Iâve got several male friends (over the age of 37) who used to be beyond promiscuous, whoâve all told me that itâs been months now since theyâve had any form of sex. None of them are in a serious relationship or necessarily even looking for one; theyâve just said that sex, just to be having it, has gotten old. Plus, oftentimes, the drama that potentially comes with it isnât worth it, so theyâd prefer to focus on self-work and wait until sex with someone is more meaningful (hey, they have no reason to lie to me; weâre just friends).
Guys like this? They are pretty close to being marriage-minded. Straight up.
7. He Actually WANTS to Get Married
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Final point. Although it might evoke a collective "duh" from some of y'all, you'd be amazed how many women end up wasting very precious time that they will never get back, and it's all because they got involved with a man who liked or perhaps even loved them yet he didn't desire to get married. And either because they simply assumed that he did or they thought they could "love him into" wanting to be a husband, they ended up getting their feelings hurt. Extremely so.
Another thing to keep in mind? A man who wants to get married has no problem vocalizing it very early on. Meaning, on the third date, it won't be foreign for him to say, "I would love to start a family in the next couple of years," without you even having to coax it out of him. Guys who aren't interested in marriage â they tend to deflect from the topic altogether as much as they possibly can.
As we close this all up, I will say that it's important to keep in mind that just because a man doesn't want to be a husband, that doesn't mean he's not a good guy â GREAT even. So please don't manipulate matters by thinking that a man who doesn't want to be married somehow has some sort of "issues" (check out "Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON'T Desire Marriage?" and "12 Couples Reveal Why They're Happy With A Long-Term Commitment Instead Of Marriage"). Thinking like that speaks to your projecting more than anything else.
All I'm saying is a guy who is marriage material is a guy who will say, out of his own mouth, that marriage is on his menu, and so he will engage you in that manner â meaning, he will take time with you seriously, and if you are a good fit, he will state it; if he thinks you are not "his one," he will share that tooâŚso that you both can get out of each other's way.
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The thing about being âmarriage materialâ is youâve got to be cut from the kind of cloth that has marriage on your mind â not constantly yet enough to where you move with clear, thoughtful, and mature intention.Hopefully, this article sheds some (additional) light on what this looks like for a man. Hopefully, it also served as a heads up â or reminder â on what, in many ways, heâs looking for in a woman too. Proceed with discernment, yâall. And keep me posted. #winkLetâs make things inbox official!
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