Erica Campbell Says Self-Pleasure Is Not A Pure Act
Every time I masturbate, I can't help but think that God and my ancestors are sitting somewhere in the clouds shaking their heads at my choices in porn. I am a woman of God with a high libido who is not married, leaving me in quite a conundrum and I know that I am not alone in the struggle. Am I dishonoring my faith by touching myself and indulging in self-pleasure? According to Erica Campbell, the answer is yes.
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The Mary Mary singer recently appeared on The Breakfast Club to talk about her new book More Than Pretty: Doing the Soul Work that Uncovers Your True Beauty and shared her beliefs on masturbation and self-pleasure and wants you to ask yourself this question next time you pull up the "private" tab on your browser for a midnight dip in the cookie jar:
"Where does God go when you are self-pleasuring? Where does He go? Somebody asked me the question, 'Was it wrong, was it right?' I know some churches say for the bruthas. 'It'll keep you from slipping up. Go ahead and handle yourself. I've heard some women say, 'I take care of myself before I go out on a date.'"
To Erica, purity is more than about going to church and praying, it's about living a lifestyle that honors God; and in her case, that means refraining from self-pleasure altogether:
"I think about purity and purity happens before the actual action of whatever you do. Whatever you watch, whatever you listen to, whatever you do with yourself. Your mind being a place of purity is very crucial. But I think in our society today, everything is sexualized. You could be selling chicken and there will be a pair of boobs there. It's just everywhere. So I think guarding your mind and guarding your thoughts and treating sex and sexuality as something beautiful that God created that's supposed to be beautiful and otherworldly and you come together with somebody and your lives come together. It's not so cheap."
The singer, who has been married to her husband, Warryn Campbell since 2011, said that as a married woman, abiding by this principle has been especially important. While there are a number of studies that suggest the benefits of masturbation in marriage, Erica says that there's no gray area when it comes to the vows you and your said in front of God. She explained:
"I just don't think it's supposed to be done by yourself. I got an amazing, fine, wonderful husband so I just don't have to. I got a husband there. Now, I know for singles, it might be a different story but there are married people who would just rather handle it themselves. And I can't imagine what your husband feels like. Now, I gotta compete with your toys. It's too much."
To masturbate or not to masturbate? That is the question that Erica Campbell says that you and God have to have one-on-one, but ultimately, she believes that every time we achieve the big "O" on our own, we're doing ourselves a disservice:
"That's between you and God but I just think when you are trying to live a pure life, when you are trying to hold yourself and keep yourself, for this beautiful, special wonderful moment or life with a spouse, don't lessen it. Don't cheapen it."
Our plan isn't God's plan, and Erica wants us to know that our handheld vibrators are nowhere in the blueprint.
"I'm not judging nobody. I'm just talking about what God created. And it's always the enemy's job to pervert it, to twist it, to corrupt it, to make it filthy. He gave us free will. We can choose Him or not."
While we may all have our own beliefs when it comes to spirituality and religion, Erica says there is no black-and-white when it comes to self-pleasure in her household for this reason:
"There is a way that is right. There is a way that is honoring God. And the scripture says, there is a way that seems right to man. That doesn't mean that it lines up with what God wants for you. And I feel like God's plan is always a bigger, better, more awesome plan that we can't see and we don't understand but I believe there is greatness in that obedience, in that faith."
What do you think about Erica's comments, do you think masturbating is dishonoring God? Let us know in the comments!
Featured image by Eugene Powers / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images