You can actually thank a particular woman (who shall remain anonymous) for inspiring me to write this article. I say that because, while she was talking to me about a romantic summer trip that she was about to take, and she was going down the list of what she needed to get, when I said, “Don’t forget sunscreen,” she looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Girl, we’re Black.”
Umm…AND?
If there is one summer-themed myth that I absolutely cannot wait to die, it’s the belief that, so long as you have a lot of melanin in your skin, sunscreen isn’t necessary. As you’re about to see below, not only is that lies, lies and more lies, it would actually be a wise move to purchase one brand for your body and another for your face.
If sunscreen, let alone two different kinds, doesn’t make a lot of sense to you, let me plead my case — for the sake of the ultimate health and well-being of your skin this summer season.
What Is Sunscreen All About? Really.
GiphyI can’t say that the origin story of sunscreen is something that I’ve always wondered about; however, while I was sitting down to pin this, my curiosity was a bit piqued. What I discovered is that during the mid-1940s, a Swiss chemist by the name of Franz Greiter came up with the first modern kind of sunscreen. A couple of years before that, a pharmacist by the name of Benjamin Green was out here mixing coconut oil and coconut butter together, and that ended up becoming the top ingredients for what we now know to be Coppertone Suntan Lotion. The more you know.
Anyway, the purpose of sunscreen is to create a barrier on your skin that helps to keep UV rays from damaging it — not just when it comes to avoiding sunburn but also skin cancer and premature aging. If you’ve ever wondered what the SPF is on the labels of sunscreens, what it stands for is Sun Protection Factor.
That said, if the label states that it’s a “broad spectrum” type of sunscreen, that means it can protect your skin from UVA and UVB rays (which is a good thing because both rays have the potential to cause skin cancer). If it says “SPF 30” (or higher), that means it’s the kind of sunscreen that the American Academy of Dermatology approves of.
Since sunscreen contains quite a few chemicals, you might be wondering if there are any that you should be leery of. Well, one that is a bit on the controversial side is oxybenzone, mostly because it is considered to be a hormone disruptor. Although research is still ongoing, many health experts say that it’s not an ingredient to be worried about overall.
There is also more data coming out that certain ingredients in sunscreen can actually be absorbed into your bloodstream, though (not to mention that CNN recently published a report that only one-quarter of commercial sunscreens work as well as they claim to). If the mere thought of that has you a bit stressed out, there are mineral alternatives that you can try. You can read about some of the pros and cons of those here.
As far as how to get the absolute most out of your sunscreen, you should apply it about 15 minutes before you plan on going out in the sun; you should cover your body from head to toe; you should be prepared to reapply it every two hours; you should keep in mind that sunscreen is not 100 percent waterproof (although the ones with the “water resistance” label tend to last for 40-60 minutes or so), and you should never forget that the shelf life for sunscreen is typically somewhere around three years.
Why Do Melanated People Need It?
GiphyAight, so now that the 411 on sunscreen has been shared, if, as a Black woman, you’re wondering if you need to apply sunscreen (especially on a consistent basis) — I hope that enough articles have been published at this point that you know the answer to that (even if you are low-key ignoring it): YES, YOU SHOULD. And yes, I am yelling it!
Although it is true that melanin does absorb a certain amount of UV rays and protects skin from sun damage, it’s not so good at it that we don’t need extra protection in the form of sunscreen.
Besides, it’s wise to always keep in mind that currently, 1 in 5 Americans will be diagnosed with skin cancer at some point in their lifetime. Not only that, but sun damage can also come in the form of hyperpigmentation, dark spots, and again, aging.
On the aging front, sunscreen contains ingredients that help to deeply moisturize your skin, so that the sun isn’t able to dry it out (which can lead to fine lines and wrinkles) and it can help to keep the sun’s rays from breaking down the collagen and elastin that your skin needs in order to stay youthful looking.
All of this isn’t something that only the less-melanated people should care about — we all should (check out “Yes, Black CAN Crack. Here's What To Do About It, Tho.”). That said, a brand worth checking out is Black Girl Sunscreen.
Here’s Why “One Screen Fits All” Should Be Tweaked a Bit
GiphyOkay, so now it’s time to get to the actual title of this piece — when it comes to applying sunscreen, should you use the same on your face that you use everywhere else? Great question. Although it might initially seem that it really doesn’t matter if you apply the same product on your face that you do on your body — think about (for instance) the lotion that you apply to your body’s skin. Do you slather the same brand on your face, or do you use a moisturizer on it that’s specifically made for your facial needs?
The same point applies to sunscreen because the reality is that the skin on your face is thinner and more sensitive than the skin that is on the rest of your body. Not only that, but the sunscreens that are customized for your face tend to absorb quicker, are less oily, they reduce the chances of clogging up your pores, and they oftentimes have less (of the same) chemicals in them too.
As a bonus, if you go with a mineral sunscreen that is made for your face, you don’t have to worry about it stinging your eyes like the “regular” sunscreens can.
With all of this said, I ain’t got no lies to tell you — facial sunscreens are a bit more expensive; however, if you can apply certain ones, knowing that, for starters, your chances of experiencing a breakout are significantly lower, that alone should make it worth the cost of the investment, right? I would think so.
BONUS: DIY Sunscreen Is Not Recommended
GiphyOkay and if after taking all of this in, you’ve not only committed to wearing sunscreen but buying a different type of one for your face yet you like to use all-natural alternatives as much as possible, and so a part of you is like, “Hell, I’ll just make my own”? Umm…yeah…let’s not do that.
Articles like TIME’s “Why You Really Shouldn’t Make Your Own Sunscreen” explain, quite clearly why, if there is one thing where you shouldn’t take the DIY route, it’s sunscreen. For one thing, you probably won’t get the ratio of ingredients that you need right in order to thoroughly protect your skin. Also, many of the recipes that you see online, the SPF of them end up being extremely low, not to mention the fact some could lead to skin irritation and/or allergic reactions.
So, instead of risking it with a homemade sunscreen, come up off of a couple of bucks. Your skin will be forever grateful. Quite literally.
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So yeah, this year, the next time you head out to pick up some sunscreen, make the concerted effort to get one that’s specifically made for your face, too. Anything that can help you to put your best face forward, even in the sun, don’t deny yourself, chile.
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
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One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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