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The Weight Of Being The 'First' In Your Family To Break Generational Curses
The journey to success for a lot of Black women oftentimes looks like breaking generational curses. Curses like poverty, a lack of resources, and a lack of opportunities to get out of the vicious cycle. This experience usually starts during our adolescence by way of elder family members telling us to keep books before boys and to stay focused on school. While the idea itself is digestible, it can sometimes result in Black women experiencing a disconnect within their own families.
I was a first-generation college graduate and my family was extremely proud of me and still is. But keeping my head in the books meant that my achievements didn’t stop there. I went on to accomplish a couple of other “firsts” like getting my master's, working in television, and traveling the world. Coming from nothing and being able to accomplish what I have so far, was a lot to adjust to for both my family and myself. I never took into account that I would have to change certain aspects of myself, in order to accomplish what I have.
I also didn’t consider how my accomplishments would affect the relationship I had with my family.
One thing about your family, they know how to humble you more than anybody. I attended college in Atlanta but was born and raised in Chicago. As a young adult, I slowly stopped living in survival mode and began to discover myself, including my likes and dislikes. South African artist and sociologist Khanyisile Mbongwa spoke on this perfectly during a Ted Talk. She talks about how getting out of the bondage of survival mode is another form of breaking generational curses. As for me, I developed a routine for how I take care of myself, my eating preferences changed, my wardrobe changed, etc.
On this journey, a lot about me changed. However, in the early days when I would come home to visit, it seemed that the person I had grown into, wasn’t welcome. I was instead, thrown back into my childhood routine; doing what I was told, eating what was provided, and not complaining about any of it. It became an issue of respect for me. I wasn’t a child anymore. I was a grown woman with grown thoughts, routines, and preferences. It left me feeling like a bougie outsider.
To me, I felt like I was being treated as the child I once was, instead of the woman I had become.
"I wasn’t a child anymore. I was a grown woman with grown thoughts, routines, and preferences. It left me feeling like a bougie outsider. To me, I felt like I was being treated as the child I once was, instead of the woman I had become."
Subsequently, I became anxious about not trying to do too much or say too much around my family because I didn’t want to come off as a know-it-all. Which led to me coming around less and less. For a number of years, I was angry and confused that the same people who told me to keep my head in the books were now criticizing me because I did just that. I did exactly what they told me to do and my life changed as a result of it. So why was I being picked on? Or at least, that’s what it felt like.
One thing successful people often talk about regarding their journey is that you sometimes have to “unlearn” certain aspects of yourself because the old you can’t go where the new you is taking you. Will Smith spoke on this in his autobiography Will. In talking about the early days of filming The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Will says an executive got in his face one day and started yelling at him about a script change. Will and his friend immediately jumped into their old Philly ways and almost went toe to toe with the executive.
Benny Medina (esteemed manager and talent agent at the time) later explained to Will that the star overreacted. Benny clarified that the executive’s behavior is actually common in the industry and should’ve been handled with care. Will was really upset with himself afterward and realized then that he had to unlearn certain elements of himself that no longer served him, or he would miss out on some great opportunities. His initial reaction to defend himself served Will, back then, but that old Will was hurting the “new” Will’s career so he had to do some unlearning.
It is not easy breaking generational curses, especially when some of that battle is coming from those you love the most. However, I am here to tell you, Black women, there are ways to remedy this. Maybe your experience hasn’t been like mine. Maybe it was worse or maybe you’re in the thick of it right now. Being the first to accomplish anything means you don’t have a blueprint for how it's done and that you’re figuring it out along the way. My experience has taught me a few things that I think can be helpful to you and your journey.
"It is not easy breaking generational curses, especially when some of that battle is coming from those you love the most. However, I am here to tell you, Black women, there are ways to remedy this."
Black women know we carry enough burdens. However, it is important to learn to not only give yourself grace but to give that same grace to your family. Them experiencing this new version of you is new for them as well. Give them space to get it right and to get it wrong. It’s also important that you check in with your family as often as you can. Chasing the bag does sometimes mean you don’t have a lot of free time on your hands. But if it’s nothing, but a simple text, 5-minute call, or a quick email to let them know that you’re thinking about them, then do it. Don’t let months or years go by before checking in with your family. Find ways to “include” them in your journey. Please seek therapy. Therapy is an additional form of emotional and mental support that is so necessary for your journey to breaking generational curses.
Lastly, check your blind spots. Be sure you’re treating your family with love and respect as well. Your dreams, goals, and desires are all your own. That doesn’t mean that others share the same thoughts as you so it is important that you respect that as well. Don’t try to force-feed people information that worked for “you.” Be respectful of everyone’s journey.
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Tubi has been gaining popularity due to its free sign-up and a vast selection of series and films. According to Deadline, the FAST (free ad-streaming television) service has seen a 14.7% growth from May and now has similar numbers to Disney+. So while many people have joked about Tubi having low-budget movies, the numbers don't lie.
In fact, I was one of those people who didn't get the appeal of Tubi, but the more I watched it, the more I enjoyed the content. They have some of our favorite TV series, such as Scandal and Star, as well as big films like the Fast and Furious franchise and cult classic Love & Basketball.
Tubi even has its own original movies and series that are just as entertaining. But while Tubi is on the come up, some of the low-budget movies and hood movies are still a must-watch. From Tubi originals to the hood movies, we've put together a list of shows and movies to add to your watchlist.
Cinnamon
Cinnamon is an original Tubi movie that stars Hailey Kilgore (Juke from Power Book III: Raising Kanan), Damon Wayans, and Pam Grier. It's a love story gone awry after a robbery turns deadly, and a young couple faces many challenges to make it out alive.
The Dirty D
The Dirty D is one of the first things I watched on Tubi, as many people highly recommended it. It's a series set in a Detroit club, and it has all the drama you can think of. Murder, drug dealing, cheating, greed, and more.
Black Men Don't Cheat
In this film, a young woman grapples with the death of her husband while also discovering his secret life, which puts her in danger.
Mother May I
This movie fully captivates the overbearing mother. However, the ending will shock you as she goes a little too far.
The Stepdaughter
When a young girl moves in with her dad and his new wife, a series of unfortunate events occurs. This Tubi original will keep your attention with every turn.
These Men For Everybody
These Men For Everybody is a film that highlights the tangled web of friendships and relationships and how you can't trust anybody.
Best Friend
What happens when your best friend is obsessed with you? This movie, which stars Serayah and Marques Houston, answers this very question and takes us on a ride in the process.
What's Done After Dark
What's Done After Dark shows us that everything isn't always what it seems. The twist at the end is a real doozy.
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