
The film industry is notoriously one of those patchy playing fields where Black women struggle to succeed due to the intersecting obstacles of race, class and gender oppression. So when a Black woman like Shayla Cowan works her way up from being Hollywood superproducer Will Packer’s executive assistant to his chief of staff and now a producer of the 2022 Academy Awards alongside him, we have to celebrate. Shayla’s name may not be a household one just yet. Oh, but it will be.
“I'm supposed to be in this position,” Shayla told xoNecole over Zoom one sunny Saturday morning. It’s one of the few windows of time she has to chat while preparing for Hollywood’s biggest night. “I don't really get caught up too much in the hard work of it all. It's more about getting it done,” she said. We’ll get to witness all of Shayla’s and Will’s hard work pay off when the 94th Oscars airs live on ABC this Sunday, March 27 at 5PM / 8PM ET.
But we’ve already seen massive changes from the Oscars’ 93 years of being “so white.” Not only will this be the first time in history that the Oscars will be produced by an all-Black producing team, but Will and Shayla have made sure the night will be inclusive and historic, from the red carpet journalists, to the hosts and presenters and even the chefs at the famous post-Oscars Governors Ball.
This will be the first time in history that three women will host the Oscars: Regina Hall, Wanda Sykes and Amy Schumer. While Wolfgang Puck has been the chef for the Ball for years, this year, Bronx-based culinary collective Ghetto Gastro will collaborate with Puck on the menu. HBCUs will also be represented on stage with Mr. & Miss N.C. A&T University Zaria Woodford and Joshua Suiter serving as awards presenters. Following in the footsteps of Quincy Jones in 1971, Pharrell in 2012 and Questlove in 2021, Adam Blackstone will be the Oscars musical director this year. And Beyoncé, BEYONCÉ! is performing her Academy Award-nominated song from King Richard, “Be Alive.” Ok, #OscarsSoBlack!

Shayla Cowan and Will Packer at the 94th Oscars Nominee Luncheon in Hollywood
Courtesy of AMPAS
Will and Shayla’s focus for the Oscars is to make it about the people. “With what we've gone through in the last two years, it was so important for us [to do a show for the people], which we've always done with our projects because we've always had a specific demographic. But for this, it was like, one thing is for sure, across the globe, everyone loves movies. So why not bring everyone together for this special night, celebrating some of the best movies of the year with people who really have an opinion and who enjoy them?”
This is one of those stop and smell the roses moments for Shayla, who has been working with Will for over a decade. “To bring me in [as an Oscars producer], first of all, it just goes to show who [Will] is as a person…just always [with] the elevation and wanting to empower me in any way he can. I'm just forever grateful for that,” she said.
Shayla said she went from being a crew member on Will Packer Productions’ Stomp the Yard 2: Homecoming in 2008 to being Will’s executive assistant, to being his chief of staff in 2018 and now co-producer on the Oscars because of how she showed up to work. “I think the best way to describe me is consistent,” she said.
Consistency is king, especially when it’s mixed with one of Shayla’s other powerful characteristics: “I’m fearless.” It’s that fearlessness that led her to walk up to Will on the set of Stomp the Yard 2 and strike up the conversation that would change the course of her life. When the billion-dollar box office producer subsequently asked Shayla to be his executive assistant, she felt empowered enough to tell him yes, with one condition: “When you go make movies, I want to go with you.” Shayla went on to be an associate producer on box office-topping movies, Think Like A Man, Little, Girls Trip, and so many more. “We [Will Packer and I] literally built this,” she said.
The ability to build up to this magnitude in Hollywood hits different for a Black woman. Shayla shared, “I don't take it for granted. Every so often I wake up like, ‘this all could be gone tomorrow.’ So everyday I put my best foot forward to know that I am here for a reason.”
One of those reasons close to her heart is to help those coming behind her understand the business. She shared, “My job on this planet is to empower, support and connect because I am in a position to do so. Like with the Oscars, being able to bring in some of these folks, the Adam Blackstones of the world, who have done a musical moment in the show, but to be a musical director of the entire show? That's a moment!”
Shayla’s meteoric rise in the industry could be seen from the outside looking in as if she’s just been lucky, but that ain’t all it’s taken for her to get here. She said, “None of this was handed to me. Every inch of this journey literally was earned. As a Black woman in this town, it has not been easy, with all the mistakes, all the headaches, all the frustration – but also those special moments. Those history-making moments will be there forever, including this one with Will and I being the first Black producing team to produce the awards in Academy history.” Those are the moments that make her climb worth it.
When it comes to equity in the industry, “there's still more work to be done,” she said. Ever the optimist, she added, “There are more Black women in these chief of staff positions and high-level executive roles – I think we're being seen differently.”
Shayla shared a story about a woman recently asking her about being Will’s assistant despite the fact that Shayla has been his chief of staff for the past four years. “I was like, ‘Ma'am, what else do I need to do so that I can be seen as an executive?’ Not to take away from [that], because if I wasn't his assistant [first], I probably would not be in this position today, with the growth and all of the wisdom that comes with it. But sometimes I'm like, ‘What do I need to do to make sure that people know that growth has happened?’”
Whether folks see it or not, Shayla Cowan will continue rising. She’s a marvel whose Midas touch is opening Hollywood’s doors that have been locked to Black people for too long. When asked to give advice for those who see her career and want to be just like her, Shayla said, “I don't want them to be just like me. I want them to be better than me.” What she has is drive, determination and confidence, but she’s also got these other secret weapons that are her saving grace: humility and patience.
“You have to be okay with waiting for your turn. And I think oftentimes people are so quick, they just want to run to the top. You can't just run up that mountain. You’ve got to take your time. Slow and steady wins the race.” Good thing she’s a runner, she’s a track star–except when it gets hard, she faces the work and gets it done. And as Shayla continues to succeed in her career, she’s also building a beautiful life that she’s proud of. “I literally am living and dreaming in color, and I'm so happy, inside and out,” she shared. Who wouldn’t aspire to that?
Editor’s note, xoNecole is a subsidiary of Will Packer Productions.
The Real Reason You Overthink And Crave Reassurance In Love
Over 40 million Americans have an anxiety disorder. However, what if I told you that everyone on the planet experiences situational anxiety - feelings of anxiousness when exposed to certain situations - and this isn't a diagnosis but rather a part of everyday life?
Given the prevalence of anxiety, it's quite possible that symptoms of anxiety will arise not just during the dating phase but even in the relationship phase, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of because it’s simply an effect of being human. Although it's normal to feel anxious, it's important to remember that leaving anxiety untreated can have detrimental side effects that impact our daily lives.
Relationship Anxiety: Signs And How To Overcome It
Anxiety is a common issue many people face, which can significantly impact romantic relationships. Here are several ways that anxiety can show up in romantic relationships and what you can do about them:
Relationship Anxiety Signs #1: Overthinking
The anxious brain can feel difficult to manage. People with anxiety tend to overthink situations, causing them to become anxious and worried about things that may not be a big deal. This can lead to arguments and misunderstandings in a relationship, as the anxious partner may worry about things that the other partner does not find concerning. Challenging irrational thoughts and having conversations about those that feel rational is important. Often, the quick fix to feeling anxious in a relationship is communication.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #2: Need for Reassurance
Individuals with anxiety may need constant reassurance from their partner, which can be draining for the other partner. It is important for the anxious partner to work on building their own self-confidence and trust in their partner.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #3: Fear of Abandonment
Anxious attachment, much? People with anxiety may have a fear of abandonment, causing them to become clingy or too dependent on their partner. This can be difficult for the other partner, who may feel smothered or unable to have their own space. It is important for the anxious partner to learn how to manage their fear of abandonment and trust in their partner's commitment to the relationship.
Going to therapy is often the first step to healing your abandonment wound because it’s much deeper than your partner’s actions, and if you don’t get to the root of the problem, you will continue to watch the problem grow.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #4: Avoidance
Individuals with anxiety may avoid situations or conversations that make them feel anxious or uncomfortable, leading to a lack of communication and intimacy in the relationship. If you want to build a safe and secure relationship, you have to be an active participant in your relationship. Do things like couple experiences or card games to enhance emotional intimacy and build a safe relationship you don’t want to run away from.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #5: Control
Anxiety can lead to a need for control, manifesting in a relationship as controlling behavior. This behavior can come from jealousy and other issues, and it can become destructive and damaging to both partners. It is important for the anxious partner to manage their anxiety and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Remember, being in a relationship does not mean you own your partner. Control is a personal issue that your partner cannot fix for you.
Trying to rob them of their autonomy will cause friction and lead to relationship dissatisfaction based on your inability to be a secure partner. Get the help you need by working through your fear of letting go and discerning where your controlling behavior stems from.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #6: Perfectionism
People with anxiety may have a tendency towards perfectionism, leading to unrealistic expectations and pressure in the relationship. It is important for the anxious partner to learn how to manage their anxiety and develop a more realistic and compassionate view of themselves and their partner.
Anxiety can have a significant impact on romantic relationships. It is important for both partners to work together to manage anxiety, develop healthy coping mechanisms, communicate effectively, and trust each other. However, it is also important to do the inner work, as anxiety can be an internal issue that your partner cannot fix for you.
If you want to build a healthy relationship, you must contribute to it by engaging in healthy behaviors.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on July 14, 2023
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It’s Silk Press Season—Here’s How To Keep Yours Sleek & Healthy
The leaves are turning. The temperatures are dropping. And you know what that means: it's silk press szn.
Getting a silk press is a treat for me. I especially enjoy how a silk press trim shapes my natural curls and makes them pop. So when I was invited to The Purple Door Salon in Atlanta (which is stunning, btw) for a silk press with master stylist and Mizani artist and educator Todd Edwards, of course, I said yes.
My hair was fresh out of braids, so my natural hair desperately needed a little TLC (and gray coverage).
Most of us have experienced a silk press or, as it was known when we were growing up: a press and curl. But the process looks a little different with natural hair because without the proper steps, you'll walk outside, and your hair will say absolutely not.
So, I want to take you through my appointment and share the tips and tricks I learned.
Expert Tips for a Flawless Silk Press
First: Detangle
Detangling from root to ends is essential before your hair meets with shampoo and H2O. And this is especially important after removing braids, or you run the risk of product and hair buildup tangling and, subsequently, causing hair loss and damage.
Edwards ran his fingers through my hair as if it wasn't a tangly mess. That's how I knew I was in good hands. He ran his fingers from the root to the ends of my hair, detangling it section by section. If finger detangling isn't your preferred method, a wide-tooth comb or Felicia Leatherwood Brush makes excellent detangling tools.
Shampoo and Condition
Now it was time for my favorite part: the shampoo. As we were shampooing, I asked if the type of shampoo and conditioner makes a difference when preparing the hair for a silk press. And the answer is yes.
"They are very important because you always want to use a shampoo and conditioner that will aid the final look or style that you're trying to achieve," Edwards tells xoNecole.
In your shampoo, you want to look for a sulfate-free option that clarifies without stripping the natural oils from your scalp that also combats frizz in preparation for thermal styling. And after a good cleanse, of course, conditioning is a must. Look for vitamin E and omega fatty acid-rich oils like argan, avocado, and jojoba-infused options.
Mizani Press Agent Smoothing Sulfate-Free Shampoo, $22

Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
The Blow Dry
Now that my hair was cleansed, and conditioned, and my grays were covered, Edwards detangled and sectioned my hair into four quadrants. Next, he went section by section, applying a leave-in conditioner and following up with a blow-dry cream. If you're ever tempted to skip your leave-in and a product to protect your hair from heat damage, don't. Here's why.
“A leave-in is the foundation to any style you are trying to achieve or create," Edwards shares. This is largely because a leave-in adds and seals in moisture, gives the hair slip for detangling and helps protect it when heat styling. Mizani's Miracle Milk Heat Protectant Leave-In Conditioner is among his favorites because it's a multitasker acting as a leave-in and heat protectant. And it's a product I never complete a wash day without because it keeps my hair nourished for days. And if my natural curls need a moisture pick-me-up, I spray a little on in the shower midweek.
In addition, he adds, "Serums and creams are essential because they protect your hair from damage caused by the heat throughout the whole silk press process from beginning to end. [And], the creams and serums will also aid in retaining moisture and sealing the cuticle." After the leave-in and blow-dry cream was layered into my curls, Edwards used a paddle brush with a blow dryer to smooth my hair from root to tip.
Mizani's Miracle Milk Heat Protectant Leave-In Conditioner, $38

Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
The Press and Wave
I was always in a rush when I flat ironed my hair at home—flat ironing my thick hair in large chunks. One thing I noticed was how tiny the sections of hair were as Edwards moved the flat iron slowly down the lengths of my hair. After each strand of my hair was silky to the touch, it was time for a trim. A piece of the process I recommend leaving to the experts.
And after that was complete, I asked for a bump. Edwards told me no (haha!). He refused to send me out like a '90s baby with a bump that looked more like a James Brown do. Instead, he gave me loose waves that I shook like I was in the star of my own hair commercial.

Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Post-Silk Press Maintenance
After your silk press, there are a couple of things Edwards recommends. First things first, wrap those strands. "[Wrapping the hair at night] helps you maintain the style and moisture in your hair from root to end." He also suggests investing in a silk bonnet, head wrap, or silk pillowcase. I use both a silk bonnet and pillowcase because we all know our bonnets like to slip off in the middle of the night and go to the fridge for a drink of water.

Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Lastly, Edwards emphasizes: "Put the flat iron down." He means if you get tempted to re-lay the silkiness with more heat, don’t do it. One thing I've learned to accept with silk pressing and natural hair is gaining volume post-flat iron is just the name of the game. But, Edwards says, alternatives like silk rollers, flexi rods, or of course, wrapping your hair can help maintain your style sans adding any extra heat.
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Featured image by Bianca Lambert
Originally published on October 18, 2022









