For Black girls and boys alike, the quest to find stories that reflect their everyday experiences starts as early as the flames of self-awareness begin to flicker. Ayana Gray — The New York Timesbest-selling author of the YA fantasy novel, Beasts of Prey — embarked on a similar journey when Black characters that reflected her as a young girl were few and far between. She’s made it her mission to tell the stories that position Black youth at the center of fantastical adventures ever since.
“I didn't see stories with Black kids that were having magical adventures,” Gray tells xoNecole. “If I wanted to read a story with a little girl like me on the cover, there was going to be racism, some sort of trauma or something sad was going to happen to that little girl or boy.” As disheartening as it was to come to grips with this reality, Gray began exploring her past in order to reimagine a story for the future.
Courtesy of Ayana Gray
While in college, Ayana’s education in African and African American studies led her on a trip to Ghana that would profoundly expand her worldview. While there, the landscape, culture, and her own curiosities for ancestral connection inspired the novel she was destined to write. “I'm a Black American woman. My heritage is messy. I don't know what region, what area of Africa my ancestors came from. So I wanted to write a fantasy novel, one that drew inspiration from the continent and honored the land itself,” Gray shares with xoNecole.
What she birthed is Beasts of Prey, an epic adventure colored with the rich and complex depths of our collective heritage, history, and culture. It tells the story of two Black teens on a magical quest to hunt down a monster. In Beasts of Prey, Gray provides more proof that Black youth, and even our inner child, can be the heroes of our own stories.
xoNecole: One thing I really appreciate about the work you do is that you’re committed to represent Black stories without them being centered in race-related trauma, tell us more about your intentions behind this.
Ayana Gray: You think about other groups of people and they're able to read fantastical stories and not have to read about trauma based on their race or identity. They're able to just transport themselves, and Black kids haven't had that. So we gave Black people a break. [Beasts of Prey] is magical and adventurous. There are monsters, and some are good and some are evil, but race – it’s not the centerfold. Everybody in the story is Black, but they're nuanced. You have different skin tones and hair textures.
There are Black people who are good, Black people who are evil, Black people who are funny. There's comedic relief, there's romance; Black people are able to occupy all of these spaces. And I think it was just a bit of wish-fulfillment in saying I wrote the story that I just really wanted a kid.
"Black people are able to occupy all of these spaces. And I think it was just a bit of wish fulfillment in saying I wrote the story that I just really wanted a kid."
xoNecole: Rejection can be a reality that many writers face. How did you manage those moments of rejection early in your career and bounce back to get to where you are today?
AG: I want to be very transparent: Beasts of Prey certainly faced rejection. And the moment that I always think about most sharply, was when a literary agent told me that she felt that Ekon, as a character, wasn’t strong enough. I remember being hurt, but what I think about when I face rejection is one of two things: I can take that rejection and critique and use it to make myself better if it's constructive. There are also some cases where there's projection because that story is not for that person. In that situation, when she said, “Your Black boy is not strong enough,” I said, you know what, she didn't understand what I was trying to do here.
Because I don't want to create this, “strong” Black boy, I want Ekon to be a Black boy who doesn't have to fit this expected mold of “strength” and what we think of strength being for Black people and Black boys. Sometimes, it's just accepting that, not every story is for every person and using that as fuel to write stories for the people who it is for.
Courtesy of Ayana Gray
xoNecole: Why was it important to center teens as the heroes of their own stories and see themselves within the pages as well as the cover?
AG: It's incredibly hard to be what you don't see, and I'm so proud and happy that I'm not the only Black writer who is committed to this. Black kids shouldn't have one option. When they go to the bookstore and the library, they should have a whole bookshelf, they should have shelves of options to see themselves as the hero of their story. Heroes and heroines of their stories. It's important because I felt it as a kid, I read books where I was never the hero, and it kind of informed the way I felt about my value for a very long time.
For the cover, I so adore the original cover of Beasts of Prey, but after speaking with my editor, who is also a Black woman, we realized there was so much power in having Koffi and Ekon, this Black boy and Black girl on the cover as people are wandering shelves of libraries and bookstores. I joked around on TikTok and I said I want people to know this is a 'Blackity Black Black' YA fantasy story. No apologies, no hesitation. This is a story of Black kids and when you're talking about representation, the more in your face you can be about it the better.
"No apologies, no hesitation. This is a story of Black kids and when you're talking about representation, the more in your face you can be about it the better."
Courtesy of Ayana Gray
xoNecole: 'Beasts of Prey' has been adapted into a film with Netflix. What was your initial reaction to this news and how does this align with the dreams that you’ve set for yourself?
AG: The success that I've been so blessed to have in the last year has really forced me to expand my dreams and dare to dream bigger - which is a weird thing. It's a weird thing to have a dream that you hold on to for so long and suddenly you have it and now you have to think about the next thing. I'm still processing it and still thinking about what’s next.
When I reflect and hope for the legacy that I leave behind, I want to write stories where Black kids get to see themselves in all sorts of spaces and see themselves as heroes. But more importantly, I really want for Black people, if and when they come across my books to say, “She did it, why can't I?”
It's hard to be what we can't see, but if you see authors out there — Black people out there chasing their dreams and accomplishing their goals, it leads you to say, “Well, I can do that too.”
Grab your copy of Beasts of Prey at Barnes & Noble. And connect with Ayana Gray on TikTok.
Featured image by Marston Photography
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There is quite a bit of science to back this up too. For instance, physical touch can lower stress and boost immunity. Physical touch makes us calmer and more compassionate. Physical touch reduces pain and anxiety. Physical touch helps to cultivate emotional intimacy with other people. Physical touch creates comfort and pleasure. Bottom line, physical touch does so much for us which is why we should learn as much about it as we possibly can.
That’s not to say that all of us desire to be touched in the same fashion, though. For example, did you know that there is quite a bit of research to support the fact that men and women (overall) long to be touched in different ways?
In the effort that we all become more “fluently effective” when it comes to how we “speak” the language of physical touch to those around us (especially when it comes to our partner), let’s explore how a man wants to be touched vs. how a woman prefers to be.
Men and Women Are Different. Even When It Comes to Touch. Why, Though?
GiphyBefore I get into some things that I discovered about men and women when it comes to where they prefer to be touched and how those places differ from one another, first let’s — pardon the pun — touch on why there is even a difference in the first place. Apparently, because women’s fingers are naturally softer, they are better when it comes to touch discrimination. What is that? Touch discrimination is basically having the ability to tell the difference between different types of touch sensations. And this is probably a big part of the reason why research also says that when compassion, anger, or happiness is conveyed through touch, men and women tend to respond/react a bit differently as well.
Case in point: One study stated that when two men try to convey compassion through touch, it doesn’t really resonate well, although men can detect anger, even through the slightest touch, extraordinarily well. And happiness? Well, when two women are sharing that feeling through touch, it is clearly conveyed — meanwhile, between a man and a woman or two men? Yeah, not so much.
The thought process for these three emotions is, when it comes to compassion because women have been the prominent caregivers throughout history, they have “mastered” the ability to express it. Anger? Remember, men are good at detecting it — studies say that it’s because they tend to feel and express anger more often; I’d venture to say that being protectors and providers requires being aware of that emotion far more often as well. Happiness? Reportedly, women tend to be happier more often than men are and they also convey their emotions, openly, more than men do too.
How Men Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphyOkay, so when it comes to unique things about men and women as it relates to touch, let’s start with the fellas, out the gate. I wanna do that because, when I was doing my research on all of this, I immediately came across something that proved what I just said in the intro. What part in particular? Did you know that, even when it comes to truly platonic friendships, men still wish that their female friends would engage in physical touch more than women do (via their male friends)?
That’s because, even when it comes to intimacy among friends, physical touch displays trust and a feeling of closeness — and research says that men find that to be valuable. And so yes, this does amplify the point that physical touch and the need for it go well beyond sexual intimacy.
Still, I’m sure that it comes as absolutely no surprise that if you were to ask a group of men and women who prefer the love language of physical touch more, it’s going to be men (especially if they are over the age of 45). And while there are many theories for why this is the case, mine is that, since men are traditionally known and expected to be providers and protectors and that is hard work, I think they feel safe, reassured, seen, validated and deeply cared for through physical touch. It’s a way for them to get “off of the clock” from using touch to take care of others to being touched in a nurturing way.
Some other interesting things about men and touch is, although women seem to be more at ease with being touched overall, guys are more comfortable with being touched by strangers, especially in a flirty way (in part, because they process it as a potential for “opportunity” — read between the lines there), they prefer women touching them over being touched by men and they are known to initiate touch more if who they are touching is a woman.
And what about touch as it relates to sexual intimacy? Well, according to science, while both men and women enjoy their genital region, lips, ears, shoulders, and inner thighs to be caressed, men also respond to the back of their legs to be touched while women barely even acknowledge that part of their body (in this way). Men also consider their hands to be an erogenous zone far more than women do. It should also be noted that men are more aroused by touching their partner than being touched by them.
How Women Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphySo, what about women and touch? Well, something that is associated with women quite a bit is affective touch. If you’re not familiar with what that is, affective touch is all about having the ability to touch in a way that cultivates feeling and emotion. Not only do women tend to be better at doing it, but they also find it to be a more pleasurable experience than men do. Research says that this is because of the fact that, overall, women have had more positive experiences, as it related to touch than men.
Something else that is interesting about affective touch is women who express themselves through touch are typically considered to be more affectionate and trusting as opposed to men who touch a lot. And so, since women like to give affective touch, they are also highly responsive to it — and that could explain why women like to touch and be touched (like reaching out to touch someone’s hand) when someone is sharing their thoughts and feelings with them.
Another thing to note about women and touch is because their pain perception is a lot more sensitive than men’s, even slight adjustments in touch (pressure, temperature shifts in body parts, etc.) will affect them in a way that won’t affect men. When it comes to sexual intimacy, specifically, this could explain why even a slight shift in touch can bring a woman into or take a woman out of the mood far easier and quicker than it would a guy’s.
Something else that should go on record here is how women respond to touch based on their menstrual cycle. For instance, when a woman is ovulating, she tends to be more sensitive to touch; plus, she also finds kissing to be more of a priority. Meanwhile, the drastic shifts in hormones during menopause and postmenopause can make women less sensitive to touch.
As far as sex and sexual stimulation go, women reportedly like to be touched more than to touch. Also, when a man looks into a woman’s eyes while touching her, that increases her arousal levels significantly (men prefer women to gaze at their genitalia; not sure if anyone is shocked there — LOL). Places where they prefer to be touched include their breasts, neck, and butt; some even say that they can orgasm just from being stimulated in those spots (along with their lips and ears). As far as the type of touch that is most effective for women during copulation, oral reigns.
And what about how men feel about oral sex? Well, I once read an article that said that 27 percent of the male participants in their study would rather get some fellatio tonight than receive a raise, so…you do the math. LOL (while we’re on the topic of oral sex, a little over 50 percent of men and women find it to be more intimate than intercourse and consider refusal to engage to be a relationship deal-breaker. Agreed).
GiphyOkay, so with all of this intel on how men and women differ in the touch department, what does all of this even mean? To me, it’s a blaring reminder that even something as simple as touching has billions of layers to it — that even though touch is something that we all need, the art of it is something that must be studied and mastered; especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and even more so when that person is our partner.
And yet, we shouldn’t take this information lightly because, when you (again) factor in all of the ways that touch is holistically beneficial…just imagine how much better intimacy would be, on all levels, if we respected how people prefer to be touched more often.
A poet by the name of John Keats once said, “Touch has a memory.” Think about that the next time you reach out to touch someone — and they reach out to touch you. Then ask yourself: what memories do you want them to have? What memories do you want to keep?
How can all of this data help to make that happen?
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Featured image by Giphy