Alicia Keys Reveals How Forgiving Her Father Gave Her Personal Freedom
The lessons we've learned from our mothers are invaluable but many women can agree that there's something about a daddy's love (or lack thereof) that hit different.
A little girl's relationship with her father can be one of the most heartbreaking and defining connections in her lifetime and this is a lesson that Alicia Keys has learned firsthand.
In a recent Instagram post featuring an excerpt from her latest book, More Myself, the 39-year-old artist shared a letter that she wrote to her father in her teenage years and reminded us all that forgiveness can be self-serving. In the caption, she wrote:
"In the early part of my teens, I wrote this letter to my father, Craig. I wanted nothing to do with him. My words came from a place of vulnerability and longing. At the time it hurt so much to experience what felt like empty promises. I swore I didn't care, but I did and it affected me deeply. I finally had enough and wrote those words."
Alicia explained that at this point in her life, her disappointment in her father's absence was so overwhelming that she never wanted to hear from him again. The letter read:
"It saddens me that most of my heart is bitter towards you. It's only that little part that feels sad that's not bitter. It's been too long for me to avoid this any longer. All I want from you is to mind your business. I don't want the phone calls, I don't want the letters, I don't want the fake acts you pull to try and make me think you care. I don't want anything."
Despite Alicia's full intention to loathe her father from a distance, Alicia says that her father was adamant about maintaining some semblance of a relationship with her and it's because of his persistence that they are working to mend their relationship today:
"Craig says he had no intention of allowing me to push him off the ledge of our relationship. He says he attempted to stay connected from the back row of my life…. Even after I mailed those divorce papers to Craig, some part of me must have hoped he'd fight to stay in my life. But at 14 [she actually was 13 in July 1994] I felt sure I never wanted to hear from him again."
In a 2012 interview with Britain's You Magazine, Alicia explained that ultimately, her choice to forgive her father was in the pursuit of her own healing.
"My father and I are fine now. I would say in the process of growing up you realize you've been holding on to anger. I was angry then and am sure I had the right to be angry, but if you hold on to all this anger the only person you're hurting is you."
Years later, Alicia, who is now the mother of two children of her own, says that her father still holds on to her letter as a reminder of how much their relationship has grown.
"It's CRAZY that he kept this letter after all these years. I was so shocked when he first showed me. It was tucked away in a shoe box full of memories. I'm glad he and I can look back at it now as a sign of how far we've come."
Featured image by Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
Courtesy
Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
Courtesy
Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
Courtesy
Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy