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After-Sex Guilt & Savior Syndrome: How Rihanna Reminded Us That She's Every Woman

On most days, 27 year old "Bad Girl Rih" is a lot of things- a leader to her "Navy" fanbase, A prowess of men. She is Rihanna. But not today.

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On most days, 27-year-old "Bad Girl Rih" is a lot of things. A music icon to a new generation, a leader to her "Navy" stan-base, a muse and model to some of the top designers.


A prowess of men.

A person of power.

She is also Robin.

A daughter. A friend. A lover. a loner. A vulnerable being.

She is a Woman.

And like the rest of us, she hurts. Oh boy, does she hurt. But like most of us, she heals. And she deals with whatever else life throws her way. It ain't always easy, but these days, what is?

For the past 10 years, Rihanna has been the property of the people, and that's not always easy to accept. If you ask her, fame is "unrealistic and scary," and not the type of scary that only rich people with their rich people problems can afford but legit anxiety-filled, sometimes-overrated, at times depressing, type-scary.

See, Rihanna lost control of her image a long time ago- and she struggles with that more than any of us can imagine. The lines between our perception of Rihanna and her reality are blurred, and she's just out here trying to gain focus on what matters again.

[Tweet "It's easy to forget that underneath the cloak of fame, Rihanna is simply a woman."]

She is not your wild girl. She is not your man-eater with a "diamond matrix,"-- contrary to popular song lyrics and what blogs may tell you. She enjoys privacy more than anything and a love-life that she's only read about in her favorite fairy tales. She's been the victim. She's been (or at least tried to be), the "savior" in a relationship because yes, before life teaches us any better, we've all been at that point where we thought we could change a man.

Rihanna is simply taking it easy these days. During an interview with Vanity Fair, she poured her heart out about love and fear in new ways, that in the end, you may need a tissue.

Here's a few notable bits that reminded us that Rih Rih is just like the rest of us below:

On her rumored hookups

"Some guys … I don’t even have their number. You would not even believe it,” she says with a laugh. “I’m serious, hand to God.”

If I wanted to [just have sex] I would completely do that. I am going to do what makes me feel happy, what I feel like doing. But that would be empty for me; that to me is a hollow move. I would wake up the next day feeling like sh-t.--

When you love somebody, that’s different. Even if you don’t love them per se, when you care enough about somebody and you know that they care about you, then you know they don’t disrespect you. And it’s about my own respect for myself. A hundred percent. Sometimes it’s the first time I’m meeting this person—and then all of a sudden I’m ‘with them.’ It freaks me out. This industry creates stories and environments that can make you uncomfortable even being friends with someone. If you see me sitting next to someone, or standing next to someone, what, I’m not allowed to do that? I’m like, are you serious? Do you think it’s going to stop me from having a friend?” But, she adds, “I’m the worst. I see a rumor and I’m not calling them back. I’ve had to be so conscious about people—what they say and why people want to be with me, why people want to sleep with me…. It makes me very guarded and protective. I learned the hard way.

“I always see the best in people. I hope for the best, and I always look for that little bit of good, that potential, and I wait for it to blossom.

On men being afraid to be men

[Tweet "You want them to feel good being a man, but now men are afraid to be men."]

They think being a real man is actually being a pussy, that if you take a chair out for a lady, or you’re nice or even affectionate to your girl in front of your boys, you’re less of a man. It’s so sick. They won’t be a gentleman because that makes them appear soft. That’s what we’re dealing with now, a hundred percent, and girls are settling for that, but I won’t. I will wait forever if I have to … but that’s O.K. You have to be screwed over enough times to know, but now I’m hoping for more than these guys can actually give.

On After-Sex Guilt & Loneliness

“That’s why I haven’t been having sex or even really seeing anybody, because I don’t want to wake up the next day feeling guilty. I mean I get horny, I’m human, I’m a woman, I want to have sex. But what am I going to do—just find the first random cute dude that I think is going to be a great ride for the night and then tomorrow I wake up feeling empty and hollow? He has a great story and I’m like … what am I doing? I can’t do it to myself. I cannot. It has a little bit to do with fame and a lot to do with the woman that I am. And that saves me.”

[Tweet "I mean I get horny, I’m human, I’m a woman, I want to have sex."]

It is lonely, but I have so much work to do that I get distracted. I don’t have time to be lonely. And I get fearful of relationships because I feel guilty about wanting someone to be completely faithful and loyal, when I can’t even give them 10 percent of the attention that they need. It’s just the reality of my time, my life, my schedule.”

On Thinking She Can Change Chris Brown

I was that girl! That girl who felt that as much pain as this relationship is, maybe some people are built stronger than others. Maybe I’m one of those people built to handle shit like this. Maybe I’m the person who’s almost the guardian angel to this person, to be there when they’re not strong enough, when they’re not understanding the world, when they just need someone to encourage them in a positive way and say the right thing.”

So, she thought she could change him? “A hundred percent. I was very protective of him. I felt that people didn’t understand him. Even after … But you know, you realize after a while that in that situation you’re the enemy. You want the best for them, but if you remind them of their failures, or if you remind them of bad moments in their life, or even if you say I’m willing to put up with something, they think less of you—because they know you don’t deserve what they’re going to give. And if you put up with it, maybe you are agreeing that you [deserve] this, and that’s when I finally had to say, ‘Uh-oh, I was stupid thinking I was built for this.’ Sometimes you just have to walk away.

I don’t hate him. I will care about him until the day I die. We’re not friends, but it’s not like we’re enemies. We don’t have much of a relationship now.”

On What she is looking for in a man

I’m fine being with myself. I don’t want to really let anybody in. I’ve got too much on my plate, and I’m not even worried about it.” I say it will take a very special person to share her life. “A hundred percent,” she says. “A very extraordinary gentleman, with a lot of patience, will come along when I least expect it. And I don’t want it right now. I can’t really be everything for someone. This is my reality right now.

On the Scary Side of Fame

It all looks very glittery and blinged out, but it’s way too scary and unrealistic. There’s a long way to fall when you pretend that you’re so far away from the earth, far away from reality, floating in a bubble that’s protected by fame or success. It’s scary, and it’s the thing I fear the most: to be swallowed up by that bubble. It can be poison to you, fame.”

Get into the fabness of Rihanna via the Photo Gallery below!

 

November 2015

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