Drum Roll, Please…

Okay, so let’s get right down to it, shall we? I will say that, before I reveal what a pretty popular survey shared about orgasms and age, I do think that we need to keep in mind that the study surrounds the quality and not so much the quantity of climaxing. In other words, the operative word here is “best” which means “the highest quality” orgasm. That said, what age seems to experience the most of those?

36. Well, technically, it’s 36 and up.

Are you shocked, or does that make complete and total sense to you? Personally, reflecting on that age reminded me of an article that I once read on Fast Company’s website entitled, “How none of us are really adults until we turn 36.” It’s a relatively quick read about how someone came to the conclusion that after speaking with a whopping 500,000 people and coming to the ultimate conclusion that the 20s are about taking their training wheels off — the early 30s through 35 are about achieving professional success and 36 “is the age where there is a chance to review core beliefs, expand our horizons and feel empowered about our future.”

If this is indeed the case, then our sex life — and more specifically, our orgasms — peaking around this same time seems on par…right? Fascinating.

Here’s Why It’s That Age for the Win

The thing that I really appreciate about surveys like this is it proves what I say to some of the couples who I work with when they try and act like having an active, consistent, and highly creative sex life has some sort of expiration date on it like a carton of milk. Y’all have no idea how many sexless married people will try and deflect from their issues by acting like only folks who are a step up from having their driver’s license want to have sex at least a couple of times a week — when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Thankfully, I know quite a few married couples who have a really healthy and active sex life, and there is much intel, even outside of this survey, that reveals that sex and wine have quite a bit in common when it comes to the “it just gets better with time” saying.

Matter of fact, something else that the survey revealed is women who fit into the demographic of 23 and younger and 23-36 not only don’t have the best quality orgasms (overall), but they also experience them the least often.

Why is that? There are actually a few determining factors.

For starters, there’s a greater chance that the older women are, the more likely it is that they are married or in long-term relationships, and there is also plenty of data out here to support the fact that serious relationships typically come with better sex lives attached to them.

Another reason is that as women mature, they are able to figure out what their sexual wants and needs are and how to better articulate them. In other words, they don’t play around when it comes to their sexual satisfaction; they are bold about speaking up.

Something else that plays a very valid role is the fact that sexual maturity oftentimes brings along with it a heightened level of sexual confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”) — and since the biggest sex organ continues to be the brain, it also makes sense that the better you feel about yourself, yes sexually, the easier it is to give and receive sexual pleasure on a myriad of different levels.

What Makes Something That’s Already Great…THE BEST?

While working on a different assignment, I interviewed a few married couples about what they think is the biggest mistake people make when it comes to sex. Something that several husbands and wives said was they thought that the last approach that should be taken is “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” because that can end up making you very sexually lazy…and that leads to predictability…which can lead to boredom...which can ultimately lead to resentment…and that can lead to a less-than-impressive-if-existent-at-all sex life.

One husband: “I don’t care how much praise my wife may give me after a session. My goal is to always top myself, no matter what. That has been my mindset for almost 20 years now. I keep looking for new locations, new positions, new sex items — sex only gets old to people who are lazy about it.”

One wife: “The best orgasms that I’ve had with my husband is when I’ve felt like we’re totally in sync. That requires communication, and that includes choosing the right time to discuss certain things. It also always means that you need to be more focused on pleasing your partner than what they need to do to please you…because if you both are wired that way, no one is going to come up short.”

Definitely pearls of wisdom to keep in mind if your mission is not to just have more orgasms but some of the BEST ones ever. And that brings me to a few physical hacks that women, of every age, should try.

5 Tips for Having (Even) Better Orgasms

So, what if you’re someone who has orgasms fairly often and easily, yet you’re always wondering if the quality of them could be better? If so, here are five tips:

1. Massage the lower abdominal area. There are certain sexual pressure points that you have that have nothing to do with your genitalia. One of them happens to be your lower abdominal region. As I touched on in the article, “Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life,” getting massaged right underneath your belly button can relax you and intensify your orgasms at the same time (so can your partner mildly pushing down on that area prior to intimacy too).

2. Drink some milk (alternative) and saffron. If you’re looking for yet one more reason to kick traditional milk to the curb, consider your sex drive. More studies are coming out that consuming it will throw your hormones off, which could affect/infect your libido. However, if you consume a milk alternative like almond, oat, or cashew and then add some saffron to it, it could do your sex drive a lot of good. Saffron is a spice that’s loaded with antioxidants that help to calm your nerves, increase vaginal lubrication in women, and decrease erectile dysfunction in men. So yeah…drink up!

3. Make your clitoris tingle (before time). If your partner still struggles with locating your G-spot, a hack that works for many is for him to put a bit of lubrication on his index finger before putting it inside of you, facing up. Then, if he moves his finger in a “come hither” way, he should be able to feel the tiny lil’ walnut (your spot). That gets the tingling going on the inside. As far as the outside goes, Tingle to Mingle is a lubricant that many rave about. The name lets you know exactly what it sets out to do. Pick up a bottle, and please report back. #wink

4. Quickies in the a.m. Full sessions in the p.m. These days, we use the word “pregaming” for just about everything. And yes, it can apply when it comes to sex — more specifically, quickies. Why? Well, even if you’re someone who prefers all-out sex sessions, quickies can be seen as a form of edging…and edging can get you so excited about sex that it can make round two (or five) that much more pleasurable later on.

So, don’t feel like bending over while you’re brushing your teeth is robbing you of anything. You can get a quick orgasm there…one that will hold you over until you can get multiple (and longer) ones later!

5. Never underestimate morning sex. The reality is that a lot of people prefer sex at night because it’s the most convenient for them; that doesn’t mean that any of us should underestimate morning sex, though. Aside from the fact that it’s a solid de-stressor and a great way to boost energy and concentration levels, because both estrogen and testosterone levels are at their peak in the morning hours, morning sex can also intensify your orgasms on a billion different levels too.

____

Welp. There you have it. No matter what those 20-somethings on TikTok may be talkin’ about, if you’re in your mid-30s (or up), chances are, you can school them on sexual satisfaction on a few levels. And now you’ve got something beyond (hopefully) your own personal experience to prove it. #winkagain

Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.