Lord. If there is one thing that social media is gonna be loud and proud about, it’s stating opinions as if they are bona fide facts. Take something that I notice many guys say often: “Marriage doesn’t benefit men.” Yeah, that’s not a fact.
The fact is the Scripture says that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18) and an excellent wife is the crown of her husband (Proverbs 12:4). While a foolish one will indeed tear her house down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1) and a nagging one is the absolute worst (Proverbs 21:9 — AMCP) — that is more about the person not the wife position itself. And besides, even if the Bible isn’t your thing, data reveals that married people are healthier and happier (you can read more about this here, here, and here).
Oh, but women can get it too, though. First, whenever I see/hear a woman say that men don’t cry as much as they do because they lack emotional intelligence — umm, science says that men having more testosterone and less prolactin are the actual reasons. And men not being in a rush for marriage because they are low-key commitment-phobes? Well, it’s mighty interesting how an overwhelming amount of ladies don’t want to go 50/50 on bills, and yet they think it’s a red flag when a guy isn’t ready to be a full-time provider at 30.
And that last thing is what we’re going to tackle today. You know, last summer, I wrote an article entitled, “The (Dating) Delusion Calculator. Let's Discuss.” Why? It’s because, while an overwhelming amount of women dream of having a man who makes six-figures and is six-feet tall, only 15 percent of men in the US are 6’ or over and less than 20 percent make over $100K (check out “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About The '6-6-6' Man”)— and even to do that, you’d be amazed what age most of them have to be.
A poet by the name of William Langland once said that patience is a virtue — and y’all, if a wealthy man is what you so desire, you might have to put yourself in the mindset of “quietly and steadily persevering or diligent, especially in detail or exactness” and “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like" more or longer than you might think — or you may need to marry someone older.
Keep reading and I’ll explain why…
When Men Hit Their Financial Peak. It’s Later than Many Think.
GiphyNow, before we get into the technicalities of this thing, let me just say that even though damn near every woman on Kendra G’s online dating show says that they want a six-figure man, please don’t assume that automatically means that someone is rolling in the dough. In fact, earlier this year, I read an article which had this headline: “Where is six figures considered low income? Try Orange, Santa Barbara and San Diego counties” (SMDH). It’s also important to keep in mind that “hitting a peak” doesn’t automatically mean rich or wealthy — it’s simply the age when someone has the ability to earn the most money in their lifetime.
THAT SAID, from what I’ve semi-briefly read and researched, if you want to be with a guy once he is at the pinnacle of his earnings — dun, dun, dun, dun — you are looking for him to be in his mid-late 40s or early 50s.
A literal quote: “According to compensation research firm PayScale, full-time workers with Bachelor’s degrees tend to make the most money in their 40s and 50s.” Another article which backs it: “Men hit their peak-earning age 11 years later than women, at 55 versus 44…The PayScale study found that [B]lack men reach their peak earning at age 59 with a median salary of $80,000, while white men hit their peak four years earlier making $104,100.”
Oh, and then if you REALLY want a reality check, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics: “Median weekly earnings $1,227 for men, $1,021 for women, first quarter 2024.”
Okay, so if you put all of this together, seems to me that if you’re like I am and you prefer Black men (by the way, another FACT is Black men prefer us back), if you want someone who makes well over the average income, you would need to select a man who is in his 50s — because a man in his mid-20s to mid-30s makes around $46K, a man in his mid-30s to mid-40s makes close to $60K (on average). And you know what a lot of this comes down to? A man who does make it into the “$100K club,” he has to go above and beyond to make that happen.
This means that you should also keep in mind that peak finances speaks to earning potential more than anything else (which is why some reports state that the average peak salary for a man clocks at $95K by the age of 53 while the average peak salary for women is $61K around the age of 41).
So yeah, if a man in his 30s seems more interested in fulfilling purpose and stacking cash, he actually has science on his side for why that is a bigger priority of long-term commitment and marriage — at least as far as his finances are concerned.
Hey, but you don’t have to take my word (and news articles) on it…
5 Men Speak on How They Prioritize Financial Wealth When It Comes to Relationships
GiphyWhile I was in the process of creating this content, I decided to ask some men to share their thoughts on how money and relationships line up in their own world. Here’s what five of them had to say.
1. Daniel. 32. Single. “I think it’s wild how women will talk about how much men are scared of commitment and then turn around and say that they don’t want to go 50/50. Damn y’all, pick a team because, if you want a man to take care of you, that’s not cheap and it takes time. No amount of pressure on Instagram, from my mama or anywhere else is going to get me to get into something serious until I am ready. ‘Ready’ for me includes knowing that I can carry a household. That will take as long as it needs to.”
2. Rashad. 25. Dating. “My uncles have always told me that I shouldn’t worry about getting into a serious relationship until my 30s. I think that is solid advice because, right now, it’s about focusing on my career and figuring out what I want the rest of my life to look like. I’m not surprised that a man doesn’t make the kind of money that he really wants to until his 40s or 50s. What I think is crazy is how consumed a lot of women are with money and they don’t know that.”
3. Talon. 48. In a Serious Relationship. “I’ve been making six figures for about 12 years at this point. I don’t talk about it with the women I date because it’s none of their business. Not until I’m engaged should my finances be any of your concern and it wasn’t until I turned 45 that I made the decision to date seriously. It’s not just about how much money you make but if you’ve made investments, you have a good amount of savings and if you can handle life should you lose your job or your tax bracket changes. For me to feel confident in these spaces, it took me until I was about 40 — and then I wanted to enjoy it as a single man for a few years. Sue me.”
4. Creede. 43. Engaged. “My now-fiancée and I are both entrepreneurs. Anyone who’s one knows that it takes a lot of sacrifice. When I realized that I wanted her to be my life mate, I took a couple of years to invest into her company. Now that it is where it needs to be, I feel like we are both ready for marriage. I didn’t want to just have my finances in a good place — I wanted to be where we both weren’t stressed out and the moment that I knew that she was ‘the one,’ that’s when I made the decision to financially pour into her. By the way, she wanted that over an expensive engagement ring which further confirmed how much I wanted her to be my wife. She’s financially savvy just like I am.”
5. Faraji. 50. Married. “These kids know nothing about reciprocity. If you really believe that marriage is about partnership and two people building something wonderful together — get married early. There is nothing wrong with that. But yes, if you want a ready-made financial situation, these ladies are going to have to wait. Rome wasn’t built in a day and a man’s financial stability wasn’t either.
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It was former President of the United States, John Adams who once said, “Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence” — and the fact here is, if you want to well-off man, he’s probably not gonna be that straight out of college or even at 35.
Either wait or adjust.
Yep, talk about a real reality check.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
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Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
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