Angela Benton has made a lot of changes over the last few years.
She's traded in San Francisco's Sillicon Valley, a place that she called home for over five years while building her company NewMe Accelerator, for scenic views of Miami's crystal blue waters. The technology company that used to run her due to countless meetings with budding entrepreneurs, investors, and tech industry disruptors is now running smoothly with little effort. Even her dietary habits have changed. She's trading in turkey for tofu in an attempt to transition to a vegan diet, though she admits that her fear of being hungry all the time is keeping her from fully embracing the lifestyle.
But the changes didn't come without a little push—a wake up call even. In fact, it was her diagnosis for early stage breast cancer that set of an alarm and nearly forced Benton to slow down and reevaluate her life. “What's funny is that things were changing in my life anyway, and things were just moving out of the way organically on its own," says Benton. “And now I guess I can see why."
Benton is the definition of a go-getter, something that followed her from her childhood days as a basketball player waking up with a Kobe state-of-mind of bettering her ball-handling skills from sunrise to sunset, but her entrepreneurial spirit came from her parents. Her dad was always working on projects while her mom dabbled with ideas of her own. But tech? That was something that wasn't initially on Angela's mind—boys were. At 16 she became a mom to what would be the first of three daughters. Not that being a young mother slowed her down any. She continued moving and shaking with the best of them—balancing school, a part time job, and night courses so that she could graduate early. At 20 she was married, and her second daughter was learning to walk while she working on her BFA in visual communications. And by 24, she had her third daughter and a MFA in graphic design to match.
Raising a family while juggling a career helped Angela master the art of management, catapulting her from a freelance graphic designer to a director of digital strategy where she worked on everything from web design to front-end development. As a minority in the digital space, she developed an interest of sharing the knowledge and experiences of Black entrepreneurs in tech, and in 2007 she launched Black Web 2.0 (now B20), and pursued her passion project full-time soon after.
On the career front Benton was winning. Black Web was becoming the go-to site for tech news and the mom boss was building her brand as a minority leader in the digital space.
But at home it was a different story. Her six-year marriage to her high-school sweetheart was no longer serving either of them, and at 26 she was signing divorce papers. “The marriage that we had was a period where we both grew as individuals during the marriage and then towards the end of it I think I probably felt like I had outgrown a situation. I looked at my life from a state of awareness and I'm asking myself what my feel is this it? Is this all that I'm supposed to be doing? I felt that towards the end of my marriage that I couldn't be who I was meant to be in the relationship."
"I felt that towards the end of my marriage that I couldn't be who I was meant to be in the relationship."
They parted amicably, and Benton continued to go full throttle in her career. In 2010 she launched her NewME Accelerator platform to help minority startups get the funding and knowledge needed to create successful businesses, such as how to get investors to fund their ideas.
“When you're talking to an investor and trying to pitch your idea, it's so important to say the right things and to say it just enough and not too much. A lot of entrepreneurs over talk and then some of [the investors] are not interested anymore because what an entrepreneur doesn't realize is that they've exposed the flaw in their business model, or they've exposed the flaw in their marketing just because they were talking too much."
To date, NewMe has helped startups raise over $20 million in venture capital funding. Meanwhile, Benton was racking up her own successes. In 2010, she was listed on Ebony magazine's Power 150 and in 2013 Goldman Sachs' 100 Most Intriguing Entrepreneurs, in addition to features in Forbes and participating in a number of discussions about the evolution of the tech industry and entrepreneurship.
“There's definitely a lot more people of color in tech now, so I think that is for sure going to continue," says Benton. “The level that it's at is what I think is going to be interesting. I think we'll have a lot of smaller businesses, and that's okay. I think when people think of tech starters it's almost like they have to be a billion dollar company and if they're not a billion dollar company they're a failure, and that's certainly not true. The whole game of being an entrepreneur is having some kind of exit. That's what we're working so hard for, is to have a company acquire their company for some odd millions and now they can just chill and relax or work on another idea."
Her own wins attest to the amount of time and effort that is often required of entrepreneurs, but the no-sleep lifestyle that often comes with being a boss can sometimes take a toll on health. While Benton can't quite pinpoint the cause of her diagnosis, she's taking the necessary steps to ensure that she gets back to optimal health, and for once that means making herself the number one priority as she focuses on her health and takes the time to exhale.
“I think that my life is a little different from most people, because when you're in your 20s and before you have kids, you kind of have time to yourself; I've never really had that—at all. So that's kind of what I'm doing and it's also just on what I really want. And figuring out what I want, is what I want to change from where I was at last year then that's also okay."
The time alone without the stress of having to run a day-to-day operation has allowed her some much needed reflection on everything from her lifestyle to her relationships. “The whole cancer diagnosis is pivotal in my life and has made me reflect on a lot of things, why you meet certain people and why certain things happen in the way that they do. I've just gotten a lot of support from [my ex-husband], so I just feel like our relationship we are in each other's lives for whatever reason and I guess I'm always hoping that I have connections that are more like that than superficial. It's more about if the people, places and things around you are nurturing you. If it's nurturing you, then it should be propelling you to the highest version of yourself. If you're doing anything less than that then what's the point?"
"If it's nurturing you, then it should be propelling you to the highest version of yourself."
Openly sharing her journey from chemotherapy to cutting her curls with her social media followers has enabled Benton to continue empowering others even outside of the tech industry.
Through her vulnerability she continues to exude the same strength that has brought her the awards and accolades throughout her career.
“I just feel like women are so powerful. Not in a power hungry kind of way, but in the most humble way possible. We're a quiet kind of power."
Catch more of Angela Benton's story in her powerful new book, "Revival" in stores and on Amazon.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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