As a certified Life Coach aka the Single Girls Life Coach, Reka Robinson wants women to discover their worth. She is the host of Single You "The Podcast" and the founder of Single You Academy, an online community and resource for women. After experiencing a break-up from a toxic relationship in the year 2017, Reka was devastated. She wanted to find healing and made it a priority for herself to become more spiritually, mentally, and emotionally aligned. After doing some inner self-work, she realized that this particular break-up was something she needed to go through to tap into her purpose. It was a blessing in disguise.
"I want to emphasize that there is beauty in marriage, but there is also beauty in being single. Let's tell the truth, singleness is not a punishment."
Reka Robinson, now two years as a solo entrepreneur, understands what it means to use her story to help others. For Reka, finding balance is not about only focusing on the good, but using past pain to reach a higher version of yourself. Society likes to emphasize #relationshipgoals and tie it to your success as a woman, but what about #selflovegoals? It is important to remember that, as women, we are capable of accomplishing anything we set our minds to because we are more than enough outside of our relationships. Reka Robinson shows women that regardless of your relationship status, finding that balance in your life starts with YOU first.
For this installment of "Finding Balance", xoNecole had the chance to speak with 'Living Single' advocate Reka Robinson about embracing the beauty of singleness, tapping into her purpose from pain, and the power women have within themselves.
Courtesy of Reka
"I learned what God meant when he said he was going to use my story. God wants other women to feel seen from my story, just like I feel seen in other women's stories."
xoNecole: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
Reka Robinson: It has definitely been a journey with figuring out the balance. After my break-up, I started my healing journey. During my healing, I was also working full-time doing morning radio. There came this moment when there was a shift in me. I was getting this feeling that morning radio may not be for me anymore. This feeling disrupted my sleep patterns and it came off in how I felt when I would show up to work. I just knew it was no longer fulfilling for me. So I prayed about it and made the decision to make a change. It was time to close a door and open a new one for what God chose me to do. My quote for this year is, "Obedience and execution of strategy is my job. The outcome is God's."
xoNecole: What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
Reka: I get up at around 9:00 a.m. To start my day, I either put on a sermon or do bible study. I try to stay away from my phone and social media as much as possible in the morning. So the two most important things are to spend time with God and/or move my body. Going into the afternoon, I intentionally do not take any client calls until 1:00 p.m. So in the afternoon, I am in work mode, whether it is answering emails, speaking with clients, or working on social media strategies. I usually end the work part of the day at around 7:30-8:00 p.m.
xoNecole: How do you wind down at night?
Reka: I LOVE candles. I love the orange and yellow glow that candles bring to a room. I light my candles and I have a humidifier that I like to set up. Watching the steam is very therapeutic for me. But after that, I give myself a moment of gratitude. I thank God for getting me through another day and I celebrate myself for accomplishing what I wanted to get done for that day. Scratching things off of my to-do list is everything.
xoNecole: Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
Reka: I read A LOT. After my break-up, I became hungry for knowledge. I have been able to read up to 20 books within a year. So reading for me is really my best self-care practice. Because with knowledge, you can change your whole life.
xoNecole: What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
Reka: There is this quote that I saw saying, "If you do not have 5-10 minutes for yourself a day, then you don't have a life." You have to find that moment in your day that is dedicated to you. When you are super busy and you are super stressed, our bodies harbor that. Everything is connected and when you find that time to sit and be still, you will see the difference in yourself slowly but surely.
Courtesy of Reka
"I give myself a moment of gratitude. I thank God for getting me through another day and I celebrate myself for accomplishing what I wanted to get done for that day. Scratching things off of my to-do list is everything."
xoNecole: How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Reka: Everything in my life, I feel is scheduled [laughs]. I have really good friends that are also solo entrepreneurs. So what we like to do is schedule meetups on Clubhouse to talk about different topics or we have COVID-safe girls' nights where we celebrate each other and catch up. I think it is important to be intentional with groups of women and I am really happy with my friendships right now.
Love/Relationships?
Reka: I am not actively dating right now. But this is what I have to say about this topic: I am focusing on my business and really enjoy my singleness. My prayer to God is, "OK listen God, your sons down here, they need your help [laughs]. I don't need any distractions, but if you want me to be with somebody, hide me from everyone else." I want to know the moment that I am presented to him, he was meant to be presented to me.
Health? Do you cook or eat out often?
Reka: I find no joy in cooking. That is not my ministry at all [laughs]. I honestly have spent so much money eating out. But recently, I started intermittent fasting and it was one of the best decisions I've made. I started using my fasting as a way to connect with God more and more clarity on what is next for me. I want to strengthen my spirituality and stay focused.
xoNecole: When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
Reka: The quality of your life is determined by the questions you ask it. Figuring out where this feeling is coming from and why you are feeling this way is so powerful. I talk to myself a lot and ask myself questions when I feel that anxiety. Getting to the root of why you are actually reacting to certain things, you need to walk yourself through that.
xoNecole: Honestly, what does success mean to you?/What does happiness mean to you?
Reka: Success to me is doing the things you said you want to do. I have my checklist and when I get to cross that line through a task, I am just so proud of myself. Like, YOU DID THAT GIRL [smiles]. I had to stop tying my identity to my job when I finally left it. I am so much more than my job. Me being able to complete the things I want to do in my own way is success, which also can tie into happiness. Happiness comes from that freedom to do exactly what you want to do and get things done.
To learn more about Reka, you follow her on IG here. You can also check out the Single You podcast here.
Featured image courtesy of Reka Robinson
- Tracee Ellis Ross On Being Happily Single, Loneliness - xoNecole ... ›
- Sanaa Lathan Investing Single Self - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- 10 Benefits Of Being Single - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- I Hate Being Single, Struggling Being Single - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How To Own The Power Of Your Single Season - xoNecole ... ›
- What You Should Know About Being Celibate - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
A poet by the name of Ivan Nuru once said, “If it’s out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too.” Because some of my clients struggle with getting a good night’s rest due to incessant overthinking, I have found myself sharing that quote with them from to time — because the reality is, if you’ve done your best (and you’re being honest about whether that is indeed the truth or not), what else can you do? It, whatever “it” may be, needs to be released, so that you can stop stressing yourself out, especially when it comes to rejuvenating your mind, body, and spirit via some much-needed rest — and sleep.
One thing that can help you out in this department is the art of thought blocking (you can read a bit more about that here). Something else that you can do is decide to become what is known as a mindful sleeper. If you’re curious about what that is and what it entails, below, I will strive to explain it in a way that will make it easy for you to implement mindfulness into your sleep routine as soon as…tonight.
What Are the Nine Principles of Mindfulness?
You’ve probably already heard somewhere that mindfulness is all about being in the moment; however, since it’s such a buzzword these days, I thought that it would be a good idea to share what the nine principles of overall mindfulness are, as it specifically relates to sleep, just so that you can grasp a greater insight into how it can help you to rest better.
Mindfulness is about having:
1. A beginner’s mind, which is all about not focusing on any other night but tonight.
2. Non-striving, which is all about not trying to force yourself to fall asleep.
3. Letting go, which is all about releasing labels that make you feel like a failure when it comes to finding sleep as a challenge for you; it’s also about releasing unrealistic expectations as you try to figure out what sleep practices are truly best for you.
4. Non-judgment, which is all about not trying to “grade” your sleep performance.
5. Acknowledging and accepting, whichare all about acknowledging the fact that some nights are easier than others as far as sleep is concerned while accepting that there aren’t always immediate hacks that will work — and that is okay.
6. Trust, which is all about believing that, one way or another, your body will eventually self-regulate.
7. Patience, which is all about knowing that developing an effective sleep routine takes time.
8. Gratitude, which is all about choosing to focus on the good in your life when you can’t sleep instead of the bad (including not being able to sleep).
9. Generosity is all about thinking about the parts of your life that you share with others while also being intentional about sharing what is positive in your world as you allow those around you to do the same (during your waking hours).
If you read these and sense a pattern, I would agree. At the end of the day (pun intended), sleep mindfulness is about letting yourself off of the hook as far as rest and relaxation are concerned. The method to the madness in doing that isstress plays a huge role in sleeplessness.
And so, the more you remain in the moment and also the more that you let go of any tension you may be feeling by implementing these nine principles, the easier it will be to find the quality of sleep that you desire.
Why You Should Practice Sleep Meditation?
GiphyYou know, a wise person once said that you shouldn’t remove one thing without replacing it with something else — not if you don’t want to return to the former thing, anyway. So, as you’re in the process of applying those mindful principles to your sleep routine, something that you may want to add is sleep meditation. Since one of the main points of meditation, overall, is getting you to focus on being in the moment, it would make sense that it would be a part of becoming a mindful sleeper, right?
Although there are different types of meditation that you can do that may help you to rest easier and better (you can read about some of them here), mindful meditation is relatively simple. It’s all about deep breathing and muscle relaxation.
Pretty much all that you need to do is make sure that your room is as dark as possible (minus maybe a scented candle to soothe your senses), get into a comfortable position, think of a place that makes you feel tranquility and harmony, and then take slow and deeper breaths from your nose as you exhale through your mouth — all while focusing on nothing but the present moment. That’s it? Pretty much.
If you’re new to sleep meditation, it’ll be counterproductive to stress yourself out about doing it perfectly, so start off with meditating for five minutes or so.As you become more comfortable, try and get to the point where you’re able to do it for about 15-20 minutes a night. That’s a good window to calm your mind, body, and spirit all the way down before getting into bed. Then, once you are all cozy and comfortable, consider applying the following sleep hacks, so that you can stay asleep once you actually fall asleep.
6 Ways to Be a (More) Mindful Sleeper
GiphyIt can’t be said enough that mindfulness is about staying in the moment. That said, here are six (other) things that can help you to become a more mindful sleeper (which, honestly, is something that we all should strive for).
1. Get off of your devices.
I’ve got a girlfriend who is pretty much a phone addict. Know what else she is? An insomniac. The fact that she refuses to put those two things together never ceases to amaze me because there is plenty of data to support that the light from your phone’s screen can do a real number on the melatonin levels that your body needs in order to rest.
Not only that, but how can you focus on yourself and being still in the moment if you’re reading all of the celeb gossip on various apps? Sis, if you’re really serious about sleep, the devices need to go off (including if you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night). The nonsense will be there when you wake up. Trust me.
2. Participate in body scan meditation.
Another type of meditation that is gaining more traction is something known as body scan meditation. Basically, it’s all about getting calm, still, and quiet enough to see if you feel any specific sensations throughout your body. If you do happen to notice some tension, tightness, or uncomfortableness somewhere, validate that by pondering what could be the cause. It’s a way to help you feel more connected to your body, which actually can help you to relax more. You can read about how to do a body scan meditation properly here.
3. Name five good things about your day. Then give thanks.
Stress and worry are not your friends, especially when it comes to sleep. One way to do them less is to bring gratitude into your sleep space; one way to do that is to verbalize five good things that happened during your day (no matter how big or small) and then express gratitude for them. It’s another way to reduce stress levels in your system. Science backs it.
4. “Bore yourself.”
I have a friend who once said to me that only sociopaths watch movies on their phones. Yeah, whatever, dude. LOL. Although I don’t have a television in my bedroom (by design), sometimes I’m like, “Hell, I might as well” to that, and I will watch a movie on my phone and think absolutely nothing of it. When it comes to being a mindful sleeper, it’s definitely a counterproductive act because you don’t need to do things that will stimulate you; actually, it’s best to do things that will bore you to tears — which is actually where acts like counting sheep can come in handy.
Even if it’s something like lying on your back and listening to a guided meditation YouTube video, be intentional about being bored. In a way, it’s its own form of melatonin, whether you realize it or not.
5. If you happen to wake up, go to another room (for a moment).
I once read an article that said that if you’re unable to sleep after 20 minutes of being in bed, you should go to another room to meditate, sip on some tea, or read a book chapter. The method behind the madness is if you toss and turn in your bed for long periods of time, it can “program” your mind to associate your bedroom with sleeplessness, which could ultimately end up doing more harm than good. Actually, when you stop to think about it, that makes a lot of sense.
6. If you share a bed — cuddle.
It was about this time last year that I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” Simply put, if you want to fall asleep, have an orgasm. I’m. Not. Playing. Or shoot, at least do some cuddling with your partner. Between the bonding and feelings of safety that being close to someone else provides due to the oxytocin that is present and how much cuddling can actually relax your senses while creating feelings of positivity, it’s one of the most comfortable — and proven — ways to lull you to sleep.
____
A psychologist by the name of Susan Albers once said, “Training your mind to be in the present moment is the number one key to making healthier choices.” As you can see, this doesn’t just apply to when you’re awake — training your mind to be mindful can benefit you, greatly, while you’re asleep too.
Sweet dreams, sis.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by insta_photos/Getty Images